when spring rolled around, you smiled at me from across the room with eyes that brought me winter storms. that’s when i knew i was in trouble.
-ss
0
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I don’t want to be sad anymore.
I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I tell myself to be happy.
I fake it enough to feel like it’s real.
I don’t feel real.
-ss
1
7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN
[DRAFT]
Dear daughter of Eve,
Your body is Genesis
Adam’s apple will one day
Lay upon your pelvis
And read you your scripture
Pay attention as he stutters
He too is amazed by your power.
Dear daughter of Eve,
Your voice is a reincarnation of the women
Who didn’t finish speaking for you
Let no one silence your awakening
Be loud and sarcastic.
Say, “I wasn’t finished speaking.”
Blink. Then speak. Be silent and observant.
Smile. If you choose to.
Dear daughter of Eve,
If sexual assault was a hymn
Statistically you or one of your sisters
Will be forced to sing it at some point,
Your brothers will rename it a blackout
They are the businessmen who were taught
Never to take no for an answer.
You are the stock market. Take them by surprise.
Dear daughter of Eve,
Your cup size may never be full enough
To quench a man’s thirst for monogamy
Do not starve for his acceptance,
You are whole. If you are hungry
Eat his apple and pass him the core.
Dear daughter of Eve,
Learn pleasure from your own hand
Before anyone else’s.
Paint your body like a canvas,
Your artwork is for your admiration,
And those you allow the privilege
Name yourself Lisa and moan.
7Got bored again.
Picture bare, peach skin,
In a summer spring.
I cry,
Drunk on worship of you.
— strykalitsia
0I WILL FIND MY PLACE SOMEDAY
Am I happy?
You could say so.
I believe I have one of those smiles
That can thaw
Someone’s frozen heart.
But I don’t think
I am capable of that.
No one’s ever complimented me.
Maybe someone did once.
I got awkward
And did not even answer,
Because I was new to that feeling.
But does having
A warm smile make me happy?
For a long time I thought so.
No, I’m not saying
That I’m depressed.
I think I’m currently in that state of
Bafflement, that vagueness, that ambiguity
Where nothing makes sense.
My emotions are
All bungled up.
I am going through that phase
Where it feels difficult and is difficult
To connect.
That phase where
People like me
Find inanimate things chaotic
And try to find work
In the mountains than to live in a city.
Phase where
I would just like to
Immerse myself in my
Favourite fantasy books
But still can’t
Because I’m all grown up
As they say.
And I too, would like
To be independent.
So, I guess
I’ll still smile
And will just keep walking
Until I build myself
My house of dreams,
My city of lights,
And my world of happiness.
My universe of Life.
Poem by- @afishwhowishestofly
0I always remind them: “Don’t forget to smile”
Though I am right here, sad and crying
Encourage them to persevere for a while
But it is I who’s drowning, dying
.
.
.
Homeroom
2.16.21
19.27
0He’s going away next week for work.
My anxiety has been through the roof since he’s mentioned it.
I hold my breathe
count to 10
I can’t trust this person
I told him that we’d “start over” but everyday I wake up to his baby face, I wanna yell at the top of my lungs
I wanna cry
I wanna run
My thoughts around his neck
My heart on my sleeve
My mind shutting down
He’s going to cheat
He’s going to forget our promises
Our sacrifices
MY SACRIFICES
I
Am
Stuck
But
God
Got
Me
2mấy hôm trước đợi cậu chúc ngủ ngon
rồi thiếp đi lúc nào cũng chẳng biết
mấy hôm nay cứ trở mình, khó ngủ
thì cậu lại không chúc mình ngủ ngon
nhìn đồng hồ cũng hơn hai giờ sáng
mà giờ này đâu ai chúc ngủ ngon
nên mở mes, gửi cậu dòng tin nhắn
chúc cậu có một ngày mới tốt lành!
0there’s one thing i’ve never told you
i’m not really know how to love
how to hold you, softly like her did
how to kiss you, in fire way you want.
but i will be slowly, cure all pains you take
honest, listen to your heart, always,
i will remember all the way you cry
tears on your face, deeply implant to my old shirt.
i will be there to raise you up, lover
everything will be alright, cause you’re enough to me.
0rồi anh đến vào một ngày không chờ mong
khi trong tôi đã không còn khoảng trống
khi mọi thứ không còn gọn gàng, ngăn nắp
bởi hiện thực đã lấp đầy một căn phòng.
nhưng dịu dàng, vẫn còn đó, trong tôi,
tôi vẫn chờ trái tim mình rộng mở
hơn ai hết, tôi thật lòng, thương mến,
những cảm động anh kiên nhẫn cho tôi.
và nếu như, ở một không gian khác,
khi trong tôi, mộng mơ, là hạnh phúc,
tôi yêu anh, nhiều hơn anh một chút,
tôi lúc đó sẽ biết hi vọng hơn.
nhưng nếu như, ở một tương lai gần,
khi anh hiểu, khuyết điểm, tôi đã luôn chối bỏ
khi anh rõ, nỗi buồn, vẫn sẽ luôn ở đó trong tôi
anh sẽ còn muốn có tôi trong cuộc sống ?
