I thought I was getting over my ED but every bite of food I took today was so painful and even looking at the food in my plate made me so sick. I had to eat it coz my dad was eating with me but that was so hard idk if I’ll be able to stop myself from puking it out. I feel so disgusting.
It’s sad but honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know it would completely crush my mom and dads hearts if I died, I would have killed myself a long time ago.
I just realized that I exist to other people and they have thoughts about me and now I wanna die
Sometimes it’s nice to sit in your own misery. Happiness is so chaotic, there’s so many angles, so much going on. But there’s a certain calmness and comfort in sadness. Like a big heavy blanket wrapped around you and keeping you warm.
Sometimes you just need to lay in your misery blanket, just for a little bit. Just till you have the energy to fight for your happiness again.
I know you’re not good for me. You’re not a bad person, you’re sweet and you’re kind. You listen when I talk, you even smile when we kiss. I know that whenever I call you you’ll always answer, you’ll be there. But I also know you’ll never call me, you’ll never text first, you’ll never make the first step.
You’re not a bad person and I know you’ll never walk away from me, but I also know you’ll never take a step towards me either. Walking away from you is so hard because I know that whenever I turn back you’ll still be there, standing. Standing but never moving, neither forwards nor back.
You’re not good for me, I love you but you’re not good for me.
For someone who was kinda always in control, I sure do break easily under the slightest “pressure"💔😐
It sucks cause I’m known for my will power, and how I always get things done but now I can’t even bother to fake how not okay I am, and the worst thing is, these things I "choose” not to face today cause they were too much to handle, would still be there literally tomorrow to face…
And just to make things worse, this feeling of being overwhelmed would last till the deadline, which is on the 7th🤦🏻♀️
I know I’ll still be on it tomorrow till I get it done but will I be absolutely stressed out and some definite tears would show? Well, of course!🙂
Honestly I want to be sick, I want there to be something wrong with me. Because if I really am fine, if there’s really absolutely nothing wrong wrong with me, then why can’t I be happy? Why do I always feel so terrible?
I need a excuse for feeling so fucking shit all the time.
It’s like I’m drowning and everytime I come up another wave pushes me under again and again. I can never escape the water.
I really wanna go and ball my eyes out in the bathroom but I’m at school and wearing makeup and I have no way of fixing it once I’m done so imma have to just stay on the verge of tears for the next 2h30. Wish me luck ✌️
I’m just laying here, crying my eyes out and I genuinely don’t have a good reason for it
It just really fucking sucks when you have so much you need to talk about and absolutely no one to talk to…
I’m tired of being better, I want to be sad again…just for a little while, just so I can rest. Feeling is so tiring, I just want to sleep in my numbness again, just for a little while….just till I’m ready to feel again…
I really feel like this song is perfect for #Tamaki #tamakiamajiki #overwhelemed #bnha #mha