y'all keep arguing over a stupid picture on a shirt, meanwhile i'm sitting here thinking about the fact that yang has canonically two gay moms and polyam parental figures, good for her. good! for! her!
y'all keep arguing over a stupid picture on a shirt, meanwhile i'm sitting here thinking about the fact that yang has canonically two gay moms and polyam parental figures, good for her. good! for! her!
A personal note since I am having so many feelings that it it is distracting me from other tasks and I am hoping shouting into the void might help...
NOTE: All y’all are welcome to join me in reading this and you can even share thoughts and wisdom. Heck, reblog if you so wish. EXCEPT you MT. I know you’re not on tumblr much right now but just in case you see this: let’s save talking about all this for a face to face convo. Everyone else, join me in my feelings.
I consider myself dispositionally polyamorous. If my religious community and my spouse both blessed it, I would 100% have multiple spouses. I know how I am wired and I know what would make for a thriving life.
However, I count myself extremely fortunate that I am equally fulfilled by platonic/non-sexual life partners. For my happiness, sex is nice but optional, romantic-specific love is a mystery I have never kenned, and building life together and emotional intimacy is what fuels my heart.
Thus! (with consent of my spouse) I have explored power exchange dynamics dynamics and platonic partnerships and it has been an amazing journey.
But it has plenty of opportunities to make one heartsore.
I was helping on of my sub’s make a Dr. appointment recently and I told the staff member on the phone ‘Hello, yes, my partner is looking for a new physician and I was wondering if you took his insurance.’ And I almost teared up after just being able to name that in such an ordinary way.
But I have been on speaker phone with health care providers for another sub (to virtually join in on doctor visits where I was calling in to add some oomph to my sub’s self advocacy) and been introduced as ‘....my friend’ or ‘...my mentor’ to explain why this person with no legal or romantic relationship is being invited into such a vulnerable space.
Knowing that we’re not ever likely to go to each other’s family homes for winter holiday sits uneasy sometimes.
I am blessed in that my spouse, and one of my sisters, and my best friends are all happily on this my-having-partners/subs bandwagon and so I can get a semblance of the joy that is family video calls with many of my people together (No, that is not sarcastic. I unironically love family video calls).
But I have an opportunity with one of my subs to take the next 6-12 months for us to have a geographically closer dynamic. And one of the things standing in the way is how to introduce this mystery element to his family
Yes, he/we’d have to explain it, yes his family would be weird about it. This is not a part of the story that can be problem solved away. I currently plan to throw my husband under the bus to take point on swaying my sub’s family because it is normal for men to meet other men and have friendships. But why would you build a connection with a woman if you could never marry her or have sex with her, amirite?? *throw up in my mouth*
And I am so frustrated that I am vibrating. I want to live in a society where you can say, ‘hey I have a precious person and we are going to share a house together for a season of our lives and it is going to be awesome and nobody is having sex and nobody is getting married and if you want to buy us a platonic partnership gift, we need another single serving accessory for the ninja blender.’
And if anyone says anything about ‘why do we need special words?’ ‘why can’t we just say best friend like we did back in my day’ I am going to be very displeased. Because our society doesn’t save space for considering your platonic partner when making career decisions or how many bedrooms you are buying in a house or bringing adults to parent teacher conferences. And YES you can do it without those rhythms, obviously. But dang, I wish we did have that vocabulary and that ease.
When someone asks how I’m doing: I’m not just worried about my spouse’s surgery- I am also carrying concern about one partner being in a cast and another starting a new job. And I want to be able to talk about it without someone telling me that I shouldn’t take too much of my friend’s worries on my own shoulders, they are independent adults. Well so is my spouse and you don’t think it is weird that I am sharing that burden of worry and recovery!
Anyway, this whole ridiculous post was initially going to be about how hard and vulnerable it is to ask someone to partner with you outside of socially dictated structures.
I have a talk scheduled with MT this week to discuss about that geographical relocation opportunity thing, and I have to figure out how to be brave enough to really truly ask for what I want. My instinct is to make it easier on the other person when (I assume) they will tell me that my plea is insufficient. I prepare to save face and make it less difficult for someone to turn me down. This isn’t an MT thing, this is my modus operandi. That feeling of ‘I know I won’t be enough’ so I prepare for how our connection will endure after you affirm that belief.
And how this ties into the above rant is- it is a lot easier to say ‘I asked my partner to move in with me and he turned me down so I am sad and trying to figure out where our relationship is going’ vs ‘my sub passed on a chance to take our dynamic from long distance to in person and it makes me feel like I’m not worth fighting through the logistics for and what is my face even going to *look like* the next time he tells me that he is mine?’
