If I had only known then, maybe we would have been together since Paris. However, life had other plans and the things thst Jethro and I went through, brought us closer together, and made our bond stronger. ❤
If I had only known then, maybe we would have been together since Paris. However, life had other plans and the things thst Jethro and I went through, brought us closer together, and made our bond stronger. ❤
I’m once again awake, for another day, doing pretty much nothing but playing some WoW and other amenities but in a fairly lucid state, at least.
And all thanks to him. The one that always comes to me when I need it the most. The one that I can feel even if he’s not really there, even if he doesn’t exist in this reality. The one that I love so very much.
I don’t know if I’m going crazy or what but, since I’ve met him and fallen in love with him, I’ve been start to imagine him in the bed with me, comforting and “lull” me to sleep, with his presence and lovely words.
And I don’t really know where I’d be if he wasn’t there and doing what he does for me.
I’ve been struggling with some really bad times with my mind, and cried more times than I’m willing to admit, but then, he was there, popping out of nowhere just to be with me, when no one would or could.
Of course, he’s not the only one, I have the great luck to know some of the most precious and sweet people that exist in this messed up world like @eternallyxxyours and @sundae-driver and a few other friends I’ve made in these years of my life, that always remember me for anything: reblog games, picrews or just a message to know what I’m doing.
And I really can’t thank all of you for all that you do, know that I love you so much and I hope you’ll have all the things you want and deserve. Good things only, of course! 💗
That being said, I’ll finish with a “special message” for a gremlin that has been leaving some nasty asks in my box for awhile, under the cut.
W A R N I N G: sw*arings and anger, so, open it ONLY if you can handle it!
I thought you wanted to have this photo of Noemi and I you took the other day. And just as requested I put a heart over her face because it was all covered in chocolate. But I’m not sure whether this might still embarrass her in the future.
awww it’s still so lovely. You know, whenever I see you holding Noemi like this my heart starts racing. You look so cute and sexy at the same time. And you simply are a perfect father of our two princesses!
The next day, I found myself laying in the bed of my hotel room. We had a brief break from the tour so I decided to try my best to relax and think things over. I was left utterly confused as to what happened, after I kissed Harry.
I decided to give him a bit of space. I figured it was for the best, since I didn’t know what I would say to him anyways. It was beyond stressful. I couldn’t seem to get him off of my mind. Ever since that very first encounter, he seemed to be all I could think about. It was both frustrating and refreshing.
His perfect smile could light up an entire room. His goofy personality was the absolute best, and it never failed to bring a smile to my face. He had a certain way about him that just drew me in. I loved watching him interact with his fans. He never failed to make each and everyone of them feel special. He made sure to give them all his undivided attention. His personality was one of his most impressing qualities he had. He also looked like he was created by God himself. There wasn’t a single flaw on his body, even though he did have four nipples. God really had taken his time, when creating Harry.
I had just gotten out of the shower, when I heard a knock at the door. Putting on a robe and trying to towel dry my hair, I went to answer it. Expecting it to be Harry or another member of the team, I made the mistake of opening the door without looking. Making my heart stop completely, it was Jackson standing in the hallway. I froze in my spot.
He was radiating anger, and his hands were balled into fists. His eye was black and swollen, from where Harry had punched him. Not liking the wild look in his eyes, I tried my best to shut the door. Putting his foot in the doorway, he stopped me before I could get it all the way closed and forced his way inside…
Harry’s head had been spinning ever since the kiss. It had been two days since it happened, and it was all he could think about. He couldn’t quite understand what happened, nor could be explain his actions.
He had been waiting for that moment for weeks now, and yet when it came it just didn’t feel right. He didn’t want to be her rebound from Jackson. He wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be the only one she wanted, and the only one she thought about. She was certainly the only one he could think of. There was a brief break between shows, so he had plenty of time to think things over.
Although, he had spent the entire break trying to drown his sorrows, he was still losing his mind. For the most part, he stayed in his hotel room. He had to admit that he was avoiding Layla. He wasn’t sure what he would say to her once he saw her again, however that was the only thing he wanted more than anything in the world. He couldn’t stand not seeing her bright and smiling face. It was the only thing that seemed to make his day complete. Without her, his mood had turned sour. He couldn’t even recognize himself. It was like looking at a stranger in the mirror.
