The New Normal
An Owl House fanfic. Book 1 of Post Canon AU
Chapter 2 - Midnight Thoughts
Lilith wallows in guilt and self pity instead of sleeping.
This is a bit jumbly and awkward but this time that was on purpose instead of just because I’m a hack. This is all Lilith’s thoughts and semi-failed self reflection at like 2 am after the last chapter, they wouldn’t be completely consice and structured.
Lilith shifted uncomfortably under her makeshift blanket-a ratty old tarp riddled with holes that did absolutely nothing to shield her from the frigid night air that filled the rickety shed she was sleeping in. The hay beneath her scratched at any exposed skin and irritated her endlessly. When Lilith had asked her sister why she kept a stack of hay bales if she didn’t have any livestock Edalyn had given the incredibly unhelpful and mildly concerning answer of “wouldn’t you like to know, coven girl.”
Edalyn had promised that they would find some proper bedding for her in the morning but it was too late to worry about it tonight. Lilith was certain that her sister was stalling just to make her suffer, but she didn’t really have any room to complain.
A painful sting in her shoulders made her wince, the small cuts Edalyn had left there clotted over quickly enough but the skin around them was sensitive and the memory of pain was still there.
It was late, long past midnight and fast approaching the witching hour, and lilith had gotten absolutely no sleep. It wasn’t the discomfort or pain that was keeping her from sleep, it wasn’t even the faint sounds of unknown creatures moving inside the shed, Lilith was being kept awake by the all-to-familiar feelings of guilt and regret. Her mind swam with memories of everything that had led to this moment, both in the past few days and long before. She had been haunted for years by the image of her sister’s innocent sleeping face lit up by the light of her curse, and the fear and confusing in her eyes when she experienced her first transformation. But now those memories were joined by new images, much fresher but no less heartbreaking. The rage in her sisters eyes on the bridge in front of the Emperor’s castle, soon replaced by shock and betrayal when she learned who had cursed her, and her desparate pleading as the Emperor’s guards dragged her away to be petrified. To be petrified. Edalyn was almost killed at it would have been her fault.
And then, there was Luz. Try as she might, Lilith still struggled to see what was so special about her. She was certainly impressed with the little human"s tenacity in breaking into the conformatorium and, while Lilith had been holding back a bit, the girl’s prowess in their fight had been a surprise. But beyond that, whatever Edalyn saw in the human was a mystery to her. She wasn’t family, in fact until a month ago they were total strangers, yet Edalyn protected the young girl like a mother Slitherbeast defended her young.
Lilith never intended to kill Luz, but she needed to catch Edalyn. She told herself again and again that she would have had time to swoop in and save the girl before she was impaled, and she almost convinced herself, if it weren’t for the fact that she didn’t even try. She cringed when she remembered the sight of the human shrinking into the distance as she plummeted to what could very well have been an agonizing death.
Edalyn’s words echoed in her mind. ‘It’s gonna take a whole lot more than a botched rescue attempt and sharing the curse to make me even begin to consider forgiving you for what you did to my kid’. Lilith had honestly hoped that bearing her sister’s burdon would be enough to redeem herself, but she knew it couldn’t. She had caused far too much pain, decades of suffering, a promising life wasted, spent as an outlaw, all because of her ambition.
Lilith hated was sickened by everything she had done, and felt nothing but shame when she realized that some small part of her regretted her change of heart. If she had just kept her mouth shut, turned her back on her sister and let the emperor do as he saw fit, she would be back in her apartment sleeping in her nice warm bed instead of freezing under a tarp in a tiny shack. Of course she never would have done it. Lilith was a terrible excuse for a sister but only an idiot would think she’d stand by and watch her own blood be petrified, but the thought that any part of her could consider it made bile rise in her throat as she felt more disgusted with herself than she had in her entire life.
She really was a monster wasn’t she?
Apparently by “by the end of Sunday” I meant 1am Monday morning. Whoops.
This isn’t nearly as good as I wanted it to be. I’ve been kinda a mess lately so my writing is suffering a bit, but I try. I didn’t even mean to include this chapter originally, but I thought seeing a bit into Lilith’s mind might help.
Next chapter will be some (platonic) Lumity hurt-comfort and the first time we see that maybe Luz isn’t quite as ok as she seemed at the end of the last two episodes and is having trouble dealing with all the loss and trauma.
Don’t know when that will come out tho. Might focus on The Raven House for a few chapters first.