#perfect Tumblr posts

  • batshit-birds
    07.05.2021 - 1 minute ago

    Me? Redoing half of my mer au designs? Its more likely than you think

    #they just seem so stiff and bland ://// #gonna go ham no restrictions #my creativity when it comes to design is nonexistent #still trying to get around the 'gotta be realistic perfect & specific' mindset #also workshopping new rev. au designs for some characters #the bog talks
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  • alligaytorswamp
    07.05.2021 - 2 minutes ago

    ... wtf is that

    i... i don't.. i didn't ask...

    #maybe dats like uncool to be so ..not...thankful .. #but. #listen i roll the basic banner for kaeya only.. #that was my only goal u kno #and this dude is like the last thing i need #i dont play w claymore bitches.. the only pyro 5* i wanted is klee... #hajdjxjs #idk why is he here #like it's cringe not use ur 5* probably? i already do literally nothing w mona #but i genuinely cant be bothered to lvl him up hajdhj #AND I WANTED KAEYA #WHY DID HE COCKBLOCK ME #... #anyways #adry.txt #also my bestie wants him the most #like she is simping for him #she plays specifically w this type of character in genshin #he's perfect for her #WHY ME
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  • footbottoms
    07.05.2021 - 3 minutes ago
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  • asweetmelodytrickling
    07.05.2021 - 5 minutes ago

    Bechloe - F**k Buddies

    A loud crash echoed around the small apartment, closely followed by a growl of frustration. Beca looked up from her laptop, a small frown on her face while she peered over her glasses. A few metres away, stood in the tiny kitchen area, Chloe stooped down to pick up the broken mug. Her favourite mug.

    “What’s going on with you?” Beca asked in a confused tone, genuinely baffled by her roommate’s recent behaviour.

    The past few days Chloe’s mood had gone from annoyed to more annoyed to now full-blown furious with even the tiniest of things. Like how the milk they bought from grocery store at the end of their block didn’t have any ‘ingredients’ on the bottle, just a web address directing them to the ingredients online. Or the way Beca apparently found it impossible to pair her socks before putting them in the laundry pile. (Not that it was any of Chloe’s business because Chloe didn’t wear Beca’s sock. Or did she...?). Or how loud Fat Amy snored, or breathed, or spoke, or blinked (yes - Chloe was in such a funk she’d accused Amy of blinking too loudly this morning). She’d become a complete clutz, having accidentally broken a mug yesterday too. They were quickly running out of containers to drink coffee from.

    “Ugh, nothing’s going on!” Chloe snapped, hissing as she accidentally pierced her fingertip on a tiny shard of broken ceramic. That was the final straw for Beca. Usually she didn’t interfere when Chloe was upset or angry or grumpy. Usually she laid low and allowed Chloe to work through whatever mood she was stewing in. But four days of this shit in a tiny apartment was too long. It had to stop.

    Beca threw her laptop onto the mattress and stood up from the fold-out bed with a heavy sigh. It only took her three long strides to get to Chloe’s side. She grabbed a dishcloth, firmly took the wrist of Chloe’s injured finger, and stuffed the fabric onto the small drop of blood protruding from Chloe’s fingertip.

    “You’re gonna sit down.” she ordered firmly, shoving Chloe down onto one of the small kitchen chairs while Chloe automatically held the cloth to her wound, “And you’re gonna tell me exactly what’s going on. No limits.”

    She saw Chloe roll her eyes, huffing loudly from her nose while her jaw clenched. Her roommate was stubborn when she was in a bad mood. But Beca could be more stubborn. That was what made their friendship so successful. Most of the time..

    “Or am I gonna have to lock the rest of the mugs up so you don’t break any more.” Beca added with a fierce expression on her face, looking at Chloe pointedly. The moment Chloe’s eyes locked with hers, Beca knew she would win. She knew Chloe would back down. In time.

    So while she ‘waited’ for an explanation, Beca crouched down to clear up the rest of the shards of mug from the floor. They wandered around here barefoot too often. None of them could afford a trip to the hospital with a foot wound. Or any other wound for that matter..

