#panic attacks Tumblr posts

  • munstysmind
    04.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    BETRAYAL - Maddison - An Original Story

    WARNING/S: Mentions of drinking, indefinitely

    DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY

    Divider by @firefly-graphics

    MAIN MASTERLIST

    MADDISON MASTERLIST

    please let me know if you would like to be added to a tag list

    "Maddison, if you don't open this door in the next ten seconds I'm using my key" Jensen says, knocking on her door for the fourth time. Almost immediately he hears her stomp to the door and unlock the deadbolts before opening it.

    She looks terrible. Hair a mess, circles under her eyes, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She just looks at him and goes back to the couch, leaving the door open.

    "You look like hell" he says, closing the door behind him

    "How very observant of you" she spits sarcastically. She's not in the mood.

    "Cut the attitude"

    "What are you doing here?"

    "Your therapist called. You didn't show up at your session and you weren't answering her calls, or mine"

    "Why did she call you?"

    "I'm your emergency contact Maddison"

    She groans and screams into a throw pillow before launching it across the room, making Jensen duck for cover. That's when he sees the whiskey bottle on her coffee table, it's almost empty.

    He know it's a new bottle, it's the one they had all been given by production at the start of the week to celebrate a viewings record.

    "Are you OK?" he asks, worried. This isn't like her.

    "No" she tells him flatly

    "What's wrong?" he asks, trying to get to the bottom of her behaviour

    "What isn't..." she scoffs before grabbing the bottle and trying to take another mouthful

    "Hey, what are you doin'?" he says, taking it out of her hand and putting it on her kitchen bench. She glares at him as he sits on the coffee table in front of her. She just wants to drink her feelings away.

    "Maddie, talk to me" he begs. She just looks at him, fighting back tears.

    "What is going on?" he says softly, rubbing the top of her thighs.

    "He cheated" she whispers as a tear escapes her eye and rolls down her cheek

    "What?!" he says stunned, prying that he'd misheard her

    "He cheated on me Jens" she repeats, looking at him. She sees his eyes grow wild with anger and he lets out a low growl

    "Chris?!"

    "Try again"

    "When?"

    "Last August"

    "Maddie, how..."

    "She's a fan. She saw the article and reached out on Twitter. John confirmed everything. She feels horrible, she didn't know who Travis was when it happened"

    Travis had actively stayed out of the public eye. Maddie hadn't posted any photos with them and he hadn't gone to any events with her so most people didn't even know that she was in a relationship.

    She thought it was because he wanted to keep his anonymity she respected that but in reality it was just another way he controlled her.

    "It gets worse... he got her pregnant"

    "Oh fuck"

    "He knows and he refuses to take responsibility... which is ironic because we were talking about kids. We'd just started trying"

    "I know without a doubt in my mind that you are going to be an incredible mother when the time comes but it’s an understatement when I say I’m glad he didn't get you pregnant"

    "Me too"

    "We know for sure it's his?"

    "Yeah, he demanded a DNA test... he's got a son"

    "I'm sorry"

    "I can't keep doing this Jens. First bail, then the phone call, the article and now this... it's too much" she says, her voice starting to shake. She thought Travis couldn't do anything else to hurt her but she was wrong. This information had thrown her, so much that she has gotten blind drunk and passed out on her couch.

    Jensen quickly pulls her into him, moving to sit on the couch while she buries herself in his chest and breaks down. He holds her, rocking her slightly, for a good ten minutes before she starts to calm down. 

    "I hate him, I hate him with everything I've got" she says, sitting up and putting her head in her hands, her head pounding

    "I know you do" he says, rubbing her back while he thinks of ways to rip Travis apart

    "Then why does it hurt so much?" she whispers

    "Because he betrayed you. Doesn't matter when it happened" he tells her. He can't imaging how she's feeling right now. How anyone can cheat is beyond him. But then, he's a good person with morals. Travis isn't.

    "What are you going to do with this?" he asks. He knows this has set her back. He's trying to get a gauge of where her head at besides the binge drinking.

    "I've asked John to organise a meeting with her" she sighs, leaning back back against the couch rubbing her temples.

    "Are you sure that the best idea?"

    "Probably not given everything that happening but I need to. I need it, she needs it. I need some form of closure and she needs to know that none of this is on her, that I don't... that I don't hold anything against her. She's not the one who was unfaithful. I was working my ass off, paying his rent, his student loans only for him to turn around and sleep with someone else... and to plan it"

    "Mads, what are you saying?"

    "He'd been talking to her online for months. That night, before... he asked me if I'd been sleeping with Seb... actually he accused me of it. Turns out he was projecting. If he wasn't happy why didn't he just leave because clearly I wasn’t enough for him?"

