#ptsd thoughts Tumblr posts

  • xdarlingimtryingx
    24.10.2021 - 3 hours ago

    Clouds are painted,

    Placed perfectly high above

    We use to watch them

    Float and move,

    The stars

    Use to shine so bright...

    Now everything lost color

    Am I colorblind

    Or did you just

    Brighten my life..

    It's not the same

    "Time heals everything"

    Does healing mean

    We forget each other?

    Because if so

    I'd rather be in agony and pain

    Then lose you again..

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  • c-ptsd-letsvent
    24.10.2021 - 7 hours ago

    I literally feel nauseous when my parents talk about how selfish it is the suicide. How the person who attempts it just wants attention. How coward it is.

    I'm there, unable to speak, words that can't get out my throat.

    I felt it. I know what is like when you just want everything to stop, when you can't deal with the pain anymore, when you just want it to stop hurting, and you're so tired, and scared, and you would do anything to make it stop and be able to finally rest, for the first time in your life.

    And yes. They don't know. And yes. They never felt it.

    But I cannot find myself able to explain them how hurtful are those words. How deeply wrong they are.

    Words get stuck and my horror stay invisible.

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  • acanthasia
    24.10.2021 - 7 hours ago

    I don't want to die happy. I want to die in complete despair and utter loneliness so that my bad afterlife energy can haunt down every single evil motherfucker on this planet.

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  • mycptsdstory
    24.10.2021 - 10 hours ago

    I'm sorry, if you're gonna come on my blog and call me "yOuR aN AbLeIsT" because I call out narcissists baggage. You're a fucking joke mate. And yes, you are baggage. You are nothing but baggage.

    And no, and calling me names won't fucking hurt me. What haven't I heard already, that won't effect me? Do you honestly believe mind games will work? Fucking lol.

    I see you, commenting on @furiousgoldfish and @daughterofanarcissistwoman when they are giving useful info on narcissistic abuse. I'm proud of them. They are an amazing bloggers. While you narcissistic pieces of waist for human life resources; just attack and bully these amazing bloggers and I bet they're more amazing bloggers giving amazing info too. You're not gonna push me like you do with them. I will ALWAYS stand up against narcissists.

    All abusers do the exact same shit, the exact same tactics, the exact same mind games... Come on. I've seen it all and I can see you from a fucking mile off. Y'all not smart and thinking your god... yet, you call us delusional. Fucking lol.

    To the narcissists arseholes who say "yOuR aN AbLeIsT" mate, don't pick a fight with me. I've already lost everything, been broke, lived on the streets and I'm still standing here.

    See, I can live without the money, the reputation, the fame. I can fucking easily live without that shit. What about you?

    Y'all care about your "RePuTaTiOn" and y'all got everything to loose, when I haven't. Think before you attack me and the bloggers who I love.

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  • recoverywithanasterisk
    24.10.2021 - 14 hours ago

    When someone is struggling with mental health issues and feel like they have trouble functioning, it can be tempting to be encouraging and cheer them on when they do something they normal struggle with. Please don’t do not stop and make a big deal about it in the moment. Especially in front of other people.

    For example, my sister and I are currently at my parents’ house this weekend visiting our dad because it was his birthday earlier in the week. We got a cake for him and I turned the living room light off while my sister carried the cake in with the candles lit. After my dad blew out the candles, my sister turned the light on right away. We were focused on my dad and my mom decided to make a comment about how good it is that I was able to turn the light on.

    My terrible relationship with my mother aside, there are a few reasons this comment was completely unwlcomed.

    I have a lot of trouble turning lights off or being in darkness even for a second. I didn't plan to be the one to turn off the light. An alarm on my phone, I ran to the living room to turn it off and decided to turn the light off to make my sister’s life easier in that moment/to surprise my dad.

    I hated turning off the light. I held my breath and felt sick to my stomach when I did it. But I was also very glad to be participating in something ‘normal’ and for taking control of the situation in a small way.

