come out and haunt me, i know you want me.
come out and haunt me, i know you want me.
"but i just want to stay as long as we can. to be with you for at least one more day."
3 words. 8 letters.
"i love you."
when i close my eyes;
in that blatant darkness,
i see you.
and when i open my eyes;
in that vibrant radiance,
i still see you.
— jjayseungs. "phantasm." 2022.
my heart for you is right here,
you have to engrave it without editing.
— enhypen. "polaroid love." dimension: answer, belift lab inc., 2022.
"i can't take it anymore."
"let's get away from here."
save me from this paranoia,
hug me tight and hold me close,
touch me with your holy hands,
kiss me senseless and i still want more,
take me away from this clamorous mania.
— jjayseungs. "tears that i dropped." 2020.
blaring whispers of nothingness are lingering,
the silence of the night is indignantly numbing,
under this pouring moonlight,
of better days that are no longer returning,
i know it hurts, but i can't stop smiling,
maybe this is the ending,
so be it, i'm no longer fighting,
take me apart, piece by piece,
i'll be waiting.
— jjayseungs. "take me apart." 2020.
Hi, Welcome to the Putin's Traumatized Therapist Show that gets too detailed on their personal life!
Today I will answer the most spiciest questions, made by yours truly, my brain that will never shut up until I manually break these down one-by-one.
Q: Why are you so lucky?
A: Madaling tanong 'yan, it's because you have a flawed perception of what I actually went through and am going through in life! You can't assume that a person's life, personality and experiences isn't something that can be tied down to a few words, nor should you invalidate how complex you are to the point you have to prove to yourself that you're still human.
Q: Why do you follow a strict life that is led by delusions, uncertainty and superstitions your brain made up?
A: Well, my good sir, I'll have you know that I sleep peacefully and without a care, unlike what my brain wants me to do, which is sit in the darkness until it's 6 am in the morning because it reminds me of the days I used to talk to the wind and trees.
Sometimes, I don't want to follow the lifestyle where I have to be responsible for everyone and clean up their mess, but often, people are very dissapointing when you set average expectations for them. Plus, trusting somebody to act proper and not be a piece of shit is something I haven't experience much of.
I have no idea why I'm paranoid of everything and believe things that never will happen in reality, (ex. thinking your rich adoptive family members hired a bunch of actors to be your friends and family/made robots to be your family 'n friends and are using them to spy on you, said adoptive family performing surgeries on your brain where they made you forgot certain things), but I'm suspecting it's the mental illness!
Q: Why are you unable to be a functioning member of society?
A: The thing is, if I take notes from other people that function well in society, I could replicate their actions, the way they speak, body language. We even have an alter that specializes in those specific categories. It's not impossible, but if one more minor inconvenience happens I will return back to my roots of the time the body was 8, and I wanted to cause chaos to all of humanity by becoming a President, planning to burn a school in ROT code, etc. (/very slash J, don't arrest me Duts)
Q: Why do you want to achieve/learn about so many things?
A: Bestie, gurl, I just wanna feel human 🤚😔. Most of the other people in the system only front for a few or so, and, who knows, maybe I won't be able to do these in the later future.
Plus! Learning, watching shows, doing art, doing stuff people do is really fun.
Q: Is someone spying on you?
A: Let us reviews the facts:
1) Actually, let's not! Because I've alreasy convinced myself there are actually no spies! Until-
2) The people around me are actors, they are pretending to do normal things, they've consumed enough culture that they could replicated a convincing human being that's calling themselves my family. They are not who I think they are.
A: OBJECTION! It says so here they're humans, and that they're genetically your biological family on the birth certificate!
Q: Dumbass bitch, you never thought they paid good money to forge one?? Or they got it from the secret government because their ties are more deeper than you think-
A: Hushtisya, they may've been at your baptismal, but remember when she said it was so sudden that she had to pick random people to be your godparents?
Q: You fool! That's a lie, I know it!
A: Says you, the one that believes in conspiracy theories so easily that even a satire one could convince you that the Moon is made out of jukeboxes, playing "Level Up: The Fast and Furihorse" by jono, commissioned by Mumbo Jumbo in unison!
Q: Pathetic idiot of a molou! I have STANDARDS for conspiracy theories!
A: The fuck is a molou?