And obviously I love him and we are going to work through it and whatever choice he ends up making we’ll figure out how to move our dynamic forward. That’s life.
But in *this moment* when I am supposed to be catching up on work emails because I’ve been out sick for a week, and I can’t because my heart is just so, so sore, I can’t help but think of all the things that could make this situation a little bit easier.
two posts one day bc I finally finished this hell of a piece hsjdshjds Yeah Yumene has that many siblings. Ixyl is an only child and was raised by her uncle because her parents passed away when she was 4. Jusayne was supposed to be an only child, then oops, Keena :) Timiel does have a family, I just didn’t include them because she cut them out and has no contact.
anyway; Keena the first was a sweet, quiet lady, Tymrw was a boisterous fun loving dude, Coryn’s a stubborn take-no-shit kind of person, Meryx doesn’t say a word beyond “no” or “yes” to anyone other than his husband and wife, and Orn literally will not shut up if you get him started on something (his spouses love it)
more rambling culture things under the cut :V (Also if y’all have an questions about milliverse stuff pleease ask me I love to answer questions bout this stuff 🥺)
For sand ilonians, it’s expected that you’ll have a lot of kids. a lot of them. It’s considered a major blessing to have lots of kids running around, both as a cultural thing and a religious thing. It’s also not uncommon for sand ilonians to be polyam, although culturally it’s more acceptable for there to be one female and multiple males (there ARE female only packs and male only packs, or packs with one male + many females, but depending on the area it can be considered... odd.) Legally they can be married to one another, but it’s not seen as a taboo thing if you aren’t married - Marriage is just seen as an extra layer of commitment to ilonians. Mountain ilonians are occasionally polyam, but it’s a touch more... not taboo? I’m missing a word it’s not taboo but it’s not encouraged, but direct lineage is more important to them as their villages tend to be small and comparing lineages back to greatx4 grandparents is a common “first date” activity. (for plains - same as sands, jungle - no. polyam relationships are taboo af.) (Yumene’s considered “An odd duck” because he only wanted one kid, but hey. Dude has 5 living siblings. Kinda wanted to be able to spend more time with the one kid instead of having to break up fights lmao. And yes, he received no end of “Grandkits??? more grandkits???” and “hey when we getting more niblings”)
Mountain Ilonians also tend to like to have a lot of kids, but they only tend to have 1-2 kits at a time so they often wind up with 3-4 before being unable to have more. (as opposed to most other subspecies who have 1-4 at a time) Paternal lineage isn’t really kept track of as I’ve said before; Neither Meryx nor Orn know “who’s kid is who’s” and it doesn’t matter, because they’re all all three of their kids. dgaf who sired’em, they’re they’re kids. (They have ideas, but they’d never voice them)
It’s the only way
OTPolycule Prompt #4:
Character A is a noble whose parents or legal guardians have died, leaving a great deal of money behind. In order to recieve said money, however, Character A must first be wed - and quickly, as another in Character A's family (someone rather abusive and mean) is doing their best to steal that family fortune for themself.
Among nobility, polygynandry is the social norm, which means Character A needs to find as many spouses as possible within a fortnight!
OTPolycule Prompt #3
While Character A's family is visiting, Character A's four-person polycule has to pretend to be two separate monogamous couples.
Character A/Character B are a couple and Character C/Character D are their "friends" that are "just over for dinner".
Is it comedic? Is it angsty? Is it both? Ending is the writer's choice!
lowkey hate the way this website talks about polyamory. like it's always the punchline to a joke. sorry i get a pussy and a dick at the same time on the regular i guess
A bit of character stuff:
-Gail is the eldest of 6! Two brothers and three sisters
-Gail’s babeyiest sister is a fox! She really looks up to Jax
-Jax doesn’t think they’re good with young kids at all. They love him tho!
-Jax is a twin! He is three minutes younger. This is very relevant.
-(not pictured) Taylor has an older brother! He’s like. 30 or smthn.
Eating dinner together
Taking turns to cook except for that one person that got banned from the kitchen forever after their first disastrous attempt
Impromptu karaokes in the kitchen to the radio
Make one room the hub of the house/apartment where everyone hangs out, I like making it the kitchen but living rooms with lots of sofas and beanbags works well too, as do gardens with outdoor chairs and stuff
One person coming home after a trip or smth and the whole group going to riotously greet them and smother them with love at the airport/station
That one person who bakes all the time for the rest
Sharing jackets and clothes
Everyone having very specific tastes in tea and coffee and everyone knowing everyone’s preferences for when they make each other drinks
Fiercely competitive games together
Holding movie nights together but the group has like only three or four films they ALL like so they end up watching those on repeat
All sharing one niche nerdy interest (like Formula One or ocean biology or Star Trek) and having rowdy conversations about the technicalities of it
Group ownership of an unusual pet like a tortoise or smth
“WHO ATE THE LAST COOKIE?”
