ter//fs really love to hate legally blonde don’t they
i tired to type on my phone "bend and snap" on my phone but i accidentally wrote "bend and snape" so now i'm imagining snape singing bend and snap and i'm losing my mind
Another AU I’ll never write: Legally Blonde AU, Serena as Elle, Dan as Emmett, Nate as Warner, and Blair as Vivian.
You know something weird, as much as conservatives hate libfem sex positive women, they often prefer it over women dressing in a masculine way that covers their body. And vice versa with liberals hating conservatives. They know that they are on opposite sides but they also know that they're playing the same game
Top 10 broadway roles (pt 2.) Check out pt 1. here!
10- Eliza Hamilton: Hamilton
9- Elsa: Frozen
8- Elphaba: Wicked
7- Ariel: The Little Mermaid
6- Elle Woods: Legally Blonde
So I was listening to the legally blonde musical soundtrack recently and now I really want a hitoya x reader legally blonde au
Hitoya as Elle
Reader as Emmett
And Jakurai as Warner (this can be changed depending on who you ship with hitoya)
Is this just because I want to see hitoya in a bright pink bunny costume? No
Is that a a very important contributing factor? Maybe (yes)
I’m excited to present my newest David x Patrick story, So Much Better. It will post on Fridays - find it and subscribe on A03 here if you don’t want to miss it.
Chapter 1: Oh My God You Guys.
David stares into his closet. Sadly, nothing in it has changed since he last looked five minutes ago.
It’s not as if finding the right outfit will necessarily solve all his problems, but it’s at least something he can control. He’s got a date with Sebastien tonight - for dinner, not just meeting up at a club or crashing some socialite’s party - and he’s starting to spiral.
Lately there’s been something different about Sebastien. In the three months that they’ve been together, their relationship has been the epitome of casual. “Hey, nice shoes” is probably the most effusive thing Sebastien has ever said to David, and David is fairly certain it was a joke. But over the past few weeks David has caught Sebastien looking at him contemplatively, almost sizing him up. Then Sebastien insisted on going to a show put on by one of the least interesting gallerists David has ever encountered, where they “accidentally” ran into Sebastien’s mother.
If he didn’t know better, David would think that something special was going to happen tonight. That Sebastien might actually want to take their relationship to the next level. Not just exclusive, but long term. Maybe even… get engaged.
Sebastien isn’t exactly who David pictured himself ending up with when he was young and naive. Being with Sebastien is like walking a tightrope. David is constantly worrying that one wrong step will send him crashing to the ground. But it feels so good to be wanted, to know that someone wants to be with him.
David’s been with plenty of people, from the couple he brought home to his parents in high school, to enough one-night stands in college to populate a small village. But now that he’s been out in the world for a few years, it’s getting harder and harder to meet people, even with his gallery job. L.A.’s art scene is finite, and Sebastien seems to know everyone. And no one wants to get on his bad side. Sebastien seems to have made clear that David is his, which is sweet, in a way. But also a little unnerving.
David can put up with Sebastien’s possessiveness. He’s dealt with worse. Love means accepting your partner for all that they are, and if that means taking the bad with the good, David can do it. Besides, Sebastien is objectively attractive, and he seems to think David is too, at least based upon the number of photographs he’s taken of David.
Just thinking about their last photo session makes David feel more than a little uncomfortable. David had, arguably, had a few too many tequila shots. He didn’t usually like to get messy, but Sebastien loved him that way - loved to get him drunk and then drunker, and toss him into bed. This time, after winding David up until he was hard and begging, Sebastien pulled out his leather handcuffs, and then got out his camera.
David hasn’t seen the photographs. He couldn’t even stay awake until Sebastien was done. The next day, he asked Sebastien to promise that he’d keep them private, and Sebastien agreed easily. David tells himself not to worry. He trusts Sebastien. He has to.
In the midst of his swirling thoughts, Alexis comes up behind him and puts her pointy chin on his shoulder. “What are we looking at?”
He pushes away the memories of Sebastien getting him wasted and focuses on the present. “I have nothing to wear,” he says, shrugging Alexis off and sitting himself down on the edge of his bed.
She frowns at him, then at his closet, which is, admittedly, full of clothes. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“I have nothing appropriate to wear.”
“Appropriate for what?” Alexis examines a fingernail, turning it this way and that as if there was something more interesting happening there than David’s current crisis.
“For dinner with Sebastien tonight.”
“Oooh, dinner! That’s new. Don’t you guys usually just, you know-” She makes a lewd gesture with her hands, and David cringes. She’s not wrong.
“That’s rude, and no. We don’t always just… we’ve had dinner lots of times.”
“We have. Except, not always, you know, before…”
Alexis makes a face. “Eww, David.”
“If you’re not going to be helpful, please leave.” His bedroom isn’t all that big, and he doesn’t need Alexis’ negative energy right now.
She perks up. “You want my help? We could go shopping!”
David considers. His outfit for tonight has to be right. Something that shows that David is perfect for Sebastien. Not too much, not too little. Maybe he should treat himself to something new.
