#od Tumblr posts

  • i almost died cuz i took too many pills and drank too much alcohol couple nights ago. went to the hospital tho. i’m g now. be careful guys.

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  • Dünya nimeti Allah'ın düşmanıdır Yunus. Dünyalığı sevmek, dostun düşmanı sevmesi gibidir. Dünya bir murdar leş, talipleri ise akbabadır.

    İskender Pala - Od

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  • İnsanlar yaratılılışlarının gereği madde ile mana dengesinde yaşamak isterlermiş. Madde tükenince geride bıraktığı boşluğu mana doldurur; yahut mana yükselince madde bedeni terk edip gidermiş. Zaten Allah da insanı bu madde-mana dengesi üzerine yaratmış. İnsanın içinde, her biri yarı yarıya etkin imiş. Mutlu olmak veya iyi kulluk edebilmek için maddenin göstergesi olan beden, eller, ayaklar, kirpikler, gözler ile mananın göstergesi olan düşünce, duygu, iman gibi bahisler birbiriyle dengeli tutulmalıymış. İnsan, bunların her ikisini de eşit kabullenir veya sahiplenirse bahtiyar bir ömür sürermiş.

    İskender Pala - Od

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  • anyone know if the audio data,voices specifically have been ripped from the pc version?? or can point me to said files??

    #bloodstained #bloodstained ritual of the night #orlok dracule#OD
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  • “Kim deli olduğunu söylüyorsa elbette akıllıdır.”

    İskender Pala - Od

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  • Bildim ki insan sevinince, üzüldüğünden daha şiddetli ağlarmış.”

    İskender Pala - Od

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  • punkt widzenia zależy od punktu siedzenia, a pozory często mylą

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    • Şu âlemin şartlarına ayak uydur ama kendin ol. Hani su, girdiği kabın şeklini alır ama özde aynı kalır ya.
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  • 25/8 ❗️The Work Never Stop🥀 #TheBastard #OD #7 (at Heaven)
    https://www.instagram.com/p/CB22MxPDMng/?igshid=vkq6mb56ea52

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  • warm solstice

    #audio#OD #sol baize at the chinga #Youtube
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  • Szczęście żonatego mężczyzny zależy od kobiet, których nie poślubił.

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  • 2 days ago, I died.

    I was dead for less than a minute, but I was still dead. My hands were cold, my heart stopped beating, and my lips turned pale blue. I didn’t know I had died. In fact, I thought I had been drugged. One second I was smoking, and the next my vision was blurry and I felt sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and my reality was crumbling.

    I came back, stumbling and angry. I looked at my boyfriend and asked, “what the fuck just happened to me? Did somebody drug me? I feel weird and sick to my stomach.”

    My boy looked sad and nervous. He finally said, “No. You literally just overdosed. You fell on your back. You stopped breathing and you were blue. I used your narcan. It’s in the trash if you don’t believe me.”

    I kept asking, “are you serious?!” And “you’re lying!” But it became clear to me, by the look on my boyfriend’s face, that this reality he spoke of was real. It was fucking real. I fucking overdosed, died, and was revived. I never thought this would happen to ME. I was “smart” about drugs. I knew when enough was enough. But with fentanyl, that very first hit could be your last.

    Of course, since the nalaxone eliminated the opiates in my system, I needed to smoke more so I wasn’t sick. Tears rolled down my face as I took hit after hit. I realized, logically, that my behavior was absolutely insane and absurd. The substance the fucking killed me was the same substance I needed to feel better after it killed me. Opiates are the devil.

    I instantly thought of my dead friend, Dwayne. He died just like me. The difference? I was with somebody. He was alone and had nobody to save him. He could have been revived. He could still be here. His spirit could still be in his body. But it’s not. His spirit is floating somewhere, and his body is buried in the ground. My body is still moving, and yet apart of me wishes nobody had saved me.

    It’s morbid and it’s not fair to Dwayne. I have a second chance and he doesn’t. I remember seeing Dwayne’s body. I was dissociated. But I saw his body and his handsome face and I was sober and I hated opiates and that hatred burned a hole in my heart and that hole is still there but the demon that lives inside me does not fucking care and will never care. The demon is happy that they killed my friend, and the demon wants me to be the next one in the casket. The demon tells me nobody loves me and that I am a burden and that drugs will help and that they will help and they will help and-

    I will never forget that funeral. I willl never forget his younger sisters staring at his dead body. I will never forget the wails of his mother. I will never forget my best friends holding each other’s hands, holding my hand. We told ourselves that we didn’t have to grieve alone and that we didn’t have to walk this wolrd alone. We were all shook to the core. I only cried once, during the slideshow of his life. There was a picture of all of us at Junior Prom. It hit me, at the moment, that my friend was truly gone. My heart broke into pieces and my brain could not comprehend death and so I cried out of fear and confusion and the love I had for Dwayne.