0oh my love,
it’s so much easier
to say that i hate you,
or to turn you away altogether,
than it is to admit
that you are all i want
but my love,
it’s a cheap cop out
that leaves me shallow,
always feeling empty,
because without you
im nothing more than a mirror
because my love,
in your absence life is too cruel
empty and meaningless,
that im left mocking others,
and nursing my emotions
as i wait for me to shatter
2có một lần em hỏi
sao tôi vẫn một mình
sao không cho em tới
nằm trong trái tim tôi.
tôi chỉ biết lặng im
nhìn ra dòng xe chạy
vì tôi vẫn chưa thể
thoát khỏi những niềm đau.
và cho dù như thế
rồi cũng sẽ qua mau
nhưng những gì đã trải
làm chai sạn tôi rồi.
tôi muốn em hạnh phúc
với một người yêu em
một người như bác sĩ
dốc hết lòng vì em.
tôi chỉ như chiến binh
gai góc trên mặt trận
dùng chân thành đánh đổi
một giây phút yên bình.
0như là một khoảnh khắc
em lặng lẽ mỉm cười
như là một chút nắng
em khẽ nhìn sang tôi.
như là một giấc mơ
em đan vào nỗi nhớ
để khi tôi thức dậy
tôi vẫn mơ về em.
như là một que kem
ngọt ngào từng giây phút
nhưng chạm vào rất lạnh
buốt hết trái tim tôi.
1
23RD SEPTEMBER
i never saw you
yet you are all i dream about
i never held you
yet you are all i want to hold
i have never kissed you
but you are all i love
1A,B and I
It was
A, B, and I
A was
6 and 5
B was
2 and 9
And I
Was 3 and 8
It’s been two nights
Of Glass bottled coke
And heat rashes
Three days of hotel salmon smoke
And hot flashes
December 2013
Faces glazed in Vaseline
Knees anointed with coco butter
Youthful lashes dance with bashful flutter
Foreign sun and tongue
Wispy cotton and baby blue
Oil painted landscapes and sights anew
No more dancing colour in box
No more over the knee socks
There is space to be adored
A,B and I
Take mission outside
This is not time for games
No seek nor hide
Tag or chase
Pat or cake
And with single hop
The smell of scotch
Sound of bad news
Click clack of inexpensive shoes
Fills the room
A,B and I
Are stopped
D,E and U
Came through the door
With ashy hands
Ears like handheld fans
D,E and U
Greeted the room
With a mouth like a tomb
D,E and U
Bent down for a hug
Eyes dead wide like a bug
“How bout I take you for a drive.”
D pulled out his keys
A rented grey Benz beeped
A,B and I all giddy inside
It was time to explore
E took us further outside
A, was so
Excited
She was 6 and 5
B was 2 and 9
The room waved from the window
As A,B and I
D,E and U went outside
D for dad
E for evil
U for uncle
A’s grin was wide
Before E got in
U unbuckled his belt
Unzipped D’s fly
Grabbed B by her shoulders
Pulled A inside
E slammed the door
Maybe began to drive
A was only 6 and 5
And
I was screaming inside
B wriggled and cried
U had lied
This was no exploration
For a child 2 and 9
She clenched her fist
Began to fight
But B’s tiny hands
Were no match for D’s might
E lifted A’s dress
Arm around B’s chest
I screamed
Not a sound came out
And without an uncle of a doubt
That drive
Was the worst I, B and A
Who was only 6 and 5
The room still inside
E comes out
With bruised lip
Hand on zip
Tears fell from A’s eyes
Yellow dripped down B thighs
Red trickled down I’s
A’s told not to cry
To hold it inside
Otherwise
I might die
D patted A on the back
Strode inside
Continued to live on with E’s life
Along with child and wife
A is now 7 , 6 and 5
Living her life
Despite
The fact her youth died
When she was 6 and 5
B is now 6 , 2 and 9
Remains undefined
By the Events
That took place
On December 29th
When she was 6 and 5
I is now 5 ,3 and 8
Still battling
What U did
When I was 6 add 5
0
I like organising my medication and never taking it. Is this self destructive ? Or am I just so in love with my mental illness, I don’t want to live without it.
How elegant the cure sits, away from my lips.
0Gabriella♥️
She questions everything, doubt painted in black across her eyes. Abandoned so many times, I tell her forever and she looks surprised. She looks away when I stare, and I know it’s hard for her to understand. Most of the time I’m memorizing her freckles meticulously placed or the way her smile curves. Loving her this way was never planned. It takes everything out of me to just take my time, but I love her in a way that a glimpse of her ankles knocks me to the ground. The sort of love you couldn’t begin to define.
2Empty love
All of the lies started feeling like the truth. I knew all along, you acted like I didn’t have a clue. Your laugh once brought me peace. I hear you laugh now, who the fuck is funnier than me? Could it be? That I’m not all you need. Show me something tangible. Something better than what you see. Screaming please don’t take your lovee awayyyyy! I thought that’s what u said to me. But that’s not what u meant to say. So Now we just fucking fade away. Ignorance is bliss. I finally understand. Refusing to look at what’s in front of me, but I just wanted to hold your hand. Never let it go. I wake up screaming for you. I look to the left but I was only dreaming of you. You coldhearted bitch, how could you do this to me? I’m sorry. I’m cracking up, as you can see. I have to control my anger, you always said I have to control my anger. “You have an anger problem Brooklyn”. It’s okay baby, no ones looking. He said “ baby I don’t understand this, your changing, I can’t stand it. My heart can’t take this damage. And the way I feel can’t stand it.”I felt that. Who even are you? Do you even know? I guess that’s the problem. Your love was never shown. I guess that’s why I’m still waiting here. Hoping things will become a bit more clear. I know that’s the last thing you want to hear. But what’s a life without my soul? And that’s what you are. Without you there’s this big fuckin hole. I can’t stand to think of ever loving someone else. It’s just not what I’m meant for. I’ll wait forever if that helps
2
