Holy shit, I finally found a label that actually describes my sexuality! I’ve never found anything that actually fits and I didn’t think I ever would. And that would’ve been fine because I don’t think labels are that important. But now I’m feeling kinda relieved because there is a word for it and, more importantly, there are more people that feel like me. I never really understood peoples exitement when they found their labels, because I didn’t think it would matter so much. But it kinda does and I think I get it now. This is not a spiritual experience by any means, but it’s relieving.
So, the term is Autochorissexual. And of course it’s the one I won’t be able to remember and noone actually knows. But when I’ve read about it, it just described my feelings towards sex perfectly. It never felt right to me to call myself asexual, even though I thought I might be, because I do enjoy nsfw fiction and art. At the same time I’m not interested in actually having sex, which is exactly what Autochorissexuality describes.
So now I can confidently say that I’m on the ace spectrum without feeling that I’m not ace enough. Seriously, this is kind of a relevation because I think I’ve finally figured myself out. I’m turning 30 next year and I didn’t think that I would ever find a label that defines me. And that would have been ok, but it is nice to have a word for it. Even though it’s one that noone knows, but that’s ok, because this is just for me.