i took french to be able to tell my gf i love you and call them cute names without them noticing. no one told me the cute girls were in french too… :(

OMG I JUST REALIZED I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WAS LGBTQ+ EARLIER LMAOOO

• made like guy accounts on movie star planet and momio to have girlfriends
• at 12 (aka the age when romantic feelings start to present themselves stronger and more serious) wanted to break up with my boyfriend of 6 years
• wanted to have nicknames (which were mostly not real names and/or masculine or gender neutral) since i was a kid

dang

i just came out to one of my friends as demigirl and she’s super accepting and supportive!! i love her sm

I’m peeved and a bit sad.

My ex’s friend made a book instagram like a couple of months ago and she followed me so I followed her back as support.  We’ve not really spoken this year.

She’s one of the last of my ex’s friends I still follow as she at least acknowledges I exist when I used to message or like things.

Anyway, I replied to one of her newest posts on her book insta as I really liked the sound of the book she had just reviewed as it sounded super relatable for me.

No response and yet she liked and replied to a different comment.

Idk it just made me feel like such an outcast again.

I deleted my comment.

I just unfollowed the rest of my ex’s friends I was still following now.  None of them acknowledge me so what’s the point?  I hate feeling invisible like if you don’t want me to interact with you, unfollow me and hit the button that makes me unfollow you too.

:(

These were people I really liked and really enjoyed being around. 

Just sucks when people don’t feel comfortable and take sides but also just don’t come out and fucking say it.

Anyway, I have my own peeps that are pretty darn decent just lesser in number.

mwah

A busy weekend alone.

My flat is still a mess.  So it’s hard to gauge productivity when it feels like this.

But at least the Christmas shopping is done.

I’m thinking a lot about love and relationships at the moment.

Everything feels okay but nothing excites me.

I guess that’s the type of year it’s been though.

I want to be in love again.  And the feeling of falling in love.

I’m trying to force it in my daydreams. Trying to search for if this is what I want, then why am I so against dating right now?

I thought maybe I had undiscovered romantic feelings for one of my best friends. I don’t. I’m just really looking forward to seeing him again.

I’m tired of the dating apps.  I stop replying.  But get sad when no one replies to me either.

I just need to get on with things but the whole groundhog day of study-work-exercise-sleep-repeat. Just fucking sucks and is dull when it’s dark all the time.

So maybe this will sound flip-floppy compared to my previous posts, maybe not.

I’m on my period rn which always makes me feel quite extra in terms of emotions and sometimes completely different to how I feel when I’m not on my period - when will I learn?  

Anyway since my last two posts, (broke things off with this lady I was seeing, had some fun with a cis-man), I feel v different to even two days ago.

Last night I was on the phone to some other guy from Bumble and I’m quite open if someone asks me what I like sexually and about masturbation etc. I don’t care I’ll just tell you.  I just don’t think sex is this thing people should hide and keep secret.  And when I tell women this stuff, they find it intriguing and the conversation maybe gets a bit flirty but not full on sexual.  Not over the phone anyway.  And so when I was telling this guy these things he’s clearly enjoying it a bit too much and being on my period I’m not exactly enjoying it so by the time I figured out what was happening I was just laughing and enjoying the control I had over this guy who was about to (and did) cum in his pants.  Bearing in mind this is like the first proper phone call we’d had I kind of felt like a free sex caller at this stage and I was like “why am I not getting paid for this?!”. 

That kinda made me revert back to my FWB situation I had with the first guy I was intimate with when I was 18.  And how I just felt a bit used and sexualised.  I guess because I didn’t expect the phone call yesterday to turn into that, I guess it made me feel a bit like “wtf dude, thought we were just chatting”. Kinda made me feel like most guys are like that though.  The other guy, I was with on Monday, Z, he was no different really but at least he went about it a bit more respectfully.

So this realisation kinda made me like “well this is clearly not what I want.” So, what do I want?  And then the girl I was dating & broke things off with started messaging and idk, I feel like I already miss going on dates with her.  I want to take her nice places and be cute with her.

I mean these feelings towards her where ‘I wish things were different’ were bound to happen.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with how we get on, it’s just a timing issue and soon there will be a distance issue.  It’s a shame but for the best.  At least we get to stay friends this way.  And who knows, maybe things will be different one day.

And I guess period-me is feeling sentimental.  I started missing having sex with someone I love.  Someone around to cuddle me, rub my stomach or make me tea when I have period pains.   Or just someone around in general to be like “hey, I really care about you and what you’re up to”. 

