Outside of the dome, Logan had gone from agitated to outright furious as he tried to attack the dome but Google and Bing had teamed up with the Dark Sides to fight against him and so his attention was split. Google’s other three extensions had also shown up to help.
The other three Suits were starting to back up away from Logan as his glitching and fury was becoming more apparent.
Then, after five minutes of having to fend his combatants of, Logan had enough. He screamed, “Fine! You all wish to be difficult about it, then fine!”
The box that Ethan and Chase had taken from the base and put in the backseat of the Sides’ car, started violently shaking and put a dent in the door before smashing through the window and flying towards Logan. It hit him square in the back and he was engulfed by a cloud of nanites.
There was a cheery DING and Patton’s voice announced, “Nanite production at 5000%.”
In a fraction of a second the nanites began multiplying in number and they were forming thick ropes of wires and metallic plates. Logan’s nanite body exploded and there stood a dark blue figure made of light and code as they started to arrange themselves inside of a suit of metal as the other heroes were trying to stop what was happening.
“Ohhh, **** yeah,” Bing realized and turned to Google. “Googs! Get the extensions! We’re making a Megazord!”
At first Google was confused, but after a bit and a little bit of arguing, and Logan was quickly building himself a giant metal exoskeleton, Google relented.
Bing and the Googles made a segmented colossal robot with their nanites, Google helping to multiply the nanites as quickly as possible as Bing’s nanites gave them direction and form. Oliver got a leg. Green got another leg. Red got the two arms. Bing’s orange nanites mostly condensed in the center where they could be redistributed as needed. And Google stayed up in the head area where his cameras could see everything better.
Logan’s colossal robot was a dark blue, the metal hard lines clearly more designed for attack than defense. There were two massive tubes on the backs of his shoulders, one with a viscous red gas, and the other a deep frothing purple.
Right before the center hatch closed, Bing and Google were able to catch sight of Logan as he normally looked, giving a smug smile and Patton was sitting right next to him. Patton gave a huge smile and waved his fingers at them.
With a pressurized hiss the gas in both the tubes began turning a cloudy white as Logan’s robot braced for an attack, swatting away at Silver who tried to fly in and pry the center hatch back open.
Google was already arming everyone for an attack as the tubes propped open and two figures jumped out of the tubes and landed on the ground.
The figures looked like Roman and Virgil, not wearing their masks and almost completely made of light.
Roman’s hologram drew out a sword and pixie-like wings materialized on his back. Like a fly against an elephant, Roman advanced too quickly for the Googles to catch, and he flew against them and began severing wires around Oliver’s leg addition.
Silver, seeing what was going on, tried to fly towards Roman and get him away but was almost hit in the face by magical projectiles thrown by the holographic Virgil. Several of which hit the dome as Logan advanced on it. He slammed the large robotic hand into the dome and it rocked the protective shield and those inside of it. The entire ship inside shook as if it had made contact with a rock or an iceberg.
A long crack appeared down the length of it, which Clubs had been waiting for and slipped in, before the Host could suture the crack back up with magic.
The Suit slipped from concrete and rubble streets into the well air conditioned interior of a cruise liner’s hallway.
At that point any hero that wasn’t necessary to hold back Diamonds or Hearts, converged on the Logan robot.
Janus made short work of the Roman hologram, the creation of light exploding into red dust and dissipating as Remus went for the Virgil hologram. Marvin and the Google working to keep Logan pinned as Silver gathered up as much speed as he could and used his strength to push through the chest plate of the robot to try and pull Logan out.
And then he missed.
The superhero sliced through the metal and before he could hit the blue solid state drive that carried Logan, it moved to a more defensible area but Silver nicked something: the protective casing enveloping the golden lock tore like wet tissue paper and snapped in half.
Instantly Logan realized what had happened and started pulling all the nanites together to fix the locket as light blue dust and mist emerged from it.
His more “human” form came back into being and he tried to cup the locket with his hands, forcing his aura towards it in a desperate attempt to keep the being housed inside contained and tried to force it to go back to sleep. “No! No! Sleep! It’s not safe here. Go back to sleep.”
