#ptsd / Tumblr posts

  • skiiinnyloveeee101
    05.12.2021 - 2 minutes ago

    running the streets at night, tricking, getting into strangers cars, provoking it on purpose. It’s like I’m a schizophrenic where one part of me wants to be brutally raped and the other one just loved, like tf

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  • sasha-the-dumb
    05.12.2021 - 30 minutes ago

    It's genuinely eerie how similar my abusers hands looked compared to these.

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  • sasha-the-dumb
    05.12.2021 - 33 minutes ago

    We're still in the same class now. I'm so fucking scared of him.

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  • kikarimbabo
    05.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    Recuerdo el día que te conté, me hubiera gustado que las cosas pasaran como con ellos... después de ese día no volví a contarle a nadie mas...

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  • devarctic
    05.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    The man, with rage along his eyebrows said, What's this? The others have reported you, Tell tales that you've been cursing them for what? Because they tried to help? What's wrong with you? You can't deride coworkers in such ways! 'Fuck off?!?' What brought you there to say this grime? Have you no sense of decency or shame? Explain yourself, and I'll consider it. And I to him, What noise is this you make? What matter it? 'Fuck' here or there, who cares? Have you not seen true violence in your life? Admit I will, I said those words to them, And I'll say more before this day is done. Your tone does not make me afraid, through Hell I've been, and you come forth with moral lies Like I can not see through this pious stance! Do what you will, I have no use for you. And he, You're done, pack up your things, begone.

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  • altsmultimuse
    05.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

         Her hands are shaking and her stomach is full of butterflies but not the nice kind; the ones that feel like they're trying to escape from the cage that is your insides. It's the first snowfall of the year. Snow is rare for this particular region, which Cody loves. However, once in a while the skies turn gray, and icy flakes fall from the sky like ashes. The bitter chill of winter seeps into her skin and coils around her bones. Its long fingers grip her lungs and squeeze. She's wearing a coat, but it doesn't help.      Snow. Fuck the snow. It always brings back memories.

         "Hoo—ookay. Okay cool. Thought I could handle it. Sorry, I shouldn't— I thought I could do it. Nope. Gotta go. Home. Okay, this is stupid. Can we like, hug or something?"

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  • ominousfish
    05.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

    Why are my triggers so fucking soecific and weird . Im shivering in my boots over seeing the word “cold” in irish i am such a fucking beta cuck /srs

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  • roseguided
    05.12.2021 - 1 hour ago

      @chrmatiica ASKED,  ( 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐄 ) ; 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒆. / 𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒚

               𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐘 𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏, && 𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎 𝐄𝐗𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.    she dreads going to sleep, she dreads dreaming, she dreads the nightmares---can’t she just close her eyes && sleep in empty, black nothing?    why must she remember so vividly . . .     (  doctor && therapist alike had told her it   𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭𝓷'𝓽   be easy working through what had happened.   they told her she might have these ptsd related nightmares, but the reality of actually having them is so much worse !    she’d rather stay awake than fall asleep.  )   in her dreams she feels the panic, the dread, the worry⸺cindy sees alice, she sees the way she has to hurt tommy to keep him away from ziggy.   the digging, the smell of blood, the knowledge  that children, like those watching over them, had been   𝙺𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙳    in the process !    distinctly, she remember the absolute terror she felt being knocked down, having the axe swing to hard against her chest all the while she worries for ziggy then herself . . she hears her screams, nearly dies thinking she couldn’t save her sister.   eyes open with a jolt of her body nearly every time.   a anguished, scared yell rips through her throat as mind is unable to distinguish between reality of her bed && the camp scene stuck in the front of her mind.    eyes glance ‘round frantically, the sound of rain beating against bedroom window && then she feels hands on her arm.   cindy jumps, but only slightly as eyes settle on tommy beside her in the dark.    [   𝖍𝖊𝖗  𝖙𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖞,  not camp tommy.   the tommy she loves, the tommy who’s remained at her side.  the tommy that makes her calm down in these moments⸺    ]     ❝  tommy, i- . . ❞   she stutters out with a labored breath,    ❝  i’m- . . i’m sorry !   i-i woke you up.  i was just having . . another nightmare. ❞   hands smooth through her hair, still shaking.

