*screams a little bit (a lot actually) into the void*
𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐏 — updated
The old year is done, the New Year is yet to be (Thursday). The Epagomenal days are hitting me hard, the days between the year.
I've been in a bit of a funk for months now, and I've definitely not broken out of it yet sadly. Today though, I decided I would talk, about nothing terribly earth-shattering but, still, the idea of at least writing it out, using my 'voice', became important.
Some of my ramblings on Facebook:
The older I get, the more I realize I don't have any real friends, aside from my husband. No one who checks in on me. No one who would make plans with me if they were local. No long private chats that seem incredibly natural (where private chats with most people make me ill, admittedly, but I presume a true close friend it wouldn't happen). No one who would actively choose to spend any time with me or would go out of their way to invite me to do things with (even if I might say no). Literally no one who would come to my funeral if I died (maybe some people would be kind of sad that I wasn't around anymore, but definitely no one who would fly here to remember me in person). I maybe had one or two friends like this, awhile back. I alienated them of course, like I do to everyone. Just some deep stuff hitting me on Epag Day 1, I suppose. Can't wait for the rest of these days to bring me more revelations leading up to Thursday (New Year). [That's sarcasm for sure]
I know Wepwawet is with me, I know Netjer is there, but my head and my heart are both definitely in a fog during these heavy chaotic days. Haven't had it in my heart or spirit to really participate much in the festivities that began today in the House.
Still, I am a Jackal at heart. I will, eventually, find my way.
All praise to Him, Shu as Anhur, Who owns the forthcoming year and holds it in His hands. Nekhtet!
one month straight of bad hair days
Happy Birthday Traveler! I can’t afford anything but I wanted to give you a present for this day. I hope it’s of your liking, or at least give you a smile. Just some fluff with a handsome neighbor, a surprise birthday cake, and some sunflowers, of ocurse! May you be blessed with all the happiness in the world.
|Pair: M.Deer Minotaur x GN.Reader|Citrus Scale: Orange|Words: 2360|Disclaimer: Birthday Calls, Morning Routine, Day Off, Lazy Mornings, Crushes, Cats, Fluff, Flowers, and Cake!|
You knew what day was today. It’s difficult to forget your own birthday, despite how busy you’ve been lately working on your resin crafts. You enjoy doing so, all the colors and materials are beautiful, as well as the always presents spark of joy whenever you get to admire the result, feeling proud of yourself looking at how far you've got from the first time you picked the new hobby. To master a skill takes practice, but it’s always worth it, and in all honesty, you thought they were quite beautiful.
Thankfully you managed to finish packing all of the orders you had, now it was only a matter of sending them and be done. Pondering whenever you could spend the day inside your apartment, make something tasty for lunch with desert being obligatory, and just allow yourself to indulge in some self-care. It was a good plan, but everything had to start with getting out of bed.
You opened the windows and walked out into the balcony, still in your pajamas and a cup of steaming coffee in your hands. The day had just started, the little birds were awake sine long before you, you suspected a pair made a nest in the light pole next to your bathroom window. Leaning against the railing, slowly sipping at the hot beverage you slowly took in the start of a new day and a new year for you.
Noise coming from the balcony next to you caught your attention. Your neighbor’s cat decided to sit in at the edge of the railing, looking at you with sleepy eyes, fortunately, he installed wooden planks so the chubby cat wouldn’t fall from the third floor.
‘’Good morning, Hamilton. Looking at the birds?’’ you spoke to him, giving you a long yawn as an answer.
At that moment your neighbor came from his apartment to water the flowers on his balcony. He always has such a variety it made you feel a bit jealous, but you knew you were usually too busy and could easily forget about it, leaving the poor thing to dry in a corner. When he noticed you he gave you a polite smile.
‘’Morning’’ his ears flickering at the cold air.
‘’Good morning to you too, Ordell’’
He quickly finished and left the water can aside, picking up the cat so he wouldn’t fall, and leaning against the rail to your side. ‘’A bit early for you to be awake though?’’
You chuckled. ‘’Feeling like taking a bit of fresh air today. I might spend the entire day inside too so it would be good to catch as much vitamin D as I can’’ you heard him giggle, realizing a bit late your poor choice of words but thankfully he did not comment on them much.
Ordell has always been polite to you, ever since you first moved and needed help to move to your place. Whenever he could he would give you hand painting or unpacking, and often send you baked goods he would make in the evenings. It was good to have a friend on the building, even if the two of you couldn’t talk much since work kept you both busy.
