#past love Tumblr posts

  • I hope you still think I’m beautiful 
    I look in the mirror and search 
    For the girl you loved
    I don’t see her much anymore 

    I wish I could reach into your memories
    And pull out the images of me
    That were burned into your retinas 
    Just to compare 

    “I may find you more attractive
    Than you find yourself—
    So if I were you, 
    I would [have a twin kink].”

    I had to pull those words 
    Out of your throat 
    And once in my hands, 
    I dropped them almost immediately

    You were the only one I believed,
    So please.
    Find me beautiful still. 
    So that I can as well. 

    #words#poetry#past love#love#beautiful#attractive #i believed you #memories#attraction #beauty is in the eye of the abuser #i am too embarrassed to tag you on this one #this is one of my great shames
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  • I didn’t know you
    And that’s okay 
    You didn’t know me anyway

    Forget our fault,
    Which we betray,
    When we look for excuses 
    to leave—not reasons to stay

    Forgive my heart
    I’ll forsake your mind
    It’s gone astray 
    And there’s nothing
    Left behind

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  • This is the hardest thing I will ever write.

    It started a little more than six years ago. I met you at a concert in Philadelphia. I didn’t think much of you then. You followed me around all day with those big blue eyes and I thought nothing of it. You annoyed me actually.

    You were persistent, and I liked that about you. You annoyed me, but you had so many traits that I admired. You were easy to talk to. You were kind. You knew how to make me laugh. We shared similar interests and values. But of course, you were just a friend.

    Your entire existence conflicted with what I wanted in life; with who I wanted in life. You were wild and had experienced so much in just 18 years. You didn’t want to settle. I was 19 and in my first year of college, and didn’t know what my future held. I had a very clear idea in my head of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t it.

    You were always persistent. Despite how busy I was working and going to class, day after day we would text, talk on the phone, Facetime, send each other Tweets, and so on. There was never a time where we weren’t connected. I loved to hate that about us.

    I turned 20 and decided I wanted an adventure. You were in bootcamp in North Chicago and I suggested that I would come visit. I had never traveled on my own. You agreed, and we made arrangements. Little did I know, that this would be the trip that ruined me forever.

    I got on the plane, full of excitement and butterflies. I didn’t know why I was feeling them. I was just going to visit a friend; nothing major. We were going to meet downtown at Ogilvie Station. I got lost trying to find it. When I first saw you exit the train platform doors, we ran up toward one another and embraced each other with a force and closeness I had never felt — and that is when my life changed.

    I didn’t know what was in store for us. I didn’t know that our first kiss was going to be on the top of the ferris wheel at Navy Pier that night. I didn’t know that we would spend the evening tangled in that hotel room bed. I didn’t know what was happening, and honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy. For once in my life, I felt happy.

    I went back to Pennsylvania, and you went back to bootcamp. You got assigned to be in San Diego a month later. The distance between us just got larger, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to work.

    You came back to Pennsylvania before they sent you to San Diego, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you. I will never forget that day. Unfortunately, it would be the last time I saw you for a few years.

    We continuously found ourselves in a rigorous cat-and-mouse game for the years to follow. I would date someone; you would talk to me. You would date someone; I would talk to you. When it failed on both ends, we talked to one another. I didn’t mind it though, because we always found our way back to each other again.

    I was in my last year of college. You called me one December night, drunk out of your mind. You confessed your love for me. You said “I want you from the beginning to the very end.” Though it didn’t make sense, I knew what you meant, and the cycle started all over again.

    We decided to plan a visit after 3 years of not seeing each other. I flew to San Diego to spend 10 days with you in your apartment on the naval base. It was the new start with you I had craved for years.

    We got a little drunk one night and got carried away. I found out two months later that I was pregnant. We agreed on an abortion. I want to say more about this but it’s hard for me to put it all into words. It still haunts me to this day.

    I asked you if I could move to San Diego to be with you after I graduated college. I wanted us to finally be in the same place at the same time. You told me no. Later I found out it’s because you had a local girlfriend that you didn’t want me to know about.

    At 23, I decided to move to Chicago after graduation and have a new start. I wanted to be with you but you still had a few years left in the Navy, and you didn’t want me to be in San Diego. I figured, Chicago was where we got our start, why not go there and make it our forever?