    “Fine.” Chloe conceded with an exhale, and Beca smirked as she looked down at the last shard of ceramic she placed in a pile ready to sweep up with a dustpan and brush in a moment. But her smirk sharply dropped when Chloe added:

    “I’ve not got laid in forever and...I really need to have a good fuck with someone. Anyone. You know?”

    Beca did know. She and Jesse were still attempting the long distance thing. Except they were currently on a break. Just to see how their lives felt properly apart. Just to see if they actually missed each other. From what she could gather from Jesse’s (understandable) lack of contact, he didn’t appear to be missing her. And she certainly hadn’t been missing him. Not really. Still, even with the six weeks it’d been since they’d ‘gone on a break’, it was still nearing six months since Beca’d had sex with her boyfriend ex-boyfriend(?)...

    “Yeah.” Beca grunted, chuckling slightly as she stood upright to hunt for the dustpan and brush in a nearby cupboard, “Doesn’t mean you have to take it out on us though.”

    “Sorry.” Chloe winced as she inspected her wound, having always been a bit of a wuss when it came to cuts and grazes. That was another reason why Beca and Chloe worked so well together - Beca could handle any kind of first aid.

    “Don’t apologise, Beale.” Beca replied in an amused tone, reaching for the dustpan and brush with a smirk back on her face, “Just do us all a favour and find yourself a fuck buddy.”

    She heard Chloe chuckle at the comment. Probably because it was something Stacie would’ve probably said had she been here. But then, if Stacie had been here she probably would’ve offered to be Chloe’s fuck buddy. To keep everyone sane.

    “I’ll even do it if you have no luck.” Beca joked, getting down on her knees to sweep the mess. But as she swept, she replayed her comment over in her head and realised it hadn’t sounded as jokey as she’d meant it to. Judging by Chloe’s reaction, it really hadn’t been that jokey at all.

    “What, you’ll be my fuck buddy?”

    Beca hesitated, then looked up to see Chloe’s big blue eyes staring back at her in confusion. She’d been joking...right? She was with Jesse. Or...was she? No. Yes. Yes she was. They were just on a break. And Jesse would go ape-shit if he knew she’d been screwing Chloe ‘on the side’. But...‘on the side’ of what?

    “You said you need a good fucking?”

    Beca felt her insides scramble while she shrugged and she inwardly cringed. That was her reasonable response?? ‘A good fucking’? How could she even guarantee that for Chloe? She didn’t know the first thing about fucking women!

    “Yeah but...by you?” came Chloe’s response.

    “Okay, well now you’re just being rude.” Beca seemed out of control when it came to words or sentences now. She was making it sound like she wanted to become fuck buddies with Chloe. Her best friend. Her closest friend. The woman who drove her both crazy in a bad way and crazy in a good way. Mostly in the good column. Which was impressive considering they’d been having to share a tiny studio apartment and a tiny uncomfortable fold out bed for well over a year now.

    She stepped over to put the pieces of mug in the trash just as Chloe let out a nervous chuckle.

    “I’m sorry,” Chloe replied, “it’s just I never put you down as someone who could have a fuck buddy. Or be a fuck buddy for that matter.”

    “How do you know unless you try me??” Again, Beca internally cringed. What was happening to her? How was she somehow arranging herself to become a frikkin fuck buddy?! And with Chloe no less!

    “What about Jesse?”

    “What about Jesse?” Beca replied, entirely serious as she turned to face her best friend, “We’re on a break. He’s not in charge of my life and who I choose to fuck.” she saw the way Chloe’s eyebrows rose and Beca began to panic a little, “I mean, obviously I’m not in charge of your life either. You can fuck whoever you want.”

    And then, all of a sudden, a small mischievous smirk grew on Chloe’s face. Beca noticed the way the redhead swept her tongue briefly across her bottom lip. Beca swallowed loudly, trying to force down the lump that had formed in her throat, just as Chloe opened her mouth to respond in a low seductive tone:

    “Maybe I will.”

