The Beginnings Part 2
I grew up religious. As a child I loved God and reading the Bible. I remember playing church with my dolls and stuffed animals. I would preach and lead every to a song and everything with my twin brother. I loved it! Over the years my faith changed and I leaned more atheist then agnostic when my intuitive abilities started to get more frequent. I needed answers for what was happening to me. So in high school I started becoming interested in past lives and soul mates.
When I was 11 I started to miss a home I never been to and someone who I had never seen. All I knew about the guy was that he wasn’t in florida. So at an appropriate age I was allowed to have long distance boyfriends. When I was introduced with the internet, I became interested in online communities, made several of my own; learned to code and run fully operational websites. In my previous career I did marketing and used those tools for my non-profit organizations.
A psychic predicted his death.
I spoke with one on a podcast just a few months before his death. He said, “I’m so sorrynfor your loss. Just know there’s nothing you could have done.” I didn’t know what he was talking about but I found myself in my closet crying my eyes out. This was about a year after the letter to who I was hoping would find me, coincidentally written on Erik’s birthday. So I collapsed and felt completely lost but I still had hope.
7 or 8 years later a psychic told me that I should talk to Erik. For years after his death I felt him around me. Always positive, protective, nice…so I never bothered to worry about it. But to talk with him? Why? How? I thought doing that was bad. I didn’t want to attract demons.
So I prepared after doing research.
I saw a lot of stories about spirit boards and how dangerous they can be. I took no chances. I lit sage, cleaned my crystals and prepared for the right attitude. Even turned off the fan just in case. So that my pendulum would work. Even made surentonwrite scripture on my boards. But I’ve had a pendulum for years, just never seriously used it. Someone, an acquaintance gave me one months before Erik died. She was also a witch and psychic.
With everything in its place and prepared, I respectfully and carefully started the process. I was terrified and with a notebook I documented everything he said. He didn’t want to scare me but I was already scared so when he responded, I realized pendulums do work. It was slow and frequently I’d stop to write. Unfortunately all of my notebooks and journals were tossed when my ex flew off to his parents. While I was in the hospital.
Erik started as a spirit guide and a friend. He would ask me questions about things happening in my life at the time and offer advice. Over time, my pendulum started to move faster. It took a couple of years to get to telepathy and generally it was worth it.
He didn’t tell me he was my twin flame for about a month.
And I didn’t write in this blog until another month after. I needed to be sure about what I was doing. Thought that telling a few people was okay but I realize that was probably the dumbest thing I could have done so early in the situation. I was actually hoping to get some help. Only felt gasslighted.
When he told me he said “I’m your Twin Flame! You know this!”
I felt confused. I thought it was stupid years ago. But I remembered the feelings I would get at night when I was falling asleep that this invisible force was me in a deep way. I scraped that away as some kind of fantasy and never thought about it until what Erik said. For that short period of time back when I started feeling him I was falling in love with him. I even bought my first guitar. Reality punched me in the face when my bf at the time was having a drinking problem. A lot happened in 2012.
So when Erik said that we were twin flames I looked at what twin flames were again without judgement or snarky comments on the blogs and information I earlier deemed to be bullshit. I remembered my oracle cards would tell me about a twin flame relationship. It never made sense to me at the time. Then of course years back told me I would become a channeler and tarot card reader. Didn’t believe it then either. Now I realize that even back then, my personal readings were pretty accurate.
I had to rewire my beliefs and be open the possibility that this was my path.
I always knew it would eventually find me but not this way. Much like I knew from the birthday letter Erik would find me but not this way. When I was younger (6 or 7) I predicted that I would need thick glasses and medications. I didn’t know I would be bipolar but knew the meds wasnt for physical stuff.
Because I’m bipolar and take medications I had to really think about all possibilities. I could be on a crazy manic trip. I was worried that I was doing something stupid or something evil in some way. Some times I came close to assuming I must be crazy. But every time I do, I’m reminded in some way that this is real no matter how I tried to apply logic. Without my meds, I cant concentrate. Without concentration, my intuitive abilities are gone.
I’ve been on many medications.
Over the years about 20 different kinds and I notice I was feeling Erik when I was medicated. I stopped feeling Erik in 2012. I started meds and therapy fall of 2016. I wasn’t medicated for four years because my bf’s family at the time wasn’t supportive about it. From fall 2016 to spring 2017 the dreams were happening more frequently. I started talking to Erik spring 2017.
I wasn’t medicated for a while at the start of this year because of insurance and from then to when I started again, I was able to hear Erik and use my pendulum but it was very very hard. I was kind of happy to be “normal” but to not be able to talk to him when I needed to was just nearly impossible. It started to scare me. I realized that not for my sanity but also sprititually, I really do need my medications. My hopes of being medication free we dashed as my work performance also began to suffer and the fog in my head got thicker. I didn’t feel myself and it was noticeable.
🥰😘 Good night!
