i have an A- on my english exam and i would like to thank not only god but also myself for not having died the second we started talking abt the ✨exam✨ in class today
the almacén owners tested positive for covid yesterday guys I'm akfkwmcksjskz
how do you prepare for a blowjob??? shower, right?
fuck I dunno I gotta go google
maybe cologne... what do I wear???
so motivated to win this CoD match. watch out guys...
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!
BTS ARE COMING TO ROTTERDAM, THE NETHERLANDS.
Four Years Later
ohgodohgodohgod i was talking to a good friend of mine recently, and she hasnt been able to eat regularly recently due to being busy and habits or whatnot. so i was joking around and i was like “dont make me come over there, tie you up, and make sure you get enough to eat” and then she was like “yea sure” like ?????? you sure ??? then i said something along the lines of “you have NO idea on what youre getting into” about 5 times, and she’s serious ??? like okay guess imma come over and stuff the fuck outta you
(Cut for length and potential triggers)
It was a scenario that he'd dealt with... seemed like a hundred times or more, now. A group of armed punks, thinking they could make a few easy bucks by knocking over a bank, as though somehow their guns shielded them from police pursuit. Sure, they'd eventually be caught, but driving recklessly through the streets of New York, that was asking for casualties.
He'd been too late to stop them at the bank, and thankfully nobody had been hurt, but their high-speed chase had already put civilian lives at risk, and their driver was good. Really good. He'd known the exact lines and edges of his car... he'd known precisely where he could put it and what he could put it between.
As a result, it had taken Spider-Man 30 seconds longer than usual to stop the car in its tracks. And the only reason it hadn't taken longer was the fact that the car had struck someone.
A kid, really, not even in college yet, trying to deliver pizza astride a ridiculous little red scooter... dodging through traffic with the urgency of having been 28 minutes on the clock already.
He'd swerved up onto the sidewalk, intending to skirt past the pedestrians at the upcoming traffic light, already turning green for Go and white for Walk -- and he'd jetted out into the intersection at full speed, or what passed for it on that machine.
And the robbers' car had slammed into his right side head-on.
The moment played and replayed in Spider-Man's mind as he hurtled through the air. Yes, every jerk of a web-line, every landing he made, every little movement was unneeded compression on the kid's body, but he'd landed wrong... completely wrong. As if the crash hadn't been bad enough. Blood poured out of a gash at the back of the kid's head. Blood was coming out of a lot of places, really... even with lattices of web covering up so many of those places.
Spider-Man had known how long it would take an ambulance to arrive. With the traffic congestion being the way it was now, there was every chance in the world it would have been too late. And so he'd deployed his own patented branding of solution: making a bigger mess. Using the proportional strength of a spider, he'd ripped the door from the nearest storefront... which, in that moment, had been a most unfortunate haberdashery... and he'd secured the kid to it, all limbs and his full upper body immobilized against it.
Without a second thought, he'd taken up the full load on his back, and leapt amidst the apartment buildings of Ridgewood, hurtling at full speed toward Wyckoff Heights Medical Center.
And that was how, with a haberdashery door on his back, he ran into an Emergency Room in Brooklyn, shouting, "Help! I need an emergency team stat! Car crash victim coming in!"
ohgodohgodohgod i'm 6 eps in tgcf and it's all i can think about
i’m so tempted to write a jk fic ohgodohgodohgod my finger is literally about to slip nO-