If you ever come across this,
I want you to know that when I first met you,
I gushed about you hardcore and not for when you were all dressed up but for the woman who was so real when I met her in that humid basement with a lot of smells. I’m in love with the woman that saw how hard I worked for everyone and all the effort into my job. I’m in love with the real, hardworking woman that was covered in sweat or tears from life stuff or from the onions. I’m in love with the woman that didn’t really have to try, you just were you and I was just me and we were just us. I’m in love with the so called mess and how you told me that I should see you when you’re alone 🤯. I guarantee at this point you know I can be more of a mess than you. I’m in love with the woman that loves talking about culinary and who decided to listen to the Bon Appetit podcast because I was listening to that podcast when I worked. I’m in love with the woman that knew how to rely on me. I’m not in love with some fantasy or some movie or some dream I had. I’m in love with YOU! I still carry around the book, the apron, and the knife. Might as well be a rendition of Narnia. I got carried away but if by any chance you see this,
Know that I did think about a future with you long back when I was just getting to know you. I imagined myself going to the culinary program at NSCC and I would be living with you. You were my study buddy with your cats (or our cats) around. I imagined us cuddling a lot and falling asleep next to each other. I imagined us cooking at home together and talking and trivia bombing each other. I imagined us doing this stuff long before things really developed. I imagined you being the one I get to come home to and it made me happy. You make me happy. I’m not always a happy person but I was complete bliss being around your love. I am the best person when I’m around you because I always want to show off to you but try to be cool about it even though I’ve though I’ve never been the cool one except for my culinary skills. I’m a completley humanized person because I became a mess on a mass scale and that’s humanizing yourself.
No matter how weak you feel, I will always be here to have your back when you fall because I trust you. I fear you.
The best part about being in the back, you get to be the one to help make sure your person doesn’t fall or if they do, that person is there no matter the distance. I’ve had long distance relationships, it’s nothing new for me. You can also turn around and run into the arms of the person behind you because you know that they’re a miracle for never giving up on possibilities with reason.
We are the reason, you are the reason, I am the reason.
In Middle School,
My language arts teacher asked us to make a dream woman or man and I drew a woman.
I didn’t really know what to say but I knew that I met my dream woman the moment I met you. I love older women, and if marilyn monroe was still alive, I’d still look at you.
I do believe it’s possible that I will get another a chance with you. There’s always a possibility everything could change or a miracle will happen.
My best playlist on Spotify was and is still made for you but I still listen to it. I originally named the playlist “Emma<3”.
With all the love I have inside me,
Max Newhook 2020