los angeles, ca
los angeles, ca
Overdrive (feat. Linds)
The smoke got lost in translation, and now looks like a smudge.
You want a good girl that does bad things to you..
Risen from the Waters, Drowned in Mist
I haven’t posted a throwback Thursday in a while, going a bit back in time for this one. Came across an article the other week that the Lago di Vagli will probably be drained in 2021 and I remembered that I was there the last time it was drained in long ago 1994.
While my scanning project has, unsurprisingly stalled (not given up, just…stalled) turns out that I had actually scanned some pictures from that outing. I thought I had taken more, but then, it was the era of film and looking at the pictures we must have gone in the fall or winter. I think it was one of the last days before they were going to flood the town again and it was a miserable day. Weather not at all conducive to picture taking.
I feel no nostalgia for the days of film, as these few shots remind me, I found myself limited, unwilling to risk the cost of a ruined roll. I appreciate the feeling of freedom that digital now gives me, I can take the shot and if it doesn’t turn out, so be it, but at least I will take the shot :)
Still, happy that I risked a couple of shots way back then. Don’t think I’ll be able to go back to Vagli in 2021, but I was there on that misty, rainy day in 1994 :)
In case anyone wants more info, it is a town submerged by an artificial lake that gets occasionally drained for maintenence https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabbriche_di_Careggine
Scan from film Canon AE1, Lago di Vagli, Tuscany, Italy, 1994
“I follow no religion but one of the clouds, of the trees, of the way the winds beckon me.”
Feel some grumpiness setting in, get ready for me complaining for a few days. A least I can vent here on Tumblr.
Okay, seriously emotions?! FUCK OFF!! I’m so sick of my self hatred, my anxiety and how it brings me down liked a weighted suit, sucks the life out of me like a parasite, and makes me think I’d be better off dead.
I’m sick of it making me feel like no one cares about me and any meaningful relationship I have is out of pity.
I’m sick of it making me terrified to open up to those people out of fear of them walking away because they “just can’t deal with it or don’t know how so they avoid it.”
I’m sick of it making wallow in self pity almost every time I’m alone after being around friends and makes me sit there and be angry at myself because I said something weird and it’ll be something I lie awake five years from now regretting I said.
I’m sick of it convincing me I’m ugly, too fat, a high six at most, that no one will ever find me attractive.
I’m sick of it making me feel like a worthless burden.
I’m sick of it convincing me that I’m unlovable and won’t ever find a relationship at any point and I’ll end up like a 40-year old virgin.
I’m sick of the self doubt.
I’m sick of it making me feel like the only reason I’m still around is so that others don’t have to deal with the grief if I were to no longer be around.
I’m sick of the way I can’t face a lot of people from my past because I can’t show them I’m going somewhere and impress them.
I hate how it makes me think my validation needs to come from others because what they think about me matters that much.
I’m sick of how it makes me envious of people who get more likes and attention on social media.
There’s plenty more that I’m sick of, but this is just off the top of my head…I’m just so effing sick of it all, and I just wish it could all go away