    My mom’s comment ripped that moment of feeling ‘normal’ away from me. It highlighted that I usually need so many accommodations. That I am usually too scared to do the simple task of turning off a light. It also put the attention on me when I was just trying to do something for my dad.

    When someone does something they usually struggle with, it doesn’t feel like a clear cut victory. I know I have a lot of complicated emotions. And when someone tries to treat it like a total victory, I feel bad about how complicated I feel and I feel like I can’t talk about the complexity of my emotions because I don’t want to disappoint them.

    Also, pointing out something and treating it like a full victory can make the person feel like they can’t have a setback or ask for accommodations again. It can feel like the person is really saying, “You did it! Now I except you to be able to do this every time!”

    This doesn’t mean don’t be encouraging or point out tiny victories. My sister and I have a relationship where she knows when she can celebrate something in the moment and when to wait.

    A good way to be encouraging is to list the small things you’ve noticed either when they are feeling discouraged and need a pep talk or when they bring up feeling like they have been doing better. It can be hard for me to hear in sad moments, but sometimes it is nice to hear someone acknowledged the cumulative healing. To acknowledge how all they tiny little victories add up to a lot of progress. And it can be super validating to hear it when I am in a place where I can acknowledge my progress.

    It everyone is different so it isn’t exactly one size fits all advice, but I think not putting the spotlight on someone in the moment in front of a group of people is a safe bet. Just let people live in the moment and be quietly encouraging later after they have time to process whatever complex emotions facing a trigger might have brought up.

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  • ceceliapay
    24.10.2021 - 18 hours ago

    The day it fell apart…

    #bpd#ptsd#tw#self harrrm #made of styrofoam #s3lf h@rm #self h4rm #tw sucidal thoughts #tw triggers#tw vent
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  • depressivestuff88
    24.10.2021 - 18 hours ago

    With someone with CPTSD this song means a lot to me! Nobody knows what it is like, or what you have gone through! Only YOU do! Don’t let someone invalidate you! Cause you know what it is like and they don’t!

    #traumacore #okay to rb #ptsd problems#ptsd sucks#actually traumatized#sadgirl#sad times#bpd sucks #not being heard #not being understood #actuallytraumatized #you don’t know me #katelyn tarver#Youtube#ventcore#trauma vent #living with ptsd #post traumatic stress disorder #ptsd thoughts#ptsd vent
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  • s4dbunn1
    24.10.2021 - 18 hours ago

    I hate that I had to go through so much pain and still am.. all because some boy couldn’t control himself.

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  • kathryn70
    23.10.2021 - 20 hours ago

    I get control from food. I need more control now more than ever and my ED has never been so bad.

    CW:99lbs 5’2”

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  • seasidebpd
    23.10.2021 - 1 day ago

    So apparently PTSD increases the risk of insulin resistance and now I'm fucking done. People will fuck you up to the point of literally dying and then claim it's your fault. Not on my watch. I'm going back to fucking therapy and I'm going to insist on getting ALL the diagnoses I was supposed to get this time. And then I'm getting treatment.

    #ptsd#insulin resistance#trauma #the thought of my mother bitching over my coffin about me 'not taking care of my health' when she’s the one who fucked it up so badly... #yeah#that thought #that thought invokes enough spite #for me to go back #and get healthy #and get my fucking piece of paper with the fucking proof
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  • mycptsdstory
    23.10.2021 - 1 day ago

    So I keep getting these memories of some friends I was friends with. I met them through Facebook and we used to video call each other all the freaking time.

    We fallen out over the dumbest shit possible! Well everyone said I started it… do you know what over??? Oh let me tell you because it’s so fucking stupid! One (the Norway girl) fallen out with me because I “kept” sending her gaming invitations so I can get more free coins… oh she played the same game too, so she also sent me the same invention and so she got free coins in the fucking game! Then one fucking day, she didn’t like me doing it… Mate, what the actual fuck. How fucking childish can you be?

    She changed her attitude towards me because she was dating my friend (mean while, all 6 of us were friends. The Swedish girl dated the twitch streamer and the Mexican girl dated a girl from Norway. Then me and the older Mexican girl are still friends) and the Swedish and the Norway girl didn’t want me to their friends. How fucking toxic. Get that shit out of here!