Then ofc my mind naturally goes back to my most recent ex (which is now a whole year ago) like, “hm, wonder what she’s up to”, “will we ever speak again”, “does she even think about me anymore”. It’s not like I would want anything from her now but that’s just the last example of that closeness that I had.

We’ll see how I feel after my period.  But it’s annoying because I really don’t have time for a relationship so if that’s what I want, I kind of need to sort my studying out so I can make space for it in my life.

Hmmn.

I didn’t post anything for National Coming Out Day, so here’s something for all of you guys.

As being closeted myself, I know what it feels like. It doesn’t matter if you’re out or not, you are you and that’s okay. One day, you’ll come out, and It will feel awesome. No matter what, we support you, no matter whoever you decide to tell says. 

Originally posted by beerecklessart

Did I just buy a hyrdoflask and a pride sticker just so I can make it clear to my coworkers I’m not straight? 

Yes. Yes I did. 

Eu me sinto inexistente quando alguém que não entende me trata como um retardado, porque tipo, eu sou assexual e arromântico, isso não quer dizer que eu sou infeliz por não ter alguém, pelo contrário eu sou feliz assim e as pessoas não entendem. Poxa eu to cansado quando começam a falar sobre relacionamento eu só abaixo a cabeça, porque explicar não resolve!

I wonder who in my family will be the first to tell me that “queer is a slur” and when because I use the word pretty often when talking about anything lgbt+. It’ll be pretty funny tho when it happens.

Estou bem só, e não há problema algum nisso.

Eu sou assexual e não sofro por isso, pelo contrário me sinto livre sem preocupação nem peso de outra pessoa nas minhas costas. Não tenho paciência para ter relacionamento, sou arrumado até de mais, se eu tivesse alguém com certeza eu já teria tido várias infartos, é muita cobrança do(a) parceiro(a).

Some lovely YouTube comments I found

she’s got me feelin some type of way ngl

To all those homophobes who say “being gay isn’t natural” because “other creatures can’t be gay”

I’d just like to point out that I have a gay goat. He refuses to mate with females. He doesn’t know how. On many occasions we would find our other male goat humping him. So we tried to separate them with stalls, but he was persistent and would jump the wall. And now my mom is trying to breed our females with him, but he can’t cause he’s gay.

He’s gay and I support him

Sometimes i get really scared that i’ve been lying to everyone about my identity cuz the majority of crushes i have had have been dudes but am i attracted to just dudes or is it just heteronormativity? like how am i supposed to know whether or not i just like dudes more or if i only like dudes

It’s weird being aromantic and

really loving all of the romance-based comics on webtoons. The more I read it the more I wish love was actually as simple as the romance aspect

but instead it’s like love, sans the struggles of real life?? is that what romance is???

I’m a girl and I’m bi (or pan, but idk yet), but sometimes I really question if I really am queer or if its just for the attention. I went to a catholic elementary school so I wasn’t really exposed to the community until high school and by the time I realized I might like both girls and guys, I was in gr. 10. The reason why I’m still kinda questioning myself is bc I havent had any experience/relationships with both guys or girls. The majority of my crushes are guys, but I have had a couple of girl crushes. I was just wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences/realizations with liking more than 1 gender?

ALSO I came out to my friend face to face for the first time last week. We were kinda discussing my boy crush’s sexuality bc a few people asked us if he’s gay (who does that????) and I came out and my friend also came out at the same time and I totally did not expect any of this to happen last week, but it somehow did. Yays! 

i’m nonbinary and pansexual.  i fell in love with someone for the first time almost five months ago.  she’s kind and sweet and funny and i love her laugh.  hearing from her always makes me happy.  we once spent half an hour spamming each other with egg emojis for no reason at all.  she doesn’t just listen to me, but she actually hears what i say.  i’ve never felt as understood as i do when i’m with her and even if i get a little clingy on my bad days, she doesn’t mind.  she understands, and that’s all i’ve ever wanted - just someone who understands.  i fell in love with her almost five months ago now - it’ll be six months in march.  i haven’t looked back and i never want to look back.  i love her more than i thought i could ever love anyone.  i laugh with her and i cry with her and i’d do anything for her.

i am so hopelessly in love, and it may be a little bit scary, but with her i’m not scared.  i never thought i could be so calm, so comfortable with another person, but she’s changed my life for the better.  i would give her the world if i could.

-source unknown

😜