#mental breakdown Tumblr posts

The beauty of laying in your room at 4 am with your own thoughts while looking at the ceiling as you blast your favorite tune is underrated.

There’s no reason to eat your breakfast on the road just because you like it there… Right, have ano…

I don’t know what the fucking point is.

I feel so tired of existing.

I don’t wanna be here… I wanna bash my head into the sink and fall asleep. -Velvetears

Let me die… I’m not good at being happy… I don’t want love I want drugs… Please let me just die. -Velvetears

I 🤠 have 🤠 no 🤠 one 🤠 to 🤠 talk 🤠 to🤠

Oh now I see! It’s cause of you, now I can explain my mental breakdowns and my nightmares better! Thanks, well…thanks for nothing cause it’s your fault but I’ll give you your due credit.

Also, I get that talking about my problems or underlying issues will make it better but, I don’t trust no one anymore, no, not your fault or are you to blame this time but I’m just letting you know….

Originally posted by samttalraheel

Journal Entry 9

December 4th, 2020

I kept busy today, looking for jobs and shopping for small things. I knew if I didn’t I would lay on the couch all day crying. I miss him so badly it hurts. I was trying to keep my mind off him by playing music… but every damn post I make is about him.

Songs that remind me of him… which I never told him about, but I hope he takes the time to listen to them and know they’re all about him. Every dancing video I make is to make it seem like I am okay, and for the most part I am, but my songs are intentional. Knowing we both have an emotional connection to the song.

I saw that he created a playlist that has the type of music I listen to on it. khai dreams, Rex Orange County, atlas…. Jack Johnson. Banana Pancakes makes me think of all the times we woke up on Saturday mornings and made pancakes together with our siblings. His attempt at making a bear, mine a sun. We laughed at his bear because he was a cute little lopsided thing.

We would watch Disney movies with them and relax, cuddling all day when the weather was rainy and cloudy. I would sometimes pretend that we were in the future, with kids of our own. Oh how I loved the idea of us watching movies with our kids on a lazy Saturday. He’s going to make such a great dad one day, no doubt about it.

I hope that he will do those same things we did together with his kids

Legos,

Boardgames,

Disney movies,

Fireworks,

Swimming…

Anything and everything

I’ll always love him and I will support whatever decisions he makes for himself because all I want is for him to be happy and satisfied with his life and his relationship with God.

The alcoholic wont stop drinking

The anorexic wont stop starving

The bulimic wont stop b/p'ing

The one with bpd wont stop self destructing

The one with anxiety wont stop stressing

The one with depression wont get out of bed

Their disorder protects them. In many cases it’s the only thing that helps them get through another day. I have struggled with all of these disorders, and i have lost count of every person who has told me to just get it together. To just be positive. Just take a walk, get some sleep and eat healthy.

Would you tell a cancer patient that? No, you wouldnt. So why is it so acceptable to give mental health advice about a disorder you have no experience with? No one gets these disorders out of nowhere. No one chooses to be limited by these disorders. These are serious illnesses that takes lives, every single year.

Mental illness is not a choice. It’s a response to trauma, something that is meant to protect you. Sadly, the human body isn’t perfect. Something that is meant to protect you, might just be the thing that keeps you from living.

They do not choose their disorder, they are a victim of a horrible disorder that requires medical attention. So the next time you see someone who is struggling, please choose to support- rather than judge. It’s not their fault, and being treated as such will do nothing else than dig a deeper hole.

These people judge themselves every single day, so please- dont contribute to this. Spread some cheer, love and support. It might seem like a small thing, but it could save lives.

Regardless of what I do I always end up being sad afterwards.

Now back to your weekly scheduled mental breakdown.

Sorry I haven’t been very active. I haven’t been feeling well mentally or physically..I’m going to try to be more active soon-ish

thanks for all the love 💕

Another not good day. Had food not here spent money we shouldn’t have but it’s whatever. It’s fine. At least i had coffee.

Mental health is doing VERY poorly today. Spiraling up and down quite quickly, it’s not good. Between anger and wanting to hurt myself it’s just…it’s not good.

Stressed about money stressed about everything. The electric bill is fucky and not making sense but we haven’t technically gotten the bill itself yet so we won’t really know until tomorrow what the fuck is going on and…it’s just causing me a lot of anxiety. A lot.

Played Waifu for a good portion of the day. Did a lot of things. Enjoyed it. Excited for the next event, flying is something i’m quite bad at so i’m excited to fail repeatedly. This is all typed in a very deadpan sarcastic way, my spacebar sucks and it rarely picks up me trying to pop my wings and it sucks. But whatever, i’ll deal as i usually do. 

Other than that, my mental health doing poorly has affected Sir and i’s relationship, causing us to fight - not big fights, just little tiffs, but it’s…it wears on you, you know? It’s annoying and frustrating and…bleh.

