In keeping with my commentary on Cullen Cars, I give you the Top Gear assessment of THE SHINY VOLVO that started it all.
Its no coincidence that my current Top Gear re-watch is coinciding with my Twilight Renaissance BUT I DID NOT EVER CARE enough about Edward's hunk of Swedish lead to know what model it was until i hit my Twilight Renaissance and looked it up as a refresher. So imagine my coca cola spit take when this pops up in S2E9. Go ahead. Watch it.
Watch "Volvo S60R | Car Review | Top Gear" on YouTube
Edward can defend his Volvo and go on about his tuned engine and semi-slick barely road legal tires and optional extra racing package but AT THE END OF THE DAY, Volvo originally marketed this car as a RIVAL for the BMW M3 - Rosalie's car.
But you know this is exactly the kind of car Edward would buy, isn't it? Its fastidious.
“...but grownups have a tough time believing, and I’ll tell you why. When they find out as kids that Santa Claus is a fake and Goldilocks isn’t a real girl and the Easter Bunny is bullshit- just three examples, I could give more- it makes a complex and they stop believing in anything they can’t see for themselves.”
Later has been sitting on my desk for several weeks, waiting for me to extol its virtues. Every time I’ve had a few minutes to blog, I’ve come up with a million other things to do. Oh, dishes? Yeah, better get those washed. We’re out of protein balls? Better make another batch. Oof, reallllly gotta get that laundry folded... sorry blog!
I’m not an idiot: I know I’ve been avoiding this blog because I’m bad at closure, and even worse at goodbyes. Not that this is the end... Steve’s next book is due to be published on August 3rd. And I’m sure there will be more books after that. But this is the semi-colon on what has been a very long and fulfilling project.
I have read several non-Steve books since finishing Later. I’ve read Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer. I was a huge Twilight (book, not movie) fan, and was really looking forward to coming back to an old, familiar series. But it was painfully long to read, and the world has moved on since Twilight. Since then we’ve had Fifty Shades, and all kinds of other romance tropes spawned by the Twilight franchise, and it’s almost quaint in its innocence.
I’ve also read The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose. I’ll share my abridged Goodreads review with y’all: “Sometimes a book is so bad, it’s good. That’s exactly what The Perfect Marriage is. I lost count of the number of sharks this book jumped...This book was bananas. Like, super ripe, starting to smell bananas.”
And finally, I’m halfway through The Witch Elm by Tana French. This book might spoil me for anything else I read this year. Tana French is an absolute queen when it comes to setting, atmosphere and impending dread/doom. And in case you don’t believe she’s a queen, here’s Steve testifying to it.
So, that’s what I’ve been up to since Later. Oh, you want a review on Later? I suppose I can oblige. This is the third Hard Case Crime novel Steve has written; the first two were The Colorado Kid and Joyland. And I’d plop this one right in the middle of those two: I liked it more than Kid, but less than Joyland. Because... sentimental reasons.
Jamie Conklin has been able to see dead people since he was a little kid. He has horrible memories of seeing a bike rider that was hit by a car when he was small. And he was able to help his neighbor find his wife’s missing wedding ring, with a little help from her spirit. But his mom wants him to keep his talents a secret; until she needs him to bust out his skills to save her career. But his mom isn’t the only one that takes advantage of him. His mom’s old girlfriend, Liz, a disgraced police officer needs Jamie’s help with a bust that could set her up for life.
It’s a fast read, with plenty of suspense and enough supernatural elements to remind you this book isn’t all hard-boiled fiction, it’s also a Steve book. But in case you forgot, there was also a Shawshank prison reference. My favorite part of the book was when Jamie cited the Constant Reader mantra, “Books are a uniquely portable form of magic...” I’d recommend this as a beach read for any upcoming vacations you might have. And when you’re done, pass it along to a friend.
