sweet as sugar 06
pairing: felix x hyunjin
warning: homophobia, strong language (sexual/swearing), mentions of kissing, mentions of violence and bruising
genre: angst, romance, mild fluff
summary: their first sleepover except its literally just angst i bet yall hate me rn
word count: 1.7k
Hyunjin stormed out of his parent’s house, fingers locked tightly around Felix’s wrist. “Whoa, whoa, baby, slow down!” Hyunjin ignored him, pulling on Felix until the house had disappeared around the corner. “Is this slow enough?,” he growled, clearly still riled up by the argument. Felix wrenched his wrist from Hyunjin’s hand. “Stop. I know you’re still angry, but you have no right to take it out on me.” The anger in Hyunjin’s eyes melted like a stick of butter at Felix’s words and actions, guilt seeping into his gaze.
“Baby...” he whimpered, his voice cracking. Felix immediately softened and placed a comforting hand on Hyunjin’s soft cheek. The other boy practically melted into his touch, despair and betrayal swimming in his large eyes along with unshed tears. “Hey, don’t fall apart on me right now, dumbass.” Hyunjin managed a tear-filled chuckle. “Where are you going to stay tonight?” An unsaid question lingered among the other words, and Hyunjin saw it immediately. “Can I stay with you, maybe?”
“Only if you can climb a tree.”
Twenty minutes later, Felix walked into his house alone. Thankfully, no one seemed to be awake or up and about, but he still took extra care over the older, squeakier steps. His bedroom door closed behind him with a faint click, and he sank down into his fluffy desk chair in relief. Checking his phone, he saw it had only been two minutes since he showed Hyunjin the tall maple tree conveniently rooted right outside of his second story bedroom window. At that very moment, as if summoned, a few small taps were delivered to his bedroom window. Bolting over to the window, he swiftly pulled it open wide enough for Hyunjin to slither rather ungracefully into his room and onto the carpeted floor with an astonishingly loud thump. Faint noises of shuffling leaked through the walls, most likely someone who was rudely awakened by Hyunjin flopping bonelessly through Felix’s window. They both froze, waiting for Felix’s family to storm into his room and drag Hyunjin out by his ear. After five minutes with no ear-grabbing, they both relaxed, letting out long, relieved sighs. They made eye contact silently, and all at once, broke into a fit of laughter. “Oh my god how the hell did nobody wake up after that?”
“You were like-” Felix dramatically plopped onto his rug, throwing his arms above his head in the most extra way possible, creating a thump even louder than the original. More shuffling came from the walls, and Felix panicked. Ripping his comforter off of his bed, he threw it over Hyunjin, attempting to hide him. More shuffling came from the hallway, and Felix heard his sister grumble: “Who the hell is throwing things at this ungodly hour?” As soon as her footsteps faded away, a voice piped up from the corner. “It’s literally ten thirty.” At that, Felix couldn’t hold back his laugh. He threw his head back, eyes crinkled up in hilarity. “My sister is such a fucking wimp,” he gasped. Hyunjin pulled the blanket away from his face to reveal a wide smile and sparkling eyes. “I guess it runs in the family.”
“You do realize that I just smuggled my boyfriend into my room at night without my parents knowing, right?”’
“We both know that the only reason this happened was because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” At that, the mood shifted to something more somber. “Baby… do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but this does seem like something you should get off your chest.” Hyunjin let out a small sigh, running a hand through his long, dark brown hair. “Yeah.” The word came out small, like it was nervous to leave the safe space of Hyunjin’s brain, where he was the only person that could hear it. Felix shifted on the bed to make room for him, patting the spot next to him. Hyunjin sat down in the offered space, leaning his head against Felix’s shoulder. “They’ve always been like that,” he admitted in a whisper. “At first, when I was small, I just thought I wasn’t good enough for their attention, so I tried really hard. I became the Golden Kid™. And for a while, that worked. Every time I did something good, my parents would brag to all of their friends about it. But the second we got home, it was like I didn’t exist again. I realized after a bit that all I was to them was a social pawn, something whose sole purpose was to either embarrass my parents or give them bragging rights. They loved it, being able to blab about their perfect son. I started to hate it, and hate them. So, I stopped. I started hanging out with Chan and Minho and Jisung and Changbin, and I started skipping school and I stopped caring. It was like a slap in the face to them, and it only got worse after the rumors about my friends' sexualities started up. My parents socially disowned me. And I… I overheard my mom say that she was worried I would ‘become one of them’. They-” Hyunjin’s voice broke and he abruptly stopped talking, staring down at his lap. A soft hand carded reassuringly through his hair. “It’s okay baby, I’m right here, just let it all out.” A sob escaped Hyunjin’s throat. “It’s just so- so hard, because… they’re my parents. They raised me, and even though they did a shitty job, I still love them.” A tremble rushed through Hyunjin’ body. He looked up at Felix, tears painting shimmering streaks down his face. “Why is it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time?”