    You told me you were afraid of me. You said you were afraid of how much I loved you, and how much you loved me. You said you were afraid of how intense and serious our connection was. You confessed to the secret local girlfriend that I had my suspicions about, but said you didn’t want to be with anyone else ever again. We finally made it official and started dating. I shouldn’t have forgiven you then, but I did. I should have hated you then, but I didn’t.

    Things were rough because of the distance, but one thing was certain: the love we had for each other was on fire. We were wildly passionate about one another. We made several trips back and forth to see each other, but each time left us with wanting more. I have come to learn from this situation that sometimes just loving someone so much is not enough.

    I always had my suspicions about your girl best friend. I knew in my gut she liked you, and that she always had. You denied these statements every time I made them.

    You asked me in April if she could move in with you and your other roommate because there was an opening and her lease was up. I was not keen on the idea. I believe I said no several times because of how uncomfortable it made me feel. Truth be told, I didn’t trust her. I knew she would try something. Eventually I gave in, and said she could, but that there would be some ground rules in terms of what questions I could ask in order to ease my mind and reassure me with her being around. As I’m sure you recall, there wasn’t much reason for me to trust you either.

    We broke up in May — two weeks after I resigned my lease for the apartment you were supposed to live in with me. I was now stuck by myself in a city that I hated. I hated the lifestyle. I hated the people. I hated the apartment that I once loved. I hated everything, but somehow I didn’t hate you.

    We kept in touch, constantly actually. You still called and texted me every day. We still told each other about our days. We were both unprepared for what was to come.

    My mental health started to decline rapidly. My therapist wanted to admit me to in-patient therapy, but I didn’t have the money. You sent it to me so that I could get the help I needed.

    Time went on. I got a little better. I was released from the in-patient facility, and quickly started acting out. I was doing drugs and partying a lot, and you stuck to your reserved roots. We still talked every day. You were concerned, but just wanted me to have fun and feel free. I took advantage of that. I’m 25 years old and still sulking over my ex-boyfriend, so what better way to cope with the loss than with partying and drugs?

    You came back to Pennsylvania for the holidays, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you, just like I had done years before. I will never forget that day. It was the first time I had seen you in person since we broke up.

    We spent the day together in Harrisburg; we went to the bookstore and the coffee shop, walked around the city, and sat on the swings at the park. I asked you about a photo of you and your roommate that looked very couple-like that was on Instagram, and I said, “You know how this looks, right?” You denied and said that it was just because your other roommate didn’t want to be in the photo.

    As the sun started to set and I knew I needed to make my journey back home, I felt so strongly in my gut that I didn’t want to leave you. I would rather die than be apart from you again.

    I dropped you off at your cousin’s house. We didn’t even hug goodbye. We were both hesitant to leave but knew it’s what we had to do. I started to drive away, and not even 30 seconds down the street I started hysterically crying. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I called a friend to calm me down and he said “You need to tell him, Lydia!” — so I did.

    I texted you and told you I was crying. I said how I regretted not hugging you goodbye. You replied almost instantly and said “I regret not kissing you, so there’s that.” I abruptly turned the car around and headed back toward you.

    I picked you back up and you kissed me immediately. I hate to say it but my soul left my body with that kiss. I had craved it for so long. I had craved you for so long. We couldn’t stop so we drove to a clearing in the woods. You know the rest. You played Heavenly by Cigarettes After Sex as I drove you back to your cousin’s house.

    I started on my 3 hour drive home that night, intoxicated from your kiss and the connection that we built once again. I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you.

    Time went on, and things were good. You said how you wished you could come home to me. We talked about visiting each other again, but you were unsure of the timing because you were trying to start a new job. We were desperate to make it work; well, at least I was.

    You started to grow distant. I asked you about it several times. I asked you if there was someone else. You told me you just were afraid of hurting me again. You said there was no one else.

    Valentine’s Day rolled around, which is a particularly hard time for me because that is the anniversary of the abortion I had for what would have been our child. The day was already off to a rough start. I had a disgusting gut feeling that something was going to happen that day, but I tried to brush it off.

    I happened to look at your roommate’s Instagram story and saw a post of beautiful flowers on the table in your home, captioned “Thank you my love,” with you tagged on the image. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. My worst nightmare had come true.