You’ve met many non-humans before and have befriended a few, race wasn’t a topic when it came to good company so you saw nothing bad on befriended the quiet but friendly deer minotaur next door. You knew he worked in a bakery, enjoyed gardening, and had a soft spot for picking up strays and foster them until they could find a forever home. Overall, he was a pretty decent guy.
‘’I thought you would make plans with friends or family for today. Maybe going out and have dinner with someone special?’’ he winked at you and you chuckled. This has been as far as flirty Ordell would go. He would sometimes make comments like such, as if you being single would be something unforgivable for the world, or maybe commenting how you would make someone very happy and deserve to be very happy, but that was it. He has never shown any signs of wanting to be more than a friendly neighbor, and that feeling weighed heavy on your chest at the beginning.
He wasn’t as tall and as buff as regular minotaurs. He was more on the thinner side, muscular but lean, taller than you thanks to his antlers and large ears, and that fluffy short tail of his was just adorable. You wonder how a guy like him is still single, but you’ve guessed that he just hasn’t found anyone he wants to be with yet.
You sigh but brush the bitter feeling aside. ‘’With the pandemic going on and everything, it's hard to go out. Besides, my family hardly come over to these parts anyways. I’ll be expecting a bunch of video calls though, so I better go clean my room so it won’t betray my messiness to the world’’
He nodded. ‘’Well, you do that but remember to enjoy today as well, even if you don’t go anywhere that doesn’t mean today can’t be special’’ He smirked, picking up the cat and disappearing behind the door. You thought he would wish you happy birthday but maybe he was just busy, it was nice to get to see him today.
Your mug was almost empty and the air was becoming a bit chilly but you choose to linger a bit more in the morning air.
You managed to clean your bedroom, opening the windows, and changing the bedsheet, even playing some music in the background to celebrate. You started receiving a bunch of calls as soon as lunchtime went around, some from close family members that were always overjoyed to hear from you and promised to gather as soon as the pandemic was over. Others from friends that took the time to sang to you despite how awkward that could be and spending the rest of the call catching up on what you've been doing. You were smiling from ear to ear, their cheerful attitude was contagious.
Around four or so you noticed Hamilton paid a visit to you, something he usually did whenever he grew bored in Ordell’s apartment or there were other pets and he felt a bit left out. He would curl up onto your lap as you laid in bed watching a movie, kneading your shirt and purring loudly. The evening went on uneventfully, blessing the lack of traffic outside and praising your infinite stock of ice cream and popsicles in your freezer to keep your tummy busy.
When the clock stroke six you started feeling rather hungry. There was a place close enough that had delivery, the food was tasty and you could order some sweets too. Ice cream was good but as it became colder you started to yearn for the comfy of your bed, a mug of warm tea, and maybe some cake too. It was your birthday after all!
There was a knock at your door and you wonder who could be. Maybe someone sent you a gift through the mail or bought you food and had it deliver to your doorstep? All of them would be delightful surprises, instead, you found Ordell standing behind the door, a small white box in one of his hands while the other was tucked behind him. ‘’Ordell!’’ you gasped, a bit surprised since he rarely came over to your place anymore.
He looked a bit ashamed, his ears dropping a lot. ‘’Hey. Umm, can I come in?’’ he gestured to the box in his hands. You let him in and put on the kettle for some tea, it was a bit cold after all.
‘’What brings you here-?’’ you were met by the sudden sight of a bouquet of sunflowers in your face. Sunflowers were your favorite, and of course, he knew it. You picked up the bouquet with joy, your cheeks darkening as a rush of happy emotion started to accumulate in your head. You felt you wanted to explode with joy. ‘’Thank you so much!’’
He smiled in relief. ‘’I grew them myself in the balcony, although I kept them hidden so you wouldn’t notice them’’ he rubbed the back of his neck. ‘’It was a bit tough with the cold mornings and Ham usually running around with the other kittens I’m fostering, but it was worth it’’
That suddenly made the gift all the more special. To know that he took the time to plant them from seed, give them the care they needed while growing, and patiently wait for them to bloom, it must have taken him a few months to get them to be this big.
You were looking for a vase large enough to put them on water. He took a seat at the table, playing with the hem of his sweater, looking nervous than ever. ‘’How long did it take them to bloom?’’ you tried starting some casual conversation while pouring two mugs of tea.
