sorry this is just a . dumb vent disregard
this damn sentence has stuck withme and i fucking hate it so damn much
it was i n response to me being excluded in school and telling them about it. i cant remember the exact context but they said ‘we miss the old jordyn’
and this is fucking me up SO much like? who was the old jordyn? was the old jordyn someone you loved more? is it that difficult to accept who i am now? am i unworthy of your love because im no longer the ‘old jordyn’? am i not worth your praise? i showed you an art piece. something i was proud of. you went ‘oh’ and after moments of silence said ‘it was pretty good’. how the fuck do oyu expect me to be functional because of that? how the hell do you picture me to grow up to be someone who takes pride in their art/music when all you say is ‘pretty good’?
when was the last time you told me you loved me? when was the last time you ever told me taht you were proud of me, albeit when i get a high score on a mark or when the teacher tells me that im doing well when i’m barely scraping by? where’s the love that all my friends get from their parents?
you want me to come out my room and hang out with you. you want me to come out and spend time with you when all i ever hear is sarcasm and shouting and insults and defensiveness. you want me to talk to you about my day when in response to EVERYTHING i say you give me a full on lecture? you want me to talk about my friends and then deadname them and call them lunatics?
and then you want to ask me why i’m so quiet all the time?
fuck you. fuck you so much. i hate the fact that i’m too attached to you. i hate the fact that i’m taught to show love and compassion to you even though you’ve hurt me the most out of anyone. i want nothing more than to cut myself off from you but i can’t because i love you too much.
you make me want to die. you make me want to harm myself. most of my problems are because of YOU.
man i hate being told that people i thought were cool have decided pride month is the right time to start making nasty posts about ace and aro people.
parents: u never come out your room why is that why dont u spend time with eachother
parents + brothers: start so many fukn useless arguments out of pettiness
sorta negative talk under the cut? hm. I feel very unstable hence why I’m posting this... sorry in advance ;; pls do not read if you’re not doing well yourself or are easily touched by negativity.
last night I was in a call with a few of my irl friends (something that I haven’t done in two literal months) and we were all having a literal blast playing genshin and having fun, when I realized... how I’ve grown to care so little for people. and how badly that lack of care is affecting me.
at each passing day I’m getting more and more self-depreciative, anti-social, and yet, I crave talking to people. I’m starting to see myself as someone really selfish and highkey toxic because I notice how I’m starting to crave the attention and the need to be needed. it’s driving me insane. I want to stop. I hate myself so much as of right now. I have to constantly remind myself that, all my live, I’ve had people discard me time and time again and that I should be horrified of the concept of growing attached to someone just because I’ll be discarded again. the fact that I have to make self-reminders of this is scary. it’s making me go insane. it’s making me cry myself to sleep every day (something that I’ve kept from everyone I talk to; I’m sorry... but it makes me feel so weak and disgusting) and it’s making me way more rude and mean than I should.
there are too many thoughts in my head right now and I sincerely can’t see how anyone could ever want me around or to waste their time talking/hanging with me. I don’t believe it. I mean... how? literally how?? lmao. there are so many people out there who have actual things to say. actual things to do. I am literally nothing compared to them. they are so much better than me at every damned thing and no matter how hard I try, I will never be half as good as them.
I feel like I’m running out of words... but my chest hurts so badly and my head’s literally spinning because I barely had any sleep tonight. I tried to cheer myself up and this time not even fanart did the trick. haha.
oh so this diode can go into breakdown if you apply excessive tension to it? well it’s not special so can i :/
How the fuck has it been five years? Why does it feel like nothing has fucking changed? Gods I could have done without the reminder.
One of the most interesting aspects that was brought up in We Are Lady Parts is navigating the world with intersectional experiences.The struggle of bringing nuanced criticism or satirise to your own minority group without adding to the stereotyping of that group. Or creating media for your minority group and it being misconstrued when viewed by other audiences.
love crying at 4am for no reason :-) what the fuck is wrong with me :-)
Negative Core Beliefs | What They Are and How to Change Them
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy And Negative Core Beliefs Negative core beliefs are judgmental and potentially harmful beliefs held about yourself, others, or the world. Common negative core beliefs include: “I’m inadequate.” “I’m unlovable.” “I’m weak.” “I’m a failure.” “I am not enough.” “I’m pathetic.” Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your…
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“Everyone who was coming for Kara's ring positions hasn't made a peep about Suni's, which are almost as bad...”
If ur gonna post stuff with karl in it. Please tag his full name, I have it filtered out for a reason.
started off th day.. great (/s) with trying to ask an innocent question on a server i thought was safe and instead gaining new trauma ;w;
ive been seing way more "we're bad too you guyssss" posts on my dash about mcyttwt and like, no we fucking arent. all this talk about omg be self aware have only started popping up after the twitter refugees came here. ive been here since august fucking 2020 and we are just fine, all the old fans are chill fuckin people and the only people attacking random users are the people from twitter or new fans. and then they fuckin go around blaming us for their shitty actions.
for me the only harrasment i have on my blog is targeted at me. i get hate anons and death threats for literally everything about me everyday and then i see fuckers saying thats what we are like. fuck off.