    #bechloe#pitch perfect#bechloe pre-smut #is that even a category? #pre-smut? #just a little drabble #the Brooklyn chronicles #very much a ‘what if’ scenario 😄
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  • blotsofthougts
    07.05.2021 - 12 minutes ago

    I don’t even feel like flying to LA anymore

    #I’ma skip skip #and work on my Rahu #maybe go if I change my mind #prob too fixated on getting my circumstances right / perfect #I’d rather go on the feeling of spontaneity #rather than planned expectation
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  • footbottoms
    07.05.2021 - 12 minutes ago

    Stunning - get those soles in my face 😍👣💕👣🍆💦

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  • wormsick
    07.05.2021 - 14 minutes ago

    never finished tg manga but like hgffdhh wtvr hides hot going on oh my beloved my beloved w out hide kaneki wouldnt have even like lived to get to the chance encounter

    #misogyny so bad they accidentally write a perfect gay romance
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  • butwhyduh
    07.05.2021 - 15 minutes ago

    Night Swim

    Garth of Shayeris/Tempest x batsis!reader

    Summary: pinning over him. I know like 7 people will read it but he’s too cute. Canon has no home here and timelines don’t matter.

    Warning: dash of innuendos.

    The apprentice of a justice league member that went on his own. That could describe almost all of your brothers but it also described the beautiful man standing before you. That currently didn’t even notice you were staring at him puppy dog eyed.

    “So, are you ever going to do anything about it or just stare at him until he jumps back in the sea again,” Kori said beside you. You jumped and gave her a look. “Noise cancelling glass. He can’t hear us and no one is looking over here,” she reassured you.

    “That obvious,” you asked turning to face her. She nodded with a little smile. Of course she thought it was cute. She had told Dick the first time she knew she was attracted to him. That’s how she was raised. No fear of rejection or shame in sexual attraction. You were raised by batman and had a healthy dose of both.

    “There’s not like it would do any good. He’s never given me a second thought and I don’t even think he likes surface walkers anyways,” you deflected. She snorted.

    “He dated Donna.”

    “That shouldn’t count. She’s Themyscirian. They’re like perfect,” you rolled your eyes.

    “I don’t know. I find Dick very appealing and he is human. Is his powers what attracts you to him?” She asked leaning on a desk. Her long curly red hair flowed over her shoulder in a way that only Kori could.

    “No, of course not. I mean, they’re cool for sure. But it’s.. he’s nice and honorable and funny,” you said and she grinned almost proudly.

    “And you can be nice and honorable and funny without any meta powers. Don’t put yourself down. And if you need help..” she started.

    “No no no. No wing woman,” you said quickly.

    “What do you need a wing woman for?” Dick asked behind you. Your eyes widened before you turned around.

    “Nothing. Just some guy from college. That I don’t like,” you said in possibly the worst lie of your life. Dick narrowed his eyes at you.

    “I can tell you’re lying but if I don’t know the truth, I can’t lie to Bruce about what you’re doing so don’t tell me,” Dick said. Wally, Donna, and Garth walked in the room.

    “Wait, did I hear that Nightwing’s little sister is seeing someone? Is he ready to die,” Wally laughed clapping Dick on the shoulder.

    “I’m not having this conversation,” you squeaked out before squeezing between the heroes, feeling yourself far too close to Garth for just a moment. Thank goodness M’gann wasn’t there to read your thoughts or feelings. Kori stayed mum on the subject and concentrated on the mission that Dick was prepping the team for.

    You didn’t go on missions now. An injury that put an end to that. You just couldn’t maintain the level a vigilante needed. Sometimes you’d help with the computers but mainly you worked at Wayne Enterprise with Tim. You were just visiting on this trip and wasn’t involved in the mission.

    “Wish us luck,” Kori said giving you a hug. You couldn’t help but watch Garth in his new blue suit that fit perfectly as the rest of the team walked by.

    “Woah,” you said barely above silent but Kori hugging you caught it all and giggled quietly. You flushed and tried to stutter out some excuse.

    “He is very handsome. Wish him luck,” she whispered in your ear. You made a little noise to disagree and she simply grinned at you while walking away.

    “What was that,” Dick asked, suspicious.

    “Nothing, just a joke. Good luck. Be safe,” you said to him and Dick didn’t argue but definitely didn’t believe you before joining his team.

