It’s CV here. One thing I know about myself is that I make bad decisions a lot, and I don’t really realize they’re bad until after the fact. Prime example:
In 7th grade I had a huge crush on this boy in the grade above me, who I’ll call Josh. He was in my band class and stood behind me playing percussion. I talked to him probably a total of four times, but he was all I could think about. One day I was in my art class talking to a friend about him.
“Oh, I have PE with Josh next period!” she said excitedly. “Should I tell him about you?”
Me being the more dive-in-head-first type, I told her she should. Bad Decision #1.
The next day in art, I talked to my friend to hear how it went.
“I don’t think you want me to tell you,” she said, sounding so honest that I knew she wasn’t joking.
“OH, you’ve got to be kidding me. Just tell me,” I said, already feeling disheartened. Now let me say this, 7th grade me thought, no, she KNEW she was unstoppable. I respect her hustle. But I may have been a “bit” too confident in my chances with Josh. Either way, those words collapsed my hope on the spot.
“Okay. I went up to Josh when he was playing basketball with some of his friends. I asked if I could tell him something, and when I told him that you liked him... Well, all his friends started laughing,” her voice sounded apologetic, as if she wished she weren’t saying any of it. If I was her, I would have wished the same.
No. Way. I already knew who these friends of his were, and it was just my luck that they were all in our band class. But the real problem was this: why were they laughing?? Was it because I was in 7th grade, or because it was me? Maybe both. Either way, I was torturing myself over the fact that I had to go to my band class the next period.
When I got into my band class, I walked in quickly, sat silently the whole time (which is scarily unlike me), and got out as quickly as possible without talking to him. *Probably Bad Decision #2.
TBH, I still don’t know if avoiding conversation with him was a bad decision or not. In any case, we didn’t talk for the rest of the school year, and I made a promise to myself that if anyone was gonna be doing the talking, it would be me. Cause I can’t f#ck it up, right? Wrong. Stay tuned for more!