Total Wisconsin Mentions: 48
Total Dark Tower References: 76
Book Grade: B+
Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books
Doctor Sleep: A+
The Talisman: A+
Wizard and Glass: A+
11/22/63: A+
Mr. Mercedes: A+
End of Watch: A+
Under the Dome: A+
Needful Things: A+
On Writing: A+
The Green Mile: A+
Hearts in Atlantis: A+
Full Dark, No Stars: A+
The Outsider: A+
The Bazaar of Bad Dreams: A+
If It Bleeds: A+
Just After Sunset: A+
Rose Madder: A+
Misery: A+
Different Seasons: A+
It: A+
Four Past Midnight: A+
Stephen King Goes to the Movies: A+
The Shining: A-
The Stand: A-
Finders Keepers: A-
Bag of Bones: A-
Duma Key: A-
Black House: A-
The Institute: A-
The Wastelands: A-
The Drawing of the Three: A-
The Dark Tower: A-
Dolores Claiborne: A-
Blaze: B+
Hard Listening: B+
Revival: B+
Nightmares in the Sky: B+
The Dark Half: B+
Joyland: B+
Skeleton Crew: B+
The Dead Zone: B+
Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+
Wolves of the Calla: B+
‘Salem’s Lot: B+
Song of Susannah: B+
Carrie: B+
Creepshow: B+
Later: B+
From a Buick 8: B
The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B
Sleeping Beauties: B-
The Colorado Kid: B-
Storm of the Century: B-
Everything’s Eventual: B-
Cycle of the Werewolf: B-
The Wind Through the Keyhole: B-
Danse Macabre: B-
The Running Man: C+
Cell: C+
Thinner: C+
Dark Visions: C+
The Eyes of the Dragon: C+
The Long Walk: C+
The Gunslinger: C+
Pet Sematary: C+
Firestarter: C+
Rage: C
Desperation: C-
Insomnia: C-
Cujo: C-
Nightshift: C-
Faithful: D
Gerald’s Game: D
Roadwork: D
Lisey’s Story: D
Christine: D
Dreamcatcher: D
The Regulators: D
The Tommyknockers D
So, this is it until August. I’ll try to pop in with the occasional book update or movie review. But I fear we’re nearing the tower, dear readers.
Me every time I read the part in eclipse where jacob sexually assaults Bella because I can't stop putting myself In her shoes. Imagine how helpless she had to feel when she couldn't defend herself and see how he made fun of her. He was supposed to be her best friend and he abused his strength to force himself on her ugh I hate it here
And her dad who should have supported her was congratulating Jacob I CAN'T
And the son of a bitch of Jacob learns nothing because he kept planning on kissing her again if she didn't believe his fucking emotional manipulation.
THE PART WHERE SHE PULLS HIS HAIR AND HE THINKS ITS BECAUSE SHE LIKES IT I was incredibly disgusted
I always knew that eventually nostalgia (and curiosity) would force me to pick this one up, but I truly didn’t think I’d hate it as much as I do. In case you don't know, this is another book from the Twilight saga, a retelling of the story from Edward's POV. When I picked it up from the library and saw that it was over 700 pages, I thought I was getting a tapestry of bits and pieces from the entire saga, but turns out this humongous book only covers book 1 of the original series. So, without reading one word I already knew that this was gonna be a freaking slog. Despite offering a fresh perspective, the plot was stale and boringly repetitive. If anything, this book seriously damaged my memories of Edward, because it was only from reading this that I fully appreciated how controlling his behaviour is. It also made very clear the seriously problematic age difference between Bella and Edward that I had also never really properly considered before reading this. Edward is a decade older than Bella, and is dismissive of her because he thinks he knows better. The writing throughout was irresponsible, and I hated it. Possibly the worst example, was when Edward genuinely considered the massacre of the Quileute tribe. The racial undertones of a white adult male contemplating the murder of the Black family was just horrible to read. How dare Meyer present this at all, let alone to an impressionable teenage market. The mind boggles.
being vaccinated does NOT mean you can play baseball in a large empty field with a bunch of vampires during a thunderstorm just because it’s the american past time
I know there are some funny things in the book but I haven't seen anyone mention the casual Jacob thinking something in the house smelled bad. I screamed.