    As they left, your mind wandered to the first time you met Garth. It was a mission in a warehouse fire that had homeless people camping out on the second story. You walked carefully to the back office through dense fog with flames threatening any moment to see if there was anyone in there. The fire was getting really close and it was kinda dicey. But it was your first job away from Gotham and you were 14 and you felt the need to prove yourself.

    You entered the room bent low with smoke overhead. You saw something move in the back of the room and you made your way towards it. But just as you crossed to the back half of the room, part of the ceiling collapsed, trapping you in the room and knocking you to the floor. You jumped back against the wall. There wasn’t a window and the movement? A toy.

    You shrank against the wall and pushed your panic button. The fire was hot and you cursed wearing shorts. “Shit,” you breathed as it started moving closer. The air was starting to get thick. The flames jumped and you pressed against the wall with your eyes covered, expecting flames to hit you.

    But instead you felt cool wet air and you opened your eyes to see water surrounding you. It appeared to float in air and you reached a hand out to touch it, confused. As soon as you felt the tips of your fingers dampened, the water crashed to the floor causing you to jump.

    In there place was a teenage boy only a few years older than you, grinning. You stared at him in silence. He had just saved your life.

    “Did you- how did you-“ you stuttered and his smile grew even wider.

    “Aqualad, at your service. You wanna leave before it crashes on us?” He said and you took a step to wince in pain. Oh yeah, when you jumped you twisted your ankle. Your plan, like all the other bats, was to suck it up and hobble out. But Garth had other plans and he quickly scooped you up bridal style as soon as he noticed you couldn’t walk.

    “Just hold on. I’ll carry you,” he said walked down the charred stairs carefully. You couldn’t take your eyes off his handsome face the whole time. Your heart pounded and your lack of experience with dating or liking anyone had you completely dumbfounded. “You can let go,” he said with a little smile.

    You were out of the warehouse clinging to him past the time necessary and quickly moved away from him, feeling your skin flush. Dick gave you a look over before give Garth with a look you couldn’t recognize.


    “She’s catatonic, Bro.”

    “Feed her something.”

    “Wally, food isn’t always the answer,” Dick said giving your shoulder a shake. You jumped and knocked over a glass of water.

    “Sorry!” You yelped reaching over to grab a towel.

    “I’ve got it,” Garth said and with a flick of his wrist the water started to pour in the sink rather than off the counter. As you watched the water jumped before flowing down the drain. You laughed a little and looked up to see Garth grinning at you. Dick stared suspiciously at you both before being pulled somewhere by another Titan.

    “So was the mission okay?” You asked, not knowing what to say. Your crush was more ‘stare across the room’ rather than do anything about it.

    “It went well,” he answered grabbing a water bottle and chugging it. You tried not to stare.

    “Cool suit,” you said and immediately felt stupid. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

    “Thanks,” he said without adding anything else, leaving an awkward air to hang.

    “Damn, you might be from the sea but are soo dry, Garth,” Roy said clapping him on the back on his way to his room. Garth looked at you confused.

    “It’s been awhile since I’ve been land side. Is being dry an insult now?” He asked.

    “I mean, kinda. It just means boring,” you answered with a shrug. “You know Roy.”

    “But you are dry. I mean, you live on land. Not that you’re boring,” he said with an awkward laugh. You smiled back at him before taking a sip of your drink nervously. “Does that mean you want to be wet?”

    You coughed as you choked on the liquid. He tapped you on the back. “You okay?” He asked concerned. Donna walked by with a raised eyebrow but said nothing.

    “I’m fine. No, that’s not how that works. It’s just we aren’t really dry. We’re like 80 percent water. Dry means like sand or something. Too dry,” you said and he nodded humoring you.

    “It seems pretty dry here,” he said playfully.

    “I can knock over more glasses. Get this place all wet again,” you quipped.

    “Tempting. Or you can go swimming with me,” he answered back.

    “Haha or I could- what? It’s nighttime,” you answered. “And doesn’t that do something to the currents or something?”

    He gave you a dry look. “The currents come in at night? Yep. You’d be the safest person in the water swimming with me. I could navigate night swimming as a squirt. Come with?” Garth asked.

    “I-“ you stared before mumbling.

    “You what? I didn’t hear the last part,” he said.