“David?” His mother trills as she enters the room. “What is the reason for all of this commotion?”
“He’s going out to dinner with Sebastien and he doesn’t have anything to wear,” Alexis answers.
Moria nods. “Sebastian is an artiste. I can see why you would want your attire to convey the proper aesthetic.”
David rolls his eyes. Sebastian is about as much of an artiste as he is - which is to say, barely - and his taste in clothing is far inferior to David’s own. Still, he agrees with his mother. His outfit has to send the right message tonight.
“Moira? Children?” Johnny enters the room, smiling genially at everyone. “What’s going on?”
David groans. Since they had to sell their Beverly Hills estate and move into a much smaller rental in Pasadena, he’s had way more family time than he’s used to. It hasn’t been all bad, but he really doesn’t need his entire family’s opinion on what to wear tonight.
“David is just having a crisis about what to wear for his paramour,” Moira says.
“Oh my god you guys, that’s enough. Alexis and I were just leaving.” He grabs Alexis’ arm. “Come on.”
Traffic is terrible, as always, but they finally make it to David’s favorite boutique, just off Rodeo Drive. The interior of the store is done in calming, neutral tones, with overpriced fashions draped elegantly over obedient mannequins. David stops for a moment and takes a long, deep, breath, allowing the distinctive scent of fine fabrics to center him.
“Can I help you?” A young man who looks as if he is barely out of high school approaches them, and David looks around to see if anyone else is available.
“We’re looking for something special,” Alexis says, shimmying up to the salesboy. “For date night.”
The boy looks at the two of them, and David winces. “She’s my sister,” he says. “For god’s sake. I’m not going on a date with her. And besides, it’s not just any date.”
Alexis turns to him, eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
David considers his options. He’s already said too much, and Alexis will just keep at him until he spills. If he’s wrong, it’s going to suck. If he’s right, Alexis will love it. Either way, David needs the support. He takes a deep breath and feels excitement tingling up and down his spine as he says the words. “I think that maybe Sebastian is going to propose.”
After Alexis is done squealing like a rat whose tail is caught in a trap, the salesboy finally brings David something to try on. But instead of the Helmut Lang hoodie he had asked to see, the boy brings him a green sweater. “This just came in,” the boy says. “I think it would look great on you.”
Alexis looks questioningly at David, who shakes his head. “That’s a knockoff Zara, and it didn’t just come in - it’s based on a piece I saw in last year’s Vogue. Are you kidding me?”
“Mr. Rose, I am so sorry.” A tall man in an immaculate suit swans over to David, pushing the boy out of the way. “Don’t mind Martin, he hasn’t been well. Try this Neil Barrett piece, I think it will be much more to your liking.”
It is, in fact, an awesome black sweater with lightning bolts around the neck. David loves it, but pales when he checks the price tag.
“Consider it a gift to one of our best customers,” the tall salesperson says, and beams obsequiously as he folds the gorgeous sweater carefully into a bag and hands it to David.
Alexis runs her hands up and down David’s arm as he propels her out of the store. Once outside, they nearly trip over their own feet running around the corner, and burst out into laughter.
“Clearly that man has no idea we’re not rich anymore,” David says.
“Can we go into Chanel?” Alexis asks. “I want to try it. Maybe if I look sad they’ll give me a cute lil’ purse!”
David checks his texts again as gets out of the car. The restaurant isn’t one of Sebastien’s usual see-and-be-seen locations, but it’s where Sebastien told him to show up.
He straightens his shoulders and walks in. It’s all pale wood and large paintings of flowers and vegetables, picking up on the farm-to-table vibe. David regrets not googling the restaurant before he came, so could have at least set his expectations properly. It seems like a place you’d take your aunt who is visiting from out of town and wants a wholesome California experience, not a setting for a romantic encounter.
“Good, David, you’re here.” Sebastien appears next to him, gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, and signals to the host. Soon they’re seated at a table in the middle of the room, menus in front of them. David looks longingly at the cozier booths off to the side, but he doesn’t have a chance to say anything before their waiter appears offering them still or sparkling water.
Sebastien seems content enough, so David lets it go. He settles himself in the chair and tries to catch Sebastien’s eye. “This is nice,” he comments, aiming for a casual tone. He needs to feel Sebastien out, see if there’s something else going on. He’s not about to criticize Sebastien’s choice in restaurant and risk a fight.
“What? Yeah, I guess. My mother knows the owner.” Sebastien shrugs off his latest overpriced yet still ratty-looking cardigan. “Said she’d comp us a free meal if we mentioned the place on insta.”
David perks up. Maybe this means Sebastien does have something monumental planned - what better PR then having your restaurant mentioned in emotional engagement photos? David resists the urge to check his hair - he knows it’s still perfect, swept up in an impressive poof. Sebastien doesn’t look like he’s dressed for photos, but then again, he hasn’t even noticed David’s new sweater. It’s just not his thing.
Their server sets an impressive charcuterie platter down on the table . David is just about to sample the delicious looking goat cheese when Sebastien clears his throat. “There’s something we need to talk about,” he says, his eyes finding David’s.
