ehhh; “hate people who make you hate you, or keep hating yourself.” a novel that i will write at some point of my life 🌙
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I wish my crush would text or talk to me 😞 seems like it will never happen. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t he see me?
0ok so yesterday evening i was in breakdown and i wrote to my gf to help me not binge
she didin’t reply so i binged and i started to overthink like i’m not enough for her, i’m annoying and shit like that
i went to bed really early cause i was feeling really bad and i didn’t want to do some crazy shit that could make my gf feel bad
and this morning i read her answer to my question for help and she only replied “everything will be fine”
that only message made me feel angry cause idk i needed support, REAL support not a clichè, so i ghosted her “good morning” text
but i didn’t remember that she knows all my past, my suicidal thoughts and my three attempts so all i got was made her start overthinking and worrying so much that she wrote to my classmate to ask if i was okay
and now i’m overthinking again and i feel incredibly guilty, i don’t deserve her.
…and it’s only 9:22 am
01:51am- as i lay in my room, i realize im in a really bad environment. all i can see is those past memories and thoughts & feel the dark energy that was going though me, its all coming back to haunt me again and again. i cant help but to just lay here and remember.
i need to get away.
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One of human nature’s most common fallacies is the propensity for people to trip over themselves not just physically but mentally.While that can be smart since you don’t want to rush your decision making, there’s something to be said about may be thinking too much. And it is very difficult to control yourself on how to stop overthinking. In order for you to not become too much of an overthinker here are some tips on how to stop overthinking:
0“Yesterday
When I woke up
the sun fell to the ground and rolled away
flowers beheaded themselves
all that’s left alive here is me
and I barely feel like living
- depression is a shadow living inside me”
The sun and Her flowers
1Und wieder werden die Dämonen in mir lauter sie wollen die Kontrolle, sie werden alles tun um die zu bekommen und wenn sie, sie haben werde ich in der Dunkelheit gefangen sein….
0I’m so tired of always making fake scenarios in my head. I overthink every little detail and i end up thinking the other person will leave so i distance myself from them in order not to get hurt
2i overthink so fucking much and i’m too obsessed w my favorite person. I just have to stop to be like this or i’ll end up alone…
1- A: Hey can you make a decision please? What mood are we in this week? We gon' be depressed again? Overwhelmed? Fine Maybe?
- Mind: yes.
- A: What-
- Mind: Try happy now
- A: oh okay
- [30 minutes later]
- Anxiety: Okay You've felt happy for exactly half an hour so you're Probably Fine, just dramatic I'm sure I don't actually exist lol just get up it's not that hard nothing to worry about ya privileged fuck.
- A: I don't- it was so good...
- Anxiety: That's a fallacy here's my presentation why
- Mind: some new options for the next 13 minutes: guilt, guilt, guilt, under-stimulation or Increased Guilt?
- A:
- A: N-None? Anx-
- Mind: DREAD IT IS!
- A: No-
- Anxiety: Why can't you do your work now? You were fine a minute ago and it's not That Hard just sit down there's Nothing happening and your stuff is missing why don't you just do it nothing's wrong you're fine everything's fine I'm sure y-
- A: ...
- A: [through the chatter] fuck you /all/
0I’m drowning in my own mind from bad thoughts. Even all the people want to help me. They can’t!
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