The short break came and went, and he knew that he would have to explain his actions. He knew he couldn’t avoid it forever so he decided he would talk to her after the show. He picked this time so if it went badly, he could escape to his room. He knew he was being a coward, but he couldn’t handle it if she didn’t feel the same way about him as he did her. It was tormenting him, on a daily basis.
He was a nervous wreck all day long. His hands and legs were shaking, and he hadn’t been able to sit still. He knew he was driving his crew crazy, but he just couldn’t seem to help it. It had now been three days since he had last set eyes on Layla, and he was getting beyond restless. It had been a very long time since anyone had made him feel this way. It was unnerving.
He had been pacing around backstage, when he got even more unsettling news.
“Hey, Harry. You got a sec?” Jeff called out. He looked worried, and Harry knew he wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“Yeahh.. What’s up?” He asked cautiously.
“So.. There’s been a slight change in plans tonight. Layla seems to be feeling a bit under the weather so we wont have anyone to take pictures for the show. I can see if I can get one of the other crew members to do it, if you’d like.”
Harry was lost in thought. It wasn’t like Layla to not show up for work. Even when he was trying his best to avoid her, she was always there. He could only guess that it was his doing that made her decide not to come. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He was keeping her from her passion, and he hated himself for it. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. “Harry?” Jeff asked, after a moment of silence.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “That’s fine. We don’t have to have pictures of every show.”
Jeff gave him another worried looked, as he walked away from him. All Harry could think of was Layla. He needed to talk to her, and he wanted to make sure she was okay. More than anything, he wanted to make things right. He hated feeling like it was his fault for her not being there. He knew she loved being behind the camera. He could see it in her eyes, every time she capture a picture she liked. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but hers are completely priceless.
I knew I should be at the show, and I hated more than anything that I couldn’t be. Things had been insane the last two days, and I knew that no one needed to see me like this.
I had stayed in bed the majority of the time. I couldn’t even stand looking at myself in the mirror, let alone leave the room. I knew I couldn’t hid for forever, but I was determined to do it as long as I could. I needed to at least stay out of sight, until I was better.
I had just began to dose off, when I heard a knock at the door. The sound made me jump and then wince in pain. Slowly, I made my way to the door. Putting my hand on the doorknob, I froze in place.
“Who is it?” I called out weakly.
“It’s Harry. Can we talk?” He asked hopeful.
My heart stopped, as my eyes automatically filled with tears. I wanted more than anything to be with Harry, but I couldn’t let him see me this way. It would destroy him, and that was the very last thing I wanted to do.
“I’m sorry, Harry… I can’t right now.” I told him just above a whisper.
“Layla, please! I just need to talk to you.” He begged.
“Harry.. Please.. Go away… I just can’t do this right now.” I begged him, trying my best to hold back a sob.
He seemed to sense my discomfort, so he reluctantly walked away. Turning my back to the door, I slid to the floor. Laying my head on my knees, I sobbed. It killed me to know I was hurting Harry, but I knew it was for the best. If he saw me like this, I wasn’t sure what he would do.
The next few days were the same. I stayed in my room and refused to be at the shows. I knew I couldn’t keep up this behavior for long, before they had to replace me. I also knew that no one needed to see me like this. I’m sure they all understood.
The only person I had spoken with was Sarah. She had been amazing and sworn to keep my secrets. She assured me that she would speak with Jeff and make sure my job was waiting for me. I knew she would have to tell Jeff what happened, but she promised me that he wouldn’t tell Harry. I also let her tell the other band members. I knew they would all start asking questions as soon as they did see me. I wanted to avoid this, as much as I possibly could. Harry was the only one left in the dark.
It had been extremely difficult to come to terms with everything that had happened. Although it killed me, I still refused to see Harry. I couldn’t bare the thought of him seeing me so fragile and broken. It was the very last thing I wanted, and I wish I could explain that to him. I hated keeping this from him, but I knew it was a conversation we needed to have in person. He needed to hear the story from me, however, I just wasn’t quite ready for that.
Tonight was the last show in this city, so I knew I had to be on the bus and ready to head to the next stop. Deciding to stay hidden, I made my way to the bus when the concert was still in full swing. I knew it would be deserted, and I knew I could sneak on unseen. Rushing to my bunk, I laid down and waited. My heart beat pounded, as I waited for everyone returned.
