#random Tumblr posts

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  • The dark academic/poetic me wants to slowly drink a glass of aged wine imported from another country while longingly looking out the window trying to find my purpose in this world full of faults.

    But the childish me wants to put grape kool-aid in the glass and drink it quickly like a drunk person then look in the mirror and see how purple my tongue looks from the artificial flavor.

    #random#dark academia #am i the only one? #so weird#weirdo#weird funny #humans are weird #weird news
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  • Oh lord, five days until new Fruits Basket, we have been blessed.

    #ready to shed some more tears can't wait. #random
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  • I am a needy friend and I aspire not to be.

    My neediness stems from neglected on an important emotional and mental level as a child and although I know this, I still reach out and cling to the people I love whilst fearing that I am going to be left behind… That I hold no value as a human being and therefore do not deserve to have my needs met.

    I fear that I am the toxic friend in this relationship and that you’ll wake up one day and see me for the broken and dispicable human being I am.

    So, I sit quietly, waiting for you to reach out to me first, telling myself I just need to be paticent, and getting lost in this toxic maze of a mind I have that hates it’s self for all it’s flaws

    My mind chokes me and suffocates me so I don’t speak out of turn. So I don’t tell you how I feel or how much I’m loosing

    You shouldn’t know my pain as it is mine to carry.

    The unwanted baby

    The forgotten child

    The abused Teen

    The broken adult that I have become

    The faulty human being that I am

    I try to pick up the peices of myself, and get professional help to glue them in place, but I can’t shake the feeling that I have betrayed my family, my friends, my home, my country and whomever I once called “God”…

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  • c…cereal…

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  • Day 1/? I’m lost and I’m sorry

    #random #sit down sophie no one cares what you have to say #sophie talks
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  • the yes worm post has finally vanished from my top posts and I’ve never felt so pure and sinless

    #random #it was haunted
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  • O Rose thou art sick.
    The invisible worm,
    That flies in the night
    In the howling storm:

    Has found out thy bed
    Of crimson joy:
    And his dark secret love
    Does thy life destroy.

    - William Blake

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  • Lately, I’ve been wanting to have someone. A special someone. A partner. A friend. A lover. 

    I want to have someone whom I can share stories of my past with. Someone who doesn’t mind me annoying them. Someone who knows all of my quirks and habits like the back of their hand. Someone who knows the stories behind every scar on my body. Someone who knows all of my tells because they paid attention and not because anyone had told them. Someone who genuinely wants to hear what I have to say. Someone who gives a damn about my opinion. Someone who enjoys the sound of my voice and my laugh. Someone who loves to make me smile and laugh. Someone who can make me feel so frustrated and angry but makes me want to continue trying to get it right. Someone who makes me feel safe and home with just their presence, or their voice, maybe even with the simple act of breathing. Someone who share common interests with me. Someone whom I can argue with but still end up cuddled next to, in bed, after an argument. Someone who who can prepare my coffee without  needing to ask me how I like it because they’ve paid enough attention to know how I like it. Someone who knows what I hate, love, like, dislike, what I’m interested in and what I find appealing. Someone who knows what I’m allergic to. Someone who knows all of my fears and hopes, traumas and triumphs. Someone who knows each one of my friends by name and face and how we met. Someone who knows every story behind every one of my tattoos. Someone who finds me interesting. Someone whose silence I can enjoy. Someone who I don’t need to share any words with to communicate; with a simple look or touch, we’d just know what one or the other wants. Someone who knows how I sleep, if I’m a cuddler or a tornado, if I snore or talk, if I’m a heavy or light sleeper. Someone who knows I’m a human being but makes me feel comfortable enough to burp and fart without judgment and regardless of how well mannered or feminine I may look, dress or act. Someone who knows what I’m passionate about. Someone who observes me and pays attention without me needing to ask them for it. Someone who I can go to for comfort. Someone who I know I’ll find solace in. Someone who grants me enough confidence for me to let my guard down and remove my facade. I want a best friend in a lover. I want the lines of our friendship to be completely and utterly blurred from sight. I want to be able to switch like a vinyl between our friendship to our relationship. I want to be able to talk to them like a friend and flirt like a lover. I want to be able to claim them as mine and have them claim me as theirs in both intimacy and sexually. I want to be able to read them like a book. I want to know all of their tells. I want to know their favorite color, favorite food, favorite season, favorite place, favorite song, favorite movie, favorite book, favorite game, favorite memory, favorite person (I’d like to be that one 😊). Their favorite everything. And everything they hate too. I want to know every story they have to share. I want to hear every memory, the good, the bad, the in-between, the insignificant and the important. I want to learn their every curve and scar that holds their body together. I want to be able to recognize their body in middle of crowd and their scent in a room full of different fragrances. I want to know their strengths and weaknesses. Are they a morning person? Coffee or tea? Cold or hot weather? Sunny or Rainy? Cat or dog? Watcher or reader? 

    God, I really want this person so fucking bad. 

    Lately, I’ve been wanting this person. 

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  • is there a valid reason for listening to music extremely loud through headphones during anxiety or is it just me

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  • My dream is to be as happy as my cat, who I bottle raised, nursing the fuck outta my fuzzy blanket, because it reminds her of her kitten hood & me, her human cat-mama.

    #random#viv drinks #probably delete later
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  • little things connect us.

    a friend that I don’t talk to very much, in fact, haven’t talked to very regularly until recently, came over because she needed a safe space to be the other day. We talked a lot, but then ended up watching an episode of the tiger king to decompress and veg out and now we’re staying connected everyday by sending memes about it back and forth. In a time when connection is difficult and many people feel isolated, the littlest things connect us and it’s important to hold onto them and each other.

    #random#personal#tiger king #yes I'm aware of the problematic aspects of the show
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  • image

    If a lad has any piercings or tattoos, has the emo/goth/punk style, is a musician etc. Then you’re an instant 10 in my eyes ;)

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