Suicide note (draft)
Mother (a line through mother preferably)
You have never cared about me. I’ve told you so many times how depressed and suicidal I was, but you only cared about finishing a tv show (pls stop lying and just admit it). You got upset with me when I tried to tell you that I feel like you don’t have time for me and that you don’t care. You told me I was wasting your time by telling you that because I’ve already told you before. When I talk about how depressed I am you either talk about yourself or tell me that I just need to stop sleeping so much. What kind of a mother does any of this ^ ? I have never felt loved by anyone, but I thought I’d at the very least feel loved by my mother. Now I know I was wrong.
Brother (“ ” even though you hate that name)
I have nothing against you. You have been an amazing brother to me. You listened to me when no one else would. Our mother; however, made me stop talking to you about my feelings because you were going through your own things with college. I guess I would have just gotten in the way. She didn’t even tell you that I was seeing a therapist. Anyways, thank you for everything.
Sister “ ” (you also hate this nickname)
You told me before that you didn’t want to read my suicide note because you didn’t want to be blamed or feel bad about yourself. If someone ever left me a suicide note and I was “blamed” I would want to know how I can improve myself so that this doesn’t happen again. I wouldn’t worry about “feeling bad about myself” because it wouldn’t be about me, it’s about that person. I don’t even need to bring up anything with you because what’s the point ? All you need to know is that I’ve always felt like I was the one protecting you, not the other way around.
I’ll make this short. Thanks for being concerned enough to look into therapy for me. I really appreciate that.
Back to me (also directed to mother at some points)
I tried to tell you that it always felt like this maltreatment was directed towards me, but again, you got upset with me for even expressing my feelings. I could never properly talk to you. I will forever resent that part of you. You probably don’t even remember this (because you never remember anything important regarding me), but in middle school when I went to the nurse because I felt dizzy and then the nurse took my blood pressure and called you to tell you that it was at a dangerous number (meaning I could have passed out or possibly something else at any moment) and that you should immediately take me to the ER, I had overdosed. You came and picked me up early, but instead of going to the ER we went to Walmart. When I asked you why, you said because “I have to cook”. Even though you didn’t know that I had overdosed, it was still a very bad thing to do. Why wouldn’t you take me to the ER when the nurse is telling you my blood pressure is bad ? What made you believe that cooking was more important than your daughter ? I could have died that day because you cared more about cooking than your own daughter. Again, I will forever resent you for that. You also still don’t believe that I had a seizure. It meant so little to you that you remembered the entire situation the wrong way. Please be a better parent to your remaining kids. No one deserves to be treated like they are below a tv show.
~ For clarification, my mother has stopped me from seeing a therapist because she said “you don’t have time”. Which doesn’t make sense because I’m doing university online.