My inner child is still bitter cause he was told he wasn't wanted (to be born) WAY too young skdkdk it's why I don't understand the concept of forgiveness ESPECIALLY towards parents or kids
I don't remember a day of my childhood in which I wasn't daydreaming. My abuser would get really mad and yell at me which only caused me to daydream more.
As I grew up, and I found real friends who were also neurodivergent, it almost stopped. I practiced fencing, watched cartoons and played videogames; and my best friend always told me the stories they imagined. I didn't feel the need to daydream at school because I was happy, and at home I would just remember the funny real moments of the day or focus on my special interest.
But highschool ended and then I would just see my friends each four or six months. But those moments spend with them were enough. I would remember then often and feel happy, and replay them in my head instead of daydream.
The last reunions were... different. We didn't play DnD or videogames, or discussed animated shows. We drank and talked. And I started to zoom out.
Now the daydreams are returning. I don't like some of them because my friends appear there and sometimes I idealize my interactions with them.
I think sertraline is also helping me with them. I kind of can control them most of the time. Is that immersive daydreaming, instead of maladaptive?
My mom got the virus at work and I got ill and had fever two days. While I was sick I started creating a new daydream world based on a hospital. I was often sick from respiratory illnesses as a child so that feels comforting.
Still I'm bot sure if im doing Immersive daydreaming or if its maladaptative again. As in before highschool.
My fav para is covered in tattoos but I don’t know what they mean
"my child is fine" your lonely-ass child has spent so much time maladaptively daydreaming about a nonexistent romantic partner that they've imagined almost every possible scenario and will never be satisfied with any partner in real life because no one will ever compare to their fictional significant other and anyone who could will take too long to reach a level of trust and intimacy that will satisfy their agonizing desire to love and be loved
they were not lying the omicron outbreak really is like playing dodgeball in high school where you're hiding in the back but everyone in front of you has already been taken out
well...yikes. It’s been a long long time since I made a text post. I’ve done a little reblogging but besides that...not alot. I don’t think my account is that important per se (having said that I am grateful for all those who follow me, thank you) but I do view it as a way to keep myself on my toes when it comes to my MaDD. By typing in this account, I force myself to pull out of my daydreams and really examine my behaviors. So neglecting to upkeep this account makes me feel like i’m a failure.
I have stuff going on, internally. I’m not sure what I want in life, and because of that I feel like i’m wasting time and wasting the opportunities that were given to me. I guess i’m a little lonely too. Its weird. and unfortunately my natural reaction to these things is to just drift away into my daydreams. And it just saps me, I struggle to have motivation to change my circumstances when I could just rely on my cheap trick of daydreaming to momentarily console myself.
This is all rather moody sounding. I may come back later and roll my eyes thinking I was being dramatic. But this is how I feel now. I really want to get back on here though and start writing more. I want to develop a stronger connection to other people who are like me in this way.
Worst thing about sleeping is waking up
the indescribable melancholic nostalgia of once again coming across a song you've always loved for the sound/melody despite not understanding the words and you're just now reading the lyrics for the first time and realizing they hit a little too close to home now that you're older and depressed about life
it’s getting worse cause all my friends have left me. i only have my paras and truth be told… i only want my paras.
realizing i’m too old and too gay to like the same spider-man as everyone else
i don't know who i am without her. she's my everything
she clouds my thoughts, limits my ability to be independent
she's one of the only things keeping me sane, from killing myself
if I kill me. i kill her. she lives, rent free, in my mind
she's Arlyiah Shay
If I lose this battle please know I tried really hard
The time when you act like yourself but people consider it a phase you’re going through and they need to handle you in it but wishing you to come back to be normal
And normal means faking, anxiety and stress for you
But anyway, I’m back to my normal
me, this morning: alright, let's take our ADHD meds so we can sit down and focus on finishing that big school assignment today, okay? no laying down and daydreaming, okay???
my brain: ...focus? big??
me: oh no
my brain: fOcUs?? big FoCuS!!
me: nonono wait that's the wrong thing ur focusing on there
my brain: fooocuussss :)))
so anyway i spent six hours thoroughly researching and taking notes on animal kingdoms and complex classifications/taxonomy so I could do a massive overhaul of a flawed concept in my paracosm, but i didn't even touch the assignment lmaoo
I love maladaptive daydreaming, but I also hate it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single waking moment of my life... is spent with the people I talk to in my mind. They become friends, they become family, they sometimes become... something even closer. And I love them, cherish them, as if they were truly real.
But they're not.
They're not and they never will be. I'll never be able to see them, I'll never be able to hear their voice, or their laughter, or their comforts. And it hurts, it hurts so much. It makes me bitter; makes me jealous of others who don't have to live their every waking moment loving someone who will never truly be there.
This is why Maladaptive Daydreaming isn't just about "daydreaming a lot". A lot of us are aching inside; a lot of us are already hurt. We daydream because our minds can't handle what's happened to us and so it creates a distraction where we can feel safe, where we can feel loved. But then we remember that it's not real, and it never will be... and that hurts more than anything else.
Maladaptive Daydreaming is a gift, but also a curse. I know that sounds cliché, or cringy, or like I'm exaggerating it, but it's the truth.
So please... don't just fake it for clout or popularity, because it's only going to make the stigma around it worse. And we already have enough to deal with.
I’m Kilnposting. Edric has a boyfriend, Fang, and after the first campaign they finally got together and went on a nice picnic date. :>
(They were in the tree before the date started.)
can I just say, as someone who is studying to be a teacher while also suffering from maladaptive daydreaming (MaDD), I cry/laugh a little inside every time somebody in the pedagogy field says "para" — referring to paraprofessionals (ie. the helper adults in the classroom, mainly assisting with special ed students) — and have to remind myself that they're not talking about imaginary daydream characters lol
mine's in the neighbor's yard, hbu?