Q: Think of ant-eaters but reversed, they're tiny bugs that spawn ants that spy on you, made by and kept in secret by, of course, the Secret Government itself.
This is why we need Jesus.
Get 50% off at 7001 Heart of Juñio Church!!!
A Haven of peace, love and plants, a place where God is your Father and Jesus is your Son.
Eden. "Wake Up." End Credits, Seeking Blue, 2015.
patpran's way of saying i love you
(pt. 1 / pt. 2)
patpran's way of saying i love you
(pt. 1 / pt. 2)
classic dr kujo
image id under cut
a five panel fancomic for jojo’s bizarre adventure that focuses on jotaro kujo’s implicit run as a professor
panel 1: an unnamed student walks up to jotaro’s desk with a small hopeful smile. she prompts, “dr. kujo?”
panel 2: jotaro turns to face her. he looks incredibly foreboding, made only worse with dramatic lighting. his expression says “no nonsense or i’ll make you wish you were never born.”
panel 3: frightened by his demeanor but determined to ask her question, the student squeaks out “uh- um- uu- c-could i get an extension for the lab report?”
panel 4: jotaro simply gives a thumbs up, turning back to his computer screen, looking much more calm and approachable than he was a few minutes ago
panel 5: the student is walking away, clutching her heart, murmuring “scary...” jotaro can be seen watching spongebob on his computer in the background.
end image id
I grew up in Southern Ohio; Midnight Mass is a documentary.
remember when lil nas x's pfp was this:
i miss it :(
And remember when his twt name was "Nope"
The Tutor — NJM
Tutoring Na Jaemin's little sister ended up with you earning something else instead.
【ᴺᶜᵀ ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡⁱˢᵗ || ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳᵖᵒˢᵗ】
💞 🄿🄰🄸🅁🄸🄽🄶: Na Jaemin x female!reader 📚 🄶🄴🄽🅁🄴: Fluff, College!au, Tutor!au 🌟 🅁🄰🅃🄸🄽🄶: PG 💬 ⓌⒸ: 2.1k ⚠️ 🅆🄰🅁🄽🄸🄽🄶🅂: Poorly written? Unedited? Awkard [Y/N] and Jaemin, Might suffer from second-hand embarrassment I basically experienced irl, Motorcycles, Math, Eating/Hunger.
💫 (っ ◔◡◔)っɛƖ۷'ʂ ŋơɬɛʂ 💕:
N E wayz, I know that I have some drabble requests left to do so please bear with me. Shameless plug: (Feel free to send me in some more though, info can be found here!) LOL, I am procrastinating on homework, and also to soothe the awkward day I had as a tutor, I decided to write this. It’s more like a rant if anything LOL. Unfortunately, my tutee’s brother is not Jaemin and this did not all happen so whatever. Wishful thinking 😃
Discreetly, you glanced up in Dia’s direction at where she sat diagonally across from you in the small conference room. For the past half hour, the two of you had sat in relative silence — you working on your stupid ER diagrams and Dia presumably on her calculus homework. Greetings had been exchanged at the beginning and the staff who had walked past several times all cheered you on but other than that? Awkward silence.
This was your first in-person and official tutoring session. You were a TA for the head of your major (Information Sciences) for two and a half years but that was an on and off thing. The students rarely needed major help. You’d been signed up as a tutor for a year but hadn’t gotten any official appointments. You also didn’t know how the stupid website worked.
Earlier this morning, you’d found out that the head of the tutoring program put your email in incorrectly. That’s why you missed the afternoon tutoring session and the student had yet to reply to your apologetic email.
Anyways, you weren’t really sure what to do. You had expected that Dia would ask you questions right off the bat or maybe explain to you what she was doing in her class. You’d even created a Word document in an effort to lay out a plan to follow. Calculus was one of your strongest math skills but it had been over a year since you’d last studied it. For now, you were grateful that you could get a good chunk of your own homework out of the way and at least you were getting paid for this time but still — it was raining heavily outside and you were hungry.
Finally, you noticed her staring intently at her laptop screen, eyebrows slightly furrowed.
“Are you doing okay?”
“Well… I can’t seem to get the correct answers for these…”
You walked over to her side of the table and stared at her screen. Grimacing, you tried your best to help solve her errors but honestly… your skills were a little too rusty. At least it was the easy derivative rules but if you could only remember said derivative rules…
After struggling for almost an hour, the two of you lapsed into easy chatter instead. After all, Dia wasn’t necessarily a stranger. You had graduated in the same class as her older brother and ended up going to the same local college for the same degree.
