Shout out to people with mental or physical disabilities/illnesses that stop them from having a “normal” hygiene routine. You are not disgusting. You are beautiful/handsome and great and you deserve love.
0“Have you ever just tried to sit down and reevaluate yourself on what you are and how you’re doing?
I have been trying for the past 6 months to understand what in me is changing so drastically that it’s making me feel insane.
I’m questioning everything I’ve known.
I don’t know if my diagnoses are true or even applicable now.
I feel I may have more than diagnosed.
When you say the word insane most people automatically think about psych wards and screaming.
Well that is part of it, that’s what my last 2 months have been. A week in a psych ward and around 4 months of constant screaming.
I’m not screaming at someone, well at least trying not to.
I’m screaming inside and fuck it, sometimes it gets out and you’ll hear me sigh or even moan or scream bloody murder.
That’s what is going on in my mind.
I cannot contain anything.
My emotions and days are not something I can control.
I wake up agitated, now I’ve learned this word and it’s actual meaning within the last few months.
I hate this word and what it is and how I feel being in possession of it.
Other days I’ll wake up hyper as if I’m “on drugs” and “too happy”. (When in reality I am no where close to being happy).
Most days I wake up feeling nothing. This is something I hate as well.
Feeling nothing is dangerous for most people but deadly to me.
When I feel nothing, numb, empty and vacant, I no longer wish to be alive and sometimes in my past have acted in that wish.
When I have no emotion I get brutal with myself and others.
When I’m with myself I self harm. Yep, I’m back at it again boys.
When I’m with myself I research possibilities on how to kill myself or if I don’t feel like making myself do it that day I’ll search the most dangerous places in NJ to see where I can get stabbed or shot.
Brutal, I know. Don’t lecture me.
When I’m with others and have no emotion, I get the “are you okay”s a lot, along with “I’m always here for you”.
I’m a burden and always will feel like one with or without your help.
I’m sorry.
I think people, especially the professionals, have given up on me now.
I am no longer expecting a call from a therapist anymore.
I am no longer hopeful for my treatment.
I have tried at least one of every type of medication for depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder.
I’ve tried over 13+ different medications.
How do you think I could ever feel hopeful for my future in helping myself.
I’ve lost all control.
My legs move on their own now.
They burst and try to run away from me when I sleep or sit.
My mind won’t be still or calm when trying to sleep.
I cannot sleep anymore even though I’m currently taking medication for it.
I cannot control the racing thoughts.
They keep coming back and with force every night.
Sleep is no longer an option, naps are closer than sleep, but still no where to be found.
My moods and emotions dictate how I react to certain people.
I will yell at some or become dissociated with another.
I say things I regret out of hate that was never there before.
I can’t live like this.
Who would seriously want to live like this?
No one.
I’m not looking for sympathy or help.
I’m trying to tell everyone what’s going on without sending all of the same messages over and over.
Listen to when I say I’m fine, I do not want to talk when I’m fine.
You will bring on anger if you pry when I say I’m fine.
So just stop before it happens.”
- everydaymollysays (nov. 11, 2019)
0I was looking for a picture for my linkedin. I ended up finding old pictures of me from when I was actually in a happy place. I didn’t know what depression or real panic attacks felt like. I had a boyfriend and tons of friends. My smile was real. I could leave my house and I could have a normal life. I was a regular girl who had no idea what was about to happen.
Those pictures make me cry because I know I’ll never be able to relive those moments again. Now I’m broken, damaged and nothing can erase the bad memories and traumas I have.
Now I’m currently suffering with major depression, a serious case of panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve taken more meds than both my grandparents throughout the past 4 years. I was close to a suicide attempt 3 times just in the last 2 months. I’m on prozac, xanax and so many other meds and nothing seems to work. I’m just so tired of everything but I’m still here fighting every single day, hoping for a better future, one where I can feel happiness again.
6If you feel like something in your life is affecting you in a negative/ unhelpful way, you have every right to cut it off. Doing what’s best for you isn’t selfish 🌻🐝
0So my Ali Express order of cute earrings will be able to be used. - Guest Submission
(Please don’t add negative comments to these posts.)
25Thanks for the continued support y’all. This blog has helped me as well as so many others. I’m so honored to share my art with the world.
For those who are in a bad place, hold on sweetie. I’m here for you. It gets so much better one day. If you end everything now, you’ll never get to see it. I’m always here for anybody who needs support. 🖤 love you guys0Sometimes, it’s so hard being a “therapist” to your friends when they feel like they can’t save themselves. I get sad knowing they get sad, but at least I’m there for them and trying to help as best as I can.
2Feeling like I’m only staying alive because I don’t want to hurt the people i love. I sort of resent them for it. Feel even worse about myself for feeling that resentment.
2I’m drowning in mental depravity
Consumed by the darkest malady
Sinking out of tortured reality
Succumbing to blissful insanity
0about six years, i had a bad with experience with a therapist. i couldn’t find another one since then. dealing with my mental illness, for eight years, was a minute to minute struggle. two years ago, i decided i wanted to change and try to be more positive in attempt to ease my depression and suicidal tendencies and self-deprecating humour. three years ago, i was in an unstable, unhealthy relationship and in the darkest and lowest point of my life, traumatised, struggling, and alone.
but now, it’s 2020. i have my first appointment with a psychologist that i’ve been waiting for eight years for. recovery’s been rough, but i’m coming up on my two year anniversary of being suicidal (attempts and ideation and all) free. three years later, and i’m in love and dating my best friend. it’s the best relationship i’ve ever been in and just hit our one year anniversary last month. i’m recovering and i’m so loved.
things will change. things do get better. you will be somewhere you never figured you’d be, and you’ll be okay with it. you are loved. you will live beyond the age you thought you wouldn’t make it to. it’s scary and weird, but so so worth it. please keep going. i’d never imagine where i am today, and it will bring you happiness. i love you. xoxo
16You know how many times I convinced myself to not feel so suicidal because I didn’t want to hurt anyone? I watched people be happy and I felt nothing but an empty ache inside of me. I wanted to not exist, but since I couldn’t do that, I wanted to be as little of an inconvenience as possible. And yet I cried out for help, I wailed and screeched
…and nothing happened. No one noticed or cared. I have learned that lesson…I know now that no one will help me when I need it. I try not to be bitter…but I am still sad about that fact.
8