    "You know why"

    "He'd loose control over me... I didn't show up at my appointment because I'm hungover and don't know where my phone is. I didn't mean to make you worry, I'm sorry"

    He kisses her temple before getting up and going into the kitchen. He opens her fridge and starts putting out food, putting in in her bench.

    "What are you doing?" she asks as he starts going through her cupboards

    "I am making us some food while you go shower and get ready" he says, pulling out a large frying pan

    "Why?"

    "Because we're going to the gun range"

    TAGLIST

    @aussieez

    @littleone65

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  • ritikajyala
    04.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    11 billion bits of information per second, you need memes to fall asleep. I wish the insomnia went away. You're too scared to cosplay but capitalise your opinions on twitter.

    -Ritika Jyala, excerpt from I Steal Eyes from Paintings and call it Art

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  • ritikajyala
    04.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    you barely talk to anyone but your activity time says 6h 17min. Mondays blur into wednesday evening, morphing into the thrill of friday and in a second, it's monday again. I'm sorry I didn't pick up your call.

    - Ritika Jyala, excerpt from I Steal Eyes from Paintings and call it Art

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  • callaeidae3
    04.12.2021 - 2 hours ago

    Twelve days of Whumpmas (NZ version)

    Day 4 - Four Calling Birds (Four huhu grubs): Muzzled | Memories/flashbacks | Favourite holiday memories

    ... mind the whumpee with post traumatic stress disorder. The one that's been captured before, and is now reliving that experience all over again at the same time as this one

    (Huhu grubs (huhu bettle larvae) aren't so relevant here 🐛)

    Continuation from Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3

    @amonthofwhump

    #amow twelve days of whumpmas #memories#flashbacks#ptsd #yuuki has ptsd #tied up#restrained#trembling #implied panic attack #implied trauma#angst#concern#blood#injury#captured#ocs#kyle kindall#yuuki takahashi#whump art#my art #yuuki needs a hug #crying#helplessness #i imagine the whumpers took amelia away since she's the one they were really after (since she's royalty)
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  • astrolanguini
    04.12.2021 - 2 hours ago

    hm i’m sposed to be trying to go back to school but i don’t see any way i’m going to be able to afford it rn and also i still ummmm hate pretty much everything abt school & don’t actually care abt it at all so i have very little motivation to like. apply for scholarships and shit. it’s just…a lot of work just to do something that sucks yk

    #i Have to go back tho i have to try i don’t know what else to do #i’m stupid & i have no skills…….. #what am i going to do #i’m also still terrified of school btw like yes i’m medicated now so things Could be better but. #i really don’t miss having panic attacks and breakdowns bc of school constantly #if that happens again. well :) idk #i just don’t know #if i go back and fail again tho. i do know i would simply end it all
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  • flowersofjannah
    04.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    Deep Breaths 🌿

    Inhale, stop, exhale.

    Inhale, stop, exhale.

    Inhale, stop, exhale.

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  • pottedfairies
    04.12.2021 - 4 hours ago

    .

    #like obvi i wanna finish these apps and try and make it into grad school but i rlly wld rather live between the drywall and insulation #fairy chatter #google search: how to stop having panic attacks every time u open a grad school website #all this is awful 😀
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  • this--is-home
    04.12.2021 - 5 hours ago

    Pro of the week: Friends!! I think I have made them!

    Con of the week: What if they hate me because I’m neurodivergent

    #ocd #no really because #what if I get panic attacks every day near normal stuff #what if they learn about my intrusive thoughts and leave me #what if they bully me for being childish or a crybaby #what if they treat me like I’m 2 and baby me #I always get stressed though #how can I even make friends #that aren’t neurodivergent? #actuallyocd
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  • cherubimpeachtea
    04.12.2021 - 5 hours ago

    nooooooo don't have an irrational fear of your drafts getting close to a specific number because of religion aha yourso sexy

    #😐#calpol tag #im dying if it hits that number ill have a panic attack
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  • hyough
    04.12.2021 - 5 hours ago

    feel like a doll

    #prsnl#v depersonalized #do not like being asked if i have bpd i do not #idk. kind of made me rlly upset and i didnt stand up for myself #like its not. a bad thing to have. just my abuser like had it rlly badly #and shes related to me #and i just couldn’t handle it today idk had a panic attack
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  • snowpeaches
    04.12.2021 - 5 hours ago

    who knew

    it was

    possible

    to drown in

    your own

    reflection?

    you can try to escape, but

    the only way out

    is up.

    mind over matter · snowpeaches @ tumblr dot com
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  • awkward-smirks
    04.12.2021 - 5 hours ago

    .

