I used to not trust what I think

Hence overthinking.

They don’t know. They will only try to ruin us if they knew.

too many lines in the head

on the veins

in the notebook,

counting down the departure.

" Overthinking will kill your happiness."

Get to know Hunter’s story. My book, Introverted Me, is out now! 🙌

How did you dare tell me I didn’t need to be scared of her but then talk about doing stuff with her now all the fucking time.

I know you’re into her but it seems like you fucking don’t know it yourself.

Just put the pieces together on an account like.. belonging to someone I had blocked

Well. The crippling self doubt caught up with me

:(

Shut The Door

I spoke my mind and then shut the door behind me. That is my crime. You’re upset. I was upset but that never seemed to matter. In fact, I always seemed to find myself up against overwhelming odds in matters of opinion and perspective which made me feel, my entire life, like an outsider, deficient, alien. Regardless of what I did, motivated mostly by approval, of yours and that of friends and…

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sometimes you just need to stop and focus on yourself. no one else matters at that moment, because you are doing what you need for you

My useless mushy brain. You can overthink every gods damned scenario to ever exist and make problems out of nothing and make me genuinely miserable about my actual good relationship but you can't even try to write an essay for a scholarship that could ease a LOT of worries! Useless!

A rant about last night

Just to preface, I don't know why I'm posting this, I just feel like I have to tell someone about this. So here ya go I guess...

I am so mad because I got super drunk last night (my first time being drunk btw), had multiple panic attacks and cried all over my housemate and two of her friends. I have only known the two of them for a month max while the housemate is doing the same course as me in collage so I've known her for a year. They were so nice about it and one in particular gave me not only cuddles on the couch but also ran his fingers through my hair and now I miss him. He has, rightfully so may I add, gone home after a shit night of sleep and yet I am the most selfish person ever because ‘I feel like pure shit, just want him back’. I feel so bone crushingly lonely and already a crush forming. He was just so kind and nice and soft and warm and I can’t tell what I feel anymore. I need a boyfriend or something but fucking tinder is bullshit because my brain wants to actually fall in love with a friend or person from real life and I don’t know what to do because its all going pear shaped. I was meant to get my hair dyed last night, which I already felt bad about bc it was a birthday party last night for my housemate's gf and it was her night and I wanted to get my hair dyed (she had offered and two other people were also going to get their hair done but only one ended up getting it done), but it never happened and I feel bad asking her to do it but I also told mam that I was getting it done and now it’s not and I just don’t know anymore. The only reason I’m writing this is because people are still asleep and I can’t play my ukulele and I have a lot of things bouncing around my head. I just want to be kissed and for him to hold me and I was too nervous this morning to ask for a hug so will I have to get weepy messy drunk again to be held like that again because I don’t want to but if it’s the only way to get affection then maybe I’ll have to. I have only had a kiwi for breakfast which is not ideal but can’t do eggs bc people in the house are allergic and have no other food for breakfast so guess I’ll die. I want to cry but I feel like I have no more tears left and everything is all gone to shit. Why do I feel like nobody is ever really there when I need them and why do I stop myself from reaching out to people when I need them and why is nothing ever good enough for me and why can’t I seem to want to be alive? I don’t know what to do now because it’s the morning and he is gone and I have no one to hold me. Not that it’s his job specifically to hold me but he does it so well and I really liked it. It's sad that that was one of the first times I've been held properly in my life. I feel like I need more of that comfort in my life but it is so god damn hard to ask for that and who wants me around anyway? Would things be better if I wasn't here? No one would have to deal with me and quite frankly that’s a plus. Now here comes the part where I convince myself what I was told last night about being an outsider was not true and I really am an outsider invading their friend group and they only tolerate me like the way it was in school.

Ders günü 🧚🏻‍♀️

anyone normal here i need help crafting a text message

god really took away my inner peace by sending me on earth.

theres a literal lump on the side of his head how is that not the chip im going insane