    Btw, I’ve dated guys who were jealous and I tossed their ass to the curb. NO ONE and I mean FUCKING NO ONE tells me who I should not and be friends with. Fuck that noise.

    I even dumped friends who didn’t like me being friends with other people. I’m fucking done with that shit.

    I had to deal with that shit with my mother…. Do they honestly believe I was going to put up with that shit? Hell nah. One of many fucking reasons why I stopped talking to my family. IF I can cut out my own fucking family, I can cut out friends and boyfriends.

    You don’t say one thing and mean the fucking next. Fuck off. I haven’t got time for that bs. Absolute zero patience for it.

    When my friend (who’s now a twitch streamer) I fucking warned her and I warned my other Mexican friend. The way they were being possessive, it’s so wrong. But nnnooooo I’m the bad guy… fuck off. I’m sorry, I had it with my OWN FUCKING FAMILY! Do they honestly believe I didn’t see it? Fuck off.

    I’m not mad, not angry, not upset and not hating the two girls who went with toxic people. I’m not. Fucking shit happens and I do hope they are having a wonderful life. I will say that to my grave!

    I’m just curious… not even hating… just curious of why I’m still blocked. I apologised for my shit. I was thinking, maybe the twitch streamer is embarrassed for moving to a different country without realising. I get it, you were young BUT think of it this way, now you know. When you have children, you can teach them this life lesson you’ve learned. It’s a life lesson that you will never fall for again and I’m proud of you that you left.

    I was thinking of coming onto her streams and talk to her, but I’m worried I’m gonna get blocked again. I know her mum still has me on Facebook and she doesn’t understand English that well. So I’ve been learning Spanish so I can talk to her mum. I’m not good at Spanish yet and I’m learning some basic words.

    Tbh, I’m more annoyed with myself. I knew the Swedish girl and the Norway girl was toxic, I was lonely and I needed friends. This was during the time where the only place I could talk to people was through the internet. My mother controlled me and control isn’t love, that’s not unconditional love, that’s delusional love. So I put up with their bs for so long. Now, I don’t tolerate it; especially after therapy.

    I still do check up on them, every now and again. I hope they realise that they can talk to me. I won’t even be mad, if they were hurt and I hurt them. I get it, I was dumb and I lashed out. I admit when I’m wrong. We are adults now and yeahh, being honest with one another does hurt, it fucking sucks.

    I just hope they can talk to me and be open with me. I tried many times to be open with them (even shared this blog) and I just got the door slammed in my face. That hurts. I’m trying here. I’m not perfect but I’m fucking trying here.

    I hope they realise I still do love them, maybe from far away. My dms are always open.

    #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd problems#cptsd thoughts #just cptsd things #actually cptsd#cptsd tag#tw cptsd#actually ptsd#cptsd vent #only in Norway #memories #I fucked up #I messed up #I’m not mad #I’m not angry #I’m not hating #I love you
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  • eldritchspark
    22.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    First Day

    started this as part of something else but i hit the tone completely wrong so i’m just posting this as a drabble instead ;w;

    just a kinda slow ficlet wherein danny reminisces about the fateful day on which he died while also exploring his feelings and attachment to both life and death

    mild angst ??? implied and mentioned anxiety and ptsd

    word count: 906, not beta’d

    --------------------------------

    Phantom was floating idly, a few inches above the Amity Clock Tower.

    He stared wistfully with a glassy look at his ungloved hand as he softly traced over his Lichtenberg scar that spread out lightly all the way towards the top of his left arm. A melancholy smile painted his face as he closed his eyes, letting a single tear get blown away by the rather chilly end-of-summer night wind.

    It has been two years already. He thought while the scenes from his accident flashed before his eyes and started to cloud his mind. He felt his left hand go slightly limp and felt a distinct pain he had only felt that one time. He wondered if he was ever going to be able to think back, without the accompanying phantom pain.