Chaotically decorating the house
It’s one person’s birthday and the rest are planning elaborate surprises around cake, party, decorations, breakfast in bed, trip out etc.
Trips to theme parks together
Massive summer water fights, snowball fights in the winter, like huge with teams and stuff
One or two of them play instruments and sometimes they have music/singing/dancing nights, bonus if they light a campfire in the garden and toast marshmallows
The disaster where for a week the hot water/dishwasher/washing machine breaks and they’re all trying to come up with inventive and disastrous ways to make do without it while it gets fixed
More and more elaborate hiding places for private stashes of chocolate because of those one or two people that have no conscience when it comes to eating other people’s chocolate
The Messy One and the Tidy One, bonus if they’re in a really close relationship
One person having a niche hobby and the rest not really understanding the appeal but fully supporting it anyway
*wanders in to someone else’s bedroom* “I think I left my spider-plant in here...” “I haven’t seen your spider-plant but I found your keyring collection you left here yesterday, I’ve been keeping it safe for you,”
All watching the Great British Bakeoff or some other show together
Polyam Love Week date #3. 3 rounds of my favorite board game with my Polyam Family! Our family dynamic is really wonderful. We all grew together organically. J and K are married, b and I are married, K and b are long term partners, J and I are engaged (for a commitment ceremony/hand fasting), and K and I have a beatiful platonically intimate connection. We have been dubbed the Fantastic Four! They are my foundation, family, party partners, and best friends.
Apparently I never posted these photos last year
Bad Habit to kick:
Stop chasing after love when it's right smack in my face
This has been bothering me for quite some time, and now it’s time to talk about it.
I am a happily married bisexual woman, and my husband and I have been together for 10 years (never a night apart) and I have always wanted a female partner to go through life with. Not a sex toy, not a maid or a babysitter, a partner, a love, a hand to hold when my husband is at work and I have a moment of weakness and in turn, I want someone I can hold when she needs me, someone that can count on me to listen when no one else will or defend her against a freak mountain lion attack.
For some reason, this is apparently a bad thing, and I(we) should not be “looking for a third” according to so much of what I have read written by so many offended bisexual women out there.
Personally, I would think that it would depend on your definition of “a third”.
So, from what I gather, because I am a bisexual woman in a happy relationship with a man who is looking for a woman to fall in love with, I should be ashamed of myself, that a polyamorous relationship should be open and dreaming of a tight-knit closed triad relationship is what exactly?...disrespectful to the ideals of polyamory in general?
If that is so, what should I do, exclude myself from having this idea, because polyfidelity isn’t supposed to exist?
I am not asking that a girl has to sleep with my husband or she can’t be with me, no doubt, that would be a shitty thing to do to someone. I am looking for someone who would consider trying a relationship based on equality, trust and a family dynamic where all are equal.
Sure, I understand the intimidation factor - “Oh, they have been together for 10 years, there’s no waaaay I’m going in there”
Of course it is a scary situation, but so are all relationships when you first begin.
To so many out there, this makes me a bad person, apparently. So how does a successful polyfidelity/poly-triad relationships start? Do 3 random people crash carts at Walmart and instantly get googly-eyed? No, they find each other because they are looking for that bond to begin with.
My husband has always been ok with the idea, he has never told me it has to be one way or no way, and if the girl of my dreams didn’t want to try, she would never be here in the first place.
I see so many on tumblr saying dating sites are not for “unicorn hunters” that it ruins them for bisexual women. I definitely understand this , most couples are on there looking for a sex toy, looking for that “threesome” milestone in their relationship, so they typically lie, saying they are a bisexual woman looking for a woman, and don’t let on that they have a husband until later.
I see it all the time on a site I frequent, and it pisses me off too. All it does is create a stereotype that not all of us fit in to. And we don’t all deserve to be put in that (pun intended) group.
I am on a dating site, AND up front about my husband in the first sentence, and do not hound or message anyone.... at all. I put our info, photos, tastes and our goals on there, and nothing else.
A threesome is easier to come by than most think, this doesn’t mean that every couple is just looking for a night or two of physical bliss.
