Do you believe in signs? Because I do.
The craziest couple of days just happened to me that I can’t just believe there wasn’t deeper meaning behind it all. This entire year for me wasn’t just a pure coincidence. It happened for me, exactly as it should have. Everything happened for me in perfect timing. And after how my final week of this crazy year ended, it put a stamp on that belief for me. It has been a crazy wild ride, but reflecting through, I am grateful it happened as I believe everything happened as it was meant for me. Everything happens for a reason. I see every challenge as a lesson, and boy have there been many, many, many lessons this year. #growth
Tuesday, December 29, 2020
Let’s begin with Tuesday, the first of the last two days of work I had left this year. I went into it completely calm, relaxed after coming from a long Christmas weekend. I walked into a complete snowballing shitstorm I couldn’t have even imagined.
It started off with getting a new cloud system that no one communicated to us about. The logins and extra step, new icons were all new things I had to incorporate into my daily routine. Changing something like our system threw off my entire rhythm. On top of that, it wasn’t working in 2 out of my 4 exam rooms, closing down the capacity of rooms we could use. Unrelated yet concurrently we were running on one technician short on a full schedule. Given the circumstances, we didn’t have time to troubleshoot the problems, and there was no one there to support. Frustrations grew to a boiling point where I felt like how am I supposed to do my job when there’s no support? I blew up. And so did many others, sharing the same frustrations we have had of our management team since they’ve started.
At the same time this issue was brewing, I walked into an exam room of a racist patient. The details of what was said by him is irrelevant, but he was making racist comments that crossed my boundary, and I called him out for it. I excused myself and walked right out and into the admin room where I loudly proclaimed the incidence with the racist patient and refuse to serve him. I was over with all the bullshit of having people disrespect me, and I was calling them out as they came. This being a newfound courage and awareness I am proud of and intend to use furthermore. But I handled the situation well. I made my boundaries clear, and I won’t be accepting anything less. On top of that, I made the message clear to the entire team that this wasn’t acceptable behavior for me, and I made them deal with it, as I believed the managers should have. And so in one incident, I feel like I rectified many underlying problems.
The point is, work on Tuesday blew up. It was the worst day on the job since I’ve started. I couldn’t find my rhythm back after the rocky start and felt struggling below the surface all day. We had an all-out impromptu staff meeting where both managers and staff yelled at each other in frustration, and I finally voiced all my personal grievances to them as directly and unpolished as possible. And having dealt with the racist patient as well, my head was spinning. There was just something in the energy of the place that day, were everyone was on edge.
The part about the sign I’m going to get at is that this all happened on one of the last few days of the year. Where this year has brought on many challenges and much internal and outer turmoil to many, I went into the day feeling like I was evolved and peaceful. I have been making great strides every week, month and at the end of the year I was surely closing up that chapter, so I thought. The eruption at work Tuesday proved to me wrong, and in hindsight, seemingly was meant to happen before the storm finally calmed. We needed that one last outburst before closing the books. While I thought I have personally handled my own problems, Tuesday’s all-out meeting allowed me and others to finally let loose the final pieces that needed to be verbalized before waters could settle. And I see that now.
You might think I’m being hokey, but I actually read beforehand that Tuesday December 29 would be our last full moon of the year, where the moon was in cancer, which meant it would be an intense one. And honestly before walking in on Tuesday, I couldn’t imagine how that would be true given I had felt completely at peace with myself. But it indeed turned out to be a very intense day for me and I remember recalling on the advice given to my Aries horoscope for the cancer full moon to “release expectations about the future and instead slow down to give the moment your full attention.” It made sense to me as the day unfolded what the advice was as I couldn’t make sense of it prior to it happening.
But sure enough, as everything was seemingly falling apart, my previous usual self would have felt frayed beyond what was currently happening and propelled into deeper worry of what this would all mean about my future, such as affect how I felt about staying or quitting my job in the future, and ultimately leading me down the path of if I was to stay in Austin or leave. These were all issues that previously bothered me all year and prior, but the greatest lesson I’ve had to work through this year, which was to be get aware and manage my future self fears. And as I would believe to have happened, on Tuesday, I was put to the test yet again as a way of the universe giving me my final exam to see if I truly learned this lesson. Through all the intensity and chaos, I can honestly say I held my ground and kept focused only on what was happening in the moment. I avoided my usual pattern of thought that often led to the downward spiral leading to my future fears.
To be completely honest and objective with myself, I dare say I passed the test. I truly feel like Dec 29′s full moon was a real thing and I also think the full moon, happening so close to the end of the year, allowed the situation to arise in such the perfect storm to act as my final exam of the year and test if I truly learned the lessons through my year of growth. I believe the coincidences for all of this to line up together as it did couldn’t simply have been done by accident. I truly believe that all of this happened for a reason,
all of this happened as it needed to,
and all of this happened in perfect timing for me.
(To be continued…)