Google shot out of the conjoined robot, the thing almost crumbling apart as the android hit Logan and ripped him away from the breaking locket, the android sending pulsing waves to kill the nanites and try and get to whatever core or drive Logan had to power Logan down so he could get him away safely.
“Cease, let me power you down so I can take you away from the humans,” Google tried to reason with him, but Logan kept kicking and struggling as Nate rushed over and started firing magic as the nanites to try and kill them.
Janus saw the commotion and walked over to the little mass of nanites that this Logan had put above his own safety, and the deceitful Side was looking for a bargaining chip. He wanted answers and a little bit of revenge.
So with a firm tap on the ground with his staff, the nanites fell off the broken locket and Janus moved to pick it up.
But as his hand got halfway down, a fierce light blue glow came from the locket and a figure was kneeling on the ground in front of Janus.
It was Patton. He let out a distressed whimper and the look Logan gave him was one of heartbreak.
Patton’s eyes opened and he looked at the scene directly in front of him. “Lolo?” Patton asked before his eyes tracked up to look at Nate.
The more emotional Side flinched and Nate and Janus could see the aura ripping off of him.
“No!” Patton screamed in fury, his freckles growing in size and darkening as his eyes glowed yellow but still had a blue color to them.
Slamming his fists on the ground, Patton’s light blue color flashed twice all throughout his body and what had once been a human was now a hulking green frog monster, Patton’s glasses perched on top his snout and the grey cat hoodie he liked to wear at home tied around his neck.
He slammed his fist on the ground and huge cracks formed fanned out and he jumped on Google, tearing him away to grab Logan. A huge beanstalk started to shoot out of the ground as Patton kept up into the air and started jumping up leaf after leaf. The damage from the growing beanstalk and the fights finally snapping the dome in half and instead of shattering and materializing out of existence, the magic shrunk into a smaller space the size of a house, curved around two individuals.
Illinois screamed as he faced over to the dome and started beating on it, as Wilford picked himself up from the ground, bleeding from the temple where a bullet had tried to pierce his skull but his magic had deflected it.
current writing ideas i have because i’m sanders sides trash:
platonic analogical / human au: virgil and logan being siblings; virgil moves out of their sucky parents’ house to go to college and goes to live with logan; misunderstandings/insecurities on both ends and familial hurt/comfort with a happy ending; probably some logicality and prinxiety; chemistry teacher or astronomy professor logan because...i love this nerdy man
creativity twins / canon universe: remus angst and how he developed intrusive thoughts; basically just big sad; probably some demus
i have so much uni work to do but y’all i wanna write so much stuff for this fandom, why are all these characters so good AAAA
Summary: The sides realize its time for their end, and spend their last moments of life together (i suck at writing summaries i swear this is a lot better thought out)
Warnings: Main character deaths, swearing, angst
Word count: 1432
This was their end to forever.
The sides had known it was coming. It had always been inevitable. They knew they couldn’t expect to just live on after Thomas. You’d think they’d had prepared themselves for this.
But can anyone really be prepared for that?
Out on our own
Dreamin in a world that we both know
It’s out of our control
But if shit hits the fan, we’re not alone
They all stood there in the living room, looking around at each other. They all knew it was time, but none of them wanted to admit it.
“You guys-” Roman started, breaking the foreboding silence, only to be stopped.
“No, no, it can’t really be time. There has to be a way to stop it. There has to be something we can do,” Virgil said quickly, visibly starting to panic more and more.
“Virgil, as great as that would be, we all know that that's just a hopeful dream. There’s no stopping the inevitable from occurring.” Logan said, hiding his shared fear.
“Hey, at least if this is it, we’re together, right? We’re not alone,” Patton piped in, also trying to hide his fear behind his usual happy, positive persona.
Cause you’ve got me and you know
That I’ve got you and I know
Patton walked over to Logan, wrapping his arms around him loosely in a hug.
“Are you okay, Patton,” Logan asked, returning the hug, running his hand through the slightly shorter sides hair.
