20.11.19 - 6.54pm
bitch ive fasted for nearly 25 hours already
dinner was gross so i didnt eat it, but my parents might make me have dinner with them in an hour or so but it’s fine, we’re all fine, if i acknowledge that this is not fine i will cry.
18cal so far today, two coffees(4 each) and then a lil orange juice drink thingy(10). ive done 19,500 steps today and my heart rate has spent like 3 and a half hours in the fat burning zone and 50 minutes cardio. i dont fully know how to say that properly but like,,,, thanks fitbit, now i know if i do bicycle thingys in bed for an hour its actually doing something.
my mood has dropped so much from the start to end of this post lmao,,,, i acknowledged the bad. imma go watch secret eaters and do some Russian twists to make me not feel like a failure
2it’s been raining in my head for about 2 weeks now. I’ve felt like I’ve been flooding up my life and giving every inch of energy I can to grasp some air and continue swimming. I’m screaming and calling for help, but nobody can hear me.
It’s been raining in my head for about a 2 weeks now. And I just want to stop swimming..
0Non pensavo che a così tante persone importassero i miei problemi. Mi dispiace tanto.
2Please meme this
On mobile and haven’t figured out how to do this yet, so anyone: (with one of those galaxy brain ones)
Broke: I am not okay
Woke: I am not okay, and that’s okay
Bespoke: I am not okay mentally/emotionally, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of
2Sometimes those thoughts are quiet. But there are Times they are so loud. I don’t know how long I can take it.
I am always the one who is hurting. Why isn’t he hurting too.
I’m can clearly See the end of my own strength.
2Irónico
Es tan irónico,
Tan ironico y triste,
Ha pasado un año
Y vuelvo a caer
Tropezando con la misma piedra
Volviendo a hundirme en la oscuridad
Un año desde escribi
“Fobia social”
Y es triste
Es triste volver a leerlo
Y darte cuenta que nada a cambiado
Sigo siendo una farsa
Sigo debil y fingiendo ser fuerte
Sigo mintiendo
Mintiendoles
Mintiendome
Pidiendo ayuda sin decir nada realmente
Y cada vez que alguien me extiende la mano
No me siento merecedora de compasión
Merecedora de bondad
Merecedora de algo mas
Algo mejor
0It is in my best mental health decision that i start decorating for Christmas.
0There are days when things seem so much clearer in my head. Like I know the thoughts are there, fully formed and coherent, but on the way out they get lost and tangled until I give up trying to speak at all.
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