    It feels like he died last week. I haven’t truly grieved. But having died myself, I have a better understanding. I thought of my own funeral, about the people who would attend. My friends who are ignoring me at the moment would probably feel deep regret. My mother would blame herself. My father would be silent, but behind closed doors he would sob. My siblings would never be the same. My sister would never be the same. The people who thought I would make it would feel hopeless. Me, truly dead, would change lives for the worse. Me, truly dead, would mean the demon wins. Me, truly dead, means I never amounted to anything. Me, truly dead, means I was just another junkie. Me, truly dead, means I’m a statistic. Me, truly dead, means no more chances.

    No more rehab attempts, no sober living attempts, no therapy attempts, no attempts at meetings and events and showing people that I can do this. Showing YOU that I can do this. I know I can. I was doing so, so good from January-May, but this drug addiction bit me in the ass. I let it go on for longer than it needed to. My relapses became more reoccurring. Once a week turned to twice a week. Twice turned to three. Three turned to five. And finally (last week) I realized I had been usint every. Single. Fucking. Day. I was hit with that impending doom feeling. That feeling that says, “well, it’s too late to stop now. Keep going!”

    And i kept going until I died. I kept going until my mom found my collection of used foil. I kept going until my family members felt emotionality crippled. I kept going until I felt too broken to move. I kept going until all my real friends were gone. I kept going until I had nothing left and I was faced with myself.

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  • ur gurl’s addictive personality rises again

    Keep reading

    #drugs#OD#death #making this post so I will do not do stupid shit #alcohol
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  • It’s god damn ridiculous and I hate it, but every day that goes by without him is hard to get through.

    It’s gotten to the point where I’ve seriously considered overdosing as punishment for what I said to Vani.

    To the point where I’m questioning myself. Was I actually trying to manipulate him? But.. why would I do that? What is there to gain? I want him to be my friend, not my property. Honestly, this whole stupid thing blew up because I wasn’t fucking specific. I was a word or two away from preventing this. Or maybe I should replace the whole sentence. I meant “I wish my family and friends could see what I see in you.” Not “It sucks that I’m the only one who sees your value.” If I could go back and time and tell you what I was thinking when I typed the original message, it’d be something like “I’m really worried about Vani. How can I reassure him? I want to be honest with him too.” I just thought he should know that I really do believe him despite all the naysayers around me. It was never about manipulation! Yet somehow all of his close alters have twisted what I said into something that fits their views of me. I didn’t get even one second to defend myself, because one of them messaged me in the middle of the night while I was dead asleep to tell me that I’m apparently a fucking manipulator and that I can never talk to Vani again. That is seriously a shitty thing to wake up to. And all of that shit with Phoenix and Oli implying they wanted to tear me apart and wanted me to kill myself? Not fucking cool. Not. Fucking. Cool. I felt genuinely fucking unsafe reading every paragraph of that novel they wrote up about me. I can’t even fathom what Oli and Phoenix are probably saying about me on their blogs. But I know I sure as hell don’t deserve it. They don’t fucking care about what actually happened or what I was thinking. All they give a shit about is their perception of me, which they never let go after the first incident. Yet I was made to see Oli and Vani in a completely pure light despite all the horrible shit they said about me in response. Even now I choose not to hold onto what they said. Yet Oli and the alters keep a screenshot compilation on hand of all the shit I said wrong when I was angry. Tell me, how is that fair?? They just WANT to hate me. I definitely want Vani to come back soon, but damn if I don’t sure as hell never want to see Oli again after what he said in the server. Telling people you want to rip out their organs and feed them to them and saying you wish that someone would kill themselves is never right, I don’t give a fuck who it is or what they did. Though I confess this doesn’t extend to pedos, serial killers, nazis and animal abusers. None of which I am.

    Think about it. They’re viewing me as equal to those sorts of people, when all I really fucking wanted was to be Vani’s friend. That’s ALL I WANTED. THAT’S IT. NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS. I’m bad with wording and I say stupid shit sometimes, but I’m not a fucking crime against humanity. I’m a PERSON with feelings. And yet here we are. I’m being publicly labeled as an abuser and a manipulator and I’m not getting a single fucking chance to explain myself. I’m tired and sick of losing sleep over this. Tired and sick of it. Vani if you see this and feel the urge to say something negative to me, do us both a favor and don’t. I don’t need it, I don’t deserve it, and you know it. You SAID you don’t think I’m an abuser. So why are you letting these people control you??

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  • DEAR AMERICA HOW MANY IS IT GONNA TAKE FOR OUR JUSTICE! BEFORE THERE IS COMPLETE CHOAS! BECAUSE IF THERE IS NO CHANGE THIS AMERICA WILL BE TORN AND BURNED TO SHREDS AND OUR PEOPLE WILL HAVE NOTHING. THINK ABOUT THE BETTER WORLD YOU WANT! ITS POSSIBLE BUT YALL DON’T UNDERSTAND! #shootfirst #blacklivesmatter #blackamerica #war #worldwar3 #unitedstates #america #od #thebastard #jadi #explore #topic (at Atlanta, Georgia)
    https://www.instagram.com/p/CBZC7KMg9hG/?igshid=3rt8vx1umm13

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