How is that even when you are with your "friends" you don't feel like you are a part of them. Like you do not belong there. Like you aren't meant to be there with them. Like that isn't your place. Like you are just an extra person there. Like even if you wouldn't be there, it wouldn't matter.
This I believe is because they aren't meant to be your friends, you just want to believe that you have friends. But at times you know that they aren't your "friends". They won't call you up at 2 am cause they are breaking on the inside. They won't always include you in plans.
They aren't the ones that you would call the moment you are in trouble. They aren't on your mind always. Maybe because they aren't the friends you need. They are the friends you think you want. It's all because we haven't found the right friends yet kr the right best friend yet.
That friend with whom you can cry, laugh, run through streets at 1 in the night. The one with whom you can whine about being bored. The one that will hold you when you are on the edge. Those friends who actually want you, and accept you and don't make you feel left out.
Everyone wants that one solid bestfriend orthat one group of friends. But a lot of us haven't found them yet. It takes time. But you need to find that person who understands. Thinks like you. Understands your jokes. Who knows when you aren't alright. Who won't judge you. Who will always love you. And who will keep all your secrets safe.
And think hard about all those points i mentioned in the previous paragh. All of you know one person who has every quality in that list. All of you. Everyone reading this has that one friend who has that one person in their life who has every quality you are looking for. Think about who that person is.
That person is. YOU. YOURSELF.
Don't you youself love yourself the best, and keep secrets the best. Who understands yourself and understands your own jokes. And you know when you've had enough. When you are breaking. You know what you need and when.you won't judge yourself.... You should not! Judge yourself.
You have every quality... So you should befriend yourself. Be your own bestfriend. Love yourself the way you want others to. Give yourself what you deserve. Give yourself the bestfriend you have been looking for.
Because the moment you give yourself the love you deserve, you start to realise what you deserve. And once you realise what you deserve you should know that you deserve only that! No less and no more. You know that you have to love yourself first. You have to have that confidence in yourself that you are the best you.
You need to know who you are and what you are looking for. And for that, you have to get know yourself in the deepest and the best way ever possible. And oyne you know what you are looking for, you know exactly what you want and you will get just that!
You will always stick by your side and you wil be your only true friend. Because life is just a journey and people come and go every now and then. If we stick a lot to one person, their loss from your loss will not do you much good. Depending on others for what you can give yourself in more better possible way is not correct.
Learn to love yourself first, and get to know yourself. Because nobody knows you better than youself. So take this chance..and instead of spending time with people for whom you aren't a priority.... Make yourself your priority. They won't be with you forever. If they are here today, they won't be here tomorrow. Cause tomorrow they will be elsewhere or you will be elsewhere.
So give that time, love and importance to yourself. Because you know you will always be there for yourself. So instead od chasing people who view you as an option, make yourself a priority and then be your own bestie.
So, tell me. Do you feel like you don't belong when you are with your friends? Have you had a bestie? Did they stick around with you for a long time? Are they still there? How does it feel? Do you see all the qualities in yourself? Do you feel this advice can help? Can you relate to this? What do you think about this? Do you want to be your bestie? Do you wish to get to know yourself in the way your bestie would?
Tell me. Tell me all about it. I want to know about it and what you think about this.
Tell me... What should i write about next?
What's the use of living with the faceless dead and the unnamed guilt of the past,
Or even with the stress of an unforeseen future, we often ponder over?
Isn't it better to go with the flow, with or without a plan?
All Rights Reserved
I won’t spend my time mending any man’s woes…never ever again. At this point in my life, I’m focused on EVENTUALLY helping myself…loving my self. The days are gone when I’d worry about someone who has no plans on becoming better. I get that it’s hard fighting depression…totally! But if you’re not trying…kindly get the fuck out of my face. Vent is complete. 🤪🤪🤪
Stop with the tox
Start with detox
Just another day…. Thinking about you always… my nights are not the same, neither are my days. ❤️
I'M THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL I MAKE YOU MAD
While working today, I suddenly remembered how my three years relationship went with my ex-boyfriend. Whom at the time, was the love of my life.