“How’s Jaemin doing? I haven’t seen him in any of my classes this semester even though we’re the same major. Did he switch to another campus?”
SM University was full of different commonwealth and smaller campuses scattered throughout the state. A majority of students transferred their third year, either by choice or because it was a requirement. Luckily enough, you could finish at your local branch — and it was a lot cheaper.
“No, you know how mom works here so of course we have to stay all four years.”
You knew that Mrs. Na worked down in the Admissions Office right below where you were sitting right now. In fact, Dia worked there too, that’s how you two met again after two years.
“What’s your major?”
“Biology,” she grimaced and you laughed.
“I feel bad for all of my bio and chem friends. You guys lead a totally different lifestyle than I do even though I’m a STEM major too.”
“Well, you know how I have to be different from my brother.”
Although you had only known the Na family’s kids by name and face only, they were the talk of your high school back in the day. Jaemin was an enigma to you. Many of your classmates swooned over him and his friends, their leather jackets over their rock-band t-shirts accompanied by ripped jeans and Converse. Hair gelled back and sharp brown eyes, he was someone you generally stayed away from. In different friend groups, you’d been shocked when you’d walked in on orientation day at SM University, and smack dab in the center of the auditorium was Na Jaemin himself.
Except he’d traded in his trademark looks for argyle vests and collared shirts buttoned all the way up. Wire glasses you’d never seen before framed his eyes that seemed much softer at the way he eagerly observed the power points and ironed khaki pants were his choice to parade around in. And you swear to god you saw him across campus in a pair of Oxford shoes, the only other leather piece on his body was the backpack slung on his shoulder.
You really didn’t know what to think, still wearing the same cardigans and jean skirts from high school. Who was the real Jaemin? Well, you were never close enough to know to begin with… so why should you care?
In a way, it’s why you admired Dia. Often called by her cute nickname of DiaNa, the two years you’d heard her name whispered through the gossip chain was her stark contrast to her brother. She looked just the same from when you’d last seen her, maybe even prettier. Constantly dying her hair the opposite color of her brother’s as she was doing everything different than he was, at least she was consistent. And incredibly sweet.
“I’m so sorry to keep you here past six, it’s okay if we can’t figure things out! I can ask my brother for simple questions like this.”
“It’s okay, I’m sorry I couldn’t be much help. Speaking of which, that’s why I asked about Jaemin. I was surprised he wasn’t helping you, so I figured he wasn’t around.”
She sighed. “That’s the thing. Jaems didn’t take the college credits when he took A.P. Calc so he had to take it again freshman year. And then at the same time, I was taking Mr. Smith’s class and kept asking him for help. He said he felt like he’s taken too much calculus and told me to get a tutor this year.”
“At least SMU has the resources. Here, let me get your number, I know I wasn’t much help today but feel free to text me any problems anytime and I will do my best to help.”
“You’re the best [Y/N] and don’t worry about it. I appreciate your assistance enough as it is. Besides, I’m kinda glad I didn’t have to drive in the rain.”
“Trust me, I know. We even have a tornado warning until ten, tonight!”
“Don’t even get me started. I just got my driver’s license and I told my mom I’m glad I have tutoring because I’m too scared. I mean, Jaems could’ve driven but still… He likes to make sure I get plenty of experience.”
You laughed as she made air quotes and rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t have his bike anymore?”
How could you forget the roar of those motorcycles? As soon as he had turned old enough to get his license, he had returned with one for a motorcycle versus a car. Both he and Jeno, his twin from another womb, had fixed up a pair of old Harley-Davidsons that only added to their charm and another reason for a majority of your classmates to crush on them.
“He still has it — or as he says, her. But he bought the Jeep because I refused to ride on that death trap to school. Plus, he says he’s saving it to take a girl out on a date.”
“Spilling all my secrets, huh, Dia?”
You both turned around to see the man himself standing there. He was clad in a varsity jacket, sneakers, and jeans with a black cap pulled over his black locks. It was an unusual look for him on campus and you could only assume it was because he didn’t have any classes and came to pick up his little sister.