“I don’t know. But it shouldn’t be.”
“I never feel at home with them.” Felix murmured reassuring words into Hyunjin’s hair, trying his best to comfort him while his own head swirled with emotions. Hyunjin pushed closer into the warmth of Felix’s embrace. I feel like I’m at home with you, he wanted to say. Hyunjin yawned softly. “Can we sleep, please? I’m really tired.” In response, Felix clumsily turned them both onto their sides and dragged the blanket over them, turning out his lamp light so they were cuddled together in the dark. The soft rays of moonlight washed over Hyunjin’s face, making him look angelic, the soft curves of his face glowing in the silvery light. Felix couldn’t help wondering exactly what he had done to deserve such a person lying in his bed, to deserve such lips pressed against his own. He wondered what he had done to be trusted with such delicate beauty, like a piece of porcelain that could shatter at the slightest mistake. “Felix?,” came a sleep-slurred voice. “Yeah?,” he whispered back. “We never really talk about you.” A small tendril of fear curdled in his stomach, making his mouth taste bitter. “What… what does that mean?” Hyunjin turned over to look him in the eyes, a hand ghosting over the side of Felix’s face. “I know you’re hurting, Lixie. I saw the bruises you carried before we started dating, I hear the things that they say about you, but you never flinch. I might not know much about other people’s emotions, but one thing I know for sure is that nobody, not even you, can bear that much without hurting. Please, talk to me about it. If anyone can relate to you and help you through this, it’s me.” Felix shrank in on himself slightly. “Well. At first...” He swallowed nervously, peeking at the older boy through the sweep of his bangs. “Go on,” said Hyunjin quietly. Felix felt safe with him. “Okay. at first… I knew people were going to be mean. I knew- I knew it wouldn’t go over as well as it would, in an ideal situation.” A soft snort came from Hyunjin. “I mean, look at me. I’m small and innocent-looking, and I’m not like... cool or whatever. The only reason I wasn’t a target already is because I had no reason to be. I came out really casually, I just told a random person in one of my classes, I think. But it only took what, about three days-ish? before the whole school knew. They still kinda left me alone for a bit, I just had a few people calling me a- um. At first it was just people insulting me, but then one of the more popular girls came up to me after school and she was basically like,” Felix made his voice annoyingly high-pitched and bubbly. “Hey, so I heard you’re like, gay or whatever. Do you wanna be my gay bestie?” He scoffed slightly. “Obviously, I said no, and that’s when all the shit hit the fan. The only reason people were holding their breath was because they knew she might try to stomp on them if they hurt her ‘gay bestie’, and they alse needed a legit reason to go bat-shit crazy and try to kill me every other day, and now they had one. Queen Bee doesn’t like you, nobody does.” Hyunjin smiled slightly, pain still obvious behind his eyes. “I like you.” Felix rolled his eyes. “Wow. That was so cheesy.” He sat up slightly to get a better look at Hyunjin. “Wait, doesn’t that mean you’re nobody?” This earned him a friendly slap from Hyunjin, who groaned, “Come onnnnnn, dude. I’m sooooooo tired and you’re sooooooo annoying.”
“YOU LITERALLY ASKED ME TO TALK!”
“Shhhh, dude. Go to bed.”
“Only if you stop calling me dude.” Hyunjin pulled him into a kiss. “There. Will you shut up now?”
Hyunjin fell asleep quickly, and Felix followed right behind him, the exhaustion of the day and the warmth of Hyunjin’s arms around him proving to be more effective than any sleeping pill.
The next morning, Felix woke up to the sight of Hyunjin asleep next to him. His hair was splayed out around his head, the sunlight streaming in from the window turning the strands into a golden halo. Felix thought he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He wished he could get used to it.