more. | 6/12/19

07:13

He’s got the same kind of sense of humour

Everything about us, I claim is just a rumour

I’m playing games and I don’t know what for

I know I always want more

I touch his face, I watch him move

Suddenly I want some space, I don’t know what to do

I thought that I was frightened but it’s something else

I’m always just fighting whatever is felt

Still I can’t just shut the door

Convinced that I’ll find more

I try to find him in songs, in words, in life

I feel my heart can make it if it’s given time

I’m happy when at the mention of his name

So why does my heart still beat the same?

I always want more

What the hell am I waiting for?

He’s almost too good to be true

He waits so patiently for you

He’s honest and he’s kind

And he would fight not to mind

When you play with his mind

Cause you can’t make up your own

He’s caught every feeling that you’ve thrown

He would do anything that I asked for

So why do I always want more?

It’s like something is always missing

No matter who the being

Needing you is killing me; my heart needs you like lungs to breathe.

The hard part is, especially, that I know you are not needing me.

@madelineoutman

* * *

A faraway gaze, those eyes, cerulean,

Reflect a desire to atone;

A misty state of mind, a marionette

Bobbing up and down aimlessly

Surrounded in gray -

Devoid of fear,

Slowly ebbing away

With the tide.

give me back myself my empty heart

let me know the way back to the start

this path has been way too hard

feeling low like a black brickyard.

her hands are rough now.

said, swiftly goes the time

if so, won’t you tell me how

years have gone in a dime.

-j.c.

03/12/19

04:43

It’s strange the things that you remember

From the tiny smiles to the grander gestures

Of all the times we spent together

And all the moments I buckled under pressure

It’s strange the things that I remember

The words you spoke, that crazy November

The way you jumped at every chance

The way I felt with every glance

The tiny intimacies and larger difficulties

The patience you showed, completely optimistically

It’s strange the things that we remember

The louder moments spent together

Alcohol a coat for the colder weather

Not planning a thing whatsoever

It’s strange the things I wish to forget

And how sometimes I wish that we could have met

Before when my heart was ready to jump

Now I find it freezes over at a basic speed bump

I watch as you try to thaw it out best you can

And it aches as I know you think you understand

But how could you when I don’t even myself?

I just continue to let history repeat itself

It’s strange the things I let myself do

Pull you in just to run away from you

It’s strange how I want it all to be true

Every word that you speak, everything that you do

I think deep down that if you knew

You’d only try harder to break through

But something stops me every single time

Be it doubt or fear or something else in my mind

With you, it’s different

I’m scared for more reasons than one

I tell you I’m indifferent

And that it’s all just a bit of fun

But I’m frightened to hurt you like I do everyone

I think that’s why sometimes I try to run

It’s strange the things I remember

It’s strange the things I wish to forget

Thank you for allowing me to get lost in you. Even though it didn’t last for long, the natural high you gave me will. I apologize for the times I couldn’t save you. I really wanted to.

Kira Malibu

A PANTOMIME KISS

air turbines and spinning wheels

copper mines and cotton fields

fragile minds need the shield

all combine to help conceal

a pantomime kiss, surreal

- J. P. Lee

6 December 2019

the phoenix

you sculpted me from dust and ashes

the perfect specimen to be examined

you hooked me to your keys

your favorite pocket-sized accessory

your colleagues oohed and aahed

they wanted to know more but they didn’t know why

from the outside it seemed a code unbreakable

but really it was all just

half-truths and tears

guised as mystery

and then you left me

a real boy

my nose growing with each breath i take

and i don’t know how to make it stop

but still

there is a stirring in my groin

and a sharp pain in my chest

a flutter in my gut

and a single tear slowly sneaking down my cheek

i wouldn’t dare

jinx myself

by attempting to label anything i’m feeling

but perhaps it’s simply freedom

and the excitement that lies within the possibilities

endless as the stars in the night sky

or how much you loved me once

i refuse to be a flower awaiting a bee anymore

instead i will pollinate myself

i am so tired of rejection

of painting myself red

only to discover that yellow is her favorite color now

because i am fragile

and covered in cracks

and my skin is one ignored text from shattering around me

simply turning to dust

but there is a world out there that worships red

i have to believe it’s true

and maybe i deserve everything that happened to me

because i tore out my own heart

and tossed it to someone so cruel

for If I ever really cared about my safety at all

I would have spent far less time melting into arms that were not

but still i will rise from my ashes

like every phoenix before me

crafting myself in my own image now

R.A.