    He sighed and got up from his sitting-while-floating-in-mid-air position and shot away over town, back home. Once he arrived, he carefully phased through the wall of his room and laid down in bed. He only let his transformation rings wash over him once he was fully covered beneath the blanket, sure as hell not wanting to wake anyone at night.

    That’s two things he’s definitely gotten better with over time. Controlling his powers and not getting spotted by anyone, not even his own family or their ghost defense mechanisms.

    --------------------------------

    Danny woke up early despite his late night earlier. He jumped up hastily and put on some clothes he tossed onto his chair yesterday night for an easy grabs now. It was a simple but good habit he’d picked up – thanks Jazz. He checked his phone – 6:00AM – well before the latest he’d be allowed to wake up at. He stowed his phone into a jean pocket and poked his head through his bedroom door. His parents were still asleep it seemed, and Jazz – well Jazz was now a Freshman in college. She was off in another city already.

    He sighed inaudibly and phased through his bedroom floor straight down into the kitchen, not wanting to wake his parents up yet. He really preferred to get out before either of them woke up nowadays. That’s one thing he’s become worse at over the years. His anxiety and PTSD had gotten the better of him and he’d started to avoid his parents and their house in general more. He definitely wanted to work on that, this year.

    He quickly poured some cereal and downed it all just as fast. The halfa got up and put his bowl into the sink before grabbing his bag and stepped out of the front door. He could hear one of his parents open their bedroom door at the same time.

    He took a look around before walking to a darker than usual alleyway nearby their house. He glanced around for any bystanders and when he knew the coast was clear, he once again let himself become Phantom.

    It was interesting, you know? Getting killed and then brought to live by your own accord, time and time again. Initially, it was insanely painful whenever he transformed. It really felt just like dying again, as if every fiber of his body was set on fire once more. Eventually, the pain became more subtle, now, he barely felt it. Danny didn’t know whether the pain really became less over time or if he just got too used to dying all over, which was not a question he liked to ponder over much so he just let that mystery be. It was only one of the many in his life.

    Now, being a ghost was also rather interesting. It was like being attached to life with one very thin, near invisible thread. He was hanging on to humanity by a thread, dangling over a pit of darkness he had yet to explore in full. Too afraid to go down too deep, in fear of snapping the string keeping him connected to life.

    As Danny flew higher, starting his morning patrol over Amity Park, Danny started wondering. Is that how other ghosts experienced their existence too? Or was he the only one?

    Of course, other ghosts were one hundred percent dead, Danny was as aware of that as anyone else. But he also knew that many ghosts exist because they still felt a certain attachment to their previous life that let them linger with sentience just a bit longer, not yet completely moving on to nothingness, where nothing awaited them anymore.

    Danny hummed as he floated above the city, watching the skyline. He always got a little more sentimental around the time of his death anniversary, he’d noticed in the relatively little time that had passed since then.

    He shook his head which managed to get him out of his trance. He checked his phone once more – 7:10AM – huh, apparently he loses track of time more easily around this time too.

    He did a near nose dive into the direction of Casper High, landing safely in his safe alley opposite of it. He duck behind the dumpster and became Fenton again. Not exactly the fanciest place to transform, but it always got the job done so who’s he to complain?

    He stepped forward towards the gate and glanced up at it. Taking a deep breath preparing himself for the new year to come, another year after his accident. A small, genuine, grin spread across his face. ‘Tis gonna be an interesting one yet again, no doubt.

    #danny phantom#danny fenton#dp#cae's writing #a little dribble of headcanon here #a little bit of definitely non canon there #wrote this as a possible draft for smth else as i went #so i definitely planned none of what happened asldfjvd #which is probably very obvious #and also why it doesnt fit what it was meant for #mild angst#tw anxiety#tw ptsd
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  • kathryn70
    22.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    I quite literally am so confused. My mother is sick and is going to be in and out of the hospital for months, getting worse before better. I said I would drop this semester but then she told me why she didn’t want me to and I get that but now I have had my assistant dean and two professors try and “suggest” that it would be in my best interest… no I deal with stress by over extending myself with school work.

