Hey all you guys, gals, and non-binary pals: ive been gone for a wile sorry guys ive just been feeling really down lately. ive been locking my self in my room all day oly coming out for “food’ and to use the bathroom. this week i aslo came out to my dad… it felt really good and i think it went well however for some reason it felt conflicting about some of the things he said a couple things that really triggerd me and i dont want want to assume he was being rude but some of the things or assumptions or his thought process was very conflicting and triggering, however he said that this is my life how ever the brought up the word “choices”… umm me being trans is not a choice i cant choose to be trans just like he cant chooose to be a cis black man. this is who i am i was born trans, growing up was difficult supressing and denying and faking it though life. something that he also said was “not to be a burdin to peopple” whatever that means… how can i be a burdan by simply just being me truly who i am and living my life, whow does that make me a burdan, now i get it as parents they might be worrid or scarred for me about things being hard or tough or if ya know what im saying but all the things that they are are say has happend is happing and will happen regardless however im not scared anymore to be who i am. but the the reason why thus triggered me is through out him using this statement implys or feels like hes saying that me being who i is problematic or the feeling of him also saying i need work on taking other peoples feelings into consideration…. ummm WHY? i dont understand this logic if this is what hes saying. i do not , i will not, have never, or will never, let a persons feelings or assumptions, or fear stop me for living my life, stop me from being who i am, or stop me from going on HRT. its not your deccession, its not about you and what you feel is right. for so long ive been told to take other peoples feelings into consideration and personally i feel like thats fucked up. the “assumption” or the thought or statement that you say this then say THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU low blow dad ive never said that nor have i ever once thought that but however in this momment it is and im not going to nor can i make the “deccession” to go on HRT bassed off your level of comfortablity. i came out to you “AGAIN” because cause from what i see or what you show you thought it was something that will go away it hasent it wont and because the last time i told you about all this you said ok and dident talk to me for a week and we never brought it back up until litterly tuesday. and last reason i came out again is because your hard to talk to and mom knows but you needed to know expeccally if mom talks about yall getting therapy to talk to a therapist to help understand and learn and grow,,, whenever the fuck thats going to happen! whitch honistly i highly doubt will happen there to fucking busy to eve thake the time to learn and do reserch or even talk about things or fucking ask your fucking child how they are. seriouslly taking to parent that lack in the emotional or effection deparrtment sucks. i wish my werent on 50/50 on the support aspect its like they support but they want to choose and select and monitor what they want to support or what they want to see or allow. last thing he said was what is finances going to look like ok i know HRT can be expencive but why would you bing that up yoj dont think i know that obviouslly i fucking do otherwise why would i be pushing for it, i need it and i want it. also why whould you tell your 26 year old who has disabilitys and other shit and tell them “ i dont care what you do but dont burden us and expect us to support you” that felt like not kicking me but the momment i leave dont come back or ask for help. i dont know im feeling really conflicted like yeas i should be proud that he supports but on the other hand i dont feel fully trully supported. why do i find it difficult to talk to him… to the poit were i just dont tell him anything and thats bad. theres alos the other feeling of feeling conflicted but also trying to stay positive about the talk i mean he did say he dident care im an adult,, soooo am i over reacting, am i too sensitive, or lookin to into it. also im not saying hes like the worst dad ever and that he doesn’t love me he does love me, i think… hes never said it to me, i think he supports me but even through all this why do i feel this way. if your reading this and you got his far have gone through something like this if so any advice. i have a therapy sesssion today at 3:00pm i will deffinetly bring this up with my therapist and see what he thinks. i hope theres a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for reading