Sarah was waiting for him, as soon as he walked off of the stage.
“We need to talk.” She told him, getting straight to the point.
“What is it?” He asked alarmed.
He had known that she had been meeting with Layla, and he knew that she had known what was going on. Although he had begged her, she refused to tell him what happened. It had been the most frustrating part of the entire ordeal. He just wanted to know what was going on.
“Just come on!” She said pulling him into his dressing room.
Inside he noticed Jeff and the rest of his mates. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” He asked distressed.
“It’s Layla.” Sarah said with a sigh.
“Are you finally going to tell me what happened?” He asked annoyed.
“Not quite.” She said guilty.
“What the fuck! Why not?!” He yelled throwing his hands up.
He usually wasn’t the type to let his anger out, but now he just couldn’t help it. He hated being mad especially at his mates. They were his best friends, and he knew they didn’t deserve his anger.
“Harry, just listen please!” She said sighing. “Layla’s been dealing with quite a lot these past few days, and she wants the details of what happened to be kept private. I’m not going to go against her wishes, however I will tell you she’s going to need some space for a little while. Now she has agreed to still come on the road with us, but you might not be seeing much of her. At least not for a few more days, that is.”
Harry grew even more frustrated. “Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on?! Why won’t she even talk to me? Did I do something?” He rambled.
Putting both her hands on his shoulders, Sarah tried to calm him down. “Harry.. honey.. Please trust me when I say this.. This has absolutely nothing to do with you. When she’s ready, I’m sure she’ll talk to you. However, believe me when I say this, with what happened she’s going to need some time. She’s a very strong young woman, and I’m positive things will get better. But it is going to take some time.
“Okay..” Harry said defeated. He wasn’t sure what else to say. He knew that he would be clueless until Layla finally let him in.
“And Harry?” Sarah said, as she started to leave. “When she does come to you, please keep an open mind. She’s been through a lot, and she’ll need you to be the strong one.”
Hours later, I was awoken by the rumble of the bus coming to life. Without making a sound, I stayed in my bunk. Sarah had promised to ask everyone to keep their distance, and I knew I could trust her with it.
Against my better judgment, I had decided to let Sarah in. I knew that I had to tell someone, especially if I wanted to keep my job. Sarah and I had become good friends, in the last few weeks. I was sure that she wouldn’t betray my trust, and she assured me that she wouldn’t be the one to tell Harry. She had truly been amazing, and I owed her everything.
I had known, since the moment it happened, that I would eventually have to tell him. However, it was a lot easier said than done. I knew that Harry would always be there for me, but this wasn’t something I was prepare to share with him. Not just yet anyways. It made me feel weak and powerless. I had never wanted Harry to see me in that light.
As the bus started to silently roll forward, I could sense someone outside my bunk. My heart stopped, as goosebumps rose all over my body. Without taking a look, I knew it could only be Harry. I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away, and yet I silently wished he would. It would have made things so much more easier, if he would have just kept his distance.
Although I knew I would regret it, I cracked open the curtain. I only opened it slightly, so that he wouldn’t be able to see in. The bus was dark so I felt safe to do so. Slowly I reached out and took Harry’s hand. He sighed and wrapped both his hands around mine. Bringing it to his lips, his kissed my hand softly.
“Layla..” He whispered. It was a silent plea, and I knew I couldn’t avoid him any longer. His breath was warm on my cold skin. Closing my eyes, I sighed. My will was wearing thin, and it took everything in me to stay hidden. I wanted more than anything to jump into his arms.
“Harry..” I sobbed quietly.
“It’s taking everything in me not to pull back this curtain and take you in my arms.”
“I know..” I told him fearfully. “But.. I really don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Layla.. Please tell me what’s going on. It’s torturing me, not being able to help you.”
“I’ll make you a deal.” I told him quietly.
“Anything!” He agreed right away.
“If you promise not to ask any questions, I’ll let you in. I promise I’ll tell you everything, when I can talk about it. However, right now, I really just want you to hold me. If that’s okay that is..” I told him hesitantly.
Harry was quiet for a moment, as he thought this over.
“Okay. I think I can live with that. As long as I can finally be with you, I can wait as long as it takes.”
Holding my breath, I pulled back the curtain.
Harry’s eyes seemed to widen ever so slightly. It took him a moment to regain his composure, but thankfully he didn’t say a word.
