#random thoughts Tumblr posts

  • inklingshadows
    15.06.2021 - 8 minutes ago

    She stands still but her shadow dances around her. 

    He tells her how she is her own person. That she deserves to have her own life, she does not have to walk the line her family has drawn and made her believe that was the only path for her. They taught her she was born for a purpose: physically made. Mentally made. She was the chosen one to bring honour to her family. She had a goal to accomplish. She was failing because she had prioritized her own wants. 

    She had failed her family. She had hurt her parents beyond imaginable. She could feel the guilt of it, gnawing at her every day and every night, making her cry, turn bitter and loathe herself. She thinks it would be good for them if I did not exist anymore. So they would not have to live with the disgrace.

    He begs her not to do anything stupid. He says that she is her own person. She does not owe her family anything. She does not belong to them, she belongs to herself. She has a right to her own life.

    He is not the same person that she had loved, the one who had hurt her. But he was here all the time, as long as her ex-lover had been. He had not left, but then again, he was not so close to her as her ex. He was so sweet, and so caring. If she let him in, if she let him know how much she cared, if she let herself be vulnerable to him, would he act the same? Would he take her granted as the last person? She can’t trust, she can’t shake off the fear, and it’s making her crumble inside.

    She wants to believe him, but she just can’t. She turns to addiction for relief. 

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  • smilingtearss
    15.06.2021 - 11 minutes ago

    Tentang Pertemanan dan Dunia Kerja..

    Tiba-tiba emo kangen temen-temen. Haha. Jadi ceritanya tadi tuh aku nonton drama korea judulnya Racket Boys. Ceritanya sih pengen nonton drama yang ringan-ringan aja setelah beres nonton Mouse yang ceritanya dark gitu. Drama ini berkisah tentang club badminton SMP yang diwarnai dengan hal-hal berbau pertemanan dan keluarga. Drama yang ringan tapi juga bisa membuat kita menitikkan air mata. Tipe-tipe drama favorite bagi orang yang suka menangis sepertiku.

    Disaat aku berpikir bahwa "tokoh utama" di drama ini adalah orang yang egois dan tidak suka berteman, ternyata ada alasan menyedihkan dibalik perilakunya tersebut. Untukku yang memandang pertemanan sebagai suatu hal yang berharga dan sangat penting, alasan si anak menjadi seperti sekarang sangatlah dimengerti.

    Mungkin entah sudah berapa kali aku tuliskan disini kalau aku tidak pintar dalam memulai pertemanan. Aku orang yang awkward saat bertemu dengan orang baru apalagi untuk memulai suatu hubungan jangka panjang. Mungkin terlihatnya sepele tapi bagiku itu sangat sulit. Benar-benar membutuhkan effort untuk aku bisa meyakinkan diriku bahwa orang lain sudah menganggapku teman mereka dan kehadiranku diinginkan (terlebih lagi dibutuhkan).

    Aku selalu mencoba untuk membuat diriku berguna bagi orang lain. Kenapa? Supaya mereka merasa bahwa kehadiranku diperlukan. Aku mencoba mencari sekiranya apa kelebihanku dibandingkan orang lain yang bisa aku tonjolkan. Dulu aku adalah anak yang cukup pintar dan aku merasa bahwa mungkin itulah mengapa orang ingin berteman denganku. Dan aku juga pernah ada di masa dimana aku merasa aku adalah mood maker diantara teman-temanku yang lainnya yang bisa membuat orang senang akan kehadiranku. Lalu sekarang disaat aku sudah tidak lagi menjadi orang yang lebih pintar dan lebih "asik", aku pun mulai takut. Takut kalau kehadiranku tidaklah diinginkan dan dibutuhkan lagi. Dan aku tidak tau cara untuk bisa menghilangkan rasa takut ini.

    Dunia kerja memang bukanlah tempat yang ideal untuk "mencari teman". Kita harus pintar dalam menentukan kepada siapa kita bisa dekat dan mempercayakan apa yang kita ceritakan kepada mereka. Kita tidak bisa lagi sembarangan membicarakan suatu hal kepada orang lain. Hal ini juga lah yang menjadi salah satu penghambat aku menemukan orang yang bisa dipercayai. Orang yang bisa dengan tenangnya aku bercerita tentang uneg-uneg-ku terhadap hal-hal yang menyangkut pekerjaan beserta orang-orang yang terlibat di dalamnya. Udahlah takut ga punya teman (dekat), takut juga akan meledak sendiri karena tidak tau harus menumpahkan semua keluh kesah ini ke siapa. Menjadi orang dewasa memang tidaklah mudah...