    “I... can’t swim,” you said and he stared at you and you felt like sliding under the counter and through the floor. Then Garth’s lips curled into a smile and he laughed a little. You looked down awkwardly.

    “Oh you’re serious?”


    “I’m sorry. I forget that swimming is learned skill here. I apologize,” he started.

    “It’s okay. Really,” you insisted.

    “Come with me. We’ll stay shallow,” he offered. You looked at him before nodding.

    “This is a bad idea but let’s go,” you said pulling him along. Garth laughed as you pulled him out the back door towards the beach. “I forgot a bathing suit,” you admitted.

    “I guess you could go insi-“ he trailed off as you pulled your shirt off and shorts to swim in your underwear and bra. He quickly looked away as you ran in the water to your waist.

    “Coming in? Can’t believe I have to ask, merman” you said and he pulled off his shirt to quickly join you. You splashed him with water which quickly turned into a splashing war.

    “Okay, you win!” You yelped as he bombarded you with water. He splashed you one last time and you turned away. Garth grabbed you by the waist as a wave splashed over you. You simply watched each other for a moment. You noticed your feet didn’t touch the ground anymore. You clung to him.

    “I can’t touch,” you said a little panicky. He held on to you.

    “Don’t worry. I’m right here. I won’t let you drown. It’s my job, remember?” Garth smiled. “Look around. Look at the moon.”

    You looked up to see the luminous globe hanging above the sea. It lit a silvery path through the water, highlighting waves crashing. The beach seemed far away. The only sounds were the sea and a few night birds as well as Garth’s breath from being so close. You looked back at him and almost froze. He was gorgeous. The water truly was his element. His dark hair curled in the water and the moon glow highlighted his nose and collarbones. His purple eyes looked almost black in the darkness but the way he looked at you said a ton.

    He looked down at your lips and you couldn’t help but lick them, tasting salt water. Garth bent a little and you turned your head up to touch lips softly. His arms wrapped closer around you as you kissed. Garth easily kept you above the water. Your brain was broken. You were kissing Garth, who you’ve had a crush on for a long time.

    Suddenly water splashed over your head as a wave crashed on you both. You leaned away with a cough as water invaded your mouth and nose. Your eyes stung and watered a little.

    “Sorry, I forgot to pay attention,” Garth admitted sheepishly.

    “It’s okay,” you said with only a little cough. “Can we?”

    “Get you on land? Yeah. You’re getting cold anyways,” Garth said before swimming towards the shore. It wasn’t a rough choppy swim the way people did. He seemed to simply glide through the water gracefully. So beautifully. Which was broken when he fell over on the beach.

    “You’re the most graceful swimmer and trip on your feet when you hit ground,” you said with a laugh as you attempted to help him up. He was far too heavy to lift but appreciated the effort.

    “Atlantean,” he shrugged. “Don’t make fun of me too much. You can’t even swim.”

    “Yeah? You wanna take a dip in Gotham Harbor?” You asked and he laughed.

    “Absolutely not. I don’t want to get some unknown cancer from whatever pollution they have. Or whatever rouge is living there,” he added.

    “That’s why I can’t swim,” you answered. It really was cool in the wind and you quickly pulled on your clothing.

    “But doesn’t batman have like multiple pools?”

    “Yeah but I never used them. I was 15 when he took me in. Too old to learn,” you shrugged.

    “You’re never to old to learn to swim. It’s important for safety,” Garth said. “Especially here,” he motioned at the beach.

    “Especially if I keep kissing Tempest in the water?” You quipped.

    “That’s just a bonus,” he said pulling you close by the hips. You grinned up at him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

    And a spotlight shined glaringly at you both. You covered your eyes and looked away.

    “Come inside,” boomed the voice of your brother. “Now.”

    And that’s how you got a 20 minute lectures on the danger of night swimming and risk of hypothermia and Garth got the shovel talk. But despite the fact that Dick was really angry, you didn’t regret a thing and went to bed with wet hair and smile on your face.