    #chrmatiica #muse: cindy berman #ptsd //#ptsd tw#ptsd cw #death mention // #death mention tw #murder mention // #murder mention tw #death //#murder //#q
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  • imstillalivedownhere
    05.12.2021 - 2 hours ago

    Running Away Is Easy

    Buck’s hidden it really well but he hasn’t been himself since the lawsuit. so he decides literally following in his sister’s footsteps is what would be best for everyone.
    word count: 734
    part one. part two. part three. part four.
    tw • neglect mention, violence mention, accident/injury mention. natural disaster/drowning mention, ptsd/dissociation type symptoms, anxiety/depression/insecurity themes • tw
    a/n: this was originally going to just be a one shot song fic for time moves slow but then listening to to build a home gave me an idea on how to make it a lil series so enjoy lol also im sorry if theres ever any parts that don’t make sense i wrote this when i was sleep deprived and tbh thats usually how im able to write lmfao

    ——————————————————

    I found you at the window again

    Looking out, watching the leaves falling in

    And it was something like a dream

    Wow, so perfect, couldn't talk to me

    Buck wasn’t entirely sure when he had made up his mind. Maybe it was during the aftermath of the lawsuit. Maybe it was when he learned his parents kept a huge secret from him and never really wanted him. Maybe it was when Bobby tore into him for basically painting a target on his chest. Maybe it was when Chimney lost control and hit him. Or maybe it was one of the times Eddie falls quiet in his presence, and simply watches the world go by.

    Time moves slow

    When you're all alone

    Sometimes Buck swears he’s still under the ladder truck, and everything that’s happened since has all been a vivid hallucination. He almost wished that were true. Maybe there’s a version of himself that didn’t fuck everything up beyond total repair.

    And the time moves slow

    When you're out on your own

    Other times Buck feels like he’s drowning. Like the waves of the tsunami pulled him under, and he never resurfaced; he’s constantly struggling against the force and he can never swim fast enough.

    And the time moves slow

    When you're missing a friend

    Things seemed to have gone back to normal from an outside perspective. To him though his family has never felt the same.

    And the time moves slow

    When you came to the end

    At this point Buck was on autopilot, just moving through the motions. To others he seemed fine. Like Buck 3.0.

    He had never felt more numb.

    Running away is easy

    It's the leaving that's hard

    Logistically, Buck knew his decision to leave and start over wouldn’t be too difficult. He’s done it so many times before he’s lost count. It was different now though. He finally had a real family, a stable job. People to come home to. Was he really going to leave that all behind? It may not be the same anymore, but it’s still something. And maybe something was all he needed. Just anything to hold on to. Even if his grasp was slipping more and more everyday. It was lonely but it was tangible and reachable. Nothing else existed outside of this bubble he’s created. It was all a concept. A what if.

    Running away is easy

    It's the living that's hard

    He just wasn’t really sure if he was truly living anymore. Was trying to hold onto something that could so easily be taken away worth it? Bobby would probably give him that look, and say yes. Yes, of course it’s worth it. Hold it as tight as you can. You’ll regret it if you’re the one to let go.

    And loving you was easy

    It was you leaving that scarred

    Bobby’s advice wouldn’t help much though. So many people have left him already. Maddie abandoned him and then left again, Chimney basically left twice; the punch was the first loose thread, leaving tore everything to shreds. Eddie never physically left, but does that matter when it constantly feels like he’s pulling away?

    But what was I to do?

    Just couldn't help myself falling in love with you

    And what could I say?

    Oh, if I had another chance

    To make you stay

    'Cause when you ran away

    I knew just what you were thinking that day

    You just didn't love me like I do

    Like I love you

    To think Eddie could ever love him back was foolish; a pipe dream.

    The sad thing is we're better off this way

    Time moves slow

    When you can't have a thing

    Time moves slow

    When you're lost in the dream

    Time moves slow

    When you wait by the phone

    His decision was final. He wasn’t going to drag anyone down with him anymore.

