Sometimes the bittersweet aftertaste still presents in the back of my throat
It’s true, that I was the one who decided to take my leave before you do
But I did what i did because i had to.
If only you ever knew, how hard it was for me to hold on to you; well, never mind.
It’s true that sometimes the ones you don’t really have closure with, are the ones that linger the most.
Look at us.
You and I got lost in translation. Both didn’t bother to listen to the other.
As the result, when I finally packed my things and walked out the door, you weren’t even aware of it.
I, luckily on my steps, found a new home so warm that wrapped it’s arms around me gladly after a long walk beneath the blazing sun.
The home i’ve been longing, and i felt safe inside.
Then you, were hit by realization that I hadn’t water your flowers with my love for quite some time, finally decide to get up your two feet.
You looked around, and all my things were gone.
Did you even remember the last time you actually made me a matcha latte because that’s one thing i love the most?
That was the moment you gritted your teeth, and saw a glimpse of my smile
You sat down, scanning the room around you, and at every spot you could lay your eyes upon, you would find pieces of me that linger.
Sometimes, i wouldn’t even pretend that you don’t cross my mind once in a while.
In my new home, i knitted a blanket along with him.
I would laugh, cry, be mad, throw a tantrum, have some mental issues, and he is right by my side.
We knitted a lot of sweaters, and blanket to cuddle up in a long winter night.
I would be so content that i forgot the place that i’ve been before.
The place that i have to abandon in one sunny afternoon, the place that you and i had been for once.
I do still think about you, about how things were, and how should i did it better.
I guess, rather than missing you, i am just feeling guilty of the way that i handled things back then.
I wish I could be more gentle and understanding, a little drizzle that fall upon your skin;
but you and I knew that I was a thunderstorm roaring inside your home.
spitting, swearing, punching the walls, wrecking everything down.
you and i were both thunderstorms, maybe that was why i feel the need to seek for a summer breeze in a person.
and i hope you will find your breeze too.
December 1, 2020
the moment i decided to leave