Hamish (playing Imperious): I’m buying martial practices. Should I get master artisan so I can make non-magical artifacts?
Rhi (playing Belladonna): A dildo.
Quinn (playing blood): A car.
Rhi: Even better, a vibrator.
DM: A science teleporter.
I’ll go first:
Fantastic Beasts and how to Harvest Them a leather bound tome that looks to be made out of the hide of a rather exotic animal. This book details on how to track, stalk, kill and then field dress (aka cut up and harvest) great beasts. A favorite among rangers, each edition has notes in the margins from the previous owners personal observations
The Light Within: How to cut the Perfect Angle on any Gem written by Drandel Diamondeye, famous gnome jeweler. It details his 400 year experience in sourcing, procuring, selecting and cutting gems into the best cut to bring out the best reflective qualities. Truly a remarkable book for any artisan in the jewelry industry (and most gnomes and dwarves appreciate the wisdom within). It’s has gilded edges, polished leather bound and it has non valuable gems and crystals sewn into the cover almost like sequins giving it a reflective property, bouncing light shown on it like a stained glass window around the room.
Here be Dragons a collection of draconic lore from across the ages. It has three parts each by a different author. One is a Dragonborn sage named Garghtogh Ironclaws, one is a half drow dragon hunter named Drezzna Sa’oor (her additions, though informative, are obviously biased) and a human scholar named Riker Downtrott (though there’s speculation this may actually be a pen name for a metallic dragon in human form). Red leather with golden ink writing in both common and draconic. It’s fire proof.
DO NOT EAT a book on poison and venom in the natural world written by an unknown monk centuries ago. It details various types of poisons and venoms in the world, their effects and how to counteract them. Often seen as the benign form of a poisoners guide, it’s purely for educational purposes. It’s a simple hard cover book with a minimalist approach to its outward appearance, though the interior is meticulously organized and the drawings are the most detailed you’ve ever seen.
(Insert agriculture deity from your campaign)’s Bounty a compendium of agricultural techniques written by clerics of (said deity). They detail the best time to till, plant, harvest and store crops as well as ways to improve yield and protect the soil. Each chapter is written by a different cleric or worshiper of that deity, it also has excerpts regarding the doctrine of the clergy. It’s bound in a hemp fiber wrapping with corse texture paper, the calligraphy is beautiful. Most agricultural villages have at least one of these books among the elders.(Example: Chauntas Bounty from Toril in Sword Coast Adventure Guide)
Piper was eighteen when she married Jeremy Burns. Her grandmother had passed away shortly before her eighteenth birthday and Piper felt like that was her only way out of San Francisco. Six weeks after her birthday, Piper Halliwell became Piper Burns. Three months later, Jeremy got a job in Michigan and the couple moved to Grand Rapids.
Her husband, a new police officer, wasn’t a nice man. He never hit her, just yelled at her and demeaned her. If she’d stayed in California, she could have at least run to her sisters. Here, she had no way of getting to them. Prue, Phoebe, and Paige could have helped her, but not here. She was truly alone.
Jeremy first hit her about two years ago. She stayed, again, because where was she going to go? Onenight, their fighting had gotten out of hand. He had thrown a plate at her and then attacked her. She had done the only think she knew to do. She’d grabbed a steak knife and stabbed him.
That had been two weeks ago. She had changed her hair color and chopped off all of her dark hair. Piper, now Claire, had stopped in Richmond, Kentucky. She’d stayed for about a week and then had gone on to Frederick, Maryland. It was a nice place. She got a job as a waitress, something she had done since she was old enough to work. She had then started working on finding a place. Now, after a week in Frederick, she had a place.
Though, the place needed some major work. Things she wasn’t able to do herself. She had seen an ad for a handyman in the general store and had used their phone to call the man. Now, the next day, Piper,Claire, was waiting for the handyman to show up.
Title: The Practice Boyfriend
Pairing(s): Merlin/Arthur, Elena/Gwaine
Era: Modern AU
Word Count: 24K
Summary: Merlin’s been in love with Lance for years, but he hasn’t had much experience dating and he wants to figure out the ins and outs of dating before Lance comes back into his life. Cue Arthur and his manwhoring ways, ready and willing to show Merlin the ropes.
Title: The One Where Merlin and Arthur Attempt to Have a Tasteful Wedding
Pairing(s): Merlin/Arthur, Gwen/Lance
Era: Modern AU
Word Count: 22K
Summary: Merlin and Arthur decide to get married. That was the easy part. Planning their wedding on the other hand…
Chapter 233… First the VC thing now this, hm.
Honestly, it would be easier to stomach if Asta turned out to be royalty because that would have been interesting with him not having any trace of magic (Noelle had been treated horribly just because she couldn’t control her immense magic, imagine if she didn’t have any; although is it even the same in other kingdoms that royalty has more magic than non-royalty?). For Yuno, it would have been much more compelling not to have any royal origins - be a commoner/peasant who still ended up with such a huge amount of magic and a four leaf grimoire to challenge social standings.
What does this even mean for his goal to become Emperor/King? He’s still a citizen of the Clover Kingdom but this definitely changes a lot of things.
It was always clear there was something special in their originsu considering how they ended up at the orphanage but I don’t know. I don’t like this but maybe it’s too early to judge rn. We‘ll see.
doodled a bunch of rowen today
whom will date this long legged morally ambiguous ( for the most part ) single mom pseudo goddess ? we’re waiting .
Now that I’m on vacation, I’m free to waste my hours away watching Magical Girl cartoons on the ‘net!
