blank - nomin
pairings: nomin (jeno + jaemin) x deceased!fem!reader (ft. renjun)
genre: angst, some fluff at the end
warnings: fuck, i’m really sad right now. ilanguage, mentions of depression and suicide.
synopsis: after the death of their third party, their lover and best friend, jeno and jaemin learn to live life without you by their side. despite all the challenges, they live on, trying their hardest to make you proud while you watch them from above.
the pattering of rain remained muted in the background of the funeral, the tears and continuous sobs from the attendees weighing over it. jaemin’s hand was clasped tightly with jeno’s, said male letting his tears fall as they lowered down your casket. his boyfriend held two white roses, watching as your family members threw theirs inside the hole, landing atop the glazed and shiny wooden casket of yours.
jaemin’s eyes were puffy, nose red and flowing with snot. he had cried earlier on when your father read your suicide note, and jeno had comforted him as he cried. now it was his turn to be there for jeno. it was a strange situation.
maybe because they just weren’t used to not hearing your soft words or warm hugs.
as soon as everyone had thrown in their roses, it was finally their turn. the boyfriends of y/n l/n. jaemin wiped away the overflowing snot from his nose with the cuff of his black blazer, handing over a rose to jeno who smiled sadly at the former, moving the umbrella to his other hand so that the one that used to hold jaemin’s was holding the rose. jaemin mirrored the older male, moving forward with jeno before stopping right infront of the hole.
“we love y-you,” jeno told though his voice was hoarse, throwing in the white rose until he saw it land on where you rested in. “and we’ll miss you, love.” jaemin continued, lacing his fingers back with jeno as the buff male began to cry again, squeezing his hand so hard his own was turning blue.
“it’s okay, jen. she’s free now...” he whispered in jeno’s ear, bringing the male into a hug -- in which he returned, dropping the black umbrella. the rain fell onto them immediately without the large barrier that used to protect them. droplets were now infiltrating their suits, but neither cared.
you were gone, and they had to get used to it.
as they next week came by, jeno and jaemin had came back to school, looking miserable. they bright aura that always emitted from them was dimmed, it had burned out. they looked exhausted, too tired to put on the wide smiled they always had before. their hands remained intertwined of course, but it lacked the softness of yours. with theirs combines, it felt like harsh ground from all the calluses on their fingers; jaemin’s from rock-climbing and jeno guitar lessons.
“jeno, jaemin.” a meek voice called out to the two males. the couple turned around, their eyes setting on a boy who seemed to be around your height, or maybe a centimeter taller.
“what?” jeno’s rough voice interjected harshly, making the boy flinch. jaemin sighed, shaking his head. “sorry,” he muttered after seeing his frightened face.
“did you need something, renjun?” jaemin’s soft voice asked, entirely juxtaposing his boyfriend’s.
renjun gulped, “i was wondering if you wanted to hang out? i-”
“why? who makes you think you can hang out with us? we don’t need you. you’ll never replace y/n, so why don’t you just fucking give up like her!”
every conversation in the hall halted at jeno’s statement. renjun widened his eyes, feeling tears brimming them.
but no one expected what came next.
a hand came in contact with jeno’s cheek, one hard and painful that the students around them winced at how loud the impact was.
jaemin’s breathing was ragged, stray tears falling past his eyes as his lips quivered. the imprint of his palm on jeno’s face was burning with rage, his hand burned as well.
“you’re an asshole.” jaemin stated, the crowd around them making way for the male who stomped his way out of the building.
jeno’s hand slowly moved up to his face, his fingers outlining the burning sensation on his right cheek. a bruise was sure to form there.
“fuck.” he breathed out, pushing his way through the crowd to chase after his boyfriend.
“jaemin?” jeno called out, pushing away the cobwebs in the familiar storage room of their school. it felt weird to be back here again. it’s been so long since he had been in here, in fact, it looked different than before. it lacked the smell of cigarettes -- specifically, the ones you and jaemin smoked before school started and when jeno was scold you two for smoking.
“this is where she did it.” jaemin’s hoarse voice rang throughout the room, making the older male tense.
right. this is where he and jaemin had found her a few months back.
“yeah...” he muttered, leading himself further into the place as the visual of jaemin sitting on an empty paint tin emerged into jeno’s sight, making his heart clench.
“she loved painting the walls here. they were so fucking ugly, but she didn’t care. something about painting from the heart or whatever the fuck that meant.” jaemin chuckled, blowing smoke from his lips as he brought the cigarette butt to the empty ash tray beside him. a few cigarettes were already in there, meaning jaemin has been huffing and inhaling some nicotine for awhile now.
“jaem, i’m sorry for saying that back there...” jeno sighed, crouching to where he could meet jeno’s eyes.
“you were right though...she gave up.” jeno shook his head at his boyfriend’s words, placing his hands on jaemin’s cold ones. “no, she didn’t give up. the world was just to harsh on her for her to find away out. it trapped her in, and she was too late to find the escape. i should’ve never said those things.”
“i’m proud of her. with everything she went through, even i would want to lose hope.” the tears of pain fell from his eyes, creating a stream of water to slip down his cheek, before it fell on the sleeve of jeno’s black jacket. “i didn’t know she was going through so much. i thought i was having super bad days...now i just look pathetic. she was always there, holding me while i cried and cried about so little things. she just listened, even though she had her own set of problems. even if it was slowly eating her inside, she was always there for us, ready to listen and be there for us. she’d never leave us alone until she was sure we were fine. and the wost part of it all -- she never once came to us for her problems. i feel so, so- so fucking useless!”
jeno immediately wrapped his arms around the younger boy, shaking slightly as his own tears fell. jaemin gave into the hug, wrapping his around the buff male.
“your problems weren’t insignificant either, jaemin. you deserve none of it, she deserved none of it either.” jeno told, his warm breath hitting jaemin’s skin. “you aren’t fucking useless either. even if you couldn’t be there to comfort her, you made her life amazing. you made our lives amazing, jaem. yeah, it was eating her, but you gave her light, you were her hope. we were the last strings that she held onto till the end -- and i’m sure she’s watching over us with that beautiful smile of hers. her two boys, getting through this together, and fucking thriving even if she isn’t here physically. what more could she ask for?”
jaemin held on tighter to jeno, and jeno did the same.
sure you weren’t with them now and you won’t be for awhile -- but they’ll learn to get through it. and they’ll do it together.
“yeah, she’d be proud of us.”
“fuck yeah she is.”
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