    Buck set his car keys down onto the counter, grabbed his luggage, and made his way out of the loft that never quite felt like home.

    And as if Sunny California was mocking him, rain poured down his back as he rushed to catch the next bus out of the city.

    His phone managed to survive the torrential downpour so he checked the time.

    7:30am. Thirty minutes into his shift.

    He hasn’t received a single call or text.

    And the time moves slow

    When you're all alone

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  • cool-porygons
    05.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    After seeing youtube remove the ability to view dislikes, at first my thoughts were “thats really stupid”, but ive just realized something else. Sometimes, a video may appear a bit sketchy to me, as if it may contain some sort of prank or jumpscare. Usually the first thing i do is check the dislikes and if it looks like a normal amount, its usually safe. But now, with the dislikes hidden, and the ability to turn comments off, people could put all kinds of bad things in videos, including shocking content that may disturb viewers, with no warning, and no ability for others to warn you. YouTube may ban certain content, but seeing kids YouTube we all know they do a shit job at it. This isnt very cool, honestly :/

    #im sure there will be people out there who are like oh you should toughen up its just a video #but as someone who is very sensitive to certain things due to ptsd. which is diagnosed and not just something i say btw. i hate it when #i cant check a video by the likes/comments to see if it will be safe for me #youtube#youtube dislikes
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  • cooksforkisses
    05.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    “There is a crack, a crack, in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen

    Of course I’ve been broken. Many, many times, in fact: compounding fractures, splintering and shattering over and over. Every time I put myself back together, knowing the cracks of the past will always be visible, and this choice to rebuild myself anyway has made my life infinitely more beautiful.

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  • mycptsdstory
    05.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    Do you people realise; how much I hate my fucking mother?

    Do people really understand that I hate her with a burning passion?

    I don't think some people understand that.

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  • t74x6n83pq9sck4va0
    05.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    Sorry about being weird and vague i just havent really collected my thoughts yet but i just found out im going to have to do a thing for my family thats going to make me feel really awful but any attempts to talk about personal stuff is actively shut down so i have no choice but to do the thing and accept that no one is going to understand why i wont be in a great mood while it's going down and that ill probably take some heat for that and just have like no support lol hence stupid tumblr posting because i quit therapy and have no close relationships irl

    #by feel awful i mean im going to have a ptsd moment but like stealthily because feelìngs dont exist unless its anger
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  • girlwithptsd
    05.12.2021 - 3 hours ago

    Art Therapy: Make an Emotion Wheel - Processing

    Depression: I tried to depict everything being dark and only feeling like it is getting darker using the dark blue and black.

    Anger: I just started drawing lines and it came out to look like self-harm, and also like red thorns on red stems. I made the connection years ago that my suicidal ideation is usually caused by anger related to my trauma. A friend of mine pointed out to me that it also seems like my anxiety is caused by anger too. I felt really anxious after coloring the anger part of the wheel, so I'm thinking there is probably truth to that. Anger at myself too.

    Joy: Sunshine. Simple. Beautiful.

    Anxiety: That's what I always picture when I say, "racing thoughts."

    Overwhelmed: I feel like when I'm overwhelmed, it's like everything at once, so I wanted colors that remind me of what happens when you mixed all the colors at once: you get brown or black.

    Relaxed: This one I found really interesting. My first instinct after using purple was to draw a book. I haven't really read a full book in years, but I used to devour books through childhood until I was about 24 years old. I've occasionally tried processing why I don't read books anymore, and I am fairly certain it has to do with the need to not feel what I'm feeling. Through drawing this I realized it's also because I have this sort of mental "constant vigilance" thing going on, and when I read, I relax, but my mind doesn't want to relax. It's afraid of having flashbacks and being hurt again. That is a huge realization for me.

    #TW: SI #TW: Suicidal thoughts #TW: Self harm #TW: self harm thoughts #depression#mdd#ptsd#anxiety#emotion wheel#art therapy
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