Sending some love to people who are struggling with anxieties and depression, suicidal thoughts, scary manic episodes, psychological trauma, people who have been abused mentally and physically.
People who aren’t doing that well right now, i love you.
12Vertrauen:
Vertrauen ist etwas, was man verdienen muss. Vertrauen ist etwas, was einem Angst macht. Wenn man vertraut, dann kann man enttäuscht/verletzt werden.
Wenn ich vertraue, dann vertraue ich mit meinem ganzen Herzen, daher ist die Enttäuschung auch sehr groß und schmerzhaft.
Man sollte nicht leichtfertig vertrauen. Jeder weiß das, fast jeder befolgt auch diesen Rat.
Ich bin anders. Ich vertraue zu schnell. Ich vertraue immer den falschen Menschen…
Momentan vertraue ich niemanden, nicht einmal mir selber, denn ich habe in letzter Zeit so viel falsch gemacht und möchte einfach alles wieder grade biegen, jedoch ziehe ich mich einfach zurück und kann nichts dagegen tun. Ich bin einfach so, bei zu viel Kritik/Stress/Ärger ziehe ich mich zurück. Rede mit niemanden und fühl mich einsam.
Mir kommt es auch so vor, als würde ich innerlich sterben. Ich erkenne mich einfach nicht mehr wieder. Ich sehe in den Spiegel und entdecke eine fremde Frau….
0that aching feeling you get when you finish a show that you were invested in for years <\3 …that is true heartbreak
2If I had known it was the last goodbye, I would have let it linger on my lips a little longer
3cool cool so my mother made me move my coffee cubes out of the ice cube tray and into a bag because the tray was taking up too much room, sure so I did it, and when I went to make some iced coffee with my now bagged coffee cubes I couldn’t find them, I looked all over the freezer and found two other bags of cubed things but not my coffee cubes, so I asked her where they were because the freezer had been rearranged since I put the bag in, and she said they were in there, I said no ive looked everywhere, and I looked again but to no avail, so she came in and apparently she threw them away
to recap: my mother made me move my coffee cubes out of the ice cube tray and into a bag and then threw them away
as I was writing this she called upstairs “I didn’t mean to throw them away, I thought they were cilantro!” to which I replied “then youre an idiot.” and that may sound mean but how the fuck does someone confuse a black frozen drink with green sprigy plants
0Today I realised that it’s not gotten any better, I just got better at ignoring it.
What do I do now?
2- 7 june
- i run away in my dreams everyday.
- but when i wake up, i don't . i guess i'm just better than you. i don't abandon my life. i don't let go of things i never deserved in the first place.
0Manchmal sind Dinge so gravierend für dich, dass es sich anfühlt wie tot und doch lebendig. Und die Worte fehlen den schmerz zu beschreiben.
0Yalnızlığı hiç iliklerinize kadar hissetiniz mi? Evde tüm gün tek başınıza oturup arayacak kişiler varken, onların sizi umursamadığını hissetmemek için aramaktan vazgeçtiğiniz oldu mu? Kan bağınız olan birinin sizi hiç umursamadan sadece sözde sevdiğini söylemesiyle hareketlerinin söyledikleriyle hiç alakası olmadığını fark ettiniz mi?
Bu yazıyı yazarken kendime bir çay demledim ve şehrimin en büyük camiisi olan manzarama bakıp rüzgarı dinledim. Küçük şeylerden keyif almaya çalıştım. Ama bazen insan kendini mutlu edecek birşeyler ararken acı gerçekler suratına vuruyor ve ortada kalıveriyor.
Belkide kafamızdaki onca düşünce sadece kurduğumuz kurgulardan ibarettir. Bunu anlamak gerçekten güç.
Bazen kendime “ ne yalnızlığı, ailen, arkadaşların var yanında” diyorum. Ama malesef ne arkadaşlıklar hakiki ne de ailemiz samimi. Bu içimizdeki kuruntular belki hiç bitmez, alışmak veya yokmuş gibi davranmaktan başka çare yok gibi görünüyor. Şimdilik akşamların verdiği buruk sevinci kucaklamakla yetineceğim.
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I wanna have sex. Just to feel someone close to me. Feel the warm skin against mine and just forget the rest of the world for at least a little moment.
11Today I noticed something very important. I don’t miss you. Like I for sure miss us, what we were. I miss how you loved me and how you used to treat people around you. I miss your personality, your smile, the drunk you and the sad you. I miss your kisses, hugs, your voice and your presence. I miss the way we talked, had fun and I miss the way you touched me. I miss every little thing and the list I could make of that would ne far too long. But I don’t miss you. At least not the person you are right now. I miss the old you and I hope you come back..because I love you and I want to be with you..atleast with the you you were before you choose to get so cold.
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