I was head over heels for him.
There is no conversation with my friends without him being mentioned by the love sick me.
Never had a day wherein he will not cross my mind.
Never forget to text and update him.
And to always remember his advises like
Wearing long sleeved tops and skirts to look more decent.
To delete the contacts of my friends because they are bad influences.
And to shut up when he says shut up.
Because if I don't and forget one of those things, he will be furious.
I don't like him getting angry at me so I agreed.
I love him.
One day, my friends got a chance to meet me and they told me I should leave him for being manipulative but I just shook my head and told them, I love him.
I never saw the red flags nor signs as a warning, just like how my close friends saw his flaws, but rather a go signal to love him more.
Nobody's perfect right?
He was not raised to be a prince charming to be perfect.
Or maybe, I just was too blinded by love to admit that he doesn't see me as a lover but an item to be acquired and controlled.
I told him about what my friends had told me because it bothered me. He frowned, asked for my phone, deleted their numbers and claimed they are not my true friends but insecure ladies who envied our relationship.
I nodded and agreed.
Like I always do.
I love him.
So I trust him.
Until he got worse.
It started out small. Him, getting mad when I acted cutely and forced him to take a picture with me together. He will agree but will be irritated the whole day.
Him, being annoyed when I hugged or cuddled during his "ME" time. He will glare at me and push me off him.
Him, getting insulted when I questioned or asked about his day and claimed not being updated enough by him. He will reply by throwing things off and stomping away from me.
It seems like everything I do, hits a nerve and he will explode like a ticking time bomb.
I told myself that was just him being him.
I am bothered.
But I love him.
So it's okay.
Not until he got so mad about something I don't know what and threw all of our things and destroyed them and decided it was a good idea to lock me in our apartment for three days.
I was so confused.
I blamed myself for pushing him off the edge.
However, what exactly did I do to deserve any of this?
I cried for days.
I felt like I've reached the end of the world.
Suffered alone in a quiet room apologizing for something I can't remember.
Rehearsing how I will apologize and to tame his anger.
Then days after, he came back, so casually, as if nothing happened.
He asked me, "Why do you look like shit?".
At that time, it felt like a bucket of cold water was poured down on me.
He started this, right? He locked me in for days just so he can ask me why I look like shit?
That day, I decided to call my best friend to rescue me.
I knew her mobile and home number by heart.
Thank God, I did.
I whispered my pleas during the phone call and begged her to save me from the hell hole I decided was a nest of love.
She did not hesitate to help me.
She brought my parents with her and a few officers in case my boyfriend decided to get mad and of course he did.
It turns out, I was not the only one abused by him.
He was known to be ill temperd and violent by his exes.
Was also a regular offender of abuse and mistreatment of his partners.
The process of the case was so long and unnerving but I was glad when they decided to put him behind the bars.
I never saw him again after that.
Since then, with the help of my friend, I tried easing in again to the life I grew up with.
It was hard but this is better.
And now, here I am writing this to let you know to never mistook the signs and red flags as something cute and endearing.
Abuse is not love.
And love is not confining and choking.
Be brave and free yourself.
You deserve better.
Love yourself better.
Written by A.D Andrius
So much is going on in my thoughts, so much is making sense. But so much change….
Just another night alone thinking about things….
If you're a giver, remember to give love to yourself too.
You're human, you need love, you need patience and support.
And if no one is giving you that, then start treating yourself with the same delicacy and compassion you give others.
I love you💛
Little J Vibes: A Playlist (Repost!)
so I love making playlists, and I love sharing them with interested parties, but I would like to keep the fandom stuff (public at least) off of my personal spotify account. So - I made some unlisted youtube playlists! you can find this one here
Track listings and color commentary under the cut.
image sources: (x) (x)
Kaleidoscope Heart - Sara Bareilles
Inside is not a heart / But a kaleidoscope
Bird Song - The Wailin' Jennys
this to me is just the vibe of baby Jenny when we first meet her at the top of the series? And I had to include this band just for the name alone, yk?
I'd like to be those flowers, open to everything.