He stood there for a second, just taking in the hug. “Yeah, yeah i’ll be okay. I know you’ve got me. I just needed a hug from you.”
Roman walked over to Virgil, giving him a tight hug and kissing his forehead. He had been the one to calm Virgil down many times before, but how do you calm someone when you’re on the brink of death?
“Hey, it's okay, it’ll be okay,” he whispered. “And if anything happens, I’ve got you, you know that.”
If the tide takes California
I’m so glad I got to hold ya
And if the sky falls from heaven above
Oh I know I had the best time fallin into love
Virgil looked up, meeting Roman’s eyes, tears threatening to fall from his own. As much as he joked, he wasn’t ready for his life to be over just yet.
“But what if it’s not okay,” he questioned, drawing in a shaky breath. “What if this is it for us?”
The creative side smiled down at him, laughing a little.
“Then that will be okay, my love.”
“Okay? How the hell could that be ‘okay’?”
“Because I know I spent my time well.”
He paused, not expecting the answer he had received, “What do you mean?”
“Love, I’d just be happy I got to spend my time with you. The sky could fall from heaven above right now, and I’d just know I’d had the best time falling in love.”
We’ve been livin on a fault line
And for a while you were all mine
I’ve spent a lifetime givin’ you my heart
I swear that I’ll be yours forever, ‘til forever falls apart
Til forever falls apart
“We’ve had a good time, haven’t we,” Patton asked Logan, a sad smile appearing on his face.
“We have, darling. We had the best time we could’ve asked for.”
“Did you enjoy it,” he asked. Even moments from death, he still cared about everyone else, wanting to make sure they were okay before he knew if he was.
“Every second of it. I got to live knowing you were all mine. Did you enjoy it,” Logan replied, reassuring the other side.
Patton smiled and let out a little laugh. “I’ve spent a lifetime, giving you my heart, Lo. And I swore that I'll be yours forever, till forever falls apart.”
“Till forever falls apart.”
So this is it, that's how it ends
I guess there's nothing more romantic than dyin’ with your friends
And I’m not sorry for myself
I wouldn’t want to spend a minute lovin’ anybody else
They all sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the silence of each other's company. It was becoming more and more obvious to them all that this would really be the end, and none of them wanted to be the one to address it.
“So, this is really it. This is where we end,” Patton spoke up hesitantly.
Roman raised his head, smiling. “Well, I suppose theres nothing more romantic then dying with your friends.”
“I’m sorry,” Virgil spoke up, staring at him. “You spent all your time loving me when you could’ve been with someone better for you.”
Roman stared at him, taken aback by the comment. Virgil hadn’t had doubts like that since the beginning of their relationship.
“Well, I’m not sorry for myself. I wouldn’t want to have spent a minute loving anybody else.”
“You two have always been so romantic,” Logan said, smiling at the interaction. Him and Virgil had been close friends for a long time, and he was glad he had found someone he could trust in Roman.
Cause you’ve got me and you know
That I’ve got you and I know
Logan sat for a second, lost in thoughts. He knew he had never been one to show lots of affection, never the first to say I love you. And if there was anything he wanted Patton to know before their death, it was how much he cared for him.
“Patton,” he finally spoke up, “You know I love you, right?”
He looked up at him, smiling, “Of course I know that, silly.”
“It’s just, I know I don’t show it as often as you do, and since this is most likely the end, I want to make sure you know how much I care about you.”
“Logan, you never had to do big things to show me how much you love me, I just knew. Why would that change now? I know you’ve got me, and you know that I’ve got you.”
“Well, I love you,” Logan said, finally returning the smile.
“I love you too.”
We never had it from the start
‘Til death do us part
“My love, we never had forever,” Roman said, rubbing circles on Virgil’s hand, cherishing these last few seconds.
He smiled as he felt the smaller side's head fall onto his shoulder, as it became harder and harder to keep his own eyes open. As he lay there, he thought back to the ‘wedding’ that the sides had held for both of the relationships. The happiest day of his life.
Finally, he allowed his eyes to close, choosing his final words to him.
“Remember what we said, that day so long ago? ‘Til death do us part.”