    My meds got increased and the first day I just had a bad headache which like fine. Second day…FUC* ME. I have never experienced nausea for this long in my life. It feels as if you woke up the day after you over dos** on sleeping pills. And on top of that I’m exhausted and can’t fall asleep.

    Then I ask is it the meds or the eating… bc I’m going on day 5 of nothing. My therapist say I have a problem that I’m skinny but every time I look at myself I don’t understand what they see, my reflection is disgusting I’m not even sure it’s me.

    I don’t know who “me” is anymore.

    CW 101lbs

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  • mycptsdstory
    22.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    I know some of my past friends are reading my blog... Let me say this; I don't hate you. I still want to be friends with you. I actually still love you as friends.

    I fully know, it won't be the same friendship as last time and I'm okay with that. I know I changed as a person, its what happens when someone goes into therapy. I learned not only coping mechanisms but learn from MY mistakes. I learned how to be the best person I can.

    I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to make out I'm this "perfect like angel" bull crap. I just want to be the best person I can be.

    If and only if, you want to be friends with me; my DMS are always open.

    The people I'm talking about is one girl who's a twitch streamer, one girl who had selective mutism, one girl is Mexican and she lives in a different country, possibly the FND girl and possibly the girl that family hates for no reason (I said to you "I don't blame you, I blame [insert my mother's name here]).

    I all love you, I think about you daily and fondly too.

    I don't mind how long you can take either, take all the time you need.

    My DMS are always open.

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  • mycptsdstory
    22.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    The most fucked up thing about the family friends is that; all of them are Christians. All of them do charity work, help out with the poor, build houses, feed the poor and shit like that.

    However, the minute I told them that my birth parents abused me, beaten me up, starved me and raped me... Oh no, they want nothing to do with me but they carry on talking to my family. Even when I give them evidence, oh no, they can't accept it 🙄 cry me a fucking river.

    It's people like that, that I will forgive them. You don't abuse, neglect and rape children.

    I want nothing to do with the family friends.

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  • dykekeit
    22.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    Listening to trumpet concertos I used to be able to play and feeling. Uh. Sad

    #maybe i will pick my horn up again soon #i just have to completely restructure the way i play so i don’t hurt my fucking teeth again like i was doing senior year #which is incredibly daunting #i’m so unsatisfied with how my degree ended #i performed terribly at my senior recital #and it’s not just because i had the flu #i genuinely hadn’t put enough work into my pieces beforehand #i fucking hate thinking about that entire year and how i acted #i mean yeah my ptsd was probably at its worst then but still i should have practiced more #then again the entire way i play really did need to be restructured at that point #my entire embrouchure was a mess #i need/needed a different mouthpiece #or several #i loved playing enescu’s legende #i wish i’d played the tomasi #i *really* fucking wish i’d put more time into the arutunian to make it the absolute best i could #weather blue speaks #edit: my teeth hurt just at the thought of picking up my horn again so. #maybe it’s time to think about a different instrument :(
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  • tryingtogetaway
    21.10.2021 - 2 days ago

    love is not as transient and conditional as some of you guys think it is. when people tell you they care about you, they don’t change their mind ten minutes later because you said something weird or annoying. the people that love you will still love you when you do things that upset them. love doesn’t instantly disappear like that

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  • platypusnoise
    21.10.2021 - 3 days ago

    fuck intrusive thoughts!!!! why now!!!!! why!!!!!! now!!!!! i was doing so well. i was doing SO well. i was able to -- move on, i thought, to function, and now? i feel like a five-year-old and sixteen-year-old all over again and like i’m going to die i hate this so much

    #fuck ptsd#fuck ocd #fuck intrusive thoughts #but most of all fuck adults who ruin children
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  • mycptsdstory
    21.10.2021 - 3 days ago

    This is part 1. I can only do 10 pictures each time. So this is my mother's best friend and looking back at this conversation, yeahh she gaslighted me about being raped. I have evidence that she still talks to my rapist (sperm donor). There's more and she even blocked me after when I showed her evidence she lied to the police.

    Part 1 (I will do a reblog and my thoughts on this and I will explain).

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