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - as performed by Patti Smith
Save Yourself - tiLLie
Mainstream Kid - Brandi Carlile
again the whole thing. (loving Brandi Carlile is wlw culture)
I was born so I could fall in line / I’m a legend in my own mind
Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac
Rulers make bad lovers / you better put your kingdom up for sale
Hard Times - Paramore
All that I want / is to wake up fine. / Tell me that I’m alright / that I ain’t gonna die.
brutal - Olivia Rodrigo
I'm so sick of seventeen / Where's my fucking teenage dream?
Careful by Paramore
(Paramore first tracks go so hard what a gift)
Least of All Young Caroline - Frank Turner
(like this whole thing especially the chorus but the 2nd verse in particular)
You know her parents build her up / then they let her fall aside. / Now she has the scars on her legs that she won’t explain from when she disappeared that night
Bastards - Kesha
Got too many people / got left to prove wrong
Don’t let the mean girls take the crown / don’t let the scumbags screw you ‘round / don’t let the bastards get you down
Is there Somewhere - Halsey
(she is such a Jenny vibe, like everything she does but there are a few song in particular on this list)
Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland
I’ve got my mistakes on loop inside my head
Church - Aly & AJ
Too many nights and there’s no end / I’m hellbent, the reckless one
Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
just bc no one rocks the black monochrome lewk like J
Hold Me Down - Halsey
really all of Badlands is Jenny, but I really like the live performance I have on the playlist bc it’s so raw (and the piano is so good)
I sold my soul to a three-piece / and he told me I was holy
Hurricane - Halsey
Don’t belong to no city / don’t belong to no man
Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright - as performed by Kesha
I know a different cover of this is on the show during That Episode, but this cover? It’s just her voice with a synth (or strings?) underneath and it is such an incredible and devastating interpretation 10/10 would recommend
Good Kisser - Lake Street Dive
an aftermath of That Episode song
Now everybody’s talking ‘bout me / 'Cause you would dirty me up just to get yourself clean
Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers
I have no explanation other than that she is just a Vibe
Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainright
just, all the lyrics
I will not pretend I will not put on a smile I will not say I’m all right for you When all I wanted was to be good
Galileo - Indigo Girls
I just, cannot make a lesbian-themed playlist without them
How long ‘til my soul gets it right?
Tattoos - Frank Turner
one of my fave lyricists of all time, and I very much hc Jenny getting several tattoos in her adulthood and I may have written fic about it
Loving Her - Katie Pruitt
this is just a wlw anthem, that’s all
26 - Paramore
Hold onto hope, if you got it Don’t let it go for nobody And they say that dreaming is free But I wouldn’t care what it cost me
Rainbow - Kesha
this whole album is for women exorcising all the toxic men from their past, we love to see it
And I know that I’m still fucked up / But aren’t we all, my love?
@!#?@! - Motion City Soundtrack - it’s been years and I still don’t know how to say this title out loud, I just call it expletive or the motherfuckers song. Justin Pierce just sings “you motherfuckers” so tenderly…unparalleled…
You all need to go away, you motherfuckers. / You all need to leave me and my sensitive homeboys alone.
The final two are more like bonus tracks, for both the humphrey sibs, bc I love them both sm. (And they’re both by Brandi Carlile. because I’m me.)
like the first verse is so Dan? and the second is so Jenny?
I see you tugging on your shirt / Trying to hide inside of it / And hide how much it hurts
We gotta dance with the devil on a river / To beat the stream / Call it living the dream, call it kicking the ladder
Murder in the City
I wonder which of us is better Which one our parents loved the most I sure did get in lots of trouble They seemed to let the other go
Always remember there is nothing worth sharing Like the love that let us share our name
I finished Dr. Stone today and I FREAKING LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!
I'm adding it to my fandom list right now!! Thank you @skribblz for convincing me to give it another shot!!
Idk I’m just bored so I’m saying hello.
Did u drink some water today? Get at east 1 minute of sun outside? Do something that makes u happy?
Here’s a hug for you! *pulls u in for a big hug* you are amazing and beautiful/handsome and all around great! I’m so happy u exist!!