    #Garth of Shayeris #Garth DC #Garth of shayeris x reader #Garth of shayeris x batsis!reader #batsis!reader #aqualad x reader #tempest x reader #tempest x batsis!reader #dick Grayson is a big brother #Titans tower is on the beach #it’s pretty perfect
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  • beautifulinternet
    07.05.2021 - 17 minutes ago

    Bunny Credit: @ggdabs. See more here

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  • curlys-things
    07.05.2021 - 19 minutes ago
    #lay on me #fat babe#perfect body#fat beauty#fat belly#bodypositivity#my body #sexy as fuck #sexy#Fatty#fatty #big tiddy gf #big belies #big tiddy committee
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  • simply-m-a-d
    07.05.2021 - 19 minutes ago

    being the “support rock” child sucks :)

    #if u get it u get it and I’m sorry and I love u #mix that with the gifted kid curse and you got the perfect mix for a mentally unstable kid yaay :D #thanks fam #god i want to cry so bad #delete later
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  • goldenraisins
    07.05.2021 - 20 minutes ago
    #i thiiiink the first one is supposed to be a joke?? but i can't tell #only for the brave is cute! but perfect now i would never speak to them again (<- exaggeration) #mail
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  • lucinferno
    07.05.2021 - 25 minutes ago

    om characters as lyrics from my playlist 🎶

    lucifer: i am the jester / my job's to entertain / and it seems that soon enough / it too will be my job to reign [the court jester - FUKASE]

    mammon: and you said you can't believe / how i could just choose to be mean / but you caught me in the deep / it won't last, i'll be down on my knees [waiting for death - candle kid]

    leviathan: she gives me the chills and i can't let go / my hands are weak and she knows / she gives me the chills now i can't let go / my lips won't speak and she knows

    satan: so raise your gaze up ‘til your ten feet tall / and shake your fist at the sky! / refuse to die, or let them make you small / cuz they’d love just to see you convinced / you’re just a brick in the wall [you're an ace, kid - DEMONDICE]

    asmodeus: i'm so BORED / i'm never tired in my bed, i'm so BORED / of these thoughts inside my head / i'm so BORED / bored of being all alone / just hoping i find purpose in these pictures on my phone [BORED! - tessa violet]

    beelzebub: i want it all / even the raindrops won't fall in my way / i'm parting the seas / i'm setting the standard for living a dream / by staying awake / and counting the days / i'm falling in love by the side of the road [does your cat have a mustache? - the format]

    belphegor: i can't help but wonder just how many tears that can escape / one minute I've locked them up for life the next they flood the gates / and they blame it on the fishing line that dazzles with the bait / of greener grasses redder warnings darker nights and brighter days [hooked (addicted you might say) - eleisha eagle]

    #don't clown my music taste. because i know its already wack #literally i never can relate to beel bc hes so. hes just so perfect like. hes so nice and has literally no flaws which i can exploit #like sir please. stop being literally so adorable #obey me! #song rec #ty to all of you who still follow me and like... like my stuff ^^ i dont follow you back but trust me i always check on u bc. ily.
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  • medicatedreject
    07.05.2021 - 25 minutes ago

    As much as I love how the Resident Evil 8 developers captured the vibe of ye olde romanian village and tried to incorporate as much of the vibe as they could, every single person in this game has an american accent and speaks perfect english, I'm having so much trouble taking it seriously.

    Don't even get me started on name pronounciation. "Dimitresk" is like nails on a chalkboard.

    That being said, my tall romanian ass is mainly here for Lady Dimitrescu and so far I am not disappointed. Also, kudos on visuals, they are truly stunning.

    #hel rambles #i had to get this out #the cherry on top was the old lady speaking in perfect american accent english #bro no old lady in a romanian village would #resident evil 8 #lady dimitrescu
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  • quickyz
    07.05.2021 - 26 minutes ago

    Finally got every single achivement after 32.8h of gameplay! Must say that the game’s absolutely fantastic. The scenery, the music, everything is just amazing.

