I had today off so I went to see my sister, brother in law and their kids. It always makes me feel better when I go to their place to hang out because their family just feels so normal and functional. Plus, it helps that my niece absolutely adores me.
She took my phone today and posted snapchat photos of herself all over the place and sent them to some of my friends. She’s such a kitschy little kid, she reminds me a lot of how I used to be when I was little. I’m glad she has a more stable home and more loving parents than I ever had. Her and her little brother will probably turn out just fine.
Seeing a family like that always makes me think of you though. I have these weird dreams about us, and lately they’ve been about us having a family. I think if I ever did, I’d want to name my first child after Summer, boy or girl. I think it’d fit for any gender really. It’d make me feel like I still have a part of them in my life. I wish I still had you in my life.
The ebb and flow has been good to me lately and these past two days are brighter, but I still miss you a lot. I know you said you miss me too, I’m just sure it’s not as bad as I miss you hah. If you were to ever let me in again I feel like I’d talk to you for hours. In some of my simpler dreams that’s all we do. I still care about you Alex, I guess I don’t know how to give you up.