So, here is an update what happened the last months. Because my blog got deleated jbdls;@&@jw (stroke), everything is gone. I know this happens to many people many times, well, too bad, it's my blog and I keep complaining about it as long as I want (this post will way be too long)
Some Months ago I told my best friend about my anorexia. She was understandable and didn't stand in my way.
Few months later we had a serious chat. How to become happy, how to fight mental diseases. She made me realize that I don't want to keep living like I do now. I want to recover.
Everything of this has happened in less than a year (today, July 31th 2021; I never see dates by the posts, maybe I'm just stupid.)
Recovery is hard. I left every ana group except one (which I left last week 💔). I told my therapist about ana. Nothing happened. My therapist doesn't help me and finding a new one is damn hard. So I keep losing because wanting to recover isn't equal to wanting to recover.
I want it in the way that I want to be happy. Stop thinking about food and all this fucking stuff.
But I don't want it because it means to gain weight. Getting my ugly body back. Feeling disgusted every second by being stucked in there.
One to two weeks ago I gained 3.4 kg (7.5 lbs) in a little bit more than one week. And then, two months after the last time and over a month too late, I got my period. Since I have it I lose 0.5 kg (1.1 lbs) each day.
Let's hope it keeps going like that