Today I got sad, eating disorder related sad, for the first time in a long time.
This morning I cried as my boyfriend told me that no, half a bagel with some smoked salmon and yoghurt was not a sufficient breakfast, especially as it was going to be brunch, that i should eat a whole one, with the yoghurt, because my body would need it.
Today I cried on the sofa after eating said brunch and he asked me why I was sad as he held me and I said I didn’t know. I really didn’t know, I had no reason to be sad.
This afternoon we watched a tv programme and it was nice and I felt okay but then he ended and asked if I was okay and I said I didn’t know. I cried again and this time he asked what was up and I said I wasn’t sure, that it’s just hard when I have to go home and see my family, that things are different there and it feels like a long time ago when I was ill and that I’m not ill anymore but it feels bad and things are hard. He hugged me for almost an hour as I cried and we talked and I felt better and then cried again. He told me he had me and he wasn’t letting go and to talk to him and just lie down and think.
It’s hard when things get hard, and you have to listen to the one person in the world that you never want to have to see you sad tell you that they worry about you because you don’t worry about yourself enough and someone has to. I’m sad that he has to tell me that it’s not okay to block everyone out and just escape the world by riding my bike instead of sitting and thinking and taking some time. I’m sorry that he has to go through watching me being a mess and that he never signed up for this but now I love him too much to let him go.
Today taught me a lot about myself and a lot about him too. I just really hope that things feel better for me soon and that nothing like this gets in the way of the future and all of the plans we’ve made.
Sorry for the ramble. And for the absence. I hope you’re all well. X
Rules: tag 10 followers you want to get to know better.
Birthday: 14th October
Relationship status: Single :(
Zodiac sign: Libra?
Siblings: Identical twin sister.
Favourite colours: Turquoise or purple
Pets: 3 cats.
Type of phone: Iphone 4s
Love or lust: Both, but I suppose love outlives lust
Lemonade or iced tea: Neither really.
Coke or Pepsi: Diet coke but if no ones watching i actually enjoy a pepsi max don’t judge me
Day or night: Depends
Text or call: Text, I swear no one picks up the phone these days
Make up or au natural: I cba with makeup unless I’m going out
Met a celebrity: I’ve met Dita von Teese and The King Blues at signings. Briefly met Russell Brand but it was for like 1 second. I’ve also met Noel Fielding and Phil Jupitus when I went to a live screening of Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Also I once literally physically bumped into Amy Winehouse at a service station near Watford but I didn’t talk to her apart from we both said sorry and did the awkward thing where you try to get past each other but keep going the same way.
Light or dark hair: Either really.
Shorter or taller: I don’t mind
Intelligence or attraction: Both but I won’t judge someone for being less educated like I reckon personality and willingness to learn are much more important
Cats or dogs: I LOVE ALL ANIMALS
City or country: City, I was born and bred in London so I think I’m not made for the countryside where it’s all white people and hills and green and sheep and there’s no signal and theres too little pollution it makes me feel weird
Chapstick or lipstick: Legit thought this was a lesbian reference. In one sense I prefer chapstick and the other I prefer lipstick.
Last song you listened: Cotton Eyed Joe [doNT JUDGE ME]
metamorphosisofmeg said: OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU WONDERFUL PERSON
THANKS MEG ILYSM <3
So um IM HAVING A DRINK WITH MEG AND KITTY :D
metamorphosisofmeg said: WAIT YOU’RE 19 IN SEPTEMBER TOO????????
Yesss!! We’re birthday twins aw yay <3!!!
metamorphosisofmeg replied to your post :getting scared because there are so many things I…
YOU CAN DO THIS I BELIEVE IN YOU what sort of maths is it? can I help at all? *hugs*
ahhh metamorphosisofmeg you little gem <3 it’s actually ridiculously easy maths, the lowest level possible for the hsc but I’m struggling with ordered/unordered selections in probability, tank questions in water usage and what I call “hard trigonometry” haha - your belief in me has been helpful regardless <3
5 good things that happened this week:
1. I finished my exams
2. I had ‘Christmas’ with my flat mates and it was cute and adorable :3
3. I got lovely presents from my friends (no shame in being materialistic on occasion)
4. I had a great night in Glasgow with my friends last night and it was so much fun.
5. I get to sleep in my own bed again tonight and see my kitty cats :3 (and family - woops)
metamorphosisofmeg replied to your post:HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY…
it’s going to be fab you have nothing to be nervous about- food is food and the only thing is should make you feel is happy and full
Exactly! I’m going out to celebrate my birthday with some of my favourite peopler, the food is just a yummy bonus! xxx
Just remember that they miss you too, and soon you’ll be home and with them, but until then they are still there, at the end of the phone, and you will be okayxxx
I know, I’m just getting impatient now. It’s the endless revision that’s getting me down. I revise best when I’ve got my family around me to smother me with support and love and good food! I can’t wait :)
YES PLEASE xxxxxxxx
OKAY YES THIS IS A THING THIS IS DEFINITELY A THING
Wonderful, so we can add you all to the list too? (Heather, I’m taking you liking the post as a yes, ok?) This is so exciting!! <3