The thinner I get , the happier I will be.
The thinner I get , the happier I will be.
Finally let myself eat today but I regret it. Had a 6 hour shift and walked on my 30 minute break instead of eating. Also walked to work and home (so an hour of focused cardio and 5.5 hours of here and there cardio). My job is shelf stocking and standing around (no chairs bc America is insane) and I found this little thing online that calculates how many calories you burn at work based on standing vs sitting. I love it so much. Anyway, I ate today like a dumbass bc there was a party and I made a Wiccan pie! and went 73 over so I took a huge bong rip and purged a little. Here’s the count.
1/2 slice Vegan Mulled Wine Cherry pie- 147
1/2 cup Vegan Chili-125
2/3 caramel Premier protein- 100
8 oz Black Coffee-0
10 Potato wedges-245
1/2 piece Toblerone pie-110
1 Ginger Lemon Kombucha-70
Fun sized m & ms regular- 73
Funsized m& ms peanut - 70
I don’t really weigh my food but I measure the fuck out of it and never eat anything bigger than my fist other than Fruit and veg
Update! Boyfriend’s parents are going away from Saturday til Tuesday night!! So I get all those nights to just have soup/ other low calorie dinners. I’m so happy!
im going to fast for at LEAST the next three days, but five days is the goal. i cant believe i let myself go so bad this is EMBARRASSING 😭
i’m so tired omg i just wanna go back to sleep fuck school man
that moment when you tell them you don’t want food 3x over and they still order you something and watch you eat it
see, i don’t know if i should feel appreciated that they care for me or offended that they didn’t listen to me and prematurely broke my fast
high restriction made me believe in love.. i can literally eat 1350 /1350/ and LOSE and i never binge.. it's been a month and i have only overeat once ! and i didn't even gain, high res literally do WONDERS and i'll never stop talking about it
day 6: I don’t binge. sometimes i eat over my daily calorie limit, or eat more than i wanted to, but i don’t binge.
do I eat the rest of my cheez balls bc my stomach hurts or do I continue my fast that's at 7 hrs so far. I did drink water and it didn't help much (it isn't that my stomach hurts from being hungry) I'm thinking of eating them and taking one of my diet pills
around 800 calories today, i wanted to binge so so bad but i’ve been doing so bad lately i need to stay on track
Can anyone tell me how to make my stomach more flat? I want my ribs to show more.
Ahhh im doing so well today!!
Tonight my boyfriend and I are making Mexican Parmas (I obviously have a vegan alternative) that we’re having with salad.
I’d estimate the whole meal to be like 300 calories, which is so scary since that’s just one meal. But if it’s all I eat today then I’ll be happy.
I’m going to go for a walk later, and maybe I’ll play some wii fit. I’m going to try and burn all the calories off that I’ll be eating today, or at least half of them off.
I have eaten 1,020 calories and i havent even had dinner yet 😀
my reflection is drowning me
I can't wait to be skinny and light
food log 10/25/21
orange juice - 90 cal
ensure - 100 cal (rough estimate, i drank two or three sips lol)
total - 190 cal-150 burned= 40 cal
i started a fast at 9 last night and i have no clue how long i want to go for yet but we’ll see LOL still kind of upset that i cant rlly avoid liquid cals because my parents have been making me drink juice and supplements lately :/
i’m so stuck between restricting and staying under my limit and eating because i’m already fat idk what to do
Why I'm Doing This
(100 Reasons Why From an Obese Ana)
To finally not have an "obese" bmi
To be smaller than my mom (lol sad ik)
To not get stared at or uncomfortable when I'm out of breath
To wear the type of clothing I want to wear
To go shopping and know they have my size
To online shop with no worries
To actually look good in the clothing
To still look small in "oversized" clothes
To look more feminine
To be confident in makeup
To be confident in a swim suit
To look good in low-rise jeans
To be able to wear my hair up without worrying about people seeing my fat face
To not take up so much space
To have people say "I wish I had your body"
To get off my medication
To hear the doctors worried about me being too thin rather than too fat
To be smaller than my boyfriend
To have my boyfriend be able to pick me up
To look good in lingerie
To look good/be confident in bed (lmao)
To have fuller lips
To look good in pictures
To take up less space in pictures
"You're so thin you need to eat!"
To not feel bad for eating what I want in public
To not feel like a pig while ordering at a restaurant
To hear "You're done? Already? But you've barely touched your plate!"
To stop being offered food that someone doesn't what to eat (so fucking embarrassing)
To have a flat stomach.
To see my collarbones
To see my ribs
To see my hipbones
To have a cute small butt
To have small hands
💫 T h i g h G a p 💫
To look good in baggy jeans
To no longer have to wear mom jeans to flatten my stomach
SKIRTS AND DRESSES.
To wear layers without looking bigger
To feel confident posting pictures online
To be hit on (ofc i'd say fuck off but still lmfao)
To have a flat chest
To sit in peoples laps without crushing them
To be able to wear my boyfriends shirts/hoodies
To wear thigh highs without them rolling down
To look dainty in jewelry
Being able to wear rings
Being able to shave easier
To be able to exercise for longer periods of time
To have better health
To no longer be associated with fat stereotypes
To have a better smile
"Oh my god I can feel your bones!"
To be someones thinspo
To be able to wear tight clothes without seeing fat or rolls
To be able to dance confidently
To be able to run confidently
To look small in chunky shoes
To look tiny even when bloated
To stop hearing "You can't have anorexia"
To fit into my aesthetic or any aesthetic
To stop having people pick on me for my weight (this sounds childish but it hurts 3)
To be more flexible
To have the small face large glasses look
To have people be suprised at how much better I look
To look good with piercings (belly button piercing!!)
To look good with tattoos
To no longer be the "funny fat friend"
To no longer be the butt of peoples jokes
To be confident in spaghetti straps or any sleeveless top
To stop receiving weight loss books from my aunt and uncle
To look good with short hair
To not be self conscious while grocery shopping or checking out
To no longer play apart in Americas obesity epidemic
To possibly be model worthy (i'm considered tall so)
To feel confident sending pictures to my boyfriend
To feel confident shopping with my bf
To stop feeling so out of my bfs league bc of my weight
To stop feeling anxious about the way I sit in public
To feel confident taking full body pictures
Taking bubble baths without feeling gross
Feeling confident in school
So I can wear cute clothes in school and stop dressing like a bum
To look good even in uniforms
Going to thrift stores and find cute clothes without having to worry about size
To not feel out of place in certain stores/settings
For more compliments
So I can eat sweets/junk food without feeling or looking gross
So that large portions to me are small portions to other people
Just to finally be happy in my body
To start living the "best years of my life"
To stop worrying about my medical health
To feel wanted around other people
To stop holding others back
To be treated like a normal person, not a pig
To have people come up to ME and want to talk or be my friend
No more hiding my body in ugly dark clothing
To stop feeling like a burden because of my weight
So I can stop existing and start living
Note: This is obviously for me because it's rather specific things I want to change and 99% of edblr isn't obese. This isn't "pro-ana" or "tips", this is just like me journaling all the reasons why I should keep going to keep for myself when I want to binge or give up.
My stomach started growling whilst I was studying for my chemistry exam… so I decided it was time for a cup of green tea.
i wanna post progress pics so bad but i'm so scared that someone irl is gonna see it on my blog ahahhhhh >_____<