Hesitantly, he crawled into bed with me. Being as careful as possible, he pulled me into his arms. I wrapped the blanket over him, as I laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. Being in his embrace, I finally felt safe.
Sighing contently, I listened to his soothing heart beat. Harry started to hum softly, as he ran his fingers through my hair. Finally at peace, I drifted off to sleep in his warm and loving embrace.
Finally asleep, my dream turned into the nightmare of that day.
Jackson had a murderous look in his eyes. I could tell he was beyond pissed. He didn’t like being undermined. He always had to be the one in power, and when Harry had stepped in it fuelled his rage further. I knew that wouldn’t be the last time I saw him, but I didn’t know he’d come back so soon.
He didn’t hesitate, as he launched his attack. Slamming the door behind him, he jumped me. Trying my best, I kicked and punched at him. It was a useless attempt. He was to much stronger than me, and I knew I was making things worse. Not wanting to give up, I fought on. I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
“You stupid bitch!” He yelled. “Did you seriously think you could get rid of me? I told you, I’m not going anywhere!” He yelled and cursed, as he continued his attack.
As I dove in and out of consciousness, I prayed. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen the most. It was either for Jackson to stop his bitter attack or for God to just take me from this cruel and hideous world.
The only thing that kept me holding on was Harry. I pictured his beautiful and smiling face. It was the only comfort I could find, as I laid weakly on the floor.
I could no longer feel anything. I was numb to the pain, almost cold. I briefly wondered if this was what hell would be like. I wondered what on earth I could have done in a past life to have deserved this kind of torment.
I could slightly make out someone banging on the door. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming it or not. The sound seemed faint, like it was far away.
As I drifted in and out, I could see someone barge inside. Jackson was forced to stop his brutal attack, and he fled the scene. As the attack finally ended, the blackness had taken over completely. For this, I was eternally grateful. Although the bright colors that danced behind my eyelids brought peace, I knew it wouldn’t last. I could still sense the chaos that was unfolding all around.
People scurried all around, urging me to come back. Come back to the cruelness. Come back to the pain. I willed them to go away, and I wished I could tell them to just let me die. I wanted to just slip away into the darkness. It had all become to much to bear. The other side had to be better than this life, I thought to myself.
Although I could no longer feel anything, I knew there were people everywhere. I could sense them coming and going, every few minutes.
It wasn’t until the next morning, when my body finally began to respond. My entire being seemed to ache, and I felt like I had been hit by a train. There wasn’t one inch of my body that felt normal.
It took me a few moments, to force my eyes open. I could tell they were swollen, even without touching them. Looking around, I could see a ton of wired and tubes. My heart monitor beat steadily, telling me I was still alive. Nervously, I took a look at myself. My left arm was in a cast, and my right arm held an iv. The rest of my body was hidden by blankets. Although I couldn’t see it, I could sense my injuries were far worse. I couldn’t force my body to respond to my will. It felt oddly heaving, and it hurt to even breathe.
As tears started to slowly stream down my cheek, a nurse walked in. She was in bright pink scrubs and had her hair tired back in a ponytail. She was all smiles, as she walked to the monitor.
Finally noticing my eyes were opened, her smile brightened.
“Well good morning,” she said in a friendly tone. “I’m Monica, and I’ll be taking care of you for the day. Before I go and find the doctor, is there anything I can get you?”
“Could I have some water please?” I asked just above a whisper. My throat felt swollen, and it was difficult to force the words out.
“Of course!” She said before leaving the room.
It was a few moments, before she came bouncing back into the room. She had a cup in her hand, as she made her way to the bed. Against my better judgment, I tried to sit up.
“Easy now! Let me help you.” She stated sternly.
Being as gentle as possible, she helped me sit up. She tried her best to help make me comfortable, and assured me she would be back with some pain medicine. Handing me the water, she scurried out of the door once more.
It was mere minutes, before an older man opened the door. He looked to be in his early fifties, and had that professional look of a doctor.
“Hello there,” he said with a warm smile. “I’m Doctor Henderson, could you tell me what happened?”
I sat staring at him in horror, as the images of the night before came racing back to me. Sensing my discomfort, he slowly made his way to the bed.
“Okay never mind on that one. Lets start with something a bit easier. Could you tell me your name?”
