I come and stand at every door…
No unique occasion. On my sunset walk, this afternoon, I was remembering times past, those who are gone. I remembered opening for Dr. King some time back in the 1960’s when I was singing a lot, everywhere. It was a street corner rally in New Haven, Connecticut. We had a wooden platform up on a corner so folks could see and hear. And, as well as I recall, this was one of the last songs I sang…
🎶🍄🌿
𝓘 𝓯𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓲𝓷 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮, 𝓘 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸𝔁𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓽𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾💋
I feel like there just used to be so much more in life that brought me joy. Listening to music from 2010-2012 brings different feelings of happiness and just contentment. 2016 was is the same but different feelings and more exploration and newness. But now I don’t feel newness or contentment. With COVID and everything else, I feel like this is the worst time to be a new adult.
“It wasn’t my fault…..it wasn’t my fault……it wasn’t my fault…….it wasn’t my fault…..it…it wasn’t my fault…was it?…”
-R. K 1/15/21 “maybe if I repeat this enough I’ll believe it someday?”
Commodore VIC20 CARTS at local used game store!!! AMAZING. I remember many hours of RADAR RAT RACE played on one of these!
Just think in a few months, Winter will turn to Spring.
In 62 days it’ll be the first day of Spring.
The first thought that comes to mind when I think about March is how, it’s been 4 years since Mas left to the Navy. My best friend says Mas wants to come back home but hasn’t decided if she will leave the Navy or try to continue her contract with them but in her home state.
It’s sad how this news excites me… Truth is I randomly have dreams about her, my horoscope warns me of an ex showing up at my doorstep. The only person in my life who I had a profound amount love for is Mas. There was so much passion and despite her always choosing someone else. I was the sucker who let her grab on to me. Though I’ll always care for her, it’ll be from a far. My mind constantly thinks about the games she’s played…the fool I became. Every person who came after me and every person I came after. I became her revolving door of second best, option B, the backup plan that never fails, and the path most visited but never truly cared for.
LESSON I LEARNED:
I will never treat someone like this!
I tried to tell her I couldn’t be friends with her because it hurt me too much. So she invited my best friend out everywhere. I started to feel not only left out but upset. My best friend told me to try and be friends with her…I tried, in the experience I saw different people she dated. Jealousy filled me, everytime her relationship went sour, I was there. I picked her spirits up, made her feel good and then to her, my work was done. Every moment I tried to be a good friend I was slowly losing myself. There is no nice way of saying this but her kisses fucked with me so many times and it became harder to say “we are only friends”.
Your image became foggy for some time, but it’s as clear as day now. Like a tsunami, you flood my brain yet again. The damage is done and the memories are back. Another devastation I’m sure is to come.
Nudos insoportables de recuerdos que se albercan en mi memoria cuando oigo tan solo tu nombre. Pido que vengas a tranquilizar mi alma que en cada suspiro incluye tu ausencia.
-caramelo
