#painful Tumblr posts

  • To all waiting for a cure.

    To all waiting for a diagnosis.

    To all those in pain.

    To all those on edge waiting for something.

    May relief and answers come soon. I know the feelings well.

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    #WHY #hayden.txt #PAINFUL
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  • hi

    #painful #hayden.txt
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  • I feel stupid for believing anyone would choose me over her, when she’s so beautiful inside and out and I’m just a ugly person.

    #im sorry #i cant do this #im so stupid #my head is killing me #my heart#painful#heartbreak
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    Let me be the one who shines with you

    And we can slide away!

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  • People have no idea that some people spend tremendous energy just to be normal.

    They don’t know for how long a single thing can stay in their mind.


    Originally posted by quantumacid

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  • -Are you afraid of the dark?

    -No I’m not.


    -Because the dark is honest, but you can never know what’s behind the light’s shadow.

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  • It’s been over a year,

    Since your hands wrapped around mine,

    Since we stared into each other faces,

    Since we cried to each other,

    But you try to build a wall around those days,

    You laugh like everything is still funny,

    Your jokes getting through to me,

    Making a joke out of all the silliest things,

    You let me drag you from place to place,

    Initially complaining about walking with me,

    Shaking your head and walking at your pace,

    Sometimes I’d childishly end an argument by walking away with a little speed,

    “I’m not chasing after you again.” You say firmly,

    There is a slight sting in my chest,

    Did everything change?

    Am I late to the turn of the pages?

    Am I still rereading the past few pages?

    Will I ever be able to keep up?

    You shut the thoughts in my head when your hands brush mine,

    My mind turns into mush,

    Oh, how I missed the feeling,

    The mask covering most of your face,

    I can’t see the stupid grin on your face every time you do say stupid,

    Sometimes you give in or sometimes I do,

    We grab onto each other,

    We let our hands dangle together,

    But our hands slip off almost immediately,

    I overlook the feeling flowing through my chest,

    When you finally snap and react to my poking,

    You get ready to push me against people,

    I hold onto you tightly,

    We laugh like maniacs,

    I complain about my cheeks,

    And your horrible jokes,

    But you’re too smug about your jokes,

    We don’t hug even when we part ways,

    I wish I could,

    You grab onto my face,

    Bundling my face in your palms,

    I wish we could be away,

    Away from the people,

    Away from the reality of things,

    But I settle with you quickly dropping your hands,

    You cover up your action with a stupid joke,

    I laugh and you smile,

    You wave and so do I,

    You leave and don’t look back,

    But here I am,

    My eyes glued to you,

    I suppose things have changed,

    I suppose it’s time for me to turn the pages,

    I suppose I don’t mind doing what it takes for the smile on your face to reach your eyes,

    I suppose that’s what happens.

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  • this is not sadness. it is worse. i feel pain all the time. i hate my whole life. my past, my present, my future. i wanted him to my husband and my kids father. when he left me, i lost my only love, my quardian angel, my hope.

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    I selfharmed by scratching my legs and now my boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. I don’t want to tell the truth because I don’t want him to be relieved that I selfharmed instead of cheating

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  • 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐧 ?

    Ihr sagt ich soll positiv denken, aber wie ? Wie soll ich meine negativen Gedanken weg stecken, wenn alles was auf mich zukommt negativ ist ? Wenn alles was ich anfasse anfängt zu zerbrechen und wenn alles was ich mit aller Kraft versuche festzuhalten, immer wieder aus meinen Händen gleitet ? Sagt mir wie ich positiv durchs Leben kommen soll, wenn mein Leben nur aus Enttäuschungen und Trauer besteht ?


    #life is weird #painful
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  • Your pain should be inward since people won’t mind trading over that either.

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  • i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me. all those laughs, smiles, tears, they were all for you.

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  • I get into the ladies car not knowing where I’m going to go not knowing whose car I’m really in, as I ride to a place I have never been or ever seen I already feel like I’m being caged in like a prison.. did I do something wrong? Was it because I left the house at night?.. all I care about is seeing my mom again… We arrived to the house… I realize that they are not white but of a different race… The color of their skin does not bother me only that it was new to me and a new experience….. They welcome me into their own house with open arms…. Their names were the mckesson’s… My new Foster family… One mom one dad one sister one brother none of which were blood but they were nice to me…for now, something wasn’t quite right… The father face was stern and of an aggressive nature, and the sister stared at me in a soul-sunkin manner, the brother was happy with my presents and my mom smiled with joy…but what did I walk into I wonder? I slept on their couch that night scared and sad…To be continued

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  • Last night I was ripped away from my mom… Today I would have turned six…. I wake up in a half gray half nude color room with one couch by the wall I woke up on and some toys in the far corner… No one is there I stick my head out the room door it’s a hallway… I thought maybe I just had a bad dream. I run and run down the hallway yelling mom and then finally someone grabs me by the shoulders… I turn around and look up…. The lady says are you David… I respond with yes where’s my mom… The lady says let’s go back into the room you are in and talk about it everything will be fine…. We get back to the room.. she tells me that they have a very nice place and a home for me to go to….I said I don’t want to go to someone’s home I want to go to my home… They said that my mom made bad decisions.. and they need to put me in a place until I can get back with my mom… I remember how I felt that day… It was cold felt like I was falling in the abyss of the darkness… I didn’t feel sad I didn’t feel happy I didn’t feel mad I felt blank as blank as a chalkboard… It was that day that my emotions started dying… I felt powerless and hopeless… All I wanted was the warmth of my mother’s arms wrapped around me the only gift I wanted today it was my sixth birthday

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  • Lady in the navy colored suit walks me down the stairs toward her car… I look at the cop car on her left and I see my mom crying with pain every bone in her body I could feel it was like for a moment we were intertwined and I knew that she still loved me… I look at her and ask when I would see her… The lady in the Navy colored suit said you will see her in a couple days… Lies that were said from the teeth of the corrupt….. I get in her car… And that’s the last time I see my mom for the next 5 years

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  • There’s a knock at the door… It’s the police… Mom is passed out on the couch, she jolts herself awake runs around the house placing things in different spots… The cops kick down the door and my mom screams.. I see a man and a bulletproof vest approach my door of my bedroom telling me to stay there… I don’t listen I run to my mom…. The cop grabs me by the arm tightly I reach with the other arm to grab my mom she also reaches to grab me…. Our fingertips almost touch then they pull her away and take her out the front door…. I get thrown onto the couch and get yelled at to sit there…. 10 minutes later I have a lady in her mid-thirties with a navy blue suit and a baby blue undershirt, she approached me and told me she was going to take me somewhere safe…. I told her I am safe and I’m staying with my mother

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  • I would get up to the front counter at the convenience store and the gentleman behind the counter would ask me where my mother or father was I would tell him I was grown and I could make my own decisions he said that’s a lot of candy and I said that’s a lot of hunger… Not realizing what I said I head home, as I turn onto my street to go down the hill to the apartment I see blue and red lights in the distance I run into the apartment and lock the door and hide in my room

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  • but what is life without pain ? what is life without tears ? what is life without sadness and feeling lonely ?. to understand life the fullest we have to appreciate the pain, the chaos, it’s the art of life.

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