“But I don’t think we’ll be parting today, love.”
“Roman,” Patton spoke up from where he sat across the room after a few moments, not receiving a response.
“Honey, I think they’re-” Logan was cut off, forcing himself to sit up as he grabbed Patton’s hand.
“No. Don’t even finish that sentence. They can’t be gone. I’m their dad. I’m supposed to go first.”
Logan frowned at this, “That doesn’t make sense,” he said, losing energy and sitting back against the wall.
“Why couldn’t it have been forever, Lo,” the father figure asked, his eyes tearing up. He sat back, laying his head on Logan's chest.
He paused at the question, thinking.
“Because nothing that truly means something will last forever,” he paused, allowing his own eyes to close, knowing that he too, was in his final moments.
“And you, you mean everything.”
Patton listened as he heard Logans breathing slow. He considered having as extravagant last words as the other pair, but, even in death, him and Logan were always more simple.
“I love you,” he said, the tears escaping his eyes.
“I love you too,” the logical side replied, taking his last breath.
Patton laid there, as his favorite person left, only hoping to be reunited. He looked around the living room, where they had had so many memories. He looked over at Roman and Virgil, his kids.
Finally, he looked up at Logan. As he stared, he felt a smile appear on his face, and his eyes began to close. After one last look, he allowed his eyes to close, and himself to drift away.
And as their promises for a ‘forever’ fell apart, as they slowly disappeared, they laid there not only with their partner, but with each other, their friends, as one last memory.
Taglist is open !! send in an ask or message me to be added :D
Roman and Virgil have gained enough experience to summon their familiars, Nebula (Virgil’s) and Anabela (Roman’s). Unsurprisingly, Patton is delighted. Logan has the face of a man that fears he’s been replaced.
Logan in my flower shop au works at the library part time. He's genderfluid, even though he finds himself preferring he/him more often then not. They're the only white one of the group and his style is crop tops, skirts and fishnets. she's got blue eyes and short hair thats shaved on one side and dyed a dark blue on the ends.
Patton and Janus are cousins and they both work at their co-owned flower shop, Best Buds, and they're both black. Janus has vitiligo and Patton has a fuck ton of freckles. Janus has one eye that's a bit lighter than the other. Janus's style is mostly sweaters and scarves and beanies, while pattons style is striped shirts, overalls, and pastel colors. Pattons eyes are naturally a lighter shade of brown while Janus's has one super dark brown eye and one slightly lighter brown eye.
Roman works at a milkshake/bakery store and him and Remus are Mexican. he's got brown curly hair and usually wears big golden hoop earrings. His style is like floral shirts, turtlenecks, basically he just looks like a lesbian
Remus works part time at Virgils tattoo shop. Him and Roman's eyes are both identical green. Remus has the same curly hair as Roman, except its usually tied back into a bun with his gray streak hanging down. His style is punk; patchwork pants, battle jackets, platform combat boots. He has so many piercings he looks like a metal head gone wrong
Virgil owns a tattoo shop. He's asian, has light brown eyes and he has black hair thats dyed purple at the ends. it goes down to his shoulders and he usually has a small braid right beside his ear. when he tries, his style is pretty much an eboy- like long sleeved shirts under t-shirts, chains, chokers. but he usually just throws on a hoodie with ripped jeans and calls it a day
Pairings: romantic Demus, background Logicality, and Prinxiety
Content: autistic characters (Logan and Janus), arguments, panic attack/anxiety, ASL, talk of pretty bad ableist parenting/manipulation.
Song mentioned is Electric Love by BØRNS
Word count: 3.3k
Janus’ head shot up seconds before Remus barreled into their room, clearly having run there, possibly all the way from his night class. He dropped his load of textbooks onto the floor, hopping from foot to foot.
“You have a backpack for a reason,” Janus sighed affectionately. His boyfriend shuffled the empty bag off his shoulders so it fell to the floor with his school supplies and resumed his hopping.
“Listen to this!” He held up his headphones, clearly holding himself back from just popping them on Janus’ head himself.