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  • arb0k
    07.05.2021 - 28 minutes ago

    FUCK you know what just occurred to me

    my fake internet girlfriend was a trooper in swtor. the trooper in swtor is voiced by jennifer hale

    between fShiara starting me on my non-het journey and krem in da:i dropping right when i was seriously exploring genderfeels, basically all of my teenage formative experiences are jennifer hale, just, all the way down

    #bioware is absolutely not perfect and some stuff has aged worse than others #but they fuckin went for it in a high-profile mainstream way when most aaa companies absolutely refused to #and i'm still very grateful to them for that
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  • kateyboosh
    07.05.2021 - 29 minutes ago

    René Magritte: enigmatic master of the impossible dream

    On the eve of a major Magritte exhibition, artists with an eye for the peculiar reveal why they love the witty Belgian surrealist

    Imogen Carter | Sat 18 Jun 2011 19.04 EDT | The Observer

    NOEL FIELDING Artist and co-creator of The Mighty Boosh

    I love how Magritte's paintings initially look quite normal. He lures you in with the colours and compositions and shortly after the concept blows your mind. You think: "That's just a normal... aagh!" They're like Trojan horses.

    I've still got the first book I had of Magritte's work. It's stolen from the library, that's so bad! I was about 12 years old and looking at the paintings was a bit like taking drugs. They're such strong, stimulating images for a child because at that age you don't drink, you don't take drugs and you're not really interested in girls.


    The first painting that made me think, "Oh my god, that's something amazing" was Young Girl Eating a Bird [1927]. I liked how enigmatic Magritte's work was, how you didn't quite know what was going on. Surrealism and absurdity, Monty Python and Vic Reeves, they were the first things that I really buzzed off and thought, "Wow, that's what I want to do". The fact that there was a surrealist movement really appealed to me too, that they met up and drank crème de menthe in weird Parisian cafes. I loved that these grown men like Breton and Magritte would really seriously discuss poems, automatic writing and painting and then put things in their magazines like a man throwing a rock at a priest. I guess it was quite punk at the time.


    Magritte's paintings always make me laugh. I don't care if other people say they're not funny. I find it ridiculous when you walk around a gallery and people are just looking at something obviously funny and stroking their chins. A Magritte painting such as the reverse mermaid [Collective Invention, 1934] is like a stand-up joke. Comedians do those reverse jokes all the time. When I was quite young, I did a painting of a cat phoning the fire brigade and an old lady stuck up a tree.

    It's the juxtaposition in the paintings that is also very stimulating. I think it was Terry Jones who said something about two disparate ideas coming together and creating a star. And that's what it's all about for me. In The Mighty Boosh, we have a character called Old Gregg who is a merman but he's also a bit like [musician] Rick James. Those two things shouldn't ever go together. But when you get it right it's perfect.


    Some of my own paintings are definitely influenced by Magritte. The stillness and the weirdness of Bryan Ferry with a Kite, in which Bryan Ferry has got a kite for a head, that's one of them. But he was also one of mine and Julian Barratt's joint favourites and that's apparent in the Boosh. For ages, we even wanted to have a pipe as an actual character who floated around and talked. But it was too difficult. You can see from what Julian wears that he likes the whole Magritte aesthetic – the bowler hats, the trench coats and the weird city-gent-gone-wrong look. Together, lookswise, we're like Dalí and Magritte. Dalí was more my type: flamboyant, a mad freak.


    My new show for E4 has even more references to art. It's set in a place that's supposed to be my house, I look like a Bollywood Elvis and my cleaner is a robotic Andy Warhol. At one point, Warhol borrows a rucksack from Magritte to go on holiday with Jackson Pollock and Keith Haring and when he turns around a train comes out of the rucksack, like the train coming out of the fireplace in Time Transfixed [1938]. I say to Warhol: "I bet that gets a bit annoying," and he responds, in his robotic voice: "No, you can get loads in there."

    Magritte's paintings are insane, but they're often really good one-liners so they're a great source for a surreal comedy show.

    #noel fielding #i am soft for art boy fielding #rene magritte #i added the paintings to this because they need to be seen when they're being read about #but be warned there's a cut in case 'young girl eating a bird' squicks you #all my heart eyes #for anyone who... liberates... library books (or parts of them) because they love them #(you know who you are) #ioco we are trying to bring back this surrealist movement spirit with every conversation we have that leads to crack #collective invention is an amazing piece that's just so freaking perfect you have to laugh #noel and ju: dali and magritte
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