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  • arcaneheart
    15.06.2021 - 20 minutes ago

    She has got the heart of a child. She is sensitive, a bit too sensitive. And that's her flaw. She cares too much, too soon. She fears to get her heart broken. So she becomes distant before anyone gets a chance to break her heart, ruin her trust. Before others leave her, she leaves them. Thus, there she is- alone and protected.

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  • quietborderline
    15.06.2021 - 24 minutes ago

    [Source: @tarawinequeen on Twitter]

    #accurate #random writer thoughts
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  • birthdaysentiment
    15.06.2021 - 25 minutes ago

    sometimes i really hate living in an apartment 

    #there's so much noice... rip me #cille's random thoughts
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  • ay-journal
    15.06.2021 - 33 minutes ago

    Setitik Ruang

    Di titik lelah ini, aku sering merasa banyak hal yang bertentangan denganku dan tentang mereka yang toxic terhadap diriku. Tetapi aku juga memikirkan satu hal "apakah aku toxic bagi mereka tanpa sadar". Seringkali kita merasa seseorang toxic hanya karena postingannya di sosial media atau bagaimana respon orang tersebut terhadap apa yang kita katakan tanpa pikir. Lalu apakah mereka tidak merasakan hal yang sama ? Jika kita merasa tersakiti dengan hal-hal yang kusebut tadi, bukankah mereka juga merasakan tersakiti dengan postingan kita atau bahkan respon tanpa pikir kita terhadap mereka ? Kita kan sama-sama manusia yang memiliki perasaan.

    Aku jadi bertanya-tanya seberapa sering aku menyakiti orang-orang disekitar ku. Seberapa dalam luka yang kutorehkan ke teman-teman dekat ku ? Apakah mereka berada disampingku dengan tulus atau hanya terpaksa ? Apakah mereka bahagia dengan keberadaan ku ? Atau, aku hanya beban bagi mereka ?

    Aku jadi bertanya-tanya seberapa sering aku menyakiti orang-orang disekitar ku. Seberapa dalam luka yang kutorehkan ke teman-teman dekat ku ? Apakah mereka berada disampingku dengan tulus atau hanya terpaksa ? Apakah mereka bahagia degngan keberadaan ku ? Atau, aku hanya beban bagi mereka ?

    Berpikir dan berpikir lalu overthinking hingga lelah sendiri. Aku menjadi bias dalam menilai respon orang disekitarku. Aku tidak lagi bisa membedakan mana fakta dan hanya opini diriku sendiri. Akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk menjauh, bukan benar-benar menjauh hanya memberi setitik ruang.

    Setitik ruang tanpa komunikasi apapun dengan orang lain baik langsung atau pun melalui dunia maya. Setitik ruang aku berdiri sendiri dan melakukan banyak hal sendiri. Setitik ruang aku melepaskan topeng opera ini dan menjadi diri sendiri. Setitik ruang gelap dan sunyi dimana aku mengeluarkan semua emosi buruk ku.

    Ruang ini dimana untuk aku beristirahat tanpa memikirkan bagaimana berkomunikasi tanpa menyakiti dan menyinggung orang lain. Ruang untuk aku memahami diri sendiri dan memilah perilaku baik dan buruk ku. Ruang untuk aku belajar memperbaiki diri.

    Aku tidak bisa menjanjikan aku akan berubah lebih baik nantinya. Aku hanya bisa mengatakan bahwa aku akan terus belajar menjadi lebih baik setiap harinya.

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  • therstle
    15.06.2021 - 33 minutes ago

    The real glow up is you being happy and you accepting that as a human it is normal for you to have the flaws because it makes you beautiful and special darling.

    TD

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  • isakeijzer
    15.06.2021 - 43 minutes ago

    sam aka CAPTAIN AMERICA <3

    #I love him too #I almost cried #random marvel thoughts
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  • ruby-whistler
    15.06.2021 - 44 minutes ago

    i think one of the most fascinating misinterpretations of c!dream's character is people thinking that he would come to a realization. that if he were to be redeemed - the first step would be regret.