    I asked you about it, you initially denied and said how the two of you talked about needing more plants in the house so you thought buying her those flowers would be a nice gesture. On Valentine’s Day? You always thought I was a fool. I knew you were lying. Sparing the details, you eventually confessed to having been with her for quite some time.

    I know that my actions were toxic as a response to trauma, and for that there is no excuse. However, my intentions were never evil or to hurt you. I was lost. I was hurting. I was dealing with the greatest loss I had ever experienced. I was fighting for my life, and my mental illnesses were winning.

    I said I wanted to come to San Diego. In the heat of the moment, I did not express the intentions of that statement clearly. I really just wanted to come to talk to you in person and explain everything that I had done, face-to-face, so we could fix it. But, it was interpreted as a threat. Now, I sit here with a 3-year restraining order.

    I left out so many details from our story as I find them to be sacred — for you and me only. I have done a lot of terrible things to you, as you have done a lot of terrible things to me. We can’t take back what has already happened. I just wish you wouldn’t have given up.

    Time has gone on and I’ve grown so much as a person. I have learned to deal with my mental illnesses more proactively. I’m finally doing things that make me happy. I’m leaving this city I hate to move somewhere I actually want to be. I am living for me now, not for you. I hope you’ve changed for the better, too.

    There are so many things that I would go back and relive if I could, as well as go back and change. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t turn you back into a stranger. But, I didn’t know that was our inevitable outcome.

    The last time we spoke was March 14th. Don’t worry, I’m not counting or anything.

    This is the hardest thing I will ever write. I hope you read it.

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  • I’ve been spending time thinking about the past lately. I know I shouldn’t waste my time looking back but I find myself scrolling through old messages and old pictures reminiscing about old times; some of them with people who are not in my life anymore.

    Some memories were actually not as bad as I thought it was. At that time in my life I couldn’t see the big picture and somehow I was always thinking about the worst. I thought it was them who didn’t love me right and always felt like I need to work on forgiving them. Recently, I’ve come to realize that I couldn’t feel that they cared for me because I myself didn’t think I was adequate to receive that kind of attention and affection.

    Suddenly I had this weird feeling, as I was scrolling through old messages, that I need to get in touch with people that I had feelings for. I don’t know why and don’t exactly know what I wanted to say, but maybe apologizing for all I did that could have hurt them while I was busy romanticizing my own pain.

    I wanted to apologize because some things that I did also lead the situation into worst. I didn’t know better. Sometimes I wish I did, so that I didn’t have to wonder what It could have been, because honestly some of them could have turned into a beautiful relationship.

    I was so close to writing them a long message. But I had to stop myself. Because while I thought I was being the bigger person for apologizing, I also thought that it’s selfish for me to suddenly appear in their life again, just so I can let out what’s in my heart and not feel these emotions anymore. What are they suppose to do with all that?

    Then it hit me. All this time I thought I need to work on forgiving them but actually it’s myself that I have to forgive, for not knowing how to handle the circumstances that I was in, for not loving myself enough and for always prioritizing other people.

    All those experiences lead me where I am at today, with the love of my life and wouldn’t trade the world for this. I am thankful for the lessons that they taught me—for giving me different perspectives, for all the memories, and most importantly for teaching me how to love better.

    I love and take care of myself better now, and I am happy I found the one that I’ve been looking for.

    @love-you-alwayss

    #personal#love quotes#ldr#life quotes #poems on tumblr #diary #quotes on tumblr #ldr blog#ldr quotes#relationship#relationship quotes#past love #long distance romance #kisses#cuddles#spilled ink#memories#life lessons #love of my life #love you alwayss #cute quotes #i miss you #i need you #i love you #old messages#reminiscing#old memories #long distance relationship #ldr problems#ldr community
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  • I wonder after all these years if you still have my letter..

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  • Fight In A Hotel Room

    Oh, Harriet

    Dear Harriet


    Don’t try to fool yourself

    We both know he still loves me and me only

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  • image

    I still never understood this….. All my 3 relationships that lasted between 2-8yrs, they all cheated while i’ve always been faithful. Makes me wonder that me being the good and faithful person isn’t worth being that anymore. Good people get fucked over ALOT! 😔😔😔

    #khrayszieghurl08#tumblr blogger #just a girl #just want to be good enough #love#love me#past#past love#past relationship#relationships#ex#my ex #my ex boyfriend #ex boyfriend #how i feel #what i feel #my thoughts #thoughts in my head #thoughts to ponder
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  • image

    We used to be the goal. The dream. So in love, at least I was.

