Sometimes I want to stand up to you but I can’t. Sometimes I give in without even realizing it. Sometimes I pretend that I’m not upset.
I would take back anything if it meant keeping you happy. Sometimes I spill over with redactments. I can feel me doing it to myself.
You are not an abusive partner. Sometimes you say or do things that aren’t fair. Sometimes your opinions are so big that there isn’t any room for my own.
We happen to agree on most things. This is lucky because I tend to repress any dissent. I know you wouldn’t hate me if I disagreed with you.
I give my desire to you. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the only thing I have to give you.
I may not be accomplished, talented, smart, charismatic, healthy, or driven, but I do know how to dissolve into you until I’m no longer my own person. That comes naturally. It feels so safe to trust you above myself.
I put so much focus on you because I think it makes me a good partner. It doesn’t. You can’t truly connect with half of a person.
If you don’t know what I want, you don’t know me. Sometimes what I want is buried so deep that I don’t know who I am. Sometimes it feels nice to be you.
I keep watching for red flags. I keep wondering when we’ll twist. Not if. When.
Please know that you don’t deserve this. Please know that you didn’t cause this. Please know that I am trying to trust.