David feels his heart start to pound. It’s coming, he thinks. Keep breathing. This is the most important moment of your life. Your dreams are coming true. He presses his palms into his thighs and leans forward.
“I know you can probably tell,” Sebastien continues. “Because, you know, we’re here.” Sebastien waves his hand languidly at their surroundings.
“Mmm, yes.” Go on, David thinks. Ask me. I’m ready.
“Cool.” Sebastien picks a single cornichon off the plate between them and pops it in his mouth. “I’m glad you understand.”
David blinks. “Um, understand what?”
“I was talking with my mother, after we met up the other night.”
At the tedious gallery event. “Yes, I remember.”
“And she reminded me that I’m not getting any younger.” Sebastien laughs and gives David a strange look. “You’re certainly not either.”
“Right…” David is barely a year older than Sebastien, so he’s not sure what that look was for.
“Anyway, if I want the future I’ve always planned on, it’s time to get serious.”
Finally, something that makes sense. Serious. Like marriage. “Yes of course,” David breathes out. “I completely agree. It’s time to get serious. So…” He inhales and slides to the edge of his chair, ready for Sebastien to drop to one knee.
“So we have to break up.”
David feels his heart fly out into space and hang, suspended. “Wait, what?”
“I can’t just fuck around L.A. forever, taking pictures of every twink that I jump into bed with and hoping for my big break. Besides, there are already rumblings of lawsuits. I figure I’ll go get a law degree, have some ammunition ready for when people come whining at me. My dad and his dad both went to Harvard, I can get in no problem. Then I’ll have plenty of cash and attack dogs at my beck and call.”
David’s heart crashes to the floor, through the floor. Lands somewhere in the basement with the broken dinnerware. “But…”
“Don’t make a big deal out of it, David. You didn’t think I was going to put up with your bullshit forever, did you? It’s not as if you have any connections anymore, not since your family got ripped off.” Sebastien stands up and grabs his sweater. “Make sure to post pics of your food on insta unless you want to pay full price for this mediocre crap. Later.”
David sits silently at the table, holding himself as still as he can. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised. He’s no one’s idea of a serious partner.
tagged by : @imxthexhandler thanks sweetpea!
tagging: Anyone who wants to!!
Gonna also try and do ones I don't alwaaaays post
1. Captain America the First Avenger: mainly cause preserum Steve just makes me happy.
2. Zootopia: I don't own this movie so can't watch it when I want but I legit saw this movie in theaters over 10 times. I thought it brilliantly handled the concepts of marginalization and discrimination and wanted to show everyone I knew.
3. Enchanted: I adore Amy Adams and love when movies tackle their own genres and make it meta.
4. Cabin in the Woods: The first horror movie I actually enjoyed watching. Again for the genre meta aspect and the humor was on point. (i cant believe this is one of the gifs and i had to!🤣)
5. Dracula Untold: He shoulda been able to catch Meena and i will never be over it 😤 Also I just really love Luke Evans with that long hair and the cute bathtub scene. Also the final scene in modern times and when he releases the new vampires on the enemy. (these cuties deserved better and we deserved a sequel!!)
6. Remember the Titans: I loooved this movie as a kid and picked it sooo much for movie nights. Honestly should buy it on dvd.
7. Anastasia: One word. Dimitri. But also the movie was beeeeeeautiful. And I love Anya. I wanted to BE Anya! She was a badass and loved that for her.
Came home to a bunch of love for my krypto comic! Very pleased much happy
Hopefully more in the future. Glad peeps are enjoying the AU as much as i am!
every day for the last like 3 years I’ve woken up and thought about legally blonde the musical with trans emmett. it’s about the complex relationship with gender displayed in “guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail.” it’s about everything contained in take it like a man, but specifically it’s about gender affirmation through clothes and the acknowledgement that wealth can be a large part of passing. it’s about the desirability of a trans character as the love interest for the lead. it’s about the fact that I think he’s neat and he should be trans.
The bend and snap has a 98% success rate and if used correctly has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation
girl boss in films that made us bitches
Every now and then I'll remember some choreography from high energy musicals and I gain so much respect for theatre people
HELP SO THERE WERE PEOPLE PERFORMING NEXT TO US AT OUR LEGALLY BLONDE REHEARSAL RIGHT AND I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT SONG IT WAS BUT ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT WAS A CHORUS OF PEOPLE SOUNDED MOSTLY DEEP VOICES BUT THIS ONE GIRL SANG A PART AND SHE HAD A HIGHER VOICE AND TGE SONG HAD BEETLEJUICE VIBES. ANY GUESSES?
The problem with being a parody writer for songs is that sometimes you’ll hear a song, feel in your gut that it’s going to be tragic no matter what you do with it, and then proceed to do it anyway and make yourself sad.
Keep on writing, kids!
<3 sometimes ya just gotta unwind by making bracelets to Legally Blonde the Musical <3
I do highly recommend this tactic. Bracelets are adorable! And also fun to wear, the sound it makes when you put it on is so satisfying and it’s nice to look at too.
club friendos: @mothmans-sexy-lamp, @waflbio, @cirishere