    #i loved him #loveislove #he loved her #we were doing so well #he has no idea #we belong #im doing my best #we are not the same person #someone you loved #past lives#past love#same tbh#quotes#liveyourbestlife#oneofakind#nobody#loner life #i really wish i hated you #beauty#photography#positivity#change
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  • ARIES \ Top of the World

    TAURUS \ The Good War

    GEMINI \ Everybody Knows

    CANCER \ Past Love

    LEO \ Human

    VIRGO \ Right Direction

    LIBRA \ Version of Me

    SCORPIO \ Black Sky

    SAGITTARIUS \ Recovery

    CAPRICORN \ Like They Do On The TV

    AQUARIUS \ Lightyears

    PISCES \ Real Life

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  • And remember how to breathe.

    And desperately trying to remember when exactly, no, why exactly you fell for that person. 

    And your moment was nothing more special than the others. Nothing so unique. 

    No love at first sight like you and I used to, hoped to believe because that everyone wants to believe in destiny, fate of some sort, 

    No such illusion that I would usually see when I start falling. 

    It was just a small chuckle.

    A laugh.

    A laugh of relief. 

    That it didn’t go as I thought it would be.

    That person was so stupid, no, so innocent that he saw right through me. 

    That my fear was the basis of all my scenarios. And that all I wanted was someone to call my scenarios bullshit and prove it. 

    Just a small chuckle.

    How blatantly genuine that moment was, yet feeling so normal, so small out of universe finally. 

    And I will never find that exact moment as I found it to be.

    So I just close my eyes again and again, hoping I don’t remember how to breathe one day. 

    So that I see you closer. 

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  • Let me tell you about an old flame of mine. 

    We met in high school, at a school function one time.

    He fell for me and I fell for him, but kept our feelings secrets, and nothing was shared.

    We talked and laughed, and honestly, we made the perfect pair.

    However, I was impatient and didn’t wait for him, and moved on.

    By doing this, I broke his heart, but yet, he held on.

    From relationship to relationship, we faded away.

    I’d pop into his life to see if he was okay.

    Eventually, we parted and it seemed like we’d never talk again.

    But, as old flames do, we couldn’t part, and remained distant friends.

    College came and we had a flicker of hope.

    We went on a date, and shared a kiss, I’ll always remember the most.

    But, I was in a spot where addictions and mental health were not at par.

    So, what did I do again? I pushed him away, this time, too far.

    Time passed and I met my new love. 

    He’s kind and gentle and romantic and smart.

    He’s funny and charming and the sex, where do I start?

    But once in a while, in my happiness, I find myself thinking of him.

    I miss the flame that I had,

    With the boy I fell in love with in high school and college.

    We’d send the occasional “Happy Birthday” texts or posts.

    But that changed when I got married, and he sent me the quiet “Congratulations on your marriage”.

    Why did this hurt? Why did this sting? Why did I cry the moment I read those words?

    Months passed and life adjusted.

    I had 2 dogs, a house, and my wonderful husband.

    More time went by, and I took the chance again.

    I reached out and I tried my hand at a reconnection.

    This time it stuck, but only for a moment.

    We talked every hour, every minute, every second.

    We met up twice and it was as if nothing had changed. 

    Except, everything was different, and we were just turning a page.

    We still talked but there became more distance. We got our closure, and admitted our feelings of love and lust from before. 

    However, it’s not like it mattered anymore.

    I catch myself still thinking of him. How wonderful and kind, he has always been.

    He’s going to be married on the 25th of October.

    And I know the moment it happens, our friendship will be over.

    What was a huge burning flame of happiness, has now turned into pain.

    Don’t leave. Please. Just for once, let’s stay.

    Let’s sit still in this moment where we don’t have to worry.

    Let’s hold each other close and not have to hurry.

    Let’s become entangled in each other’s skin and warmth.

    Let’s talk and laugh, and cry, and so forth.

    Let’s take a second to get lost in the “What ifs”, “Could have beens”.

    Let’s live out every fantasy that we have always wanted to get lost in.

    Please. Stay. Don’t go.

    I love you. I always have. I always will, this I know.

    I’ll light your candle and never let your flame go dim.

    I’ll be your light and heat, just please, give in.