    /dsmp /rp

    because c!dream isn't stupid. he doesn't need to come to the realization that what he did was awful, because he already knows that. he knew that before he did it - that's the thing.

    because people seem to think that regret can only come from gaining awareness, which is why they think he'll never regret what he did, and in turn, can never be redeemed.

    that's not true. regret is more than showing surprise over your actions. sometimes, it's not sudden.

    what people don't realize, is that more often than not, remorse is a process.

    because c!dream isn't lying to himself; he isn't hiding something from himself, he isn't unaware. he's, funnily enough, the exact other way around. he believes wholeheartedly in his cause. he believes, whatever it is, that his plan will work; because c!dream doesn't hope. he takes strings things into his own hands and he achieves.

    it is literally ingrained in him to reach, to hurt, to do whatever it takes.

    the thing that makes c!dream do the things he does isn't lies, baseless beliefs, or a lack of knowledge. it isn't impulsive feelings or deceptive obsessions. it isn't something sudden, temporary, something he can wake up from or realize, or something that defines him to the point he couldn't come back from it.

    it's a mindset.

    mindsets aren't sudden, mindsets aren't overnight - it takes experience to change the way you look at the world.

    "the world is cruel to you; why should you show mercy?"

    "attachments can and will be used against you if you let people know you care."

    "you can't trust those who brought war, even if they promise peace."

    "in the end, you're the only one who can fix everything."

    and most importantly;

    "the ends justify the means."

    c!dream has had these mindsets reaffirmed repeatedly over the course of the story, hence they're rooted deep within his thought process - the last one especially has always been a vital part of the character, and only spun out of control when he was pushed too far.

    mindsets can't be "realized", ripped out by the stem. they'll only grow back stronger, thicker, more poisonous from the root.

    which is experience.

    mindsets must be uprooted; you have to dig deep enough to tear out their origin. you must teach the person, or even yourself, to think in a different way; because mindsets are not gained, they are learned, and hence, to be truly gone, they must be unlearned.

    and unlearning a mindset takes time.

    that is why c!dream will not regret what he did when he is told he's horrible, a monster, a villain, a manipulator; that is why c!dream will not regret what he did when it's beaten into every inch of his body.

    it's not because he can't regret it - it's because mindsets can't be destroyed with words or with fists, but need to be shown to be incorrect through actions.

    tldr: what drives c!dream's actions aren't beliefs, which can be proven wrong; it's mindsets, which need to be unlearned.

    so, what now? if not regret, what is c!dream's first step towards redemption?

    well, surprisingly enough, much like in the real world; in this case, change can only be achieved through positive reinforcement.

    think about it - everything he does stems from the mindset that he alone can repair his home, he alone can fix everything for everyone else which is why he needs control - but this... isn't true.

    at least, it doesn't have to be - because although that is all c!dream has ever known, that friends need to be disconnected and allies can't be trusted to be rational, be peaceful; do the best for everyone - he can, step by step, fulfilled promise after fulfilled promise, another try, another successful leap towards happiness, learn that he doesn't need to be desperate, doesn't need to control others for them to listen to him and see him as a person instead of just a threat.

    the only way to get c!dream to show remorse for his past action is to teach him through support and kindness that he is wrong.

    that he doesn't have to hurt himself and others for his goals.

    that the ends don't justify the means - that some things can never be justified. that there is always another way out, and that way is people you can rely on and who won't leave you.

    c!dream is a character plagued with harmful and toxic mindsets, some instilled and all reaffirmed by a harmful and toxic environment.

    wouldn't it make sense, that once he's finally shown something else, he himself can, without having to be taught through pain and sharp words, slowly come to the conclusion that he was wrong?

    #dream smp #c!dream #dreblr#long post #tw implied torture #welcome to banger tuesday #follow for essays i'll never write #because i'm preoccupied with random thoughts like this one #this was my post for today #i've reached my limit fdkh #anyways #why do people not believe in change again? #is it just the twitter culture? #guess we'll never know
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  • isakeijzer
    15.06.2021 - 48 minutes ago

    bucky <3

    #I love him #random marvel thoughts
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  • books-and-cookies
    15.06.2021 - 49 minutes ago

    Someone told me yesterday that they never met a lonelier person than me. And... yeah. I keep hoping that will change, but I inevitably manage to chase everyone away. They either get tired of my bullshit, or get bored, or simply realise I'm toxic and they want something better. It is what it is.

    #ignore me #just random 3pm thoughts
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  • missnight0wl
    15.06.2021 - 54 minutes ago

    Thinking of a “Curse-Breaker, Rule-Breaker, Heart-Breaker” T-shirt design for Patricia.

