In the field they train you… they trained me to fight. And also to be ready to die, to prepare me to forget about dying. I never quite could. Whenever one of my buddies was killed, my anticipation built. It was, “okay, it’s my turn now.” It was like jumping into a pool and waiting for the cold water to hit. My body clenched up… but I never hit the water. And that pressure just kept building. And now, in the field, you do all the things that keep you safe. You keep your buddies close, your weapon, your armour and that helps keep things manageable. But out here in the real world, you don’t have that safety. You have that training about dying and that pressure, anxiety. If you don’t know how to deal with it, it just turns into panic… or addiction… or five dead bodies on the gun range.