“Layla Blackwood.” I croaked out.
“Excellent! And could you tell me your date of birth?”
“June 5, 1995.”
As I gave the doctor my complete medical history, I forced the water down my sore throat. Once wet, I found it a bit easier to speak.
“Well from the looks of your injuries, it looks like you’ve had quite the accident. Do you think you could tell me a bit of what happened?”
“It wasn’t an accident.. Me ex.. He…” I couldn’t seem to form the right words, as my mind struggled to comprehend what took place.
My heart started to race, and the monitor started to beep uncomfortably. Taking a worried look at me and then the monitor, he placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Layla, it’s okay!” He stated sternly. “You’re safe, and he can’t hurt you anymore. I promise you that.”
Although his words rang true, I couldn’t force myself to calm down. I felt overwhelmed and terrified. All I wanted was for this nightmare to be over, and more than anything I wanted Harry to be here. I knew he would keep me safe.
Nurse Monica walked back in, and handed the doctor a few different needles.
“I’m going to give you something to help relax you a bit. It will also help with the pain I’m sure you’re in.”
The effects of the medicine were almost immediate. I could feel my body slowly begin to relax, as my eyelids grew heavy.
“Is there anyone you would like me to call?”
“Pleaseee don’t. Can’t seeeee me.” I slurred, as the darkness overtook me once more.
That day was all a bit of a blur. Dosing in and out of consciousness, I could barely understand what was happening around me. I vaguely remembered the two officers that stood in front of me, as I tried my best to recall the events that took place. Knowing my state, they didn’t press for to many details. Promising to find him, they let me be.
I also learned the full extent of my injuries. My left wrist was broken in three places, but it wouldn’t need surgery to fix. It seemed as if my entire body was black and blue, my injures were pretty severe. I also had a cracked rib that was making it difficult to take in a deep breath.
“You’re extremely lucky,” the doctor had commented.
Lucky, he said. My ex had beaten me for God only knows how long and done unspeakable things to me, and I was somehow lucky. The word bounced around inside of my mind, as I tried to come to terms with it. I knew the doctor was only doing his job, however I wanted to scream and yell at him for even considering me to be the lucky one.
That night, I was finally cleared to go home. It took a long time of debating, before I decided to give Sarah a call.
Although I hadn’t been a part of the team for very long, Sarah had always been extremely nice to me. She had welcomed me aboard, from the very first day. I knew that I could trust her with all of this. I knew she could keep things quite, until I could figure things out for myself.
Sarah picked me up from the hospital, without question. She was perfect and didn’t try to pry. She knew I would tell her, when I was ready.
Informing me that Harry was at the gym, she took me straight to my room and helped me into bed.
She was the first person who didn’t look at me with pity. The first one who didn’t ask a million questions about what happened. It was as if she had known everything from the start.
She spent the better part of the evening with me, as I struggled to get my story out. Holding my hand, she remained silent as I finish telling it. Between sobs, I forced the words out.
Hating Jackson with everything in me, I described his bitterness towards me. I had never seen him that angry, that cold. It was as if he had been taken over by a demon.
He hated being overpowered by Harry, and the more he thought about it the more he took it out on me. He was truly evil, and I hated even talking about him.
Sarah had stayed with me, until I had finally fallen asleep. Feeling drained and defeated, I fell into a deep fitful sleep.
Replace my hand with yours and I believe I’d finally see glimpses of heaven… or the more desirable part of hell. That’s more than I could ever wish for, and exactly what I believe you’d do to me… My little demon, my little Lucifer~
Tom Keifer 🎸💀🤘🤘😍
if someone would ask 4 things i love about my boyfriend i would say:
1. his smile- it makes him look so handsome but he looks adorable all the time.
2. their eyes- they light up whenever he gets excited
3. his mind- i love how his mind works and he can understand mine
4. they make me feel at home
and if they asked me 4 reasons why i love him
1. he feels like home
2. they make me feel safe/protected
3. he understands me
4. they make me feel absolutely beautiful even when i don’t look like it
@outcastedangel so he finds it later
Lily Collins 👸🏻🖤✔️
Thomas & my mother in law 🤪🤪(his mom) 😍🥰❤️❤️❤️!
Light My Soul
“Let me take care of you.”
Silly Love Songs
Love Is Strange
Maybe I’m Amazed