Janus snorted but put the offered headphones on, watching as Remus restarted the music from his phone.
It began quietly, a lilting melody that was quickly underlaid with a sharp beat. He raised an eyebrow at Remus; it was catchy, but did not seem like his boyfriend’s type of music. There was a surprising lack of… screaming. Or profanity. Or yodelling .
He had interesting taste in music.
But Remus just bounced on his toes, nearly wiggling until an electric guitar riff made Janus jump a bit. It wasn’t necessarily a bad jump, more one of surprise, but he gave a thumbs up anyways to reassure Remus. He closed his eyes as the verse began, relaxing in his chair and shutting his brain off.
Janus hadn’t even noticed he was tapping his hands on the arms of the chair until he peaked an eye open to see his boyfriend’s excited expression, not unlike a child on Christmas morning.
A bit after they’d started officially dating, Remus had accidentally discovered Janus’ once-least-favorite neurodiverse trait in himself; happy stimming. It was overly vulnerable and had gotten him teased too often when he was younger, so he had made a habit of masking the excited movement. It had only taken one date to the animal rehabilitation centre, and an hour long detour in the reptile area, for that barrier to break. But Remus had taken him for the sole reason of showing Janus the snakes, what was he supposed to do?
The first time he’d been totally natural around Remus (due to finding a green tree python, because oh my god Remus look at it!), bouncing and tucking his cheek to his shoulder and flapping his hands, his boyfriend had solemnly taken his hands, leaned far too close, and uttered something along the lines of ‘What the fuck was that and how do I make you do it again?’ Apparently he thought it was cute.
And judging by the slow rising in the song’s pitch, that was exactly what Remus was attempting to trigger. Janus could feel a smile forming against his will as the music crescendoed, and with it came a floating sensation. It felt like fire shooting up his spine, or pop rocks in his skull, an addictive rush of joy that filled his body with adrenaline, the best possible butterflies in his stomach. His hands flapped in an effort to release the energy and for now he let them, the grin now making his cheeks hurt.
All at once the beat settled back to it’s verse tempo and Janus pulled the headphones off somewhat sheepishly.
“Hell. Yes.” Remus whispered, a matching wide smile stretching across his face. He cradled Janus’ face between his palms, as if he were something fragile, and edged forward until their noses booped, “You’re so. Goddamn. Cute.”
“Am not,” Janus forced out between his squished cheeks. It would have been much more convincing if he weren’t fighting off more happy wiggles.
Remus snorted and pressed a peck to Janus’ lip before whirling on his heels, more or less skipping to the common area.
“Logan, I did it!” He sang grandly. He twirled around the living room with a whoop, startling a laugh out of Janus. Virgil and Roman, who must have been situated on the couch, yelled as Remus splayed across them just out of Janus’ line of vision.
“Get off us, you oaf-”
Janus leaned against the doorway of their room to watch the scene unfold. Remus finally gave in to the pushing from their roommates and rolled onto the floor with a brilliant thud and a cackle.
“Get him off my foot!”
“He’s your brother.”
Remus snickered and promptly attached himself to Roman’s leg like a koala, digging his teeth into his shin.
“Yeth?” He asked around his mouthful. Roman freed the leg not being eaten and, with no preamble, delivered a solid kick to his brother’s side.
“I’ve been shot!” Remus wailed dramatically, rolling onto his back.
“I’m going to need a rabies shot!”
“I see the light-”
“Am I bleeding? Virgil, get the first aid kit!”
“Alas, the world goes dim! What an end, what an end…”
“What if they have to amputate?”
Janus’ hand could no longer muffle his laughter, and his laughing distracted Remus enough to get a dazzling smile from where he was laying half under the coffee table. The diversion seemed to remind him of why he’d come into the living room in the first place.
His face fell into a pout and he shrieked, “LOGAN!”
The door to Logan and Patton’s room flew open and the latter poked his head out with a violent shush.
“Logan is on the phone!”
True to his word, Logan was pacing their room behind him, stimming anxiously while he spoke into his phone in a completely neutral voice.