    Old flame, the greatest of heartbreakers.

    Please, stay. Don’t be a stranger.

    Old flame. Old flame. Oh, flame.

    #love #I love you #love you #love you always #old flame#old flames#heartbroken#heartbreak#the past#past love#past lives#stay #should have been endgame #should have known better #could have been me #should have been me #would have #that would be great #time#time passing#poem#lovepoem#sad poem#heartbreak poem#love poem#hurt #can't you see me #please stay #please stay forever #la la land
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  • Let’s say I wasn’t clamoring, cloying
    Let’s say I wasn’t desperately begging
    But asking for your love

    Let’s say you weren’t repulsed but scared
    And unprepared to give me what I needed
    Let’s say you didn’t know how 

    Let’s say the silence wasn’t cruelty but honesty
    Let’s say it was something I said and you
    Couldn’t find words of your own

    Let’s pretend that you spent that week trying hard
    Not to think about me and just when you thought 
    You were done with me 
    I decided to be done with you instead 
    Let’s say you regretted it and the pain was just—

    Better yet
    Let’s not 

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  • Said I didn’t mind while you stripped all my pride
    ‘Cause good love, good love was mine
    […]
    Past love, come back to yourself
    Don’t keep reaching out to him, he can’t help you now
    Past life, so come back to the time
    It’s been far too many nights, and you’re still crying

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  • There’s a secret I keep

    Locked within me

    I never truly stopped

    Loving you

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  • image

    It’s nice to let someone get to know me when there is no worrying that someone is going to poison their thoughts about me. He seems too familiar to me, makes me wonder if we’ve met before. ♡

    #kristyn#my face#text post #actually feeling happy #past love
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  • I see you burn with desire

    For the me

    That once loved you

    And I see you struggle with the comprehension

    That I never will again

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  • I can’t decide if my birth marks are the indicator of how I died in my past lives or the place where my past lovers would often kiss me..

    image

    Originally posted by accord36-blog

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  • Four hour phone call,

    Filled to the brim with empty promises,

    Too soon ‘I love you’s,’

    Oversharing,

    The sweetest of nothings.


    Tequila soaked memories,

    I miss you,

    Forgive me,

    This November night,

    Return to me, 

    We shall share a love,

    Greater than the pain.


    Rum soaked cake,

    What are you doing?


    Have you been drinking?

    Yes,

    Sweet memories,

    Tainted by the liquid distraction,

    It lingers on your breath,

    Beloved,

    What are you running from?


    Goodbye,

    I am sorry,

    For my heart belongs to her,

    Goodbye,

    My love.


    Now she is gone,

    Return to me,

    So that I may dance with you,

    So that I may kiss you once more,

    Under the sparkling lights,

    Yet we are not alone,

    It is you and that bottle of white rum,

    And I.


    There is another maiden of my past,

    Dancing across the floor,

    Goodbye,

    This is not love.


    Now she is gone,

    Return to me,

    So that I may kiss you,

    Drown myself between your lips,

    Suck the passion from your eyes,

    Leech girl.


    Go away,

    I cannot stand the pain,

    I have inflicted,

    Cannot see past the ghost,

    Of the you I thought I loved.


    White rum and fear,

    Send you back,

    I wish to kiss you,

    Love.


    Come to me,

    Come with me,

    Kiss me until I cannot see,

    I said no,

    You ask again,

    Whatever,

    I guess,

    Just touch me,

    You will not let me sleep.

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  • I want a man, a man who will respect me, value me and all the effort I put in to my relationships, and appreciate all the love and little things I did. Someone who will know who I am and not who I am not.

    He will think I’m the most beautiful women hes ever seen, and not someone whos only ok to him, he will love the way I smile and how I hid my face when I laugh. He will think my humor is dark and funny, he will love the way my eyes sparkle when I talk about things that are important to me, he will think me eatting an entire tray of nachos is funny but impressive, he will think how strong of a women I am. How I should have been treated better, because all I ever did was wear my heart on my sleeve and try to make everyone happy, and put my happiness second to everyone else’s.

    Because I am so amazing and deserve someone whos sees my worth like how I do now.

    I want romance not what I had in the past yes it was the world to me at one point, I wanted to marry you. But now I see how foolish I was to think you where something you where not.

    It was love, but unrequited. And thats no love worth keeping or holding onto.

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