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  • sunnyreddy1167
    15.06.2021 - 1 hour ago

    To not want something is to not be human….

    #random quotes#random#random thoughts #unexpected quote pops into my head #is this said by some famous person
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  • ultraviolentmind17
    15.06.2021 - 1 hour ago

    for the longest time now i've felt like not belonging

    don't get me wrong, i've found people that more or less resonate with me. but i think my problem lies in my compatibility with the collective psyche of the place i currently call home. I see people all around me following very generic and secure paths of life. (there is nothing wrong with that). but for me, who always suppresses her intuition and calling. I want to follow my own. because i know, and im gonna say that again, I KNOW, the same way i know the sun rises every morning, that it's gonna lead me in a good direction. i follow a script that is unfolding itself everyday before my eyes. i get a glipse of what is to come everyday. it's like i already know of what is in the not yet, but i also get surprised when it happens. i have this calling, this program pre-installed in my mind, that is pushing me in a certain direction. and this voice is kind and nurturing, but full of will and passion and direction. it is pointing, aiming, the engines are burning, ready to explode if not put to good work. but.

    I'm always ready, never firing. always a step ahead, but miserably falling behind everybody else. its kinda like whenever i push acceleration i also push the break. because i'm a little too afraid that i'm gonna lose everything that i have now if i let myself go. i need a different set of eyes to look at me, a different room to call my own. a different ground to walk on. and a new mentality to surround me. so that it will shake off all of these layers that i've covered myself with. im not fake now. the others can only feel the warmth of my inner world. not the fire.

    I wanna run away.

    ps. I know my eng sucks right now. i promise it hasnt always been this bad (。-_-。)

    #please dont cringe #just random thoughts #my english is very bad #beacuse i havent used it for writing in such a long ass time #im sorry #thoughts inspired by exo runaway #yes you read that correctly #personal thoughts #me me me
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  • aiyana-kiran
    15.06.2021 - 1 hour ago

    On times that I've given up on life and depression overtakes me, I go to tumblr and realize, at least we're all going to hell together.

    #I've seen the jafar kink post on my dash and I just- #I like it here cause it's really chaotic #almost everything here is an emotional rollercoaster and I love it #thoughts#random thoughts
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  • salemruinseverything
    15.06.2021 - 1 hour ago

    its official. im making it canon that gabe's reaction to learning razz's dad is named ryland was just

    gabe: scuse me, your dad's name is RYLAND?

    razz: yeah?

    gabe: *WHEEZE* please tell me his last name is blackington

    razz: i regret to inform you it's just roscoe

    gabe, not entirely joking: aw goddamnit i thought ryland blackington was living some secret gay life raising a catboy in the suburbs

    #salem's random thoughts #salems ocs#gabe kennedy#razz roscoe#ryland roscoe #the murder crew
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  • alicec-666
    15.06.2021 - 1 hour ago

    Welp, someone has joined this odd Ko-fi thingy now :0

    Idk, how to use it, yet, but it does look pretty... Interesting?

    Would someone like to buy lady a coffee some time? XD

    #random #random thoughts out loud #ko fi link #just sharing #you can skip it if not interested xd #alicec 666
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  • xixix28
    15.06.2021 - 2 hours ago

    someone saved me

    nightbirde slap my face by telling me that there is more to life than what  am I having right now. I should be thankful on what I have and just go on with my life. I must accept the fact that this is me, I must not beg people to like me, I must not stay on the way where I settle for less, I should love myself and be grateful. She also made me realize that I do have a bad way of thinking and negative perspective in life which is kind of what am I focusing, I will be doing small steps to correct all of this since I can’t wait for life to be easy. :)

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  • mjsarcastic
    15.06.2021 - 2 hours ago

    Nice.

    #random thoughts#random #dont judge me #it's 3am#3am posts#im immature #immaturity is noted #I don’t know why i thought this was worthy of sharing #i was just watching youtube man #why do i do this #funny#not funny#send help
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  • ladyachlys
    15.06.2021 - 2 hours ago

    and you ask me if I'm okay and I say yes, and I'm not lying, when I hear the softness of you breath, the way my name melts on your lips like a knife plunging into melting butter, the stars align themselves into your eyes and in that moment, I'm okay. when I'm around you, I'm okay, but I'm afraid that the second you turn away, the darkness would consume me again. so what I'm trying to say is that maybe if you stayed a little longer, then maybe everything would really be okay

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