Virgil sat up straighter, earning a concerned look from Roman, who gave up on nursing the bite mark on his sweatpants. However, Remus was oblivious to the sudden tenseness in the air, kicking his feet onto the coffee table.
“Who is he on the phone with?” Virgil asked, slowly getting up from the couch.
Patton shut the door after a quick glance into the room. The rest of the dorm stayed silent until he’d clicked the latch into place, as if all holding their breath. Logan’s voice became just a murmur behind the wall as Patton met Virgil’s eyes nervously.
“It’s his parents,”
“WHY-” Patton shushed Virgil wildly, hands waving up a flurry. The man continued in a hushed tone but with just as much fury, “Why is he talking to his parents?”
Roman jumped up, probably to try and ease an almost-spitting Virgil but only succeeding in stepping on Remus.
“Then why are you on the floor!?”
Virgil took a step toward Patton. “He hasn’t talked to them in a year-”
“I will eat your whole leg off!”
“I’d like to see you try!”
“Oh? OH!? When you wake up tomorrow with no legs, you’ll regret that!”
“Remus, just get up!”
He froze from where he’d been pushing himself up from the floor, gingerly lowering himself back down and crossing his arms. “Well, now I’m not going to.”
“Why don’t…” Janus faltered as every eye in the room settled on him, fighting his instinct to shut his mouth. They want to hear you, they want to hear you- “Why don’t we like Logan’s parents?”
Virgil and Patton answered at the same time.
“They’re not great p- language!”
If Janus remembered correctly, Virgil and Logan had known each other far longer than any of the others, though it wasn’t hard to surmise from Virgil’s reactions. He’d never seen him get so worked up.
“They’re ableist, homophobic pieces of sh-”
“But!” Patton interrupted, “We probably shouldn’t say more without Logan here.”
Virgil grumbled under his breath and dropped back onto the sofa, followed by Roman, who placed an arm around his shoulders. It did nothing to placate his anger, but he did lean marginally into his boyfriend’s side.
“We don’t like them,” Remus said in a falsely bright tone as he squirmed out from where he’d been trapped. “How long does he have to talk to Tweedledee and Tweedledick?”
“What do they want from him?” Virgil demanded. Was it Janus’ imagination, or were his eyes shinier than they’d been a minute before?
“I don’t…” Patton glanced at the closed door, “I’m sure Logan can tell you later. I’ll tell you as soon as he’s ready to talk, okay?”
They were given one more reminder to hush, and then Patton disappeared back into their room. The group fell into silence as soon as he was gone.
Remus broke the lull with a loud knuckle crack and a, “So, American Horror Story, anyone?”
No one complained, which Remus took as affirmation. Virgil had turned to burrow his face into Roman’s shoulder, which smartly, no one addressed. The opening credits flashed across the scene as Remus scrambled onto the loveseat, patting the spot next to him.
Janus shook his hands briefly to dispel his nerves before taking the spot next to his boyfriend, leaning into his side. Every bit of contact that he initiated excited Remus to no end. He swung his arm over Janus’ shoulders and pulled him even closer and then, to Janus’ revolt, began to run his thumb lightly over his hand.
“Yuck, no, no no no, stop,” Janus squirmed, stilling Remus’ thumb with his other hand, and nestling even further into him.
“Oh, right. Forgot.”
“No harm done.”
They’d barely gotten through an episode of the show when the door opened behind them. Roman wasted no time shutting the TV off, and the four of them watched with rapt attention as Patton and a slightly disheveled Logan emerged.
“I hear there was some commotion over the content of my phone call.”
“Abso-fucking-lutely!” Virgil snapped.
“Your concern is noted but unnecessary,” Logan replied curtly, “My parents called because I was not answering their messages.”
“They’ve been messaging you?!” Virgil hissed, pulling away from Roman’s hold to stand.
“Do they ever stop?” Logan rolled his eyes and finally released his death grip on his cell phone. He slid it into his back pocket instead. “For some reason they insist I come back home this summer.”