    #I ACCIDENTLY BOUGHT THESE STUPID MF SKATES FOR $140 BC I WAS JUST TRYING TO SEE WHAT THE DISCOUNT LOOKED LIKE AND I DIDN'T THINK MY ACTUAL #PAYMENT WOULD GO THROUGH!!!!!!!!! #AND THEIR STUPID WEBSITE DIDNT EVEN APPLY THE MF DISCOUNT CODE AND THEY DONT OFFER CANCELLATIONS #I HAD TWO PANIC ATTACKS OVER THIS #AKKDKDKAKELFKKDKSKS
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  • mschfmakr
    04.12.2021 - 6 hours ago

    noticing trauma sentence starters | accepting

    @behemothbash said:  “I brought ya some water.” // :)

         ‘  o-oh...uh...thanks, hop.  ’

         the glass is taken, shaking hands trying to keep a decent grip on it so that it doesn’t spill anywhere. she’d just feel worse if she dumped it all over herself after he’d been nice enough to grab it for her. it takes a few minutes to steady herself enough to bring it to her lips and take a sip and then she settles it in her lap, letting out a shaky sigh.

         ‘  you uh...you can get goin’ ya know. don’t gotta hang around.  ’ she felt bad enough the poor kid had to witness the mild panic attack she’d had over something that brought back a flood of memories she’d would rather keep locked away.

         ‘  ‘m sure bede is probably wonderin’ where ya are. don’t wanna keep ‘im waitin’.  ’

    #behemothbash #panic attack mention // #☁ ❝ ( asks ; delivered mail ) #☁ ❝ ( ic ; time to cause mischief ) #☁ ❝ ( vrs. pkmn ; gotta catch ‘em all ) #[ hop you sweet angel ]
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  • squinko
    04.12.2021 - 6 hours ago
    #nope brain cant do this tonight #i fucking knew it was gonna get bad like two hours ago #i tried to push it off so much #this is the . like 7th or 8th day ive had some sort of panic attack break down thingy at night #so for a week straight now #and its not getting easier lol #i dont know why this week has been so hard on me #i just. woke up monday and decided that this week every single thing that happens all the time #would spike my anxiety and trigger allll the trauma from past shit #my head hurts #and im scared #of what u ask? i dont even know #its been so hard to not block everyone i know and start over #cause i Know thats not good for me #and would hurt people i love #but my brain is screaming at me to do it #im just. having a bad time lol #vent post#tbd
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  • justcastiel
    04.12.2021 - 7 hours ago

    If I go too long without drawing a Dean's sketchbook page I lose my god damn mind

    #panic attack yesterday #but drawing Cas in Dean's sketchbook today? healing
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  • squinko
    04.12.2021 - 7 hours ago
    #having a panic attack or something every night is . very tiring #i try so hard to like #hold it in and carry on with whatever conversation im having #which ends yp making it worse and it gets triggered by the stupidest shit #im tired #universe may i have new brain pld #vent post#tbd
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  • squinko
    04.12.2021 - 7 hours ago

    i just psychoanalyzed myself so hard i need to lay down

    #maybe having another panic attack? #Somethings happening #not a fan #realized that i get horribly upset over little things #bc in the past thats what lead to everyone ditching me #cant handle the littlest most insignificant conflict bc #in the past somebody would hold it against me until the end #hate disappointing people cause thats what makes stop loving me #hate frustrating people because thats what makes them take away their love until i do smth to please them #hate when people asking me to do things im not comfortable with #bc if i say that they convince me im in the wrong #vent post#tbd #cant handle people getting short with me bc then i feel like i did something wrong #and theyll hate me
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  • lordiavolo
    04.12.2021 - 7 hours ago

    i just cant describe how much it hurts when my mutuals ignore my art and ignore my vents like you dont owe me anything but it really does feel awful tonight

    #go forward link #ifi feel anything too hard ill have a panic attack and start crying i need to sleep.
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  • desolationlovers
    04.12.2021 - 7 hours ago
    #ive given up waiting on medicaid next week im going to the free clinic. again. someone FUCKING DO SOMETHING #lees posts #i having to convince myself So Hard that i dont have cancer. i had blood tests and a ct and an ultrasound they didnt find anything. #but what the hell else could it be!!!!!! i had panic attacks about having cancer before all this. im just supposed to deal with severe #pain from an UNKNOWN SOURCE #and NOT have constant panic attacks!!!!! #medical#hypocondria #tell me its psychosomatic i FUCKIN DARE YOU YOU QUACK
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  • my-adventure-begins-here
    04.12.2021 - 8 hours ago

    lol almost got fired from my job today and have had six panic attacks since fucking Tuesday so THIS is how I’m doing :)

    #fuck target#faiths posts #I’ve never had this many panic attacks before in a week #brain is doing bad
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