“Hi there, [Y/N],” he continued with a lazy smirk. You were surprised he even remembered your name. “Thanks for trying to teach this brick.”
“It’s not a problem,” you wished you hadn’t packed your stuff up so fast so you could look anywhere but at him. “She’s a gem. I actually couldn’t help her that much.”
“Don’t say that! Besides, I was able to get your number and you can help me anytime.”
You expected them to leave, maybe, or at least walk out the door. After all, you were starving by now and itching to have some food delivered to your dorm. But Jaemin seemed to want to make himself comfortable, leaning against the door.
“How’s your semester going?”
“Er, mine?” You fumbled awkwardly. “Um, it’s going, ya know. Just a lot of work and stupid group projects.”
“Trust me, I know. Did you take 240 yet? That class is a pain and the professor is no help.”
“Yeah, I took it last semester and absolutely hated it. The only saving grace was Mark, he helped me code half of those projects.”
“Mark’s a good guy,” Jaemin hummed.
SMU’s branch campuses didn’t engage in the Greek life — there simply weren’t enough students enrolled to do so. However, there were different study groups, the strangest one being NCT that Mark and Jaemin were both members of.
It operated a bit like what a lowkey frat would be like. You had heard many rumors of the “shots for each answer guessed correctly” before midterms but at least it was better than the hazings and drunken incidents that occurred all the time at the main campus.
Like you always thought, Jaemin was an enigma and the NCT boys were just as much — no matter how nice.
“Say, do you want me to walk you to your dorm?”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Er, I’m sorry, that was probably kind of weird, huh?”
“Um… no? Unexpected, maybe. Uh, but don’t you have to drive Dia…” You turned to where you assumed she’d be standing hoping she’d save you but the room was empty. “… home?”
A phone suddenly buzzed and while you looked at yours, Jaemin opened up a text from his sister.
Aren’t I the bestest sister in the whole wide world? Score your stupid date Jaems, Jisung will take me home ✌
PS I really like [Y/N] so I won’t make fun of you
PSPS I got her number just in case you chicken out. Again.
Hiding a smile, he tucked his phone back into his pocket. At the same time, you looked up to meet his eyes and your stomach grumbled. LOUDLY.
Your cheeks flooded with embarrassment. You simply wished for the floor to open up and swallow you. Jaemin coughed but you could clearly hear the underlying chuckle.
“Now that I don’t have a sister to take home since she eloped with her boyfriend rather rudely, how about I take you out for something to eat as payment?”
“It’s not like you have to, the school pays me,” you mumbled, still wanting to disappear.
“C’mon [Y/N], let me treat you. Please? We can reminisce about the good times in high school or trash talk the professors. I’ll let you choose, yeah?”
You really couldn’t think of any glory days of high school except when Renjun escorted you during the Academic Achievement Celebration. And how dare Jaemin suggest trash-talking the professors right next to the Center of Academic Achievement’s Office. But could you, a semi-broke university student, pass up an opportunity for free food? Paid by a cute guy who most likely wouldn’t murder you?
You would’ve thought you’d told him he’d made Dean’s List, the smile on his face super bright. Hands in his pockets, Jaemin followed you like a lost puppy to your car to drop off your belongings before leading you to the lot on the other side of campus.
Okay, maybe he was murdering you.
Especially when you saw the familiar motorcycle parked in the empty lot.
The extra helmet was already in his hands. “I’ll drive slowly, I promise. So slow, you’ll beg me to drive faster because you might pass out from hunger.”
“I don’t know, why don’t we drive my car?”
Jaemin shrugged. “If you’re uncomfortable, I won’t push you. But it’ll be a great experience I promise you.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard heaven’s pretty great. Too bad you have to die first to get there.”
He put the helmet back down with a laugh, shaking his head but obliging. But you held up a hand before he walked back to your car.
“This’ll be a one-time experience so… just drive really slow, okay?”
“Of course, [Y/N]. You won’t get hurt if you’re with me.”
It wasn’t just a one-time experience. In fact, it was a many-time experience. You didn’t necessarily always ride Jaemin’s motorcycle, begging him to reconsider the death-trap machine. But he kept his promises.
It was a great experience dating Na Jaemin, even if it took some time. But it was a matter of fact that he would never hurt you, not on his watch.
dokyeomblr September 2021: The Tutor ©