Him and Patton did that bizarre communicate-silently thing they did often, as Logan lifted his arm and his boyfriend attached to his side immediately. Perhaps one day, him and Remus would have that level of intuitiveness that puzzled him so. The thought made his face grow hot. A glance at Remus confirmed he hadn’t noticed, though.
“You haven’t gone back since first year. Why now?” Roman asked. His twin hummed in agreement.
Logan turned his gaze to the floor, taking a while to answer. “I don’t understand their timing. But they are threatening to withdraw financial assistance towards my schooling if I refuse.”
The room exploded into chaos.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!”
“That’s not fair, after all they’ve done to you-”
“Would anyone notice if they went missing?”
“You can’t go back there, Lo…”
“I wasn’t planning to! But now I may not have a choice, Patton.”
“When do you have to decide?” Roman asked, earning a glare from Virgil.
“It’s not a choice, he can’t go!”
“This is my choice, not yours, Virgil! Either way, the due date is in a week. I’ll have made my decision by then.”
Janus stiffened as the air was pulled from his lungs. “Wait, what due date?”
No one seemed to notice his question, however, as the volume in the room raised another octave. His words were lost to the level of shouting, completely invisible to everyone. He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did.
As easy as it would have been to just fade into the background, as per usual, the unanswered question was burrowing a hole in his chest. Janus tugged on Remus’ sleeve.
“What due date?”
Finally, Remus turned sharp eyes from the conversation to him. The slightly manic glint to them softened as soon as he saw Janus’ panicked expression, and he shifted their hands so their fingers locked.
“S’when we gotta let the school know if you’re staying on campus for summer break. Didn’t you get the email?”
“What email?!” Janus hissed just as the arguing reached its peak. Logan had pulled himself away from (a decently distraught) Patton and was gripping his own arms with white knuckles.
“Why do you even care?! I’m fine!” He said through grit teeth.
“You’re clearly not,” Roman retorted. Virgil had pulled up his phone and was scrolling through it with purpose, clearly trying to find something.
“I’ll figure it out! This doesn’t have to be an event for everyone!”
“That doesn’t mean you’re-”
“Will you just drop it, Roman?!” Logan yelled, voice cracking.
Janus nearly bumped into Remus with the way he flinched. The other’s arm immediately tightened around him, a grounding pressure across his shoulders.
“I think we’re all tired,” Patton broke the tense air with a pleading tone, “Can we come back to this tomorrow? Please?”
Logan was gone without another word, followed by Patton after a round of strained good-nights.
As clingy a couple as they were, sleeping was a different matter. One time, one time only, they’d tried to cram onto one of their puny twin beds and that had lasted a whole half hour before they decided to never try it again. Janus needed his space if he even wanted a chance at a peaceful sleep, and Remus had the lovely habit of embodying a starfish with a caffeine problem, even when unconscious. How he fit on the tiny dorm beds by himself astounded Janus, what with how he splayed. Janus had gotten two full hits to the face before he’d leaned against the wall and pushed Remus to the floor with his feet. The man hadn’t stirred.
The next morning Remus had suggested (without thinking) that one day they’d just get a bigger bed, and Janus had turned a bright crimson at the easy way he had discussed their future together.
Either way, for now, they stayed in their respective beds, but at that moment, Janus was missing the distinctive feeling of being Remus’ teddy bear. His mind was a whirlpool of thoughts, or perhaps a tornado. It was a flurry any which way, one that kept his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling he couldn’t even see in the dark. Across the small room, he could hear Remus shifting, his breath catching every time he moved, meaning he was probably still awake as well.
Guess he was right, then. Janus rolled towards him, even though he couldn’t make out anything in the pitch black.
“I can’t sleep.”
There was a chuckle from across the room. “Have you even tried?” It was a valid question; it hadn’t been more than five minutes since they’d turned off the lights.
“I mean, I won’t be able to sleep.” Janus sighed. He gnawed at his fingernails as louder shuffling came from Remus’ bed.
There were a few things, if he was honest.
“Does Virgil get mad like that a lot?” Not what he’d meant to lead with, but oh well.