I want a friend at first, because without that, why bother. My husband is my best friend, if he wasn’t, and it was just sexual or financial or anything else, then, like most people we know, we might not have made it this long.
I understand, fidelity is not for everyone, and I am fine with that, as they say, “whatever floats your boat” ...though, I’ll just stick to the shore, because, truth is, I can’t swim.
As far as my female partner, I long for that friendship as well, after all, if we have nothing in common, then the bond will probably crumble. After time goes on, maybe more will happen, I can imagine that first exciting kiss that I have longed to feel for many years, and if she falls for my husband as well, and is truly looking for polyfidelity, then we might have a shot at something beautiful, something special.
I feel if it is at all possible, she will come my way, as I am not “hunting” anyone.
She would be a unique and amazing individual, with her own mind and choices, and neither one of us making them for her.
For now, until that day comes, I keep this dream on a shelf. I might be considered a "unicorn hunter", but this isn't about sex, or house cleaning, or any other excuse people have to put me, and my sexuality... in a box.
We are a tad bit introverted, we’re not rich, so not looking for a sugar-baby either, we live a pretty lame life, but if you could see yourself wanting to hike in a huge woods or spending all day picking out beads to make a gemstone bracelet, then give us a shout if you want to start a conversation that might never end.
This is about having someone of the same sex to share a life with, this is about love and fidelity, and if you can’t see that, then you spent entirely too much time reading this.
Seriously, how did a manga that started out so horny ultimately have 0 romantic/sexual relationships and instead is literally ALL Found Family?
It’s so refreshing and adorable to see, and I really hope it continues to stay that way.
Sometimes I struggle to come with something insightful to say about polyamory because it's such an essential element to my life that it has become banal.
But perhaps that is what this is all about, making it so that more love is just so ordinary as to be simply assumed.
As the holidays approach, people tend to focus more on family.
However, the mainstream definition of "family" does not include many people's connection to others and to their community.
Not everyone has two parents -- some have more, some have less -- and those who do have two parents do not necessarily have a mom and a dad. Not everyone's genetic/biological family is accepting or in their life anymore, for any number of reasons. Some people have complicated relationships, that may get more tense as "family time" is promoted everywhere. Many people can't see their family due to COVID-19. Some people don't celebrate the same holidays as their families.
For anyone whose family situation is not represented by the "normal" idea of "family" -- your relationship to your biological family is valid, your family set-up is valid, your CHOSEN FAMILY is just as real as anything else. Rest with and take care of your loved ones, whoever they may be and however you may relate to them.
[ID: Dark blue background with bold white text reading "Chosen family is real family. The TEP logo is centered on the right edge. Six groups of people - including three groups of three, one group of four, one pair, and one singular person - dance and talk in different poses. Each is dressed in a variation of pink, blue, and brown and have a variety of skin tones and hair colors. Each group has a circular shadow beneath them.]
Polyamory is wondering if your partner has always been this way and then having your meta confirm it by regaling you with the story of that one time your partner decided to drive cross country to Seattle in early December because apparently they never played Oregon Trail growing up.
For a long time I worried that I did not experience compersion the way I should. I worried I could not experience compersion.
Being sex repulsed, I struggled with the idea that I could not feel compersion because I do not like watching my partners share physical affection** with other people. Actually, I just hate watching people kiss. I wince all the way through episodes of the Good Place. I look away at the end of the Beauty and the Beast. Seeing, hearing about, my partners kissing (or more!) other people? No thank you.
I struggled with idea that I could not feel compersion because New Relationship Energy makes me extremely uncomfortable. I dislike spending months feeling like I'm drugged. I dislike seeing people acting out of character or being out of their normal mind. I avoid mistaken identity and fish-out-of-water stories with all my might because the certainty that something will go wrong. Experiencing NRE vicariously through my partners fills me the same anxiety and dread as watching Elf.***
But seeing my wife open up a box full of love from a long distance partner? Absolute joy! Hearing that my partner is back in touch with his once and future girlfriend? Beautiful! Knowing that there are scheduled phone calls to get everyone through the week? That gives me such comfort! Seeing my love become more herself as she grows her relationships? 💕
I experience compersion. My partners' joys are my joys. Love creates more love. I don't experience compersion in the way that is most often depicted because those depictions center compersion on allosexual and alloromantic experiences. And I am not allosexual or alloromantic.
* I am grey-ace and sex repulsed. I have never identified as aro but writing this I realized my reaction to romance is 🤮
**beyond hugs or cuddles
** I've never actually seen Elf, the previews made me too uncomfortable