All the shotgun brides

Eyes wide, know

That my heart would

beat five thousand

times for you

But through all the door frames

Cracked and wide

Awake at midnight -

But nothing there

Was good enough

To make you stay

There’s still a haunted room

In that quiet place

Where all your children

And their ghosts

Will go to play.

Eggplant

why ask for the flesh of

what you cant stand the taste?

if I only have to offer love

or, in equal measure hate

के मुझे ज़हन से मिटाना मुश्किल होगा
मैं ज़हन में आता हूँ, आया नहीं था मैं

KE MUJHE ZEHEN SE MITAANA MUSHQIL HOGA
MAIN ZEHEN MEIN ATA HUN, AYA NAHIN THA MAIN

IT WOULD BE NEIGH IMPOSSIBLE TO ERASE ME FROM YOUR THOUGHTS
EVEN WHEN I COME IN YOUR THOUGHTS, IT IS NOT I WHO CAME

मुझे ज़हन से न निकाल, अलबत्ता
सोच के ज़हन में आया कहाँ से मैं

ज़हन एक ऐसी जगह है जहां सोच किसी तस्वीर पे रुक जाती है
फ़िर मन उस तस्वीर की प्रेरणा को तलाशता है, और न मिलने पर परेशान हो जाता है

#thought #memory #memories
#lover #poet #poetry #sher #shayar #shayari #shayri #couplet #urdushayari #urdupoetry #hindishayari #hindipoetry #poetrycommunity #poetsofig #poetsofinstagram #urduslam #urduadab #poetryslam #sadpoetry #sadshayari #punjabipoetry #punjabishayari
#depressed #depression #overthink #overthinker #overthinking
(at Chandigarh, India)
https://www.instagram.com/p/B5t2Z5RHErS/?igshid=h49dxcdi6yeu

Owl Song

Flying wildly in the sky

Like a firefly I’m sparkling

Tonight

Yeah baby everybody’s sorry

Don’t fucking worry about me

Wound tight

I’m dancing it out in my own way

Tears streaming so soft and warm

Outta sight

I can’t even feel them so they’re

Not real darling just like my heart

Early light

Thousands of miles sprinkling sounds

Deserts of cold dark towns, oof

Ain’t right

Not since I first set eyes on the

Rest of my fucking life baby

Might

Just make a run for it next month

Out and out down the fields, my sorrows

Bright

My mind gets lit, ignites, and I dream

I’m dreaming about the way you fly, we fly

Like kites

Just pack me in your suitcase, fold me in

Take me away, give me your sins, oh baby

Let’s fight.

“Arise”

Weeping O D With Fauroux
And Her Slender Dress Is New
But Two Days Of The Filed
Laugh In A Rich And Wild

London I Say Then Hashish
S Snow Over Many Had Slavish
Were Beguiled Sweet Joy Shu
Very Night For The Hew

‘The Song of the Beasts’, in Collected Poems

“Come away! Come away!

Ye are sober and dull through the common day.

But now it is night!

It is shameful night, and God is asleep!

(Have you not felt the quick fires that creep

Through the hungry flesh, and the lust of delight,

And hot secrets of dreams that day cannot say?)”

[Rupert Brooke]

The One in Passing

The touch of your lips is different, but they will do

Your voice is not the voice I long to hear, but it will sooth

Away the heartache and replace the pride;

Help me hide away the sorrow in the depths of my eyes

Allowing you to make love to me does not make us one,

Yet your going will not completely break me when you are gone;

For you were just the one in passing while mending my heart

I might discover the beauty that is you when we finally part.