“Oh,” Remus replied lightly, “He wasn’t mad. He probably sounded real pissed though. He was just worried about Logan. They grew up together and all that shit, so Virgil got like a front row seat of all the shit they did to him. Taping his hands to tables so he didn’t flap ‘em, all that.”
Janus was speechless.
“Is that all that’s buggin’ ya?”
“Spill the tea.”
In a familiar moment of self consciousness, Janus curled his knees into his chest. He wants to hear you, he wants to hear you. The blankets pooled around his waist as he sat up, hoping the position would somehow grant him more courage.
“I started thinking about… what Logan said, and now I don’t know if I want to go home or stay on campus over summer. I didn’t know that was even an option. But it would be so much easier to not have to pack up again, and I’m just getting used to it here, but what if my parents are mad, like Logan’s?”
The fairy lights that encircled their room flickered to life, revealing Remus had stretched to reach the switch from his bed.
“I didn’t get the email and now I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to stay on campus, what if I missed a due date? It’s my fault, I should have checked every folder and now I don’t know what to do, I…” Janus’ sentence bled into a hum from the back of his throat. The swirling flotsam of thoughts thickened, a swarm of bees being swallowed by their own honey; worries still existing, but now infinitely harder to reach and express.
“I don’t know what to do- I… I don’t, I can’t think, my brain’s too busy-” He wrapped his fists in his blanket to keep from gripping his hair. All of the sudden, he was a coiled spring and there was nothing he could do to loosen the pressure. He needed a release, he needed to move and to be held still, his chest full of helium but his arms filled with a colony of ants under his skin, every molecule separating and floating away. Janus shoved his fists into the blankets, pushing and pushing and begging for the awful pressure to disappear.
“Hey hey hey, take a breath, snakey. I’m right here.”
The bed dipped under Remus’ weight and his first reaction was to reach out but no, no the ants were still there, in his hands, and he bent them backwards at the wrist to kill the itch. Curl curl curl, and his fists were jammed against his jaw, pressure push stop stop-
“I’m trying, I am, I just-” He cut himself off with a sob that was more of a cough, drawing in a wheezing breath. Remus must be freaking out, he could tell, and god he wanted to stop but the cycle continued, cough and breathe in and try to squish the fucking ants.
“Do you want me to get Logan? Or Patton?”
No, no, no. Janus shook his head vigorously and pushed his fists under his legs, leaning forward to force his whole weight on the limbs. Yeah, yeah that felt better, more weight, he needed more-
“Pressure,” Janus gasped, interrupting whatever Remus had been saying but finding he couldn’t care less. He removed one hand from the safety he’d found and hit the heel of it to his chest. “I need- I need pressure, weight, I can’t-” Cough. Hum.
“Weighted blanket? Is that it?” The worry in Remus’ voice was so clear it was almost embarrassing, but Janus would never admit how much he adored it; it was a level of softness no one else was privy to.
“No-” The weighted blanket would have been his go to before, when he was alone, but it was never enough.
Deep pressure therapy, he remembered Logan calling it. A way to regulate the nervous system when it was going nuts, something about resetting the ‘fight or flight’ reflex. He couldn’t remember the details. But he could remember Logan’s explaining different forms of it.
“Hug?” Janus pleaded, rocking forward onto his hands once more.
“I- What…- Are you sure?”
Janus let out a broken sound. He nodded quickly, freeing a hand to circle it over his chest, palm flat, over and over. Please. Logically, he knew there was no time pressure, but there was an undeniable feeling of ‘hurry, hurry, hurry’ rushing through him. Fight or flight, maybe.
Remus opened his arms and Janus was scrambling across the gap immediately, curling sideways on his lap. The only thing he could compare it to was dumping sand on a fire as Remus’ arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer to his chest and pressing his nose into Janus’ hair. Remus swayed them back and forth like he was reading Janus’ damn mind, and he finally took a deep breath. All the stress trickled from his tense muscles bit by bit, and the younger could have cried from relief.
Janus was quickly finding it hard to keep his eyes open as Remus kept rocking them, listening to his heartbeat and following his breathing in the rare quiet of their dorm that had come to feel like home.