Other than that that, didn’t really do much of anything but stare at my computer.

food, liquid, decent. pain not great. head, hands, heart. (metaphysically)

In Still Alice, Julianne Moore played a professor who found herself dissolving into dementia. A few other actors who played people losing themselves.

1. Vivien Leigh in A Streetcar Named Desire. D: Elia Kazan (1951). A southern Belle whose family fortune is lost to creditors takes refuge with her sister and her husband (Marlon Brando, Kim Hunter). It’s revealed she has a history of promiscuity and mental instability (“I don’t want realism….I want magic!”) which isn’t helped by Brando’s horrific treatment of her. Leigh is both maddening and pitiable as a woman clawing for her sanity, and slipping.
2. Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. D: Ron Howard (2001). John Nash, a brilliant MIT professor is recruited by the Defense Department to decrypt enemy communications. As he marries and becomes a father his assignments grow more complicated and dangerous. 19-YEAR-OLD SPOILERS AHEAD! They are actually delusions of increasing paranoid schizophrenia. Crowe and Howard do a good job of detailing Nash’s slow recovery of himself.
3. Natalie Portman in Black Swan. D: Darren Aronowsky (2010). A fragile ballet dancer in a New York dance company wins a coveted role as the White Swan in Swan Lake, but artistic pressures, and an obsessive rivalry with her understudy (Mila Kunis) leads her to a series of hallucinations and delusion that leads to a horrific finale, and also her greatest triumph.
4. Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia. D: Lars von Trier (2011). Dunst is a new bride whose chronic depression kicks in on her wedding night leading her to sabotage her marriage. Dunst goes so deep into crippling melancholy that when, in the movie’s second half, a rogue planet destroys the earth, it almost seems like an afterthought.
5. Leonardo DiCaprio in The Aviator. D: Martin Scorsese (2014). Howard Hughes, who became one of the world’s richest men, suffered from a crippling OCD that ruined his life. DiCaprio and Scorcese turn in a well-made biopic centered on the horror of a man who KNOWS he’s suffering from an increasingly debilitating mental disorder (that hadn’t yet been named) but can’t do anything about it.

Why do I get so emotional late at night? I either have a mental breakdown or experience near-euphoric joy at the slightest provocation. My cat meowed at me and I thought it was cute so I almost cried. Literally had tears in my eyes because my cat meowed. Which disorder is this

Ever cry because you’re sad and emotionally unstable then take a nap then wake up sad then take another nap then wake up sad again? Yeah me too. Ever wake up from the sad naps and then when someone asks “Awh what’s wrong?” You have no idea what to say so you just sit there like a deer in head lights, just “idfk” because you know it would take years to explain all your welled up emotions so you Shoshone even try. Then they may judge you for how you feel and you’ll lose the only friend you have left.

I called myself out too, don’t worry.

1-12-20

Dear Diary,

On every 26th of November something happens but every other first of the month something happens too.

Niamh broke up with Ewan.

It wasnt even a month, I genuinely expected everything to last so much longer. I expected myself to be relieved you know. To finally be happy that I have my chance with this man back.

But I dont, in fact I cried.

He texted me straight away telling me vaguely what was happening. (He was already very low mentally when we were walking back home that day) To get that text- seeing him go from bad to worse was a bit painful, but felt good to see this guy finally understand my own upset I suffered not even 30 days ago. However, it’s not nice it stings just as much as it use to. Maybe the worst part is that he still loves her. And I feel so horrible I feel like I accidentally manifested this I just wanted him to be happy it didnt matter who with at the end of the day.

Now its time for my more selfish views on this, he asked if it was ok to text me to vent to me. I didnt think this meant telling me every single thing he did with her, viewing her as this perfect human being. And I dont blame him-

It’s the fact when I look at him. I think of him when he says all those lines. But when he says them hes talking about her not me.

Holy shit why am I breaking down so down right bad right now. It’s not even about me! God I’m such a wreck for a man that’s so toxic. I’m so self aware I hate it.

Do you want to know what mental breakdown smells like? Just open a can of directions haircolor

My memories feel like it was in just a whole different timeline

my dad is one of the smartest people i know. i called him while having a breakdown yesterday and he was giving me some advice. 

he said that:

• although it seems like the end of the world rn, it’s not
• every situation can have lessons learnt from it
• i shouldn’t stress too much bc i’ll get sick
• i shouldn’t trust everyone that is nice to me
• i’ll encounter difficult people all throughout life, i just have to deal with them
• i need to stop being such a people pleaser !!
• i need to stop apologising to people when i’ve done nothing wrong, just bc a situation is difficult at that current moment in time
• it will get better

When i dyed my hair purple i was in my grandmas bathroom, i didn’t bring any t shirts with me only nice shirts to her house. So i dyed my hair topless in jeans in the middle of the night crying listening to your typical 2000s emo/screamo .

Giving children challenge and keeping them engaged is one thing. Giving them so much pressure that they end up crying and having a mental breakdown and anxiety is whole new concept that they disguise under the name of ‘education’.