‘’Well, sunflower often bloom from seed to flower between three and four months, depending on how tall and big you want them’’
‘’Wow, that’s a lot’’ you gave him his mug and sat in front of him. ‘’Wait… I only came to live here around four months ago’’ you said out loud. Ordell looked as if he wanted to be swallowed by the ground, wagging his fluffy tail erratically.''Did you plant them before I came here?''
‘’It’s a bit more complicated than that’’ he took a sip from the mug. ‘’I planted them a while ago knowing I would have until they were at full bloom to make up my mind. It was a beautiful coincidence that your birthday was around too’’ He paused, seemingly looking for the right words to say so you let him continue at his pace. ‘’I wanted to know how my feelings changed the more I got to know you because I didn’t want to rely on just a hunch or a simple feeling I got the first time we met. It would have felt dishonest to the both of us’’
You felt a bit nervous at this point, mainly because you had yet to be this open with him but finding his closeness to be more than welcomed by you. In a way, it was a relief to see him being this anxious in comparison to his usual calm self. Knowing he could make such awkward faces made you feel a bit special, somehow.
‘’Okay’’ he sighed, running a hand through his face. ‘’What I mean is, and as you might have already caught despite my mumbling, is… I like you. I really do, I find you endearing, funny, bubbly. The things you do and how you smile whenever you get to do what you enjoy, it’s like you glow, you know? And I felt drawn to that, but I was… shy’’
You chuckled, unintentionally interrupting him. He looked painfully hurt by it so you quickly clarified it. ‘’No, I’m not laughing at you! I promise, it’s just… I never thought you felt that way about me, of all people. And I’ve been admiring you from a few meters away for a while, thinking of you as such a wonderful guy to have as a friend at most, but-‘’
Words failed to leave your mouth as they didn’t seem to fully capture what you wanted to say. It was a mess of thoughts and words, it made you a bit dizzy, but you knew you couldn’t let him hanging like that. It might have been a small gesture but you grabbed his hand which was larger than yours, fingers much slender and soft with an earthy smell. You held his hand and he held yours, firmly yet gentle. Suddenly, as if the tension was already too much to bear, you two burst into laughter while holding hands, spooking Hamilton from his nap.
It was silly and every kind of word you could squish in that same definition, but it didn’t matter to you. You laughed until little tears were at the corner of your eyes, he wiped them clean gently and rested his other hand on your chubby cheek. You couldn’t stop smiling and there wasn’t a need for a reason for it. You felt like you were glowing and wanted to show that to him, screaming a thousand times in silence how happy you were. Chanting it like a good fortune spell.
‘’By the way’’ you interrupted him. ‘’What’s in the box?’’
‘’Oh! I forgot’’ he opened it, falling apart and showing a beautiful cake with purple frosting all over it. ‘’It’s red velvet! Although it’s purple, so it’s purple velvet, I guess? Well... it's more violet because I ran out of coloring but-’’ he groaned. ''Anyways, let me cut it so we can eat it''
Fetching a pair of plates and forks the two of you enjoyed the delicious flavor of chocolate in the cake while watching a movie on your bed. It was way too small but it didn’t matter, you got to cuddle against him all the more to keep the two of you warm.
‘’I still haven’t wished you happy birthday’’ he said, nuzzling to your hair. ‘’I was thinking of singing but realized my voice is too awful’’
You laugh. ‘’It’s okay, you’ve already given enough blessing and good wishes to last me a thousand years. I’m just happy that you’re here’’
He wrapped his arms around you, his muzzle close to your ear. ‘’Thank you for being a part of my life’’ he whispered, feeling his hot breath in your ear. You turn around and he cupped your cheek, looking at you with glimmering eyes. ‘’Happy birthday’’ he said, so low and so sweetly, so full of care and adoration.
The movie ended a while ago, the cake was still on the table, and the cat was peacefully sleeping at the end of the bed. The world kept spinning, the stars started to appear, and the feeling of his lips on yours felt heavenly soft. A pleasant surprise to start a new year.
ngl sometimes it's fun to write a story that's mostly told in exposition
like idk how 2 make friends irl n idk logically iz unlikely ill finally make 1 after 4 years of friendlessness n da same small town school system but. im still hopeful ><;;
SHAH RUKH KHAN as CHARLIE Happy New Year (2014)
Going back to school is going to be hell but stationary Shoping is so much fun like I can’t wait lol
got frog figurines at michael's today. nature is healing.
Art by Sai Foubalana
svt on just dance when 😳
Can't believe I gave up at guitar at 15 because I felt like It was "too late" to learn, bro why am I so stupid
2021 is my spiritual successor to 2019 and i am very. i am very!