I forgot to see what the mysterious new product was yesterday from MelaninHairCare. It’s a multi-use leave-in conditioner! Definitely gonna try it out.
Summary: Baz’s fascination with his flatmate’s girlfriend isn’t for the reason Simon believes.
Author’s Note: This is just a little non-magic AU, where Simon and Baz are flatmates—probably in university, because they didn’t choose to live together, I assume—and Baz is jealous that Simon is dating Agatha. Inspired by the song “Girl Crush” (specifically the Harry Styles cover version, because of course that’s the one I listen to, I’m trash).
Edit: I’ve written a bonus ficlet with Agatha’s POV, Untouchable.
Word Count: 1449
You can find the rest of my fics on my Fanfic Masterlist.
“If I really wanted her,” I say, using my height advantage to loom over him as I trap him against the door, “I would already have her.”
His eyes flit down to the collar of my shirt, briefly, and he swallows. “Why don’t you, then?” he asks, glaring up at me like a challenge.
“Because,”—I lean further into my forearm, pressed against the door above his head—“I don’t want her.”
That’s not entirely true. I do want her. I want everything about her, if it will make Simon Snow fall for me the way I’ve fallen for him. The way he’s fallen for her.
But I let him believe.
I let him believe all the little looks in their direction—all the longing gazes and envious stares—were for her.
It’s not a difficult pretence to maintain; she’s absolutely lovely. Agatha Wellbelove. Any man would want to be with her. Nearly.
So I let him take that as he will.
It was preferable to him knowing the truth. Knowing that my fixation with his girlfriend stems from nothing less than an all-consuming passion for him. I’d rather he resent me, despise me.
At least he’d be thinking about me.
Morgan didn’t go down to The Beach. Not the sandy beach four miles down, with its soft breeze and softer tides lapping at your feet. Their days were filled with running through the shallows shoes in hand whenever they could convince their mother to take a detour home from school. Even now; without mother, they’d still spend summer days sitting on the sands. But still Morgan never went down to The Beach.
Though only a few minutes’ walk from their house it had never been a place for summer days. Pounded by the winds on the best of days and lost to the North Sea on the worst, mother had never trusted the tides enough to let Morgan and Thomas loose. Despite all the treasures the other kids had brought back; the most beautiful shells, iridescent in the sunlight that when you put to your ear, no matter where you were you could always hear the call of the sea. Thomas had brought back one of these shells once, and a broken leg. A bet with the other boys gone wrong he said, but he like all the others seems almost covetous of his prize and he’d never answer any of their questions.
Of course, Morgan had seen The Beach, they’d peered down from the cliff many times, braced against the winds, watching as the waves broke and crashed upon the shore. But they never went down, never gone further than the trees where the grass gave way and the track clung to the rock faces as it plunged down towards the shore. They’d always been a good child, too afraid of disappointing mother again and too distracted by the warmer drier adventures to be found within the fields between Village and the old lighthouse. It had always seemed to be a lonely figure standing alone on the cliffs, salt winds stripping it of its paint and any company it could have had. Still Morgan liked the lighthouse, it could be seen from their bedroom window, a single light in the darkness, calling out to ships unseen. When they couldn’t sleep and mother was no longer there to comfort them; they’d stare out into the darkness and talk to the lighthouse, it never responded but they appreciated its company all the same.
The Beach had never held such interest to them and by the time they became aware that breaking the rules would not in fact end the world they had far better things to be worrying about. Such as whether they could get away with wearing the boys uniform or scrounging together enough spare change from the bus to buy a liquid eyeliner; which they then proceeded to apply in thick wobbly lines for months. Both had got them detention at first but they’d got better and soon even Ms Clarke their form tutor was forced to give up on them, and from that point they’d proceeded to wear both with pride just to make their victory clear.
But here they were standing at the edge of that path, salt whipping at the gap between their crop top and jeans. The sounds of drunken shouting and The Chainsmokers muffled by the sound of waves. Thomas had called it a last hurrah, the last chance to go wild before they were all out of there, off to university, to drinking, to sex, to lifelong debt. Half the school had decided to cram itself into their living room, borrowed speakers wedged on either side of the fireplace, cider bottles among school photos and sports trophies. This wasn’t the first time, dad had taken it as a sign that we were recovering normally and was all too willing to leave the house to us on weekends, so long as the police were never called. So, Morgan’s teenage years had been spent working out how much they could drink before it was too much and playing Ring of Fire wedged between Thomas’s friends, trying to make a place for themselves. They were nice enough, especially after a few ciders when everything they said was funny and people stopped forgetting why Morgan was a little odd, but still they were no Farah. Not that they’d put Farah through this, the music was too loud and the space far too small for anyone who didn’t drink. But still there was something to be said about drinking with people who knew far too many of your embarrassing stories before you’d even been introduced, like gaining six older brothers and a sister in the form of Anna, their brother’s girlfriend and the most embarrassing crush of 2016. Although Morgan could have done without the rest of their year, it seems they agreed since they’d left the house to the party goers and decided to go see the ‘cool-ass beach where I broke my leg’ at Thomas’s endorsement. They’d lost Julian to a rock that he swore looked like a squirrel and Jack and Ben to the chippy along the way but here they were. Thomas leading the way, illuminating the path with his phone and yelling warnings about not dying back at the rest: elder brothers gave the most helpful advice.
I really got to get on that whole campus-cultists-with-forcibly-tattooed-whumpee story. It’s been percolating a while and I think it’s gotta get written soon.
I just sort of feel like some of my solutions to “but how does this happen?” are a little…trite? But, whatever, we’re here for the whump, not the logic.