Love like you mean it!
Love like you mean it!
Today was my first hike of 2021 and it felt so good to be in the outdoors. I confess that my fitness is slightly lacking after being lazy for a couple of months but I am back in the game and I can’t wait to try and hike as often as I can. Winter hiking is such fun . It really helps to give clarity and improve mental health #amc #appalachiantrail #appalachianmountainclub #amcmohicancenter #hiking #hikingadventures #hikingtrails #hikinglife #mentalheathawareness #clarity #mentalclarity #petergourricoaching #lifecoachingtips #lifecoaching #lifecoachinghappiness (at AMC Mohican Outdoor Center)
TW // suicide, self harm, depression
Arghhhhh I hate this book. To the author: it is a struggle to wake up every day. It is a struggle to keep on going so that I don’t hurt my chosen family. Teenagers do not all hurt themselves for attention. To punish those who have hurt us. I don’t give a shit about popularity. All I care about is making it through the day. I don’t want attention. I don’t want to punish people. I am in pain. My brain is torturing me with thoughts and words that cut like glass. There is no other way to cope with the pain. I’ve tried it all. I have spent the last 6 years being punished by my brain and body. I don’t want to ever hurt someone like I have been hurt. I just want to feel okay. We are not the stereotypes you make us out to be.
Sometimes, with my depression, it feels like I’m drowning, being pulled underwater by something but not drowning in real life. It’s like a metaphor you see, everyone around me on land is completely fine, they can’t see me struggling, fighting to stay alive as the water starts to take over every inch of my body as I start to sink. Then there’s the ones who can see me, they’re okay too but they’re the one’s who are struggling to keep me afloat, the ones constantly keeping an eye on me to make sure I don’t drown before help starts to come, before the help I need stops me from drowning. Sometimes I just wish they’d all let me go, let me sink to the bottom of that river or ocean or whatever it is that’s dragging me under because I’m so tired of fighting against it. It takes everything in me some days to keep my head up above the water, to keep fighting what’s pulling me down and to keep breathing even though every time I take a deep breath in all I can feel is a heavy weight pushing down on my chest and my throat, stopping me from breathing in the one thing that’s keeping me alive: air. Other days, keeping my head above water can feel like a walk in the park. Them days are extremely rare so I appreciate them all as if they were my last days feeling like that because I know at some point I will slip under for a little while again, that I won’t be able to get my head up from under the water and I’ll be stuck fighting underneath water to get my head up and take one deep breath ready for the next time I slip. For me, depression is sometimes staying in bed all day long because I feel like there’s no reason to get up. It isn’t always like that though, sometimes I can start off great, get up, shower, go out and meet a friend but then I slip that tiny bit, only a little but enough to drag my head under the water so I can’t breathe again, then it becomes a struggle to be out with my friends. I start to feel tired, I zone out way too much to keep up with a conversation so I just smile, nod and occasionally say yeah if I need to but it takes so much energy out of me. All I end up thinking about is going home, to the comfort and safety of my own bed where I can pull the covers up, shut my curtains and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a little while. I know life isn’t always going to be this way, I know eventually it will get better but some days are hard. On the days that are hard you’ve got to look for the little things that you’ve achieved that day like staying hydrated, maybe you’ve had one meal that day or a snack? Maybe you’ve done nothing, stayed in bed all day and spoke to no one? Well that’s still an achievement, something to be proud of because rather than giving up and sinking you stayed for another day, you kept up that fight and I am proud of you and myself for the days where we’ve done that. Life’s going to get better at some point, we’ve just got to keep our heads above that water, right?
Small things that helped me Thus far in recovery ( and are definitely worth a shot )
💕 keeping a water bottle in my room
💕 committing to having a snack before bed everynight (big or small )
💕 telling myself that all the side affects I’m experiencing is my body trying to heal both physically and mentally ( they will get better over time )
💕 taking naps after having a big meal ( I still do this )
💕 taking my vitamins
💕 drinking juice and hot chocolate ( it’s some good shit!!! and really lifts my spirits )
Tears can flow, life can be unfair, but that doesn’t mean your dull world cannot be colorful.
There’s at least…one light that you should walk on to.
The only thing I feel is the feeling of grey clouds and static.
I wish I wasn’t here.
I’ve been holding my breath.
Waiting to exhale.
But I cant.
The crushing weight of existence pulls me under.
Like being underwater.
All I want is to feel something else.
The numbness that drugs bring me.
The heavy dizziness that alcohol makes me feel.
I want to feel the electric, bright lightning feeling that a full blown manic episode makes me feel.
Why do I want it when I hate it just as much?
you matter. you are loved. you are wanted.
I know that’s hard to understand, and I know it’s tiring right now, But I believe in you..
Check in on your loved ones and on yourself. It’s okay to need time to heal.
In case you haven’t heard it yet today, I’m proud of you.
Stop invalidating people with depression who have both good and bad days because YOU HAVE GOOD AND BAD DAYS EVEN IF THE BAD OUTWAYS THE GOOD.
Therapist: You have an addictive personality.
Me: I have unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m addicted to that seratonin. Always looking for that next hit.
woke up a bit late
introspective mind of young
today is and was
January 16th 2021
endings and more there
is only but another
beginning for all
January 15th 2021
projects and more to do so
comes always a cost
January 8th 2021
Anyone can be replaced. You’ll see that when the person who you thought will miss you the most moves on and finds someone better than you.
How can I be honest with my therapist but not so honest that I get institutionalized?
A father with full legal custody of his child on the grounds of domestic violence and abuse - A Survivor’s Story.
#divorce #familylaw #mentalhealth #crime #justice #law #children #domesticviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #childabuse #DomesticAbuse #newlife #newrelease #father #family #narcissist #narcissisticabuse #FatherAndSon #author #Survivor #bullying #bullyingawareness #domesticviolencesurvivor #domesticabuseawareness #recovery #recoveryjourney
The love you give your child has the power to heal.
#father #domesticviolencesurvivor #mentalhealth #newrelease #newlife #narcissist #survivor #divorce #justice #DomesticAbuse #domesticviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #author