I hate that since I can't protest for a variety of reasons and I have no capacity for leadership I am so useless.
When you talk to activists about what to do when you can't protest it's always like join a food not bombs, but there hasn't been any in my region since a teen was murdered by fascists almost ten years ago, and I am fully unable to gather people and start a new one, the very thought is making me freeze up in fear. Or it's do informative work, but for posters I'd have to be in contact with one of the local antifa orgs and the idea of shooting them a message is once again very scary, and even then like. My brain is fried when I'm back from work I have no space to read theory or prepare good posters. And the emotional state I am in when I share informative posts on what's happening in France in here is fucking awful I cannot do that constantly, and it's scary as hell to interact with vindicative people who have decided I was all wrong.
I feel so useless and